Do your kids know?

[Michelle Vinova]

Hi Ladies,
I have two young kids (both under 3, one boy one girl). My wife & I initially agreed I wouldn’t dress in front of them, but I’m starting to second guess that agreement.

If I keep it a secret from them, at some point they’ll either come across my things or I’ll to have “the talk” with them when they’re older which would likely be a big shock to them after hiding it for so long (same thing happened to my wife when I came out to her after years of marriage; could do another post on just that part).

Anyway, my question is: have you came out to your kids? When did you do it/how did i it go? Do you wish you had done things differently?

Thanks! 🙏🏻

[Macey]

At there ages I don't think any talk is needed. If you just wear what you want to wear around the house whenever, they'll understand it. Your wife would have to be totally on board with that, though!

[Richelle423]

My “kids” are dogs and cats and so they accept me.

[AmandaRaquel]

Hi Michelle

I am virtually on the same boat as you. My advice - if you normalize it in front of them they will notreact differently when you dress up in front of them.

However, at some point, you cannot expect them to keep it a secret. My wife and I agreed and acknowledged that my 3 year old will one day say - my daddy has high heels like that (or something similar). It will probably happen when we have a number of guests or something like that. At least there is going to be something to talk about Lol.

So it is up to you how comfortable you are with a scenario like that.

I will send you a PM with a longer reply.

[banzini]

I have two girls, one 7 and the other 5. I've been dressing around them for the past 2 years and I should have started earlier. The seven year old still thinks its a little odd, but the five year old doesn't think anything of it; its completely normal for her to see her dad in ladies clothing.

My opinion is if you're going to come out to your kids, the sooner the better; before they have the chance to form opinions on what is gender appropriate.

[Tracii G]

Mine are adults and I think they have pretty much figured me out.

[Charlotte7]

It's pretty much the standard advice for this situation. Think about the worst thing that can happen, and, if you're happy/content with that, then nothing else matters, because you won't be unprepared when it does.

[kimdl93]

Yes they do. With my sons it’s a DADT thing that they’ve known for 20 plus years. My step daughters know but are a bit more tolerant. Not a huge loss of stature for a step dad no longer in a relationship with their mom.

[Carolina]

My kids don’t know about Carolina. They are at college and, as empty nester now, Carolina is coming out more and more, but I’m not ready for the kids. There have been some close calls, but I doubt they have any idea. On a recent visit from college my daughter shouted “OMG dad has painted nails” (we told her it was a bet).

My wife knows and buys Carolina clothes despite our DADT situation and our closet is full of Carolina’s clothes. Once our daughter borrowed one of my skirts (asking permission from my wife, thinking it was hers despite the huge sizing difference). Kids tend to be in their own world.

As of now I’d rather keep Carolina from the kids. If and when I’m ready to take the step to come out to the world, theirs would be one of the most difficult discussions for me to have.

[DIANEF]

It's fine telling your kids, just be prepared for them to tell everyone else.

[o2bcindy]

I have a son and I didn't tell him until he was 19. With the help of my wife we all sat down and I told him and let him ask any questin he wanted to. He was amazing about it. We did have talks when he was growing up about how to keep secrets relating to the family. He has been ok with it ever since the talk.

[Chelsea B]

My “kids” are dogs and cats and so they accept me.

Are you sure the cat does?

[jacques]

hello Michelle,
My 6 year old granddaughter likes putting make up on me and I don't resist!
luv J

[Beverley Sims]

I think they sorted it out years ago.

[Leonora]

I don't think so but not so sure.

[Rayleen]

No, not to my knowledge . I keep this private .

[Lana Mae]

I came aware of all of this a little late,so.. My kids were in their thirties! I told them straight out, I was dressed male both times! I told my daughter first as she lives with me! My son, I told in the front yard one day when he was visiting! Both are accepting! My daughter has seen me dressed quite often and will help me adjust things and will take pictures as well! My son lives an hour away and has seen pictures but not actually seen me dressed up close! When he saw the pictures he said that he would have passed me on the street and not realized it was me! I think you have to know your kids to determine when and how they will respond! And yes I am blessed! LOL Hugs Lana Mae

[HollyGreene]

My two sons don't know, and I have no plans to tell them.
I'm sure they will find out eventually though. Not sure how I'll handle that, but we'll work it out. I'm guessing they'll be ok with it. They'll probably think it a bit weird, but they're usually pretty accepting of anybody who's a bit different.

[Rachelakld]

Girls aged
18
16
15
13
(blended family)

Girls understand why being a girl is so much better than being a boy.
I did wait until they understood why people keep secrets.
Now my clothes, make up etc are deemed "shared" property and I have to ask everyone where my jeans, mascara, skirt, blouse etc are.

[DaisyLawrence]

I like Rachels reply (not just because it is funny). The key point is, if you want to be able to keep it a secret from some, you have to wait until the kids can understand why and how secrets are kept. Simple as that. If you are happy to be out to everyone then there is no need to delay.

[faltenrock]

M sons know. I had a talk with the younger son a month ago and it went fine. I still need to talk to the older son (23), but he has some pschological issues, so I wait a little more to explain it to him.

[kayegirl]

Although both of my kids, and my step daughter, know of my dressing, I made a promise to my late wife many years ago, that I would not be dressed in front of them. I have kept this promise and extended it to include my step daughter and all of our grandchildren.

[bridget thronton]

I told my kids (son and daughter) and their spouses when they were college aged (hAha e not told the grand daughters aged 1 and 4)

[Bobbi46]

My grown up kids do not have a clue I wish there was a way to tell them but I do not want to lose them for other reasons.

[JocelynJames]

Nope . Not sure they ever will

[Elizabeth G]

My kids do not know... yet. I would like to tell them and probably sooner rather than later. For me the timing of it is a matter of when my wife gets comfortable with it. Im going it's sober rather than later. By the way, my kids are 26 and 29.

[robbieatbest]

I told my daughter quite some time ago and then my son, they were both OK but my son did not want to see me dressed. A couple of years ago my wife and I wanted to give power of attorney to my son and daughter in case we were both in an accident and died together and if we we died separately the surviving one would have support. This gave the opportunity to talk about what we wanted to happen in case we were not able to live independently. In my case if living in a care home I would like to be dressed as a woman and so they needed to understand and accept my situation and help ensure it could happen.
If I died without my children knowing about my crossdressing/cross gender I imagine it would be a very big shock to them when they found out when dealing with my stuff. I think they would feel angry that I had not told them, that I did not know & love them well enough to trust them.
Cheers
Robbie

[Tracy Irving]

My son does not know. Currently, I have no need to tell him.

[Stephanie47]

It's fine telling your kids, just be prepared for them to tell everyone else.

I'm totally onboard with Dianef. You may create an environment of normalcy by wearing feminine clothing around your kids. However, at some point in time they'll blab innocently to others and the cat's out of the bag. You cannot tell them to 'keep a secret' because that will suggest to them there is something wrong in what you're doing. The reveal also can create a burden for them around the school yard or the neighborhood if you have not so accepting neighbors.

[Vicky_Scot]

It's fine telling your kids, just be prepared for them to tell everyone else.

Spot on Diane.

Also be prepared for your kids to be possibly ostracised, bullied and singled out because their dad wears woman's clothes.

Be prepared for your kids not to be invited to friends or friends not wanting to come over because their dad wears woman's clothes.


I never dressed in front of my kids when they were young and although they are all adults now I have not told them about Vicky because it has nothing to do with them but most importantly I did/do not want they suffering at the the hands of others because of something I do behind closed doors. People are so cruel.

Also you and your wife agreed so respect the decision and move on. x

[Robertacd]

I believe that children should be able to keep their innocence. Once you have a child it is no longer all about you. Now it is all about what is best for the child. You, as an adult and a parent should understand that.

So unless you are out to the world, you should not be out to your children. It is not fair to the child to tell them your secret and then to expect them to keep it secret.

Honestly to a child there is no difference between telling them to not talk about how Daddy dresses around the house and telling them not to talk about how Daddy hits Mommy when he's angry.

It robs them of their innocence and basically tells them that you know what you are doing is wrong, but you don't care, but yet you want them to keep quiet about it because you do care... Mixed messages much?

BTW: Yes I have raised a child and I hid my dressing until he was old enough to understand.

[Michelle Vinova]

Thanks all for the advice! Insightful thoughts and some varied takes on it. All very helpful ����

I’d never want to do anything to harm my kids or their future. They come first for sure. Fortunately I live in a liberal city and the USA social trend seems favorable for TGs (so I do think CDs get some ancillary social progress as well); and therefore even if it does come out that their dad is a CD it hopefully will be neutral news by then, although I’m not counting on that.

I also agree that not putting out “a secret” for them to bear is important...so unless (until?) my CD is out of the closet/house, my kids won’t know.

[Stacy Darling]

My Daughter is her very late teens and sees me as very Flamboyant!

I'M not up to that yet

[Fran in skirts]

Both of my daughters know as well as most of my grandkids. My youngest daughter is fine with it as well as all of her kids. I regularly visit with her and do it skirted. I do not try to hide my skirted side as that is my only side now.

Fran

[AllieSF]

All of my family, kids, grand kids, friends and acquaintances know. Only problems are with my daughter who refuses to talk with me about it, thus, we are not talking, and my grandson who seems to have reversed his first opinions to love me no matter who I was. As I always previously stated before coming out completely since they didn't need to know, I didn't need to tell them. I only came out to everyone when I decided that they needed to know, and that was over 3 years ago.

So, I think my approach about when to tell (come out) is applicable in your situation. Your personal definition of need to tell can be made up of a lot of very good reasons that may be different from everybody else's. However, your reasons are yours and maybe partially your SO's. Some considerations include how often do you dress, how often do you need to dress, how deep and complicated or uncomplicated is that need (i.e. any chance that you are traveling on a path to a different self identity?), family life, considerations for being eventually outed by innocent and loved little mouths, potential work and income issues, and so on. My personal belief is that if this side of yourself, whether pretty much fixed in place or somewhat mobile, is pretty strong and you have little or no worries what anybody else thinks and that you will be dressing as much as possible during your family time, then telling sooner rather than later is best for you and them. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[CallMeHeather]

My kids are 15 (M) and 12 (F). They are both fairly open-minded and both look up to me a lot (and side with me over their mother on most topics). My wife is out of town due to our marriage being on the rocks (not related to crossdressing). No one in my family knows I crossdress. (I only started very recently, anyway.)

Last Saturday I went out with my girlfriend, and while we were out she helped me prepare for my first time ever in full makeup/wig/outfit with a shaved body and everything. We had a wonderful night together, dining/clubbing/etc, but when I returned home I had to dress in my normal Dad clothes before going back into the house. Problem: The baby wipes I had with me removed most of my makeup, but I was unable to remove the eyeliner or all of the mascara. Once I was in the house, my daughter noticed immediately, and then my son saw it. They both stared at me just asking, "Why do you have eyeliner? What have you been doing?" And I simply didn't know what to say. I basically told them to just stop staring at me and stop asking about it.

As I said, the kids are open-minded, and I am pretty sure they would still accept and not judge me if I told them the truth, but I don't wish for their mom to know yet (she's kinda going through enough already). At the same time I don't want them to be in a situation where they have a secret they feel they're supposed to keep from her. So I'm not sure what I'm gonna do.

That damned unflappable eyeliner! Next time we go out, I'm bringing along some actual makeup remover!

[Glenda58]

My kids are grown they know. My sisters know and so does mom. But no one talks about it.

[Asew]

My kids are between kindergarten and middle school and they all have seen me in skirts for about a year now (and growing out my hair is noticeable too). They know I wear heels and more, but have never seen it besides a Dorothy costume last Halloween. Funny thing is that my wife makes that limit yet she is the one who says things to clue them in further. I typically wear a skirt while I work (mostly at home but also at an office a few towns over and will see me leave and return in a skirt, if I wear heels I carry them in a bag so they don't see them). During the summer when they were home too they saw me a lot more in a skirt. And I change back into men's shorts after my work day is over (initially my wife said she wanted our children to see me more in shorts than skirts, but lately she asks at night why are you changing but it is kind of routine now). They seem good with it. My wife's biggest concern is to avoid any bullying this might cause the kids so I can't dress in our town so that none of their friends or friend's parents know.

It has it pros and cons, but overall I think for our family it worked out well :)

[Katherine L.]

Yes, they found out by accident.

[Teresa]

Michelle ,
My TG issues and Cding have taken quite a turn this year , My kids are full grown adults , so perfectly capable of dealing with my situation , the fly in the ointment is still my wife .

My kids have know for a while but it's only this year now I've separated that I've totally come out , they all know I'm full time in my new home town . I have iknvited my daughter with her family to join me for Xmas dinner , I will be doing the whole thing as Teresa, they don't have a problem with that . My son still doen't want to see me dressed they certainly don't want their two sons seeing me . I'm just biding my time as there will come a time in the near future when they are going to encounter gender issues possibly at school , so I'll leave them to explain that situation . We all know it's not going away , and I admit I have had a change of heart on the point of coming out to children , the situation in the UK is changing very quickly , we have to be ready to supply the right answers .

[abby054]

My grown daughter, an only kid, figured it out but she chooses not to discuss it.

[Mermaiden]

Only my wife knows, not my friends, co-workers or adult children. But I got close today. I was out for a motorcycle ride wearing my tight girl jeans and when I came home and got off the bike my 32 yo daughter stepped out the front door. She said hi, and “ tight jeans - are you a hipster now”?” I just laughed and said they’re comfortable, which is true.

[KristinaK]

I will be dressing in front of my son as he grows up. My wife is very supportive of this. Granted it would strain many family relationships (mostly my side) if they found out but we are willing to risk it so my son knows his father for whom he/she is from the get go.

[Kay J]

No and I hope thay won't. Wife knows but don't want to see or have anything to do with it.

[JaytoJillian]

Little ears hear nearly everything. Over the years, my SO and I have had some loud (mostly on her part) disagreements on this subject. Not only is there a good chance that my now 18 year-old has a clue, but a few of the neighbors likely know something is up.

[Danielle_cder]

Nope not till they are MUCH older ;)

[Jojo2321]

I love this thread. I post halfway hiding a few days ago. So I appreciate all the advice. Thank you. Can all you girls tell me all the abbreviations and what they mean please? I have gottem most of them, but DAID? Or something like that, not sure what it means. Thank you all!

[AllieSF]

DADT is Don't Ask - Don't Tell. I have no idea what DAID means after 11 years here!

[LovingThePanties]

No one in my family knows and I can't think of any legitimate reason that it would be beneficial for them to know. I don't have kids, but if I did, there's not a chance I'd tell them, particularly if they were young. The literature doesn't leave any doubt as to whether or not it's beneficial for children to have a masculine figure in their lives (it is) and there's no need to confuse them about gender. Dressing less frequently in order to keep a more cohesive and healthy family dynamic is clearly better than the alternative and a sacrifice that should be made unless there is some exigent circumstance that I haven't been able to think of.

[maya1]

My 2 girls are near that age. I'm not out to my wife yet so it would not make sense. But sometimes I think it would be better if they all knew and we could live happily after.

[alwayshave]

My children, unfortunately, are not in my life, so they don't know. One of my step children has no filter and would purposely tell people I don't want to know, so I have not told them.

[michelle.foster]

Mine have all been told, 3 girls 1 boy. I told them out of necessity, I was tired of hiding and sneaking. They were all good with it, however, only one wanted to see more and bought me some panties for Christmas, the rest have never really bought it up again. Youngest daughter said she knew, I never asked her how. I did tell them that I would not force it on them, like show up at their house en dressed, and that they needed to call before they come over. They were all in their 30's when I told them, I'd been dressing for years.
Elsie

[Brocdol]

My 17 yrold daughter has asked the wife about my underwear/thongs but thats all she knows about. That she has asked my wife about. Shee asked wife why i wear them and was told becaause dad likes them and finds them more comfortable than jocks. She wasn't fazzed.
But my guess would be she knows about the bras and dresse's due to my bras being a lot smaller cup than the wife's, Mine are a b or c wifes are a g. And she would see them hanging up on the clothes line along with the dresses that are different to the wifes..

I only underdress, mostly just undies, when the kids are home but when there gone ill wear a dress or skirt.
I beleave she wont care if anf when i tell her but for now i wont be telling her, even though i really want to, unless she asks. Which i would prefer to happen.

[Michelle1955]

Two daughters 35 & 32 years old, I have worn panties for years back when when they were young. They have seen my and my wife panties in the laundry they are like apples and oranges. Ie style, color and size. So yes they know, We do not discuss cross dressing / gender issues with me. My oldest has stated I need to clear my computer cache before more often. Oldest have even done th laundry before. So guess a dadt with them.

[Sissy_in_pink]

My kids are 28 and almost 31, they have known since they were about 4 or 5, my daughter was great with it at that age, but when she got older and her mum found out her mum started to poison my daughters mind with things like "oh if your friends find out they won't want to know you". Now my daughter is very critical about it.
My son doesn't care that I dress, infact I have dressed whilst shopping with him.

[rachel_rachel]

My kids do.. 20, 13, 10 & 6 I choose not to let them see it other than what they have seen at parties when they were really little.

[Crissy 107]

I have two daughters who do not live with us and as far as I know they do not know. My wife of course does know and is ok to a point but has said both of our girls would be ok with it. I just have not addressed that yet but I would love to get a pedicure with color with both of them.

[Macey]

Crissy, maybe you should treat for the three of you :) wife too if she's inclined. Go in drab and just enjoy the time with your girls :)

[JoannaCD]

New years resolution taken care of today. I finally brought out in a conversation with my 44 year old daughter the extent of my CDing. Hopefully she'll outlive me and I asked her to dispose of my things and keep the secret from her brother who is more than a tad judgemental. We've never talked about it before and it was good for both of us. We work together in our store so she sees what I wear. We were in a father/daughter DADT which in retrospect was silly. I asked her to let me know if I did anything that bothered her. "Be careful with the mascara" Now that it is in the open I am sure we'll talk more.

[Nancie64]

Just turned 73 a few months ago and have 3 daughters(mid 40's) and a son (early 30's). As far as I know, they do not know. The girls joked around years ago because we would go to parties and I would usually dress. I don't feel that any would be to tolrant if it was to come. Wife is ok wth it when we are away from home, but she feels the same. I can keep it to myself rather then my kids not talking to me again. I have kind of lost my urge to dress since I have put on like 20# in the last 6 months and I always like to dress a little more sexy then just a pair of jeans. Shorter skirt, stockings with heels.

[Cynthia_0101]

Yes, my child knows, we decided to tell them last year when they came out themselves as Gender Fluid. We figured by telling them it would maybe help them a bit by making them feel a little less alone.

They have not asked a lot of questions just a few sporadic ones over the last little while and accepted it right then and there, no issues. They have never seen me dressed other than a few glimpses of my twitter profile pic and they somehow managed to find my blog, it's all good though.

[LucyDarlene20]

Told my adult daughter several years ago, after my second wife (her mom) passed away. She was very accepting, though she didn't want to see me dressed for some time, and still hasn't. Except for that Halloween party when she was almost 6: "So that was really you, not a costume?!?"

[Jane G]

My kids know I crossdress. I have never told them. I simply did not hide my crossdressing from them when they were young. My wife and I discussed that they could out me to their peers at school. That never happened, as far as I know. They are all grown up now and we are still a close family. Though my son is 16000 miles away in New Zealand LoL.