Early experience question

[novastar]

I'm new here and have not been into crossdressing. I do want to share an experience I had as a child.

I was in preschool/kindergarten. The teacher had us line up in two lines, one for boys and another for girls. I wasn't cooperating...teacher got angry, grabbed me and said "if you don't stop screwing around and get in the right line, I'm going to take you to the office and put you in a DRESS."

I felt an incredible rush....Part of me wanted her to do it.

[Beverley Sims]

Welcome to the forum, and.... that was an opportunity lost.... :-)

[novastar]

I suppose I should have included everything she said like, "And then you can explain to your mom and dad why you were sent home in a dress." It was an incredible rush for a 4-5 year old boy. Kinda sexual like.

[Princess Chantal]

I doubt you had a sexual thought of it when you were that young though

[sometimes_miss]

Ah yes, the old forced feminization fantasy. I think many of us have had those at one time or another.

[alwayshave]

Being threatened with being a girl or with something feminine was common when I was a kid.

[Shawna]

My mother used to tell me of a time when two of her young friends (possibly around the ages of 8 and 10, if I remember correctly) used to sneak away from home when they were supposed to be playing in the yard near the house. It seems that their mother finally got frustrated enough with their misbehavior that she dressed them both in frilly dresses and locked them out of the house. I'm not sure if it led to them wanting to dress as girls, but it kept them close to home...lol!

What I remember MOST about mom telling me this story, is that I wanted to tell her, "I'd love to wear a dress around our house"!

Ah, missed opportunities!

[GretchenM]

That was abuse. And that abuse can be a trigger, provided there is a predisposition in place. If you were getting in the "wrong" line because you perceived, at least sometimes or even subconsciously, that you were actually a girl then there is likely a predisposition to identify as a girl in place. The abuse turns out to be validation of what you feel and that validation can turn the predisposition into a disposition.

However, if there was not a budding transgender sense then the abuse was just abuse. Different kids react to abuse differently. It is possible you already had thoughts of being unworthy and defective (as a result of earlier abuse). Then the threat could have been perceived as a validation of your own thoughts regarding your self image as a boy or even a person. Humor is sometimes a cover to the internal pain of a poor self image at that point in time. Really hard to say because of its complexity.

But my own feeling that there was a predisposition present and the threat, rather than being a rebuke, was viewed as a validation and the conclusion that might go something like this. The teacher already noticed more feminine characteristics in you and was dead set against boys being feminine. She thought it was an opportunity to produce a corrective action in you and so she threatened you by shaming you in front of the class. But because you were already predisposed to seek validation the threat turned out to be an affirmation. So the abuse itself was not a direct causal trigger to become transgender in some way or other, but it was a trigger to turning on the predisposition. The fact that you, at least sometimes, behave and think in transgender ways today provides some support to the theory that the abuse contributed to the activation of the gender predisposition.

Somewhat similar thing happened to me and in looking back it was a key event in the formation of the gender direction in my life. But I now recognize, based upon questions posed to close relatives about my behavior as a young boy, that it is likely a predisposition was in place. I usually acted like a boy, but sometimes I acted a bit like a girl. A gender therapist and a more general therapist both thought the event was very important, even though no firm conclusion could be drawn.

[IleneD]

Nova,

Interesting story. Thanks for sharing. It inspires a feeling in me, and that is a slight bit of rage and impatience; not at you but at the teacher and others like him (or her!??).

The use of "being a girl" or "feminization" as punishment against boys is ridiculous and another one of those patriarchal societal practices that irritates me. I've seen adult men do this often to subordinates. They call them "girls" as a form of insult; like "girl" is meant to be weak, lacking courage, or bad. The idea of shaming a boy by dressing him in women's articles is a huge slam AGAINST WOMEN! All women.
I've felt this way about the "girl shaming" of boys for a long time; probably because it was done to me as a kid and man. I feel it even more now that I've connected with my inner woman and transitioning (slowly).
If you wish to question someone's manhood, call them a girl. The same goes for the use of "gay", as though being gay (or a "fag" or any other LGBT slur) is a sign of weakness, lack of character or courage. Here to tell you. My life experience has demonstrated that girls can be boys and boys can be girls and still be strong, physically or morally. They still have character, and can do all the things that "normal boys" do.

I wish it would stop. Just stop..... the use of "girl" as a slur and synonym for weakness, frailty, incompetence, etc.

[novastar]

I doubt you had a sexual thought of it when you were that young though

i felt a rush close to what I would describe to being sexual. Maybe "arousal" is a better word


Nova,

Interesting story. Thanks for sharing. It inspires a feeling in me, and that is a slight bit of rage and impatience; not at you but at the teacher and others like him (or her!??).

This was in the early 80's and I don't think she was serious. That said, I did keep moving to the girls' line...


That was abuse. And that abuse can be a trigger, provided there is a predisposition in place.

Whoa whoa hold on....it wasn't abuse and there was no "identifying." Simply put I did not feel like following directions. I wasn't expecting THAT to be her reaction though!

[Crissy 107]

GretchenM, All I can say is WOW, What a great post and it clarifies things from when I was young. I'm sitting here reading it and thinking, so that is it. Thank you so much even if it did not answer the OP it has helped me and I'm sure others. Crissy

[MarinaTwelve200]

I remember when I was 8, about 1957. I walked to the bathroom to wash my hands or something, but mom was at the mirror, applying her very red, 1950s lipstick. I watched, as I waited for her to finish. She said, playfully, "Do you want me to put some on you too?" "Nooo" I replied quite adamantly, Which seemed to amuse her even more, and I backed off. She smiled and called out to my father, "Tom, come here and help me put some lipstick on Marty" He thought the idea was funny too and after a bit of a tussle. managed to hold both me and my head still. Mom approached close with the open lipstick stretching her mouth in a way, I supposed she wanted ME to. She came close, but backed off. Dad asked "Aren't you gonna do it?" I supposed the fear in my eyes sort of frightened her off---"I don't know, it might give him some kind of complex." Dad turned me loose, and I wasted no time getting away from there, as they both laughed. Back then the heavy red lipstick that every woman and older teenage girl wore sort of freaked me out. And I was often, jokingly, THREATENED with being kissed and having it leave a mark. --- I also feared it wouldn't come off, so the idea of actually having it put on ME was terrifying.

That incident might have been a trigger of sorts. It had me shook for years,(almost to a quasi erotic extent) finally when I was alone at home, at about age 11 or 12, I dared to face it once and for all. Bravely, I put a streak of moms lipstick on my wrist, and rubbed it with a tissue to see if it would come off---it DID! Then I applied it to my own lips. It gave me quite a RUSH. I think I was initially "hooked" at that point, which in a year or two expanded to full dressing.

I often think what would have happened if Mom had actually gone on and slathered her lipstick on me in the aforementioned incident. Would I have discovered it was really no big deal and it easily wipes off, and I really had
nothing to fear? It certainty would not have left me WONDERING for several years, burning into my psyche, until I finally had to put it on myself.----Would I ever have started on my CD journey to begin with?

[novastar]

There was another experience I had around 5-6 hears old. I was staying with my grandparents, as I often did. They were awesome. When grandmother would get ready for work she'd often let me sit on the dresser while she put on make-up. Sometimes she'd give me some tissue and let me smear around some for fun. One morning out of the blue, I took a thing of her red lipstick and asked if I could put it on. She said, "Here let me do it for you so you don't make a mess or ruin it."

I asked if she'd do more..to have the powders and rouge like she was doing. "Just sit still and I'll tell you when I'm done." I remember it tickling and feeling weird. "All done, go look in the bathroom mirror it's brighter in there." Grandma did a hell of a job, too...there was a pretty little girl looking back at me...and it scared the shit out of me and I wanted it off fast! Too bad!

[Tracii G]

Kind of wonder how it was sexual at 4 or 5 years old when you don't know anything about sex at that age.
Sounds like a fantasy common to many here.

[novastar]

Sexual is probably not the right way to put it. It was a "rush" and definite mental "arousal" of some sort. If this were indeed a fantasy I'd have tested the waters further instead of chickening out.

[Tracii G]

At 4 or 5 years old you knew what a rush was?

[Kas]

Umm 4-5 years old is old enough to know what a rush is.

In Australia, kids start primary school at 4-5 years old. They have developed emotions and feelings. They’re not babies.

Also, research has shown that children as young as 2 can indeed display sexual behaviours, feelings and desires.

[phili]

At age 5, I was purposefully pleasuring myself sexually in what I saw as girl's special clothes. I remember so clearly the day I saw my sister's underwear had no fly front, hence were smooth and ...

I didn't really organize around the need for women's clothes until my dad grabbed ne and said 'If you want to dress in girls' clothes, I'll dress you in girls' clothes and put you out on the front step! " The implication was clearly that the outside world would punish me. He had a strange intensity, which I later realized was that he also was fascinated with girls' clothes, but did not become a crossdresser. I remember looking at him and wondering why he made such a point about girls' clothing - and I am sure that the mystery of that added a very strong incentive to feel that girls' clothing was powerful and forbidden. And I became a crossdresser that day.

[novastar]

Yes, Traci. I know what I felt even if I didn't have the words for it at the time.

[Stephanie47]

I had a somewhat similar experience. I was in kindergarten and wore a cowboy shirt. Westerns were popular back in the early 1950's. My teacher told me she liked my "blouse." I emphatically told her it was a "cowboy shirt and not a blouse." Even when I discovered I liked the feel of my mother's nylon full slips which she always hanged to dry in the sole bathroom of our apartment, I had no 'rush.' It was simply liking the feel of the fabric. It wasn't until I entered puberty that any sort of 'rush' arose in me. Of course back in the early 1950's there was little stimuli around.

[Vicky_Scot]

I remember a boys football team use to make boys put on a dress if they did not do what they were told.

Child abuse pure and simple in those days.

[Jaymees22]

My first experience dressed was at 7 years old. My friend and I volunteered to play Cinderella's ugly sisters in the 2nd grade play. The class put it to a vote and we won. So my experience was a happy one, I wanted to do it and in public.

[Beverley Sims]

Reflecting on the rush thing, when I was five and in a dress I did like the feel of the fabric and imagined I was a princess or some pretty girl.

Probably not sexual but I liked being dressed like the other girls and fitting in as far as playing tea parties and looking after our baby dolls.

[Leslie Mary S]

I can remember time of thinking about wearing my sisters things but it never happened. The closest I would come was to go into the laundry area and fondle the clothes and pullin up my shirt and rubbing them against my bare skin.
I was on my own so to speak when I actully tried on a pair of snitched panties. I later put them back.

[beckypanties]

One of my earliest memories is about finding a garbage bag of old clothes in the storage shed. I must have been four or five at the time. For some reason I wanted to try the clothes on. All of them. At the same time. I remember having multiple layers on when I heard my mom approaching to check on me. I hurriedly tried to strip them off but it was too late and my mom caught me. She then paraded me into the house to show my dad and brothers, who all laughed and teased me. I remember feeling so humiliated :o

[Devi SM]

I post a pic in other thread about child crossdressing when I was may be in third grade and was dressed as a girl with mini skirt and a wig made with wool, a kind of legging that made me feel great. Yhe other kids laugh on me but for me was the first cding experience.

[Confucius]

My childhood was in the 50's. In those days the threat of humiliation from wearing girls clothes was used to modify boys behavior. One incident that was burned into my memory was in the first grade. In the playground boys played with boys, and girls played with girls. One day a girl came to play with the boys. We didn't know any better and just treated her as one of the guys. For some reason the nuns interpreted our boisterous horseplay as molesting. when recess was over the principle came to speak to the whole class. The boys were told never to play with girls or she would have us wear the girl's uniforms. The boys in the class were terrified. The girls in the class were looking forward to seeing their male classmates in skirts. Somehow I knew it was a big bluff, but secretly I hoped I could see my male classmates in skirts too.

[Mickitv]

I have always felt that part of the screwed up minds of people was the issue of forcing a boy into a dress. Why should this be a punishment? What caused this problem? Now it seems so wrong.

[Leslie Mary S]

It is an interesting subject. Just a while ago I framed (shadowboxed) a dress that a male friend of mine wore when he was about 3 years old. He told me that as babies all children in their area wore dresses until they were called, not baby, but a child' Once he became a child and had farm chores, he was placed into little-boy clothing. (blue dungarees on the farm).
My friend proudly displays his dress in his 200 year old farm house.

[April T]

I remember telling my mom that I wanted to go for Halloween dressed as a girl. I went as a girl in my Mom's wig and some clothes. I was so disappointed that I couldn't wear girl's underwear!