Loss and guilt

[Ronnie38]

I lost my Dad last week to a heart attack and now the guilt is back. I first felt selfish and guilty for wanting to dress. Then felt guilt when dressed, then the guilt when dressed in front of my wife. I don"t understand why i feel like its so wrong all of the sudden.

[Tracy Irving]

So sorry for your loss. I hope your guilt diminishes over time.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Healthy guilt. This is the type of guilt we feel when we have genuinely done something wrong. Stole pens from work, etc.
False guilt is when we feel guilty and we haven’t actually done something wrong. In your case, you might feel your dressing took time away from your family or your father.

Give yourself time to grieve, then examine your thoughts. Most likely the guilt will fade.

[Ineke Vashon]

Strong feelings and emotions of all kinds should be expected. It tends to show that you loved your Dad. I would think for you to allow whatever emotions and feelings present themselves, and even allow guilt feelings, which likely dissipate over time. Allow the support of your wife.
Ineke

[alwayshave]

Ronnie, the only person I really care not knowing about my dressing is my father. I understand the guilt.

[Tracii G]

A child most always feels guilt and sorrow at a parents passing that is normal.
Could we had done more or been there more? Sure but now is not the time to beat yourself up over it.
I lost my Mom when I was 19 and my Dad when I was 26.
Could I have been a better son and not such a pain in the ass and a delinquent?
Sure and I wish I had but I can't change the fact I was a hard core punk ass kid heading down a dark road to destruction.
There is nothing I can do about it now so why relive the past that I have no control over now.
Its hard and its best to grieve for him and not feel sorry for yourself and cheapen his memory.

[Alice Torn]

I can understand some. Sorry for your loss. My dad and i were at war with each other most of our lives, but I came 2000 miles back to help him the final six years of his 95 yr lifetime. He died in July 2016. We never really had a heart to heart talk. I feel some guilt too, yet, sometimes a lot. My mom told me he wanted only daughters. She died in 2016 of Alzheimer's. I think one day i dress, and wish i was a woman a lot, is because my dad did not want sons, but only daughters. He got three sons, after my sister! I feel grief and guilt too.

[AllieSF]

Please let yourself grieve completely and freely. So sorry for your loss.

[Beverley Sims]

Loss of a loved one does affect you in this way.

Time is a great healer and I am sorry to hear of your dad' passing.

[Tina B.]

life comes with a Certain amount of regrets, my dad passed from a heart attach when I was 22, we never had a close relationship when I was a kid, and where just starting to know each other as grownups. just after his attach I flew up to see him, I knew it was the last time, but I wasn't ready to let go, so I didn't go back for the last month of his life, and I have regretted it for the last 50 years. Mom died 4 years ago, she died holding my hand, just after I told her I loved her, and yet I still feel guilty, there is so much I should have said and didn't, for way to many years. looking back at my childhood I have to believe she knew I was different, and I think maybe she knew, just how different I was (still am, that's why I'm here) but yet, I never had the nerve to talk to her, and thank her for protecting me from and older brother that could be a bit of a bully, and a father of the fifties that could never have understood having a transvestite for a son. There are many things I feel guilty for, but time heals a lot, maybe not all, but at least you live with it. Let go, mourn your loss, and be glad, he was someone that means that much to you. Just hang on to the good memories and honor his memory and give it time.

[Helen_Highwater]

Ronnie,

Condolences for your loss.

People will often feel guilt in your sad circumstances and it can be over almost thing they do that in some way brings them back to normality, daily life.

We feel we should be experiencing such grief that simply getting on with our day seems wrong.

Some will remember lost loved ones on their birthday or the anniversary of their passing. I choose not to. There will be perhaps a piece of music or the mention of a place that brings back memories at any time. That way they still surprise me.

Life goes on. Doing so isn't a sign of disrespect or a lack of caring. Carry on and await fond memories. They will come to you. Savour them in that instant, they often bring me an inner peace albeit for a few fleeting moments.

[Crissy 107]

Ronnie, I am so sorry to hear about you losing your Dad. I still miss my Dad everyday, cherish the good times.
I feel the guilt about your dressing will fade over time.
Crissy