Look at yourself

[Maria 60]

Last night I was going for my Friday night end of the week mellow out drive and I kissed my wife and as always thanked her for being understanding. As I was walking to leave she stopped me and asked me if I looked in the mirror when I got dressed or am I seeing something else. She asked me to stand in front of the mirror and told me to look at my chest and why I don't see the chest hairs. She then asked me to look down and why I don't see that bulge in my private area, or I'm I just trying not to pass. She pointed out my make-up and how it looked like I threw it on and I put no heart into it. She wanted to know what am I looking at when I get dressed and this isn't the first time she had to point stuff like this to me. I guess I see a beautiful women in the mirror, maybe I should get out of my delusional world and really see what's in the mirror

[Stacy Darling]

The Mirror itself is an illusion Maria!
A mirror can be successfully used to trim hair or magnify the make-up routine!


What I chose to do is my interpretation of not breaking any rules to be who I am!

I'm never far from a mirror though, just a mirror girl!
Stacy

[bridget thronton]

It is good that she cares

[Sami Brown]

My wife gives me helpful hints from time to time, and I appreciate them. I can use all of the help I can get.

I think it is cool that your wife has your back!

Sami

[Teresa]

Maria,
Listen to her and thank her for being so honest . Maybe you should take it up a gear and find a social group , so you would think a little more about your appearance , if you're going to do it then work at it is what she is saying . You never know she may want to join you so you can enjoy the time together .

[alwayshave]

Maria, my wife corrects me when I don't look right. I see it as a positive thing.

[Tracy Irving]

Very cool that she wanted you to look your best. Did you fix those issues before you went for that drive?

[Judy-Somthing]

Wow,
I can look at a photo one day and think I look great and the next day I look at the same photo and totally see a MIAD! ARRRRRRR

[Tracii G]

She was being honest and I think that is a great thing. It shows she cares about you.
More people here including myself would be better off to have somebody that was honest about how we look before we stepped out the door.
What you see is different from what she sees so in a way she is suggesting you need to up your game.

[Maid_Marion]

That is great! The key to a good relationship is being able to communicate.

[NancySue]

I’m one the lucky ones also with a helpful wife. I always agree with her suggestions and thank her. Recently, there have been fewer and fewer suggestions. My current avatar picture got a smile with a thumbs up..only comment...”you look great”...made my day.

[Jacqueline Vivaldi]

Constant reality checks and a good mirror are a ladies best friend.

[Beverley Sims]

You have a caring wife she is a gem, look after her the way she looks after you.

Also, take care dressing if she has to point out obvious faults to you.

[Tina B.]

I have found it's best not to put on your make up under the pink light of the pink fog. seems on times I've tried, it's easy to see myself as a nice lady, but then I pick up a camera and take a selfie and then look at it to see what others see, then I will sometimes wash my face and try again. but then I enjoy the make up part anyway, so a redo is not so bad. Now if your not getting out of the car, and it's dark, as long as your having fun that's all that counts, but if your getting out somewhere it becomes all important, and can stop a lot of strange looks.

[Alice B]

It is true that we see what we want to see. The fact that your wife points out these things shows that she cares a lot and wants to help you improve. Ask for her help and involvement if she wants to.

[Fran in skirts]

Mirrors lie, we only see what we want to see in them. The best way is to do a full length selfie and then you will see what the public sees. Photos (unretouched) don't lie!!.

[Eemz]

asked me to look and why I don't see that

I don't see criticism, I think she cares and is trying to really understand what's happening in your head at these times; is it that you don't care how you look (I don't believe that) or that you're in an altered state of mind and don't see it, or is it that but mixed in with some sort of unconscious self-destructive or self-esteem damaging baggage that blocks you from following through, and really making yourself look and feel as good as you could? I say that because I was that girl for a long time and this feels familiar to me.


maybe I should get out of my delusional world and really see what's in the mirror

Hey - there's nothing wrong with delusions! Look at who you're talking to LOL.

But actually I think it will really help if you *do* look honestly in the mirror, as long as you look at yourself and say - I can do better than this! And then do it. Pick one small thing - do it better. Change it, practice it, get good at it. Even if the end result is "ok the rest of me still looks like something the dog dragged in, but I really nailed that part". Perfect. Move on. Pick something else. And something else. You're not going to become a supermodel (I'm sorry to break it to you lol), but there will eventually be a few things that you can say, you know what, I am really good at those bits. And be proud of that.

You can do this.

You're a crossdresser - it's ok. Punishing yourself by being a sort of half-assed CD won't help; believe me I tried that for long enough :)

My 2c. YMMV and all the usual disclaimers etc etc

[phili]

I am sure she was trying to be helpful - but perhaps in a different way- more like saying "I want to understand what is driving you and what you are seeing. Since you have a bulge and chest hair showing, you simply look like a MIAD, not a woman. What is going on for you? "

[RADER]

I think you are very lucky to have an appearance checker.
Everyone should be so lucky; A double check will make you blend
in with the crowd better.
Rader

[docrobbysherry]

Yet, this is what I see in my pics and mirror!:eek:

297109

[Piora]

When I dress, I have my full-length mirror angled so that I see my entire body, but not my head. I've tried to master make-up with very little success, so I just don't bother anymore. I have wigs which do help. If I was 30 years younger, with more youthful skin, I would probably have worked at makeup until I got it right. But, well.....c'est la vie.

[Teri Ray]

I am joining the group that thinks your wife is just being considerate and trying to be helpful. You are a lucky person. Your wife sounds like a gem.

[Queen Bridget]

When I take a pic of myself for social media, I always leave it a day and look at it again before posting.

Quite often, I go "Wow, I actually look bad in this pic". You notice more details and problems when you take a break from looking.

[Stephanie47]

I think your wife is being insightful. I do not think she is offering beauty tips on passing. She is telling you she sees her husband, a male, wearing women's clothing and trying to emulate a woman. To me what she sees is not unusual, whether you're 100% with impeccable makeup, no body hair and no bulge. She does not comprehend your inner feelings. I look at it as similar to the plight of others. I am be sympathetic to the plight of people of color, but, I truly do not comprehend their life through their lives. I am only an observer.

Yes, it is good she advises you on your looks as an observer. Maybe it shocks a husband back to reality. One of the reasons I do not venture forth into the world of walking through a mall is I do not pass at all, and, the reason for dressing is stress relief; not to increase stress. That being said, I also know even viewing pictures of my male self, the images are vastly different than looking in a mirror. Even my male eye makes my male self seems better. Knowing I do look a man in a dress I stay away from mirrors unless they are far away from me.

I know if I were to sit around the house all dolled up my wife would only see what she wants to see, and, that is her male spouse wearing women's clothing. Your wife is willing to accept your need to show your inner self on occasion, while my is not. From your postings I get the impression your wife is not judgemental. Listen to her.

[Rachelakld]

I also go with the helpful wife, simply because she loves you and wants the best for you.
My wife and daughters do the same (daughter is really tops at make up, way better than the "professional" booked for the oldest daughters wedding, anyway she's always giving me tips).
Wife occasionally encourages me to buy better quality wigs, better shoes, buys me girls stuff for birthdays and Christmas

[t-girlxsophie]

If I'm leaving from home dressed, I'll always check with my wife,get her opinion on how I look, she is very honest and Frank and I value her opinion. Sometimes we will discuss an outfit together before deciding wether that's the one I'll be wearing out, I find it a fun experience. I always take a pic of the outfit when I'm out to send her

Sophie