Meeting a CD-friendly woman

[TracyT]

This is to encourage those of you who believe it’s impossible to meet a woman who enjoys, or at least tolerates, your cross-dressing. It’s not.
As I’ve mentioned here, my wife and I separated back in May (not because of my CDing). I’ve begun to test the waters of online dating, and I met a woman recently on OK Cupid – I’ll call her “Laurie.” Her profile was interesting and her photos attractive. Also, she listed her sexual preference as “Bisexual,” and in the “What I’m looking for” section she listed some of the usual qualities and then said “and, above all, open-mindedness.”
Okay, I thought, let’s see how open-minded she is.
We had drinks at a local bar (she actually lives about an hour from me). I didn’t want to wear a skirt or dress, but I wasn’t going to hide my gender fluidity, either. I wore jeans and a unisex pullover. My hair (which is in a bob just off my shoulders) was back in a headband and I had light makeup on. Also, my nails were done a cinnamon color (I considered taking it off but I thought “Ahh screw it”). Before we met I spent a fair amount of time thinking about how to bring up my crossdressing. As it turned out I didn’t have to.
We sat down and started talking easily. After several minutes I complemented her on her nails. (They were done a sparkly purple, a color I would never wear, but there you are.)
“Yours look nice too," said Laurie. "Do you always wear polish?”
“A lot of the time.”
“Do you crossdress?”
I laughed. I’d been trying to figure out how to tell her, and she clocked me in under 10 minutes.
“Yes I do.”
“Fabulous!”
I will pass over the details, but it turns out she is into, uhh, alternative lifestyles and she has no problem dating a crossdresser. I ended up showing her some photos of me en femme on my phone.
“Would you date this person?” I asked as she looked at them.
“Absolutely!”
We are going to the theater in 2 weeks and I’ll be wearing my black j.jill pencil skirt, a lovely rose-purple widenecked top, and black hose. (I’m looking for a pair of low-heeled pumps.) I’ve scheduled an appointment with my wonderful hairdresser to do my hair and makeup that afternoon. And, naturally, my nails will be done.
I don’t think this is going to turn into some great romance – her personal life is way more complicated than mine – but she’s someone I definitely look forward to hanging out with. As girlfriends.
Don't give up. Open-minded women are out there. And upfront open honesty is always best.

[GracieRose]

The world is full of many different people, and many of us (maybe all) don't fit into nice standardized categories.
I'm glad to hear that you may have found someone that may complement you and all that you are.
Good luck.

[sometimes_miss]

Lessee: You wear your hair in a bob, it's in a hair band, you've got make up on, and you're wearing nail polish. You're surprised that she 'clocked you' that way? For some reason, you didn't think she'd notice any of that? Right.
I'm happy for you.

It's not impossible to win the lottery, though, either.

[JaniceP]

I was unbelievably Lucky at first, unbelievably STUPID at last.

About 10yrs. ago I went to a Strip Club in Harvey Il., I was wearing a pretty pink bustier, trimmed in lace along with lace panties with sheer nylon stockings under my loose fitting boy clothes.

[Beverley Sims]

I agree, they are out there but as scarce as hens teeth, cultivate the friendship slowly and it should work.

[Majella St Gerard]

There are woman out there that do like CD's, not a lot but they're there. I dated a woman I met through a friend and she was "into" CD's but we had no chemistry. I don't know what was worse the dinner she cooked or the sex😲

[Crissy 107]

Tracy, Good for you, we all need some fun. Good luck in two weeks! Crissy

[Cassandra Lynn]

I once spent time on Cupid, and others, and placed several little hints in the profile. There was an occasional question from some I messaged with, but I didn't get lucky enough to find one willing to meet.
I was honest when asked and while none were ever rude about it, there was never any further contact. But yes, I always thought there was that possibility.

I've also met some women in everyday life who, when learning all about me are honest enough to say that because they are bi-sexual they've wondered about TG/CD's, but have never met one. And no, I wasn't apparently included in that possibility.

So anyways congrats, hope it goes well, whether or not you and her date or just become friends, it's cool nonetheless.

Cass

[Jacqueline Vivaldi]

It is interesting that when I go out to the more upscale social events in a well styled outfit that fits nicely, at least five attractive women come up to me with flattering comments like, "you look fantastic" or "you are beautiful". We often have a nice conversation and it is a joyful encounter, and although the suggestion is often made that we see one another again, I would be more joyful if men did the same thing. At first I thought that the attention was due to the possibility that I was really passing well. On reflection, I now believe that I did indeed look very good, but that in each case I was being read and these women were simply expressing their acceptance of me as a cross dresser. I do not believe that women come up to women they have never met before and compliment their attractiveness.

In any case this type of high end public social seems to be a good way to meet attractive women.

[alwayshave]

Tracy, you lucked out. My wife is encouraging, but it could have gone either way.

[LeannS]

you are a lucky one!!!

[Kelly DeWinter]

Congrats ... I think ?!? I thought you were married ? Your wife is OK with you dating other women ? Just asking.

[CONSUELO]

Kelly She said they were separated.

[Kelly DeWinter]

my bad ...

[docrobbysherry]

Well, you're both very lucky and very young, Tracy. I hope this thing with her works out f or u both.:thumbsup:

But, if it doesn't? I haven't heard of anyone winning the big lotto jackpot twice!:heehee:

[DeniseK67]

I don’t think this is going to turn into some great romance – her personal life is way more complicated than mine – but she’s someone I definitely look forward to hanging out with. As girlfriends. Don't give up. Open-minded women are out there. And upfront open honesty is always best.

That's awesome to read. I wish I could find someone like that! Of course, I have to get the nerve up to leave my house.

[Glenda58]

I also found a CD friendly woman that lasted 5 yrs. She would buy me thingsand give me some of hers things she didn't want. But when she got mad at me. She would as yell that the top of her voice that I was a C/D. And if I left the house she would cut up my cloths.

So be careful starting out.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Glenda;

OMG ! she said "she would cut up your clothes " ???? That is way tooooo personal. It really doesn't matter if you are a crossdresser, when your spouse cuts up or threatens to cut you clothes it's time to move out and get a restraining order.

Has anyone had that happen ? It would freak me out.

[Roxanne Lanyon]

Oh my! No! I would have nightmares every night! I would be afraid to go to sleep! Thank the Lord I am divorced, and now live alone! I could not stand that! Besides, I am too nice, and sweet! That would so frighten me!
Roxanne
"My Heart Belongs To All!"

[susan54]

If you go out dressed as a woman and be nice to people you meet you will meet nice women. I have met so many lovely women I would never have met any other way. OK I am not in a relationships with any of the but it could so easily have gone that way.

[Desiree2bababe]

Lucky you!

[Sevenkittycat]

I have much more success meeting and conversing with women while out dressed than I ever have had in boy mode.

[DIANEF]

A long time ago my local newspaper used to have a 'lonely hearts' type column; it would be male seeks female, males seeks male. female seeks female. Regularly an ad would appear along the lines of 'crossdressing guy, straight (they always put straight) seeks understanding female for friendship, maybe more'. I often wondered how many of such ads were actually successful.

[Cynthia GG]

TracyT: best of luck. I always love to hear confirmation that I'm not the only female who feels positive toward men in skirts.
It is hard to find the right chemistry for romance, though.

DIANEF: I saw an ad like you describe in a newspaper once. I would have answered, except I was only 16 at the time. :o Now that I'm old enough (maybe even approaching too old now), there's no such newspaper. Thank goodness for the Internet! :)

[kimdl93]

I’m weighing in on the side of those who suggest going out and meeting people while dressed en femme. It has been my experience...now some years passed, that I was approached a number of times by women...I was married at the time, but found the experience surprising and encouraging. Given my changed life circumstances I’d welcome the opportunity to do it again.

[sometimes_miss]

A long time ago my local newspaper used to have a 'lonely hearts' type column; it would be male seeks female, males seeks male. female seeks female. Regularly an ad would appear along the lines of 'crossdressing guy, straight (they always put straight) seeks understanding female for friendship, maybe more'. I often wondered how many of such ads were actually successful.

FWIW; back when AOL had 20,000,000 members, and they introduced their personals section, I ran two identical ads, one mentioning my crossdressing, the other, not. The straight ad routinely generated plenty of responses, the one with the crossdressing? Essentially zilch; a few prostitutes, a dominatrix, ONE woman on the other side of the planet, that's about it. Out of perhaps 10 million women. The only difference was the mention of crossdressing. This was back around 2000. It was my wake up call letting me know what my chances really were of finding a cd receptive woman. Before that, in the 1990's when seeing a therapist who dealt with crossdressers and their mates, I had been actively working on finding out more information about our chances. Several studies came out with similar stats, and the 'halfs' were interesting. About 6% of women think it's okay for a man to crossdress, but would not want to associate with him. About 3% think it would be okay to associate with such a man in her friends and family, but not as a personal mate. And about 1.5% would be willing to date such a man.

However, in reality, my therapist said that of the women she had met who had initially thought that they would be okay with their husband's crosdressing, once again, about half were unable to tolerate it and eventually split up with their husband. That leaves us with approximately 0.75% of the female population who could even tolerate us, and that does not even mention any who were actually supportive or liked crossdressers. Now, undoubtedly, there are some women out there for us; that still leaves us with about a million women in the U.S. alone. So where are they? My guess is that they either already have mates who aren't crossdressers, have mates who are and who realize just how lucky they are and do eveything they can to keep her happy, or simply have not been primarily looking for a crosdressing husband. I think this last is the most likely; while these women might accept us, there are simply too many viable 'normal' men to date and marry, for her to go out of her way to find a guy who crossdresses and put up with all the problems that might come from it, because it's simply not high up on the list of her 'wants' in a mate.

I did not participate in any of these studies. But since the internet has been available, I have been discussing this first on the newsgroup sites (before the web existed), and then on various support forums for us. And what I've found, seems to support the above statistics.

Our chances are slim, indeed. I don't like to put a damper on anyone's hopes and dreams. But we do have to face reality. And prepare for our futures. The best advice I've gotten, is to hang around with women who frequent gay bars, and hope to meet a woman who is at least willing to experiment with alternative sexual and lifestyles.