Considering a new last name - thoughts?

[elizabethamy]

Asking for advice here...I'm moving to my own apt. in a week, expect to complete social transition on the job and everywhere else by mid-January....so time to file for a name change. I've been elizabethamy on the internet for a long time but when I emerge in real life I will be Michelle (middle name Elizabeth). The question is: do I change my last name? I don't know if this is a good idea for my kids (who won't be plagued in our smallish town by being instantly known by name as the son of that trans woman), but I think it is for me...

...I'm just wondering what other people have done, and whether changing the last name as well as the first one is just right or too much. (The one I have tentatively picked out honors my favorite female relative, who passed on a few years ago.)

If you did take on a new last name, how did it feel to make that change? thanks.

e.a.

[Mirya]

I'm not sure that I know any TS women who changed their last name? I personally did not.

Can I ask why you think it would be a good idea to do so? I'd imagine the main reason would be if someone wanted to move far away and go into 100% stealth mode or something like that?

[KymberlyOct]

I say to almost everything in life that there is rarely an always or a never. For me I kept my same last name to make it easier to prove it's still me for business matters, healthcare etc. I think it is easier to keep the same last name. HOWEVER you mention your kids and living in a small town and the impact on them. That definitely makes it a little more complicated.

My suggestion is to consider the following things. How old are they? If the are 8 versus 16 the impact of having a transgender parent will probably be different. But on the other hand will you changing your last name really keep anyone from knowing anyway?

Only you can make this decision and anyone that says only their way is right is out of line. I would advise keeping your last name. It will be easier and I don't think changing it will avoid very many problems.

Most importantly congratulations on moving forward with your transition. Be happy and keep being a good parent.
Best wishes
Kim

[Paula DAngelo]

I don't know about your state I can only speak for mine. When I went thru getting my name changed if I had changed my last name and it would have also changed the last name of my children. Considering I'm divorced from their mother it would have caused me all kinds of legal issues that I did not want to go thru.

[Rianna Humble]

I did change my last name, partly to make a clean break with my past and also to try to avoid publicity that could have a negative impact on my political allies. It felt strange at first, but now it feels part of me. I did not have the complication of children to consider and a quick Google of my name will show that I didn't succeed in avoiding the publicity with around 83500 results in 1/3 second.

I still struggle to see why my transition was of such interest around the globe but I digress.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I didnt change.

if you do change..

I'd suggest McDoogleberry ....you wont forget it

[jentay1367]

My parents gave me no reason to keep it. My Mothers father however, was an awesome human that showered me with love snd kindness. In honor of him and my love for him, I took his last name.

[grace7777]

I kept my last name as it was, changed my first and middle name, but making the change so my first and middle initials stayed the same. Often I have to initial stuff, and now I am still able to initial items using the initials I have always used.

[LeaP]

Considering a new last name - thoughts?


How about “Amy” as a last name? (Seriously)

[Eemz]

You should probably talk to the kids either way and make sure they understand what you're doing and why. I'm only saying that because after my sister's divorce she realised her kids were afraid that reverting to her maiden name meant that she didn't want to be in their family any more, and/or didn't want to be their Mom any more, in some way. She had to reassure them that it wasn't about them, it was just that she's not their Dad's wife any more and so she can't be Mrs Smith any more, but there's nothing wrong with being a Smith.

I don't know if anything similar might apply in a gender-related change but I thought I'd mention it just in case.

The neighbours - small town, they will all know who is related to whom anyway so I wouldn't put too much weight on that aspect of it.

[elizabethamy]

Thank you all. More!
I interrupt this thread to say that after another day of being myself, looking at my new apartment, shopping for things to put in it, and coming out to three people I care about, I'm close to tears at getting this near to realizing a dream I never thought could really happen for me.
If you are closeted and suffering as I was for so long, please start taking steps to be yourself. It's miraculous!
whatever your name is....

[pamela7]

oh wow, what an awesome day!

as to changing surnames, i feel this is a decision that has to consider your children. it can come across as an even greater rejection of them, even if it is not true. When they are older it is less likely to impact them emotionally.

[KymberlyOct]

Elizabeth, YAAAAYYY !!!!!!

Way more important than your name. So happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are doing what all of this soul searching is about.