Do you have regrets

[Michelle 51]

My wife is tolerant of my dressing around the house and I am dressed most evenings minus make-up.That has happened in the last 10-15 years.We're in our sixties and over time we got to where we are now and I'm content,happy and very lucky to be able to express this side of me but I know if she could make it go away she would. Sometimes I look at her sitting there watching TV or whatever and I'm is a skirt with pantyhose,heels earrings etc and I think back to when I was still the macho man she married.Sometimes I wish I could just be a 100% guy again for her like I used to be in our younger years when I had buried this side of me.I know that won't happen and deep down I wouldn't want to go back but I feel sorry for putting her through this.

[phili]

Yes- I have similar regrets, but like you, I realize that I am crossdressing because the macho man thing was not enough. So my regrets are really about not knowing how important it was so I could have saved her that grief. Of course, even that seems dumb because I didn't know a lot of things about her real personality, for example how she would evolve after being a middle school librarian for 15 years, when I married her!

I talked with my wife yesterday about taking more of an interest in why I crossdress and what i am feeling, after she thanked me for being so tolerant of her foibles and always knowing which way to turn when we are out and getting lost! There is no reason to stay in a mute standoff.

[Crissy 107]

Michelle, I don’t have any regrets for my feminine side and I agree that my wife would not mind seeing that side of me gone. Yes she would like the crazy macho side back but hello it’s still there. I can still be like that at times even wearing panties and my toes painted a pretty feminine color and whatever other feminine things I am doing. We are complex beings but I totally understand what you are saying. Crissy

[Asew]

I never really had a macho side. But I still feel bad that I wasn't honest with myself all these years so that I could have been honest with my wife. I don't regret embracing this side of me, I regret not embracing it sooner.

[jacques]

hello Michelle,
it's the same you, just wearing different clothes,
luv J

[Lana Mae]

I have no regrets! My wife was totally non-accepting and I kept it repressed! I have two wonderful children that would not be here is any of that changed! I am a late bloomer to all of this but I have learned fast and am totally accepting of myself! No regrets! Hugs Lana Mae

[kimdl93]

I have so many regrets. Far too many to list, and despite the wise advice to let the past go, I live with my regrets as constant companions.

[Michelle 51]

Your right jacgues
Over time she has come to realize that .It's the little things that bother her.She likes a hairy man and I keep my legs,chest and underarms shaved.She hates it when I paint my toe nails .I'm still her man as far as being a husband and keeping a roof over her head and to the outside a rough tuff take no shit guy but around the house not so much

[Tracii G]

I have lots of regrets about the way I conducted myself in the past and how much pain and physical harm I did to others.
I have no regrets about shedding that part of my past and becoming the person I am today.
I am in a much better place now and so thankful to be here.
None of my regrets have anything to do with dressing or being trans.

[sometimes_miss]

I regret a few things, but I honestly believe that I did the best that I could, given the conditions that I experienced. There will always be the'what if's', the 'maybe if I', the 'if I knew then what I know now', etc., but hindsight is always 20/20 vision.

[Tracy Irving]

Looking back, there may be things I wish I would have done differently. But, I try not to regret my decisions.

[docrobbysherry]

I never dated a contortionist, acrobat, or professional dancer!:Angry3:

Other than that? I may be the luckiest man/woman alive!:D

Is that what u meant?:brolleyes:

[alwayshave]

Michelle, I have some regrets as you define them. But, I did tell her before we moved in together, eleven years prior to getting married, so she was forewarned.

[~Renee~]

Michelle I am 15 years behind you in this journey and fear the same thing. I openly wonder to my wife I feel I'm letting you down and her response is the same as Jacques, it's the same you. I talk to her a lot about what I'm feeling and it's given her a better appreciation of me. I greatly moderate my expression, but I let her know when the pink wave is rising. She sees in those moments I need time to express myself physically or in words. It's been an extremely painful journey to get here but she has learned Renee is the better part of me.

Have you tried to stop and see what she does?
Is she willing to talk to you about your feelings?

She might decide that Michelle is more desirable then old male you.

Communication is vital.

[Beverley Sims]

I have no regrets although I wonder how life would have been if I had not been like I am.

I think we all wonder what sort of alternative lifestyle we may have had over the years.

[Charlotte7]

Regrets, no, I don't have regrets, because I am me, and this, with some degree of transgender, is how I am, and how I've always been. If I were to think otherwise, then I might as well regret that I wasn't as good at football (soccer) as Lionel Messi, at popular music as Taylor Swift or tweeting as Donald Trump. These things were never going to happen, so there's no point in regretting otherwise.

One feeling that I do have though, and it's not a regret, it's more an observation, and that is as to how things might have been different if I were four years old now and I had an unstoppable urge to wear a dress. I've lived the life I've lived and that was in the times it was, but how different would it be now? I suppose this thought is the opposite to Beverley at #15, where I'm not changing me, but I changing the when I am me.

[Michelle 51]

Michelle I am 15 years behind you in this journey and fear the same thing. I openly wonder to my wife I feel I'm letting you down and her response is the same as Jacques, it's the same you. I talk to her a lot about what I'm feeling and it's given her a better appreciation of me. I greatly moderate my expression, but I let her know when the pink wave is rising. She sees in those moments I need time to express myself physically or in words. It's been an extremely painful journey to get here but she has learned Renee is the better part of me.

Have you tried to stop and see what she does?
Is she willing to talk to you about your feelings?

She might decide that Michelle is more desirable then old male you.

Communication is vital.
Hi Renee
I can have spells for several days where I don't dress around her mostly because one of the grandkids wants to come overnight or the weekend and sometimes I'm not in the mood but I think we both know this isn't going away and she really don't like to talk about it.

[Teresa]

Michelle,
This is a tricky one , I know the feeling of sitting doing battle with yourself, although I didn't dress in front of her we both knew how I would have preferred to dress like . The two little thoughts go back and forth in your head , one saying what I'm doing isn't so bad and other asking , " What the hell are you doing sitting like this in front of your wife ?" I admit the thought comes to mind of the unfairness , she can sit in front of you wearing more or less what she likes but you don't have the same freedom .

The word you used is " Burried !" that is the problem part of your being is burried , hidden , it doesn't exist to some and she wishes all that to happen .

We are about the same age but that situation couldn't comtinue for us as a couple , separation had to happen , she couldn't live with it and I couldn't live without . The fact CDing existed in our lives meant the damage of knowing couldn't be put right . It's great if you are happy with your current situation but I have to admit I'm much happier now we have parted , we can form our new lives without this cloud hanging over us , or at least that's my intention .

All the things I did in guy mode aren't forgotten and lost I have no regrets about that , I have to accept there is another part of life which I can now live .

[Connie D50]

Wow Michelle it was like you where looking into my family room when you wrote this post.

[Krisi]

I think we all regret some things that we have done in the past and wish we could go back in time and change what we did, but our lives are made up of those things and the better things. We can't though, all we can do is try to do better in the future.

As for quitting crossdressing and being the 100% guy again for her, that's in your hands. If you want it badly enough, you can make it happen.

[Rachelish]

If I were to have any regrets, given where I am now, it should be the missed years between my first discovery of the joys of dressing at an early age and the rediscovery some 40 or so years later. However, those intervening years have been good to me, and I could instead be regretting having missed out on a marriage, kids and a place to call home. So no, no regrets, I am where I am and I'm more concerned about what the future holds now.

[Cheryl T]

I too sometimes sit thinking how I've "taken away" something from her as she has given me so much with her acceptance.
I regret not telling her long ago and allowing her the choice of staying or going before we married. Then again, had she known then and stayed and I had expressed myself this way so much earlier in our lives I have doubts I could have kept it on this level. I sincerely believe that had I been "developing" earlier that I would have decided to transition long ago and I would have lost her as I found myself. Now at this point, at my age, I find that while I still desire that path it's not as pressing a need as my love for her. Also my age and health issues would dictate many things not be possible where I to transition.
All in all, life always has regrets, but we need to look forward, not backward and make the most of the life we have.

[Jaylyn]

I have had those same regrets now that I'm almost 70 and have been dressing on and off for the biggest part of my life. At the time I met my true soul mate I was a macho man and fought all the femme things inside that never would be satisfied.
Over time I have let the femme side rear its head and found out that she approved of it and for a few years loved that I would share such a deep dark part of me. My wife though has changed also to the point where she can't stand seeing me dressed so I'm back to where I was when I had hidden everything. I love her and she loves Jay not Jaylyn. I do regret I have put her thru all this and regret I the big macho male in me is not bad g enough to be 100% happy but back in hiding again like when I was a teenager.. I'll die with all the regrets. Too many grand kids and grown kids of our own that look up to dad and grandpa. In order not to wreck their image of me, their belief that I'm the man I should be to the family. Better for me to just be hurt some about not being who or what I would enjoy being than to turn the whole family upside down at this point. I'll deal with it not them.

[Stacy Darling]

Doubt that I know what the 100% really was? (a fighter yet a protector)

I had no wish for my wife to go through this, "REGRET". My aspirations and ends may very well subdue those regrets!

Accepting our faults is a huge step for most! but hey!

Regrets aside!

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

i agree Michelle i only came out to my wife nearly 8 years ago (after then 27 yrs of marriage) i know she would not have married me if she knew i dressed.
she has become tolerant of Giselle( i never dress at home) and comes to support group events with me.
but she is not the same person as before and i know i broke her heart with my lies and have lost her complete trust forever.
i so wish i could turn back the clock and would have had the courage to tell her before we got married, i am sure she would have went
her separate way and found someone else who would have been open and honest with her.

[Stephanie47]

Being 100% male does not equate to being macho (Asew #4). My wife was drawn to me because I was not a macho man. When we were dating there were apparently other women who were interested in me, but, the cultural within her group of friends was "no poaching." Over the years I've read many posts asserting cross dressing men believe they are expressing their feminine side which equals suppression of male macho behavior. Actually, from what I've read over the years there is a good deal of macho male behavior that perhaps equals female 'bitchy' behavior.

Do I have any regrets? My wife and I are in a deep DADT. I do nothing to outwardly express a female presence. I have to say it that way because I do not feel an overpowering need to wear women's clothes all the time, makeup, the entire deal. I don't have a need to under dress. Maybe I'm on the 'cross dresser lite' end of the spectrum. She has come to realize these desires are an insignificant part of my total self. I realize I should not force these feelings upon her. That would be a 'macho man in drag' as far as I believe. I cannot understand marriages where one is forcing a non accepting spouse to do something against the others morale self. It does not matter what it is. A long time I ago I came to the conclusion I was engaging in mental spousal abuse by trying to make her engage in something to which she had a moral objection. Once she said I could go fishing but do not expect me to clean it. Same with my cross dressing desires.

I wish I did not have this need to wear women's clothing. The clothes have nothing to do with the qualities that drew her to me. I know a lot of similar men who have those qualities. It seems we congregate together in the same manner overly 'macho men' congregate together.

Sure I wish my wife would be at ease with the idea of men wearing women's clothing. Sure I would like to get a pat on the butt while cooking dinner. However, as she stated, if she wanted to be married to a woman, she would have married a woman. I leave it at that. She a wonderful gal, even better than when dating. The same can be said of me. Everyone is on their good behavior when dating. It takes longevity to see the real person appear.

[Alice B]

No rehrets. We openly duscussed my desire to dress at the start and ober time have adjusted our attitudes to a working agreement

[Joyce Swindell]

My only regret is that I hadn't met my current wife sooner and would have been more capable of the manliness I once had in my youth. I would have loved to have experienced that with her. So regrets....yes.....but not over anything I had control over anyway. I am very grateful for having found her in this life. Hopefully we can hook up a bit sooner in our next life.

[DIANEF]

Of course I might have done some things differently but you can't change the past. I'd rather look forward to what is ahead of me than dwell on what might have been.

[Shely]

Jaylyn, I couldn't have said it better and since I just turned 70, I guess we have very much in common. I know we have changed emails a couple of times and I always look for your comments here. I was never a he-man in any respect, but I was never a sissy, until I started dressing. I hate that nick name to pieces. I keep this inside most of the time because of my family and epically grandkids and great grandkids. Regrets, I have several and this is one of the smaller ones, we have all made choices along the way that we would love to do over.

[Fran in skirts]

Regrets I have none! I have lived my life as I did and it is now ancient history. I continue to live as I have always lived in the present. Doing as I please as long as it harms none. My family is with me and to me that is all that matters.

Fran

[Kandi Robbins]

Balance. Life is all about balance, whether it is with regard to gender expression or sacrificing for your children and/or your family.

No one ever promised this would be easy. Trade off for yourself and for your wife. Find balance (not easy).

[Stephanie Julianna]

Jaylyn hit all my points. I am a Dad. I am a husband. I am Pop. I struggled in my 30's with accepting my transgender issues and never called them that back then. You would think Lee Brewster, a founder of the Movement and a friend of mine, would support Stephanie, but instead kept reminding me that I had made a vow when I met and married my wife. Because of that advice 2 more women grace this world and I am grandfather to their 5 children and my older son's 2 boys. Stephanie has an important place in my life but I have made the choice that all these people in my life need me as the man in their lives. I do believe in multiple lives and so hope that my next life will return to a natural life as a woman.

[Rachael Leigh]

Yes I do have regrets I wish I had respected my wife and not do things that she had asked I not do. I was just too selfish
to realize it at the time. Now I’m divorced and without her. Sure I’m trans and yes prob born this way but it doesn’t mean
you can’t find ways to live without things if you truly love your spouse

[Aunt Kelly]

Respectfully, Rachael, there is no way to "live without" who we are. Yes, we can try to suppress the expression of our true self, but most of us can't do so indefinitely. Why do you think the binge-purge pattern is so common among us, especially those with non-accepting SO's? Even when we do successfully suppress it, that suppression often gives rise to other behaviors that are more destructive to our relationships, and ourselves. I know this because, despite having a wonderful spouse who knew and accepted that I was a cross-dress for virtually our entire time together, I was suppressing my TS nature for all of that time, from her and myself. That, we now realize, manifested in ways that nearly wrecked our marriage several times. That is my only real "regret".

Now... Am I suggesting that all SO's can be accepting, even supportive? Of course not - far from it. Again, the accounts in this forum will put the lie to that notion right quick. Nor am I saying that, four ourselves, it's easy to personally and fully accept who we are. Doing so means that, early on in any budding relationship, you have to share that part of yourself with your partner. That will drive many away (though fewer, I think, than most of us fear), but to the one who does not bolt, you will have shown honesty, trust and most of all, respect to someone who truly deserves those things. Yes, such partners are rare, but you never find one until you show her who you really are.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Sallee]

I certainly have regrets I wish at least sometimes that I wasn't drawn to cross dressing. My wifw was once very accepting but she over came that and is now a DADT wife. I can understand that too but what I really regret and this is on me I am not open about my cding. I don't want to transition and I won't I don't think that would solve any problems for me and would certainly create more. So I am what I am and have to deal with it I get out enough and I don't have a problem going most places I find it a thrill and I never want cding to lose its thrill. What fun would it be then. So yes I have regrets but I am not sure what they are maybe not being open about my hobby of liking to cross dress.
I have noticed after 3 or 4 days of constant dressing it grows routine and to much of a hassle to do paint padding and wigs get old. Sallee goes back in the box untill the next time a thrill is needed

[CynthiaD]

I have a lot of regrets, because I've done a lot of stupid, crazy things in my life. However, crossdressing is not one of them. I sometimes wish I had come to my senses about it when I was much younger. But perhaps everything worked out for the best anyway.

[GaleWarning]

Like Tracy Irving, looking back, there are a number of things I wish I had done differently, and decisions made, which I now realise were unwise. But there is no way to undo the past, so I do not waste my time feeling regretful.

Making wise choices in the next few months are my only concern.

[Roxanne Lanyon]

I have never regreted my feminine attire. I enjoy wearing skirts so much! One day, I wish, . . . . . .it would be forever.Roxanne, Life in Nylon and lace

[Tina B.]

Regrets, Iv'e got many, none of them have anything to do with my crossdressing, crossdressing was the cure. I was a miserable person when I tried to suppress the urge. When I came out to my wife, she couldn't understand the problem, you need to wear women's clothes lets go get you some was her answer to the problem. It worked, I became a nice happy person again, the marriage was saved and over the last forty one years I have amassed a huge wardrobe, a lot of it (some of my best stuff) came as gifts from my wife. Tina never gets left out of Christmas, Birthdays, Valentines day, with gifts, cards, and flowers.
Oh, I take it back, I do have one regret, I wish I had talked to my mother, after years of thinking about it Iv'e realized she knew more than I knew at the time. Back in the sixties when I was 16 she would shield me from dad, and let me use hair straighteners (girl, where ironing their hair straight, it was a thing back then. she also let play with temporary hair dye. Not really a boy thing back then. I think I had support and didn't know it for years after.