Do you find yourself acting different while dressed?

[Bluebell]

Hi,
My partner told me quite early on in the beginning of our relationship about him dressing, but I haven’t actually seen him dressed all that much. I’ve bought him and given him a lot of stuff. He’s happy to dress up if I ask, as I’m quite into it myself, but he doesn’t dress up all that much on his own in front of me because we both still live with our parents.

Since a lot of crossdressers use a femme name and dress up quite differently from their male self, I’m really worried that I don’t actually know all that much about my partner at all. I know how hard it can be to be yourself with other people (I’ve struggled with people bullying me as a child for my own eccentricities), and sometimes I’m quite afraid that the person I fell in love with doesn’t actually exist. So far he acts the same, but just has a softer and sweeter temparament. I’m not really sure though because I’ve mostly only seen this side of him in the bedroom. Do you guys act differently dressed compared to when you’re not?

Thanks,
Bluebell

[Wildaboutheels]

Encourage him to join this site and then simply watch what name he chooses for himself. IMO, it's "almost always" a dead givaway. This is easily verified by reading the "input" of members here. Members who go all out in their effort at presentation/passing will almost always select a female name.

Just realize that ALL CDers are Humans, so no 2 are going to be alike.

Welcome to the site btw!

As far as names? One important disclaimer. He may pick a female name if he joins, simply because most participants here have them.

And no, I do not act any diiferent, because they are just clothing items/attire to me and nothing more. Some items I like, cannot be found in the men's department so I purchase them from the women's side and wear them where/when ever I want to.

As far as I know, there are no laws to prevent it!

I might also add that I have vast actual experience out in the RW "dressed".Joe Doe public has no problem whatsoever with me for 18 years now so I encourage your fella to find his OWN way.

[Tracy Irving]

I act like me. Me doesn't change when I switch from men's t-shirt and Levi's to a woman's t-shirt and Gloria Vanderbilt's.

[Robertacd]

As I have said many times DRAB or DRAG I am the same person with the same thoughts, fears, and desires only the clothes have changed.

[Micki_Finn]

Completely disagree with Heels. Having a fem name doesn’t indicate squat.

Bluebell: the only person who can answer this is your SO. Most of us do not suffer from serious psychosis. We do not all have multiple personalities or dissociative identity disorder. But we are not a monolith either. So it’s possible your SO acts completely different dressed, but by and large that seems more the exception than the rule.

[Tracii G]

I am still the same dressed or not but then again I wear clothes from the womens dept all the time so maybe I'm different in that way from you partner.
A name is usually used here but you can choose what ever you want it doesn't have to be female.
If he is the same age as you he has to deal with his female side and male side so its quite a struggle to balance it all and not "out" himself and you need to remember that.
Guys do not like being thought of as gay,weak or a sissy so they hide this part of them.
He seems to trust you because he let you know that secret part of him most men will not ever tell their partner so you are lucky in a way.
Welcome to the forum and for being understanding about this side of him.

[Laura28]

I don’t act any differnt in my opinion however my wife says differnt. I am more relaxed more caring as she says not that you are not caring it is just differnt “softer” she says. Lot of stress in my life lot of responsibility in my career. I don’t really have hobby’s per say. So I think when dressed I can totally relax turn off all the distractions and just enjoy the moment.

Just my take.

[Becky Blue]

Of course ultimately we are the same person but when I am Becky that side of my personality is more prominent, when I am not her I guess I am suppressing some parts of me... we all have roles to play in life at times. So yes I am quite different, i am more relaxed, definitely softer, more fun and because I am loving how I am looking and feeling I am always extremely happy.

[Jaymees22]

The only difference I notice is I'm a lot happier when dressed.

As far as the name, I picked one similar to my real name so if someone calls me by my femme name I might actually turn around.

[Majella St Gerard]

I'm told by people that see me in both male and female mode, that I act different. I guess I'm more carefree and I dance in femme mode.

[Stephanie47]

I don't think adopting a particular feminine name is any indication of anything. Stephanie is the female equivalent of my male name. Three guesses and the first two don't count. I suppose if you're male name is Terry, you're all set.

I am not any different when emulating a woman as far as my temperament goes. I do try to adopt mannerisms associated with a woman, especially when wearing a dress. Sitting with knees closed and not apart. That sort of thing which I do not associate with your question. I would conjecture if the normal behavior of a man en drab is to be obnoxious, etc, and, cordial and syrupy nice en femme, then it is possible he has some difficulty accepting his "feminine' side. Sort of over compensating in a negative way for not accepting himself.

In general terms I will say from life experiences living apart does not give you any insight as to who a person really is.

I will further state even living together does not bring out the true person. Sometimes saying the "I do" at the altar changes someone from their best behavior to their worst behavior. If you read old threads on this site or future threads you'll notice both the cross dressing man and his wife will change their stances.

[biancabellelover]

Adding to the theme, I’m basically the same person whether I’m dressed or not, but am ‘softer’. That is, I’m generally calmer, and I move around more slowly, with more deliberate and gentler mannerisms.

I’m not as certain that choice of name is all that meaningful. I call myself Michelle when I’m dressed; which is a reasonably close version of my male name. The “BBL” that I use as my ID, came about before I started Crossdressing.

Michelle

[AllieSF]

Hi Bluebell,

Welcome to the site. You have valid concerns that can have many different responses from the members here. Still living with parents seems to indicate a younger age than most here. However, with all our accumulative years here and being alive, there is a lot to read and learn.There are not real direct answers as to what the future may hold for both of you.

Being a senior in more ways than one, participate here, ask questions, don't take all the answers as being directly applying to you two. The biggest recommendation I can give you is that two way, open and honest communication about small things and this "thing", which is not so small, is your best long term tool to help both of you to grow, adapt and understand, That type of communication should not just apply to his desire or need to dress, but also about every other joint decision, issues, minor and not so minor, that you encounter everyday. Good communication is not easy and takes a lot of work. So, think about reading books about how to communicate better, when to walk away for a calmer moment and when to stand firm and discuss back. I am still learning, especially the part on how to listen clearly, which is so hard for me sometimes. Good luck and enjoy your stay.

[Tracii G]

Main thing to remember is you have a lot of time to learn what works best for the both of you.
Rushing into things and having to have concrete answers is not the way to go because there are no firm answers to all of this.
Also I know at your age the man you fall in love with may not be the man you stay with long term.Keep that in mind.
I know that you may not agree with me on that and your love may last a lifetime no one knows.
What I do know is people change and relationships change over time so what you like now may not be what you like in the future. Same goes for him too he may continue dressing and he may stop.
Its how you two navigate thru all the changes in life so it takes two in a relationship to make it work.
Don't try to manipulate him or think you can change him in some way because that never works and its unfair to him.

[char GG]

Hi Bluebell!

Welcome to the forum.

First of all, kudos to your SO for informing you about his fem side early in the relationship. In my mind, that tells a lot about his personality, in that he is not trying to hide or manipulate you into thinking he is one thing and springing his CDing on you after you are in committed a relationship. Honesty is a wonderful trait.

As some others have mentioned, only your SO can really answer your question. If you have only seen him dressed in the bedroom, then you don't really have the entire picture. Does he dress when he's not in the bedroom? Or is it just a bedroom kink for him?

As far as my SO is concerned, when he is in male mode, he can be more confrontational than when in female mode. Other than that, he acts like the same person.

You didn't say how long that you have known him. Maybe time will answer more of your questions.

Again, thanks for joining the forum.

[Wendi_cd]

Hi,
My partner told me quite early on in the beginning of our relationship about him dressing, but I haven’t actually seen him dressed all that much. I’ve bought him and given him a lot of stuff. He’s happy to dress up if I ask, as I’m quite into it myself, but he doesn’t dress up all that much on his own in front of me because we both still live with our parents.

Thanks,
Bluebell

Find yourself a decent hotel and book a room. Whether dressed or not, as a couple you need time to be alone with each other.

As far as dressing up when you ask vs not being asked. It may be as simple as he isn't sure if you are ok with him dressing without notice.

[docrobbysherry]

Bluebell, it has little or nothing to do with his dressing. It takes years of daily contact to find out who someone really is.
Let me ask u? R u 100% u when u r around him? Would u act the same if u lived together? I'm guessing your answer is "No".
Not because you're intentionally hiding things, it's just human nature! Give him the space and time he needs. The longer u date, the more each of u will reveal yourselves!:daydreaming:

Then, u can decide if u wish to stay together or not!:hugs:

[Beverley Sims]

Bluebell,
Welcome to the forum, I do not act differently dressed or otherwise, I have been doing this for a long time and I have grown used to my situation.

Others have good suggestions for you so read them closely and maybe you will find something that is right for you both.

[t-girlxsophie]

My wife thinks I'm much calmer when dressed,I dont think I act that much different in attitude,but can see what she means,I do have more feminine mannerisms though.She calls me by my femme name,my stepsons dont bother but are still cool with it all

Sophie

[Sometimes Steffi]

I guess the main difference is that Steffi is an extrovert; boy me is an introvert.

I don't like labels, but if I was forced to pick one, I'd probably say that I'm bi-gender or gender fluid. That manifests itself by sometimes flipping into girl mode even when I'm presenting boy mode. That's when I may approach a GG and complement her on her clothes, makeup, jewelry, etc.

Also, Steffi likes to dance and will even dance alone if no one else is interested in dancing. Boy me requires two or three beers to be brave (or unconcerned) enough to take to the dance floor.

[RADER]

My wife said that because of my dressing, I was more attentive to women.
I feel the same, dressed or not, but I am a lot happier dressed.
Just go slowly, I am sure it will all work out, and you will find yourself being
a very happy person.
Rader

[emmarinn]

I was just thinking about this the other day.

I believe that I am the same person, and that I don't have different fundamental thoughts or a different personality when I dress. I'm the same human being with the same thoughts, the same strengths and the same flaws. That being said I've noticed that some stuff happens when I'm Emma, stuff that usually doesn't. For starters I enjoy my free time a lot more, for some reason, even if I'm just sitting around doing nothing, I feel calm and not rushing through the day like I normally do. I also enjoy myself way more, I take my time in the shower, when I do my hair, when I shop online, I take some breaks of what I'm doing to do a selfie session because I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror or something and I liked what I saw. The other day I was watching a movie, then I got up to the kitchen to get a drink, after a few steps I noticed a sway in my walk that didn't happen before, at least not without intentionally trying. It just happened and because it felt natural, I let it happen.

But even while experiencing all of these things and after they are over, the core of who I am never changes. Emma is not some extravagant character I use to escape myself. Emma is a part of me that I'm still learning to understand and embrace just as any other within my personality. I hope I answered your question, I feel like I just ranted for a while there lol

Good luck to you and your partner, I hope you guys get the chance to explore more this side of him together, it sounds like nothing but good things can come out of that :)

[Patience]

No.

I find myself acting different while undressed.

[Davina2833]

What does IMO stand for?

[Charlotte7]

No, I'm just the same old me however I'm dressed

(Davina, it means 'in my opinion')

[Roxanne Lanyon]

Oh, I am so different! I am nicer, more attentive to GG's, and others, and ever so much more feminine! I love being a girl, and feel so good, all over!
Roxanne, Happy in Skirts

[Solange]

At the risk of sparking the wrath of all the other gurls, I am going to explore the possibility they missed the point entirely.

Identity doesn't change, but it can be discovered through experience. Every outfit I wear (even drab) is an experience. I feel one way wearing a casual dress, working in my home office. My thoughts and feelings are completely different wearing just a dress shirt over a sexy bra, panties, hose and heels, strutting around the kitchen sipping champagne and preparing some special treat for my love. I could list example after example but hope this makes my point.

We also explore to find unknown or unexpressed facets of identity. This can be both exhilarating and terrifying for a relationship. We've been married a long time and it's still some of the hardest work we do.

-S

[Stacy Darling]

So you are CD and your boyfriend is possibly CD!

I'm not sure which part of this I've missed, but if you really like each other? there is no 2nd chance for such a relationship!

Stacy!

[SaraLin]

Bluebell,
I've always felt like I was still me - just happier in a dress, etc. than looking like a boring dude.

But I've been told by several friends that I'm different: I move differently, I talk more softly, and I'm even shyer than usual.

OK. Maybe that's all true, but I'm still Me. My values haven't changed. My feelings towards others don't change. I still love (or hate) the same people.
I just get the chance to allow my more "girly" sensibilities to come out. ( I can wear pink, cry at movies, happily chat about "girl stuff", etc.)

But - like I said. I'm still me.

I'm fairly sure your partner is the same. Unless he has major issues, dressing pretty shouldn't change the person inside.

[Vale]

Everyone is different so this site can only indicate the range of possibilities you and your partner may experience. I can add one data point.

I’ve had 2 marriages with tolerant women. Both say that when I am crossdressed I behave somewhat differently. They say I exhibit the same core values, but express them differently.

Best wishes for you both..

Vale

[RachelPortugal]

What does IMO stand for?

I notice that no one replied to you in the thread, but can't tell if anyone has PM'ed (private messaged) you.

IMO = in my opinion.
IMHO = in my humble opinion.

[Jillian Faith]

Like Saralin and Vale I am the same person with the same core values regardless of how I'm dressed. When I first told my wife of my crossdressing I was using the name Debbie, to which my wife replied you don't look like a Debbie you look like a Jill, so I adopted the name Jill. My wife also told me that if I dressed as a women she would not tolerate me acting like a MIAD, which is fine with me because when dressed I have always tried to adopt feminine mannerisms and tried not to walk like a lumberjack in high heels. I also try to soften my voice to a more feminine tone especially when out in public.

So to sum up I am the same person when dressed with the same core values that adopts feminine mannerisms, walk and speech patterns when dressed.

[Brenda Freeman]

I think I am the same though when dressed I do carry myself different, I try to be lady like sitting walking etc. I think I am actually more understanding of women because of my desires to be feminine and dress feminine at times. It may be a wonderful little side benefit.

[Michelle Vinova]

Hi Bluebell,

Like the others have said, personality-wise I’m the same person when dressed. Appearance wise is another story obviously...But is also on a scale. Sometimes it’s a few articles of clothes other times I go all out (from the outfit, make-up, wig, walk, talk, etc.) is all to attempt/appear more feminine. If you start with the basics with him; I highly doubt he’ll shock you with another ‘personality’.

[Bluebell]

May I ask, what is a MIAD? I’ve seen the phrase floating around but I’m not sure what it means.

Also, thank you everyone for your feedback, it’s been incredibly helpful 😊

[Jillian Faith]

MIAD = Man in a Dress

[Cheryl T]

I'm the same person inside either way you see me, but there is a difference.
Some years ago when I first came out to my wife we began attending support group meetings. On the way home one night she said to me "you act very feminine". I looked at her at said, "I'm not acting".

[ellbee]

May I ask, what is a MIAD? I’ve seen the phrase floating around but I’m not sure what it means.

A lazy CD'er! :heehee:


All kidding aside (since I am one, myself :p ), it's a guy who wears women's clothing... But *doesn't* get all fully dolled-up, with a wig, make-up, fake boobs & hips, etc.

Just a guy who presents as a guy & wants to be seen as one -- not as a woman.


If it helps any, think of it as a GG ("Genetic Girl" -- yes, we're big on our acronyms here!) who wears *men's* clothing, fully or in part, as their everyday outfit. Though they aren't trying to look like anything else other than their female self. A "MIAD" is just the inverse of that. :)



Anyway, to answer your OP...


So far he acts the same, but just has a softer and sweeter temperament.

I think something along those lines is probably true in many (but not all) cases. Just a slight tweaking in one's personality, whether it's what you described, or becoming a bit more introverted/extroverted, etc.

The same went for me during my en-femme days. And I'd definitely notice it & adjust/react a lot more when out & about in public, with strangers, especially when out clubbing at a vanilla hetero place. One of the reasons being, some guys would check me out, hit on me, whatever. And if one isn't really used to that (it was both awesome & terrifying at the same time! :eek: ), then that certainly had a bit of an effect on my personality & behavior, too, by becoming more timid, cautious, felt more vulnerable yet also desired, whatever. So, others can also sometimes play a role in all this, as well, depending on the situation.


P.S. Welcome aboard, and hope you enjoy your stay here! :wave:

[kim22]

Yes I do notice that I act and feel totally different.
The only way I can describe it feels like a whole new spirit enters my body and mind.
And nothing for nothing I do love the feel of a cool breeze up my skirt or dress.

[Wiccle]

Yes I am much more chatty & confident when out. I guess because women are & I have to step up my game. I'm hoping it will copy over to the non-CD me.

Hi Davina2833 :)! You can never have enough Davinas.

Lots of love
Davina x

[Davina2833]

Rachel,

Thank you for the reply, it really helps. We need to have an abbrev. forum list. Again thanks.

Davina2833

[Macey]

Always me. Just with a different focus. The clothes we wear (whatever the mode), the names we go by, all labels. Some folks fear labels, but the trick is to wear the label and not let the label wear you. "mother, father, friend, co-worker" what have you. Everyone who knows you only knows a part. Maybe a lot of it, maybe a big part, but they are all labels that carry a concept. Even your own name. Consider when you walk into a room, someone in the room has heard you come in, but hasn't seen you yet. They might ask "Who's there?" And most often, the instinctual response is not to say your name, but to say "It's me." This concept of "I, Me, etc" is the internalized self. The concept of self that most closely mirrors the inner you more deeply than the label of your own name.

Along with these labels are the roles we play. I am focused on good relations when dealing with customers. I'm naturally a friendly, helpful person, so that is me. I am more focused on figures and numbers with my boss. I'm am reasonably logical and intelligent, so that is me. I am chatty and engaged with friends. I like to share stories and experiences, so that is me. When I was a working musician, I commanded attention with 'stage presence'. I am an intense person, so that is me. At home, however dressed, I am fairly domestic and attentive to my wife. So that is me too.

I am always me. I like me, and all of these and many more factors are always present.

Do I act differently when dressed? Sure, maybe. But it is not a different person, just a more focused part of who I am.

[JayeDee]

I definitely act different while dressed. Just the act of dressing makes me truly excited with anticipation for the feel of sexy, tight-fitting womens' attire. (Trembling hands while appling mascara is a given:). I had spent 50 years of my life trying to get into womens' clothing (if you know what I mean), now I actually want to wear those threads. When I am finally primped to my satisfaction, my posture is better, my movements are slower, even my mind is calm and enjoying the moment. I become a woman in my mind, and I savor every second of it. Don't misunderstand: I love being a male, but I very much enjoy the prep and sensation of becoming a woman.

[novastar]

I'm very very new to this, but to answer your question, the times I've dressed I felt different. Definitely feminine...I enjoy the feeling. Ultimately I am just "ME" no matter what label or outfit you want to give me. The times I've dressed I did as a surprise for my BF (bedroom activities) and it drove him absolutely wild. HE makes me feel very feminine and I felt a rush being sexy for him.

[Alice Torn]

Yes, quite a bit different/

[Wendi_cd]

For whatever reason, I've been hesitant in this thread.

Seems like unlike most responses I am very much different when dressed in virtually every aspect.

[Mickitv]

When I am dressed I find myself being extremely feminine. I act, walk and talk feminine. I feel that I am who I am at this time.

[sometimes_miss]

Back when I thought that I was actually supposed to be a girl (age 7 through about 20) I had carefully watched girls, and tried to learn how to behave like one, and adjust my body mechanics to match, at least in private. But I was careful to not to this anywhere in public, knowing the ridicule I would attract. Your mate is simply allowing himself to BE who he really is. Try not to read too much into it. Many of us went through this in order to sooth away the gender dysphoria that we feel. It doesn't necessarily mean that he is or might become likely to transition.

[Kas]

I am exactly the same while dressed. Some CDs seem to like the idea of an “alter-ego”, even referring to their female selves in third person (I find that very odd indead), but I’m just being myself. Even use my real name on the forums here.

[Karmen]

Yes, I'm usually even more careful what I do or how I drive.

[TheHiddenMe]

I'm a CD, so I'm the same person regardless of the clothes.

My femme name was a compromise. I don't think of myself as Dee, but it worked better than being called my male name when dressed. Some of the friends I've made while being out still call me by my male name.

The big difference is while I'm in Dee mode I'm interested in clothes and shopping. Boy me, never. Boy me is centered around being active; working out, sports, etc, and hanging with me. Dee me is generally GG time.

But inside, the same me, dressed or not.

[Angela Marie]

I definitely have more feminine mannerisms when I am dressed. It all depends on the individual. Some dress just because they love dressing; others because they want to truly present themselves as a woman.

[rockerreds]

My body language is more fluid.