Out in public

[Olivia_laurentitis]

I'm wondering if other CD's that go outside the home have these feelings that I do. Such as, when I'm dressed up and I'm at the mall or casino or anywhere there are a lot of people around then, I am always worrying about the smallest little things. Such as my walking motions. I tell my self: Don't walk like a man. Keep your head up, shoulders back, hips forward. One step in front of the other. Be graceful;. Don't overdue it and walk like a runway model though. I think to myself: Am I carrying my purse correctly? Does my makeup look right? Are people staring at me? Am I breathing to hard? What if someone approaches and starts talking to me? Do I talk in my normal man voice or do I try to talk like a girl or at least try and soften my voice without sounding ridiculous? All these little things are going on in my head and I only want to blend in somehow. It's exciting, scary, awkward, tense all at the same time.

[ElianaFrozenflame]

I have not yet gone public, but I intend to. When I think about going out, these are the same thoughts that come to my mind.

[Cheryl T]

Once you realize that the vast majority of people are so consumed by their little world that they hardly notice you it will go away.
My first time I was nearly paranoid. Then I sat in the mainstream and watched them. Barely anyone took a second notice.

[paulaprimo]

Hi Olivia, i certainly share the very same feelings but i don't allow it to overwhelm me.
It's such a wonderful feeling to go out and i do my very best to pass and blend. I find that most
people pay little attention to me. :)

[Helen_Highwater]

Olivia,

As Cheryl says, most folks just don't notice. I can to the realisation that if I simply relaxed and did one or two things well, everything else fell into place. Yep not walking like a dude is an important thing but I found the best thing was to simply relax my weight through my hips, take slightly shorter strides and it soon became second nature. From that all other things flowed.

[Micki_Finn]

The anxiety goes away with time, practice, and experience.

[Nikki A.]

Initially yes. After a while, you just realized that most people don't notice and you just become comfortable. My friend noticed that when I'm out as Nikki, I do soften my voice and I don't even realize that I did it.

[Shawna]

I think the most important piece of advice has been expressed through most of the responses so far...most people are so wrapped-up in themselves that they don't notice and don't care what others are doing. Enjoy your girl time!

[Kalisopwith]

I thought the world would end my first trip out. When it didn't I thought everyone will look at me. They did't. Then I thought I look ridiculous, then the Wal-mart greeter called me Ma'am. I went into a casino in Vegas and my heart was stopped, no one seemed to notice. It get's easier but I still feel like all eyes are watching me, until I see they aren't :)

[Alice Torn]

If you are dressed to the nines, and showing a lot of leg, you will definitely draw a lot of attention. I am seven feet tall in my 5 inch heels, and if I go out at all, I am noticed a ton, especially if I am dressed up showing a lot of legs. If you dress conservatively, it is less obvious, and blend better. At my height, no matter how I dress, even in guy clothes, I am noticed just for my size!

[Stephanie47]

When I do venture forth from my humble abode it is for an evening stroll. At six foot in height I have the tendency to stretch out my gait. That is something I have to be aware of when walking en femme which is always a dress. I make it a point to take shorter strides. When I do go a stroll or create some reason to be out and about such as mailing a letter or returning library books to the night drop slot it is by car. As a man I just enter my car with right leg first. Wearing a dress it is sit down first and then rotate 90 degrees. Same with exiting a car.

This past Halloween I saw a young female associate dolled up in a very short sparkly dress about mid thigh. She was helping an elderly woman in a wheel chair get something from the bottom shelf. A guy would have bent from the hips. She with the short full skirt automatically bent at the knees and lowered her body because bending at the hips would have made her rear end very visible. At some point in time all these nuances become automatic.

[DIANEF]

Like many here my first trip out was full of trepidation. I thought every eye was on me and I would be read in seconds, but no, nothing. It really does get easier with each time out and now, whilst still aware of what is going on around me, I am far more relaxed about it than I ever thought I could be.

[Teri Ray]

Olivia,

You ended your post with "
It's exciting, scary, awkward, tense all at the same time. " That's the way I feel many times. But somehow I get over it and find myself just enjoying being out and about. So it seems I do get over it.

[Wildaboutheels]

I have been lucky to have the same job for over 30 years but my guess is that most people even just starting any new job, anywhere, are a bit nervous or apprehensive. At least for the first few days? And probably very few are the slightest bit worried about how they are attired. Experience and ONLY experience will cure you of overthinking it.

Joe Doe public simply has ZERO reason to try to discern "real" women from "fake" ones. Now if the news everywhere was full of CDers being dangerous to Society and beating up citizens just for fun on a daily basis, that would be a different matter. In that case, JD public would constantly have their antennas up like the vast majority here!

The proof is in the pudding. Go sit on a park bench in a busy park or on a bench or food court in a busy mall. OBSERVE people and watch to see what they are doing or if they ever look at anyone for over a second or two. I think you will see that unless a male or female stands out dramatically from the herd, they get a "pass".

[Beverley Sims]

Olivia, you will be told over and over, the more you get out the less you will think of what are trivial things.

You will concentrate more on personal interaction with others, that will be your next step.

[Rachelish]

Oliva, yes, all those feelings but after a while they do calm down. I'm very conscious of walking too fast and keep having to remind myself. The fact that I forget shows that I can just be in the moment and enjoy :)

[Brenda Freeman]

My first few times out were exciting, scary, and necessary for some reason. I guess I needed to find out more about me. So many concerns/questions looking around in fear. it did take awhile to realize like others have said, people are so busy doing their thing they either did not notice and or did not care. I have actually had people, usually women offer up an encouraging smile and sometimes conversation. The very few that give the wide eyed drop jaw look are usually men, some women and I offer a smile and move along. This took several outings to get the confidence and I do choose where I go carefully. There is still an exciting heart pounding component when I try a new place, but I reserve the right to leave if I am not comfortable. I have not left for this reason yet!

[kimdl93]

All of the things you listed, and as everyone else has said, the self consciousness does fade. Then the feeling of real freedom takes its place. Really, for a transgender person, few things are So liberating as to move freely in the world presenting as yourself...at least a very important part of yourself.

[Allisa]

Lions and tigers and bears, OH MY!!!! I found that if I just let my "girl" take over and relax. Try not to convince others that you are femme and just be you, smile, you know the moves now let them become 2nd nature and enjoy the view from behind beautiful eyes and smile, did I mention smile? As everyone tells me, don't over think it.

[Rachelakld]

The down side of not being scared - the thrill, the excitement and tension disappear and your left with

Just being a girl in the world

[Fran in skirts]

Olivia,
Since I wear skirts and tops from the femme side of the store all of the time but do not try to look femme. (Balding and a scruffy beard makes it obvious that I am a man.) I do not use make up nor wear a wig. I have found that I am not noticed much at all. I am afraid I can not draw the attention away from the cell phones long enough for them to even notice that there is someone around.

Todays crowds are so engrossed in their social media they could walk into a buzz saw and would not notice.

So get out there and be who you are and don't worry about what others think or say for that matter. They are not you and you do not report to them nor need to ask their permission.

So Just do it!!

:gfi:

[docrobbysherry]

No, Olivia. I believe only those of us that can pass worry about those things.:battingeyelashes:

I simply want to do what I came for and get out with as little flack from the Muggles as possible!:sad:

[marshalynn]

Olivia, one of the most important things you can do is very easy. Keep your elbows close to your sides, doing this makes a lot of moves look very female in action. Pay attention to real GG how they do this. Marshalynn

[alwayshave]

Olivia, I worry about all those things, just not as much as I use to.

[Tracii G]

I don't think all of that ever totally goes away but it becomes less of an issue the more you go out.

[Aunt Kelly]

I bet you're doing fine, Olivia. Yes, pay attention to those things, they matter, but don't let worrying overwhelm you. Being out means being read. If you're truly trying to blend, (presentation age and venue appropriate, behavior likewise) getting read almost never matters. You might get a smirk or a chuckle, but that's about it. Most people, by far, either won't pay much attention, or will treat you as the person you're presenting. It won't take long and you're going to notice that what I'm saying is true.
Now, get out there and have some fun.

[Zoeytgtx]

Olivia:
I find that I tend to be more aware of it if I have not been out in a few weeks. It's almost as if my confidence level needs some reinforcement.
I was out with a friend last night to see a play and all of that went away as I walked up to the will call window and one of the ladies selling tickets complimented us on how pretty we looked. Both myself and my GG friend were dolled up in dresses.
Allisa has some great advice. If you just forget about "being" a girl and just be yourself you forget you are dressed and relax quite a bit.
Zoey

[HollyGreene]

I used to feel the same way, but I'm a lot more relaxed about it now.
As many others have said, everyone else is in their own little world, and will only look at you if you look out of the ordinary.
The really scary times for me are leaving the house and coming home again, because that's when I'm more likely to be spotted by someone I know. i.e. a neighbour.

[Patience]

I think about those things to a point, but I also try not to lose sight of the fact that I'm always doing my best and if any aspect of the presentation might be lacking, worrying about it will not improve things and may even be counterproductive.

I just make sure that I move around gracefully and confidently as best as I can.

[Leslie Mary S]

The hardest thing for me is that I must go to a big city because I know if I go out local, I am sure I will see someone who knows me.

[t-girlxsophie]

With experience it gets easier,and anyway women come in many shapes and sizes.mannerisms,ways of walking.IMO Theres no absolute correct way to try and emulate a woman.Just go out there and it will come more natural to you

Sophie

[Becky Blue]

Olivia, one of the best pieces of advice I ever got was from a GG who had taken out many many Tgirls on escorted outings. I asked her what advice she gives to nervous girls. She said "own your space, be a confident beautiful woman" She said that being nervous and tense makes people look at you closer, making you more likely to be picked. When out particularly in busy places people see you, they see long hair, they see a dress, you are a woman.. they don't analyse each person they see, unless you give them a reason to look closer.

[MonicaPVD]

Olivia,

I used to be consumed with those very thoughts when I started going out. What I soon realized is what has been stated here. Most people are so self-absorbed that they will not even notice or pay attention to you unless you wear clothing specifically intended to draw attention (an evening gown to the supermarket, a trashy club outfit at high noon, etc.) Furthermore, the concept of passing is all in your head. People who want to see you as a woman will treat you as one. People who want to see you as a freak will stare and comment. Here's the great news: 95% of all people just want to go on with their lives and are respectful of other's choices. When I realized this I stopped caring about my gestures and changing my voice and guess what? People treat me as the woman I present. Everywhere. From the pharmacy to restaurants to gearheads at car shows. Bottom line: don't perform. Ever. Be who you are.

[Maria 60]

The only time I go out is for drives, my wife in the past has stated that even driving there is a difference. Male put there ball of there foot to the floor and pivets there foot between both pedals. But women don't want to ruin the back of there shoes so women actually lift there foot from the pedals, and the most obvious the is either be a good girl and drive with legs tight together or a bad girl and drive with legs open. But don't drive with legs open like a man. Answering your question I only go for a drive and I'm trying so hard to act like a women. Imagine if I actually go out and interact in public.

[faltenrock]

I've been going out for so long and so many times that I don#t really think about it anymore. I think I become a different person when dressed and out as Doreen. I do think I act pretty feminine.

[susan54]

I am totally relaxed when I go out. I have been doing it for years. Be confident and the rest follows. One strange experience as a man in a skirt (not bad, just strange) but none when fully dressed as a woman. 200-300 days out with no issues so why would I worry?

[Leslie Mary S]

I and the GG who lives in my house ( she rents a room and works as a fuel station attendant) were talking a couple nights ago. I told her that I didn't feel comfortable in going out in drab in this smallish town with the beautiful fresh bright red polish I had applied earlier that day.
She replied that she has seen other men of assorted ages come in wearing nail polish, long dangle earrings, and all kinds of accessories that used to be considered "for woman only", even full face make up.
Guess changes are slowly coming to this town.
The gender barriers is crumbling.

[Helen_Highwater]

Having read all the replies which if I may summarise basically say relax just do it (Where have I heard that before? ) I also feel it's worth adding that a little self awareness is necessary to keep us safe.

That level is probably only a hair's breadth more that what you'd have while in drab but a good thing to have never the less.

And these things workiboth ways. I've encountered muggles who were't threatening to me but my presence made them feel uncomfortable (say parents with children). Now I know that's their problem but I believe in showing consideration for others. Hence I'd do what I can to end or minimise the situation.

I remember being aware of someone looking at me as I walked across a park. I suddenly realised my elasticated waist skirt was halfway down my hips and heading ever further south. So awareness can be a positive.

[Krisi]

I don't think all of that ever totally goes away but it becomes less of an issue the more you go out.

Not only the more you go out, but the more time you spend dressed at home. Get used to having boobs and a butt. Get used to having long hair, Get used to women's shoes. Get used to makeup and practice walking and talking like a woman at home. When you go out, it will be more natural.

[Christie ann]

yup, since I haven’t had a lifetime of being out as a girl I have lots of manly attributes I need to disguise. Head up, shoulders back, smile and look other women in the eye, don’t stoop. It goes on and on, but just like anything, as I go out more, somethings are becoming more second nature. Do yourself a favor and go do some girl watching. Just like all humans they come in all different shapes and sizes and they all don’t act like that idealized female you have in your mind. Really, unless you are truly Neanderthal you are already somewhere on the female spectrum.
Relax, learn to be more and more feminine and enjoy your days out.

[CallMeHeather]

I had my first night out over the past weekend. (The second one's tonight!)

It was a big and unexpected step for me, but there were several factors that helped me go through with it:

My (GG) girlfriend has been extremely supportive. This was all her idea to begin with, anyway... but she has helped in shopping and dressing me, and she does all my makeup, so I know I've got a real girl's touch.
We live in a town well known for its diverse residents, and we spend most of our date times in particularly tolerant/open-minded parts of town.
So far I've only gone out in the evening; the cover of night gives me a little more confidence.
We also like to visit adult theaters and adult bookstores together, and CD girls are very popular there anyway. :battingeyelashes:


The REAL test for me is: Will I be able to go out in daylight without my girlfriend to chaperon me? Time will tell.

[Krisi]

Women often travel in pairs so if your girlfriend is available and willing, that's the best way to go. One problem we have going out alone is that we are often going out just to be out and it's easily apparent that we don't have a reason to be out. It's a giveaway when we walk from the car to the store front and back again and such. Wandering around alone is not normal female behavior.