Biggest date of my life tomorrow!

[Veronica4me]

Hello, Gurls,

Tomorrow, I get to have lunch again with the woman of my dreams. I've known her since I was a teenager. She has always been with someone else, until now ... 40 years later. She has always been humble, gracious, more beautiful than I could imagine, bright, funny. Always cheerful. She makes my heart melt when I see her or hear from her.

Please wish me well and pray for me. I couldn't imagine a more perfect woman for me.

FYI - I know not to bring up anything about being a CD.

God bless you all!

[TracyT]

Assuming for a moment that we should take this post at face value (i.e., you're not referring to having lunch with yourself in feminine mode),.....Let me get this straight: you're going to see the woman of your dreams and planning on lying to her off the bat, by not sharing who your truly are?

Good luck with that. I wish you well, but please consider being honest and forthcoming.

[Veronica4me]

Tracy, do you have a woman in your life to whom you openly divulged your CD life right up front and had a great relationship? Please share your experience with us, so we can learn from you.

[TracyT]

Yes, and we've been married for 22 years. I told her on our 2nd date. We recently separated -- not because of my CDing -- but we will always love each other and be close, and she is fully supportive of my ongoing gender exploration. We raised an amazing kid who also knows that I'm gender fluid. I think that reading the posts on this site make it very clear that not being honest right up front leads only to heartache. (I will add that I have a 1st date coming up this weekend with a woman who already has a sense of my gender fluidity. I will be completely honest and right up front with her. She may walk out on the spot. Or we may end up getting our hair and nails done together. Either way I'll have no regrets.)
Again, I wish you well, which is why I'm assuring you that keeping your true self hidden is not a path with a heart.

[Jackiefl]

I have been married to the woman of my dreams for 30 plus years. I believe that I told her on our first or second date. She asked all the usual questions about myself and my lifestyle and I answered truthfully and the rest is history. She is my wife and best friend and we do everything together mostly dressed and even more now that I'm retired. In my opinion accepting women are out there just be honest about who you are.

[Fran in skirts]

Hello, Gurls,

Tomorrow, I get to have lunch again with the woman of my dreams. I've known her since I was a teenager. She has always been with someone else, until now ... 40 years later. She has always been humble, gracious, more beautiful than I could imagine, bright, funny. Always cheerful. She makes my heart melt when I see her or hear from her. Please wish me well and pray for me. I couldn't imagine a more perfect woman for me.
FYI - I know not to bring up anything about being a CD.
God bless you all!
Hi Veronica,
I don't think you should lie to her but you should at least tell her by the third date. Otherwise I don't think it will turn out well at all. And it may not even then if she can not accept who you are. So be up front at the beginning and accept the out come now rather than later when it will hurt even more.

Fran

[Beverley Sims]

Veronica,
If you are that besotted by her, maybe it will be a life changing experience.

Sometimes we burn a candle for past loved ones for a very long time even forever.

I wish you well for the future.

[Rachelakld]

3rd date (absolutely MUST be before you get serious)
we had a clothes swap-meet, ended up naked, been married 10 fantastic years and every day is better than the last.
Doubt I would have lasted to the isle if I had lied or omitted a significant truth.

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Veronica,

First let me say I hope you have a great time!

As for when to tell... I'm not trying to offend here but I think the second or third date success stories are probably far outweighed by second or third date = last date stories. I'm not suggesting you never tell as that isn't viable the long term. What I am saying is that you should see how things go for a bit. Does it look like it's getting serious? Yes? Ok, absolutely time for the talk. No? Why tell someone something that can have a negative impact on you should things go bad.

Elizabeth

[Aunt Kelly]

...do you have a woman in your life to whom you openly divulged your CD life right up front and had a great relationship? Please share your experience with us, so we can learn from you.

I didn't tell the woman (who would become my wife) of my TG nature quite as early on as TracyT, but we did have the talk as soon as things got serious. I believed then, and do even more so now, that this is something that our SO's have a right to know about early on. Like TracyT, I have been married for 22 years, and consider myself to be one of the luckiest people in the world.

If you find that things are headed in a serious direction with this woman, let her know that you value and respect her so much that you are willing to share this very personal thing with her. I can't tell you when, exactly, is the right time. I can't tell that she won't bolt, but I can tell you that proceeding with a deception will eventually make one, or both, of you miserable. This site is littered with stories that are the proof of that.

I wish you well, Veronica, and yes, you will be in my prayers. Your story has already, the makings of an incredible romance. Here's hoping that turns out to be just that.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Charlotte7]

Veronica, I'm in the tell, and tell early camp. However, only you will know when the time is right. For me, it was at the end of our first holiday together, a wonderful week camping in the wilds of Northumberland, now over 30 years ago. I realised, at that point, that this was a person who I could spend the rest of my life with. As I had previously walked away from others, as I knew that they wouldn't be able to accept the whole me, I felt I owed it to her to have the chance to walk away from me. As it happens she didn't, and the rest is (our) history.

I wish you all the best and hope you find the happiness you seek.

[alwayshave]

Veronica, If you did not know her, the proverbial blind date, I'd wait a few dates. As you have some history and she knows you as a person you can tell her sooner rather than later. Just my humble opinion.

[EllieOPKS]

Veronica
I agree with you 100%, You obviously adore this woman. Go and enjoy your time with her. People on this site seem to believe that by saying nothing you are lying which is not true. The woman you meet is not the same person she was 40 years ago and neither are you. You have plenty of time to get to know her again and who knows it might work out that you're not compatible anymore and you'll be glad "Hey! I'm a CD'er" was not the first words out of your mouth.

[LeannS]

Veronica I do hope you have a fantastic time with her. Really I do
but if this does progress like I hope it does please tell her. If you don't she will be hurt as she will believe you lied to her.
my 2 cents take it for what it is worth!!

[phili]

For timing I think of this as one of many things to discuss once you know you are moving from casual dating to going steady or thinking about a lifetime commitment. You say- "I am interested in having a long term relationship with you, and if you feel that way towards me, let's take some time and talk more deeply about the difficult subjects, like how we feel about money, kids, how close we live to our parents, religion, gender, ideal vacation spots, brand of toothpaste, etc. " The latter one is of course so you can end with a relaxed twinkle in your eye.

[Di]

Have fun hope it’s everything you want!

But if it starts to turn serious - you need to tell her ....just read the threads where the wives find out later and all the heartache on both sides.Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone that does not accept al of them? Life is too damn short.

You are not at that point yet/ just your first date enjoy!

[docrobbysherry]

Veronica, I hope it goes well. But, I don't like the way you're starting out. U idolize this woman and it sounds like u have too many expectations. This may be impossible. But, try to dial it all back!

Go to have a drink. A bite to eat, whatever. And, just have fun! If it goes well, call her later for another date. Then, just see where it goes. Neither of u is in high school anymore. Acting like a kid won't lead u a to lasting, mature relationship!
The last thing u need to think about now is your dressing! When the time is rite, you'll tell her. On a first date u should simply be yourself! That will encourage her to be who she is, too.:thumbsup:

Trust me. I've been there and done that. In the end, we r all just people. No matter our status, money, or looks! Relax and breathe! Enjoy your time with her. If it works, it works. If not, don't force it!:straightface:

[Crissy 107]

Hi Veronica, I’ve known you for a while and know you will pick the right time, no doubt in my mind. I truly hope this works out as you hope. Good luck my friend! Crissy

[TracyT]

Yes, I think it's different for everyone and only you'll know when the time is right to have the Conversation -- but certainly before things progress to seriousness.

I will also add that there are ways to lead up to actually telling her you're a crossdresser. You can explore her feelings about "alternative lifestyles" and gender fluidity. You can let her know that there are things you want to share and are shy about sharing. You can let her know that you're a complex individual.

How did it go?

[Shayla]

I agree that the CD talk waits until things look serious. How did the date go?

[Veronica4me]

It went very well, but it was more of a meeting as friends than a date. She evaded my asking about her personal life, so it may be that I live too far away or she's just not interested in anything other than being friends. She is one of the most amazing women I've ever met and stunningly beautiful to me. It's in the Lord's hands.

I was thinking of moving back to her town anyway. I lived there for 10 years before my ex moved away with my daughter (who I love dearly) - long story. I'm looking at some places this weekend.

Thank you to those who responded nicely. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and friendship. God bless you all!