Very Confused:

[Veronica E. Scott]

To start with most of you know that my wife is very unexcepting and does not participate in my dressing,she knows that I dress when she is not home and I have two saturdays a month when she is at work to dress.Well a few months ago we(my wife) and I went shopping and I bought her some very nice night gowns that I liked and that I thought she would look good in,(This is before I came out to her)since then we have discussed my dressing and all that and she has not worn the night gowns because she knows I like them and have told her so ,well a couple of weeks ago I asked her if she didn't want to wear the gowns could I have them,she thought about this for a couple of days so I asked her again an she said no because that would be participating with my dressing so I droped the issue we have had long discussions about my dressing and so forth again yesterday being saturday I said to her lets go shopping I felt that we needed to get out of the house and spend some time togather so berore we went I said to her you know that I like the night gowns that I bought you and that you could save me some money if I could buy them from you,you dont have to decide now just think about it and then let me know what you decide, we shopwd foe a while and decided to go to lunch during lunch she said that she thought about the night gowns and was wondering what I would pay for them so I said $!00. for the 3 of them the Peach one the Light green one and the Red one so she thought about this all night ,this morning I sugested that we go out to breakfast and hit a couple of flee markets and do some shopping , before we left the house I asked if she had made up her mind about the gowns and she said when do I get the money I said when I get the gowns she went to her closet and handed me the gowns and I gave her the money. We had a good day togather shopping . Ok so I am confused If she dosn't want to participate and dosen't want to see me dressed what is she saying but not saying.

[Tina Dixon]

Were one to bed i guess becouse I can't read her either sorry+?

[Honey GG]

This is going to sound rather harsh, but IMHO.........

Your wife probably did not want to wear them because she knew you were hot for them- on you, not her....I would feel the same way and I am very supportive, accepting and participate with my husbands dressing.
But you know a wife needs to have her own things that make her feel good about herself. My husband used to 'borrow' my sexy nightgowns and when I found out I just could not bring myself to wear them and I threw them in the trash.....
I go shopping with my husband all the time for femme things-for us both. But I have mine and he has his...we can both feel wonderful wearing them for each other and for ourselves.....
Get the idea????? Now take your wife back out shopping for something nice....

Honey GG

[Lisa Baby]

This is going to sound rather harsh, but IMHO.........

Your wife probably did not want to wear them because she knew you were hot for them- on you, not her....I would feel the same way and I am very supportive, accepting and participate with my husbands dressing.
But you know a wife needs to have her own things that make her feel good about herself. My husband used to 'borrow' my sexy nightgowns and when I found out I just could not bring myself to wear them and I threw them in the trash.....
I go shopping with my husband all the time for femme things-for us both. But I have mine and he has his...we can both feel wonderful wearing them for each other and for ourselves.....
Get the idea????? Now take your wife back out shopping for something nice....

Honey GG

I think honey may be on the right track. Your wife may have finaly said yes just so you would stop asking for them and she could stop "discussing" your cross dressing.

You may have to "tip toe" around any future lingerie purchases you make for your wife. Be sure that the items you purchase for her are for HER and not you. This does not mean that you could not go back later to purchase a set for yourself.

Be careful and good luck.

Lisa

[Veronica E. Scott]

Thank you Girls for your insight it helps to talk to others about this and I appreciate your responses Thanks again.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Veronica

I think you wife has a few problems with this.

She assumes you bought the gowns for youself but gave them to her.
She does not want you wearing her clothes

As for selling them to you this helps her avoid letting you use her clothes.
If going to buy her lingerie again take her wirth you and tell her to pick something nice and say you will pay for it ( oh and dont comment on her choice before she decides unless she asks ) This will avoid her being influenced by the thought of her buying something which you would like to borrow.

I hope this helps

[pricilla21 GG]

Hi veronica, your wife is very much like me. I do not participate any more in my boyfriends dressing (we dont live together). The fact that you bought these for your wife and then continued to badger her to wear them or let you wear them has knocked the shine off the fact that you bought these for her and she thinks that you really bought them for yourself. My boyfriend bought me an outfit for my birthday a couple of years ago which was not me, but I knew it was him. After 12 months I gave him the items back as every so often he would mention them discreetly. You must understand that your wife wants her femininity to be recognised and appreciated by you and not used as a sideline for you to have your choice in ladies clothes modelled by the "real thing". Take her out again and keep away from what she's picking but be there to pay for it, only then will she feel as though you are being genuine and not using her as a convenient way to satisfy your wants. I don't mean to sound harsh but it can be a very big issue when we feel as though this is happening and a little bit of unconditional support for her femininity from yourself is hugely appreciated by us. The fact that you looked for help on this one shows that you obviously care deeply for her, she is a good woman so go ahead and make her day! Take care and good luck.

[kathy gg]

Hi...and for the 3rd gg opinion....I do agree with all that was said....but to add...n even more different twist.

Personally I am not a fan of my husband buying me clothing. Right now I stay at home, we only get out a couple of times a month and if he were to buy me a sexy dress, I would be a little disapointed. Because right now, there are other interest and things which I think that money could be used on.

I am not saying dont' buy her stuff, but if there is an interest or hobby she is into that might be a way better way than clothing. Because knowing that you like this sort of thing, chances are any {clothing} gift she gets will be looked at suspiciously for a while.

Now, veronica, you know me, I like that my hubby is a cd, but right now at this point in my life 'nightgowns/sexy dresses' are just not really something I want. And he knows this so all my gifts have been for things that I really desire. And even though I am really into my hubby's cding, if he bought something for 'me' and I kenw he had his eye on it, i would be pretty damn peeved.

I think you handled it rght by giving her the cash. I think she was trying to make a statement to you with her reactions. Now the question is, do you learn from it?

Best of luck

[Penny]

Well hi Veronica! Here is more of the same but perhaps with a different twist.
This is only my opinion but I think that you should get rid of the nightgowns altogather because they will be a sore spot and only tend to alienate you wife from your crossdressing. Here is the rule we try to go by in my house:
what's hers is hers, whats mine is her's and what's ours is ours. Let me explain. If my wife buys something for her, it belongs to her. If I but something for her, it belongs to her. If we but something togather, it belongs to us. Example: we usually but some things like nightclothes togather so their interchangeable, neither has claim but if I buy her a nightgown, I will never wear it. Thirdly and I feel most importantly, if I buy something for me she is welcome to wear it and here's why. My crossdressing becomes a attribute rather than a liability. Example: we can wear a lot of the same things so if I have a blouse or skirt that will go better with what she is wearing, I will suggest that she consider wearing it but I will suggest other things too like jewerly, scarves, hair fasterers ect. And lord forbid if my wife can't find a pair of panty hose without a run. I can pull
out a brand new pair for her. Most wives don't have a husband that is quite that unique. Makes me feel good to do it and makes her appreciative of Penny. Since your wife knows you crossdress, you might consider showing
some benefits and try to elimate hard feeling and doubts as to your motives.
If you can, I suggest that you sit down with her and establish some do's and
don'ts and will's and wont's.

Good luck!

[bobbipoet]

Hi:

First, you said: "my wife is very unexcepting.."

I actually think your wife is pretty accepting of your crossdressing, based on the sequence of events you described - unless you left something out.

In that whole story, she doesn't make a single demand on you: she doesn't give you an ultimatium, she doesn't leave you, she doesn't seem to have lost her temper ...

Based on that, I would say she is actually accepting you pretty well.

You seem to be upset, maybe disappointed is a better word, that: 1) she didnt want to wear the gowns you bought; 2) she doesn't want to participate in dressing with you; and 3) she doesn't want to encourage your dressing.

I think all of these reactions are both normal and ok.

What she probably wants - I'm guessing - is for you to view her as the most important thing in your life. Probably you did at one point - do you still?

What she probably fears - and here I'm more confident than just guessing that this is factor - is that your dressing will become a more important sexual part of your life than she is. That's a real fear, probably happens with a lot of crossdressers, particularly older ones, and it would be hurtful to her if it did.

She went a long way, I think, in giving you those gowns - make sure you return that giving in some equally major way - only you can figure out what that would be for her.

[kittypw GG]

Veronica,
The problem here is that you made it about you. Us so's NEED to have some time that is about us. We need to feel special just as much as you do. Find out what it is that would really make her happy and do it. I will bet that you already know. My fanatasy is to get all fixed up (he is fixed up in sexy man clothes and his black code cologne) we go out (anywhere even to wallmart is cool or to wander around in Barnes and Nobel, anywhere out of the house, out to eat and somewhere to shoot pool is even better) The whole night he is finding ME sexy and is engaged in conversation. When we get home, he lights the candles and puts on the music and we have flirting and kissing. Even if it does not lead to sex it scores high on my list. Do ya get the picture?

I do many things just for Dannielle to make her feel special because I want to show her that I think she is special. The way you show someone that they are special to you is to put some EFFORT into what you are doing.

Just buying her some lingerie is kinda stale if you did not plan a night of romance to go along with it. Think about how you would want to be treated!!!!! Don't be an insensitive jerk. Get going on soemthing right away. You really reap what you sow. Good luck Kitty

[Cherry Lynn]

To keep it short I agree with Penny. We shop together and she buys things for me and buys her things. We do not wear the same size dresses,slacks,etc. I have loaned her hose and she knows she is most welcome to browse thru my jewelry if she needs something. We joke about how handy it is and wish we wore the same size clothes because she likes a lot of my outfits. She tells me all the time it is a shame her husband looks better in a dress than she does. Anyway the bottom line is to make her feel special.

Danielle

[Veronica E. Scott]

Thank you all.

You have given me a lot to think about and plenty of food for thought.
She is the most important person in my life and she needs to feel special and lately I have failed in that area.

Unexcepting ? Well maybe in her way she has excepted my dressing but she by no means likes it I think she feels that she has to compete with my other self. As for shopping I love to take her shopping and when asked if I like what she has picked out I will give her my honest oppinion.I don't shop for her on my own she is always with me when I shop for her when shopping for myself I go alone. As for borrowing her stuff I don't there is her stuff and there is my stuff and we don't share clothing.
I really do appreciate all the responses that you girls have given I really appreciate your thoughts and advice thank you so much.

[Jodie_Lynn]

This is going to sound rather harsh, but IMHO.........

Your wife probably did not want to wear them because she knew you were hot for them- on you, not her....I would feel the same way and I am very supportive, accepting and participate with my husbands dressing.
But you know a wife needs to have her own things that make her feel good about herself. My husband used to 'borrow' my sexy nightgowns and when I found out I just could not bring myself to wear them and I threw them in the trash.....
I go shopping with my husband all the time for femme things-for us both. But I have mine and he has his...we can both feel wonderful wearing them for each other and for ourselves.....
Get the idea????? Now take your wife back out shopping for something nice....

Honey GG


Well yes, it does sound harsh. I hope that if you ever wear one of his shirts, you don't mind if he throws it in the trash.....

Unless he fouled it in some way and didn't clean it, why the severe actions? If you are buying things for him, you have a certain level of acceptance, no?

I'm not saying that you shouldn't have your own things, but I'm curious about your reaction to his wearing your things.

Or is there more to this that you are saying?

[HaleyPink2000]

Seems that no matter what the actual Sex we are. Sometimes we over react, HUH? Ok, If I buy something for someone, they through it away or they take something of mine and trash it without saying anything, should I be hurt over that??? HMMM?

Or what If I bought myself a skirt, then my wife did wear it. Should I through it away because of that? Hmmm? Over reacting, yeah, Thats not just a Male thing HUH? But it does sound Human, and some non excepting or caring, sensitive ahhh no. Not being sensitive, hmmmm? Sorry to say, and forgive me for being so blunt please. But it's not the right thing to do to someone your supposed to love. He should learn to say ouch when you hurt him. I guess He don't, HUH?

[Charlene Marie]

Veronica. Honey. no one of us can read her, or know what she is truly thinking, and I'm sure sometimes it's even difficult for you. Just hold her in your arms, tell her how much you love her and try and explain why you feel the way you do. Tell her for some reason unknown, a part of you wants to be as beautiful as she is to you, and you want to be close to her in that special feminine way. I hope that makes sense.