Seems like I chose an alarming title before

[Pixie_94]

Hello everyone.

I don't know how many of you were able to see my thread from some hours earlier (deleted because the title seemed alarming), but I could see some of the responses and I see I should make the context a bit more clear.

Before anyone asks or assumes, I'm in my 20's, I still live with my parents. I'm a college student, therefore, no formal job yet (I don't live in the US).

Okay, now with this, I shall restore some of my previous post, but with better phrasing.

Recently crossdressing is a source of stress to me (I didn't do it for a long time and tried some days ago, but I doubt I'd do it again in a long time), I'm not worried about storage of my stuff, at least the clean ones, but about the story is different about the ones that require washing and even though, I improvise hiding places, I get afraid of them being discovered and any consequences from it, I still have insecurities from previous experiences involving that (reason why I take such long breaks from CDing, but that doesn't make me feel less guilty or ashamed).

I still have to wait until there's no one home to wash anything and because of obvious reasons, I have to hang that stuff behind a big closet, hoping that no one will look behind.

I even anonymously asked some people on a questions website about how to force myself to stop liking something (with no results).

Now I'll answer some things I recall from the replies to my previous thread.

TracyG, yes I still feel guilt and shame, as described above. For a while I thought I got rid of them, but I'm more prone to repress when they come back.

I don't know who was it, but I remember someone asked me about laws related to crossdressing in Costa Rica, there's none against or in favour, I'm just afraid and ashamed.

I don't know what you think or would suggest as advice, I can't get therapy yet, before anyone suggests it.

[Helen_Highwater]

PIxie.

Before anyone asks or assumes, I'm in my 20's, I still live with my parents. If ever there was a a scenario that screamed stressful that is it. If you're not comfortable, for what ever reasons, in coming out to your parents then feeling stressed is totally understandable.

We all have to live within the constraints that life imposes. If yours means you have to take a break, a hiatus from dressing then that's what needs to be done. That said I was able to read your other post and as at least one of the replies said, this is something that very rarely if ever goes away. So perhaps the best you can do is bide your time and in the fullness of time, when your living in your own space, you can return to dressing.

[Pixie_94]

PIxie.

If ever there was a a scenario that screamed stressful that is it. If you're not comfortable, for what ever reasons, in coming out to your parents then feeling stressed is totally understandable.



Wait what? Coming out to them? But how would that be? Wasn't that "coming out" thing for gay people and trans people?

[Genifer Teal]

And all my life I've never had counseling it was never something that I felt I needed or even agreed with the concept. Only people with real bad problems needed that kind of help or so I thought. With age comes wisdom. Here's my advice. If it's possible for you to seek counseling it will help you sort this out sooner. It's often said you can't buy time and that's a relatively true statement. But if you can get to an end result faster in a sense you're saving time so you could say you've bought time because you can start your enjoyment of the end results sooner. Hope you are able to follow that. For example let's say you don't understand or have the skill to apply makeup. You could practice and practice and practice and watch YouTube videos until you're blue in the face and eventually maybe you'd make some final progress. Now if you took a makeup class and you got some Hands-On training maybe you would gain some skills faster. That would be a good thing then you could enjoy your new skills sooner. Sorry that you're living at home that sucks. Sorry for my choice of words. I just remember how that was years ago. Hope you find some meaning in all this I mean what you're going through. Maybe it means nothing maybe it means everything. You'll be doing yourself a great favor to figure that out sooner rather than later because once you know you'll probably wish you sorted it out sooner. I know I did.

[Emily Occasionally]

Wait what? Coming out to them? But how would that be? Wasn't that "coming out" thing for gay people and trans people?

Crossdressers revealing their crossdressing can also be called coming out. You don't have to be gay or trans to come out. Crossdressing has a stigma attached to it much in the same way that being gay or trans has...all three of them and other things are labeled as "deviant" behavior by some people. In fact, some people are ignorant enough to believe all three of these things are the same thing or all three are just choices rather than the way people just are. And even if they were choices it doesn't matter because who is anyone else to tell someone they can't do something if it doesn't hurt someone. There's nothing wrong with any of it. However the stigma still exists. Crossdressing is kept no less a secret from others than being gay or trans so coming out is considered the correct terminology.

[Leslie Mary S]

I am a father of three grown children and have great grand children. I will say that using the term "coming out" was and still is the best term for me. I say that based on the fact I considered myself "hiding in my closet" So, "coming out" was as natural to saay as "rain falling"
.

[Aunt Kelly]

Pixie,
First of all, know that many of us here feel for you. What you're experiencing is something many of us have been through, or are dealing with still.

Next, know that you have nothing to feel guilty about. You are not bad, or broken, or sick, but as you have discovered those feelings are a part of who you are. They are not likely to go away, no matter how much will you can muster in the short term. For many of us, trying to suppress those feelings can have negative consequences.
That said, it sounds like you may be in a tough spot, with parents who would not be at all happy to hear that their son was TG. That is something only you can calculate. Counseling would be good advice. I don't know what prevents you, but you might focus on ways to get past that obstacle. The assistance of a professional might go a long way towards resolving the conflict and stress you're feeling right not.

[Michelle Vinova]

I totally agree with Kelly and was going to write a similar thing.

I used to be stressed/embarrassed/ guilt about my Crossdressing until I accepted that it was a part of me that was never going away. Even though I’m not out (“closeted”) to my friends/family; I feel good about who I am and that I’m a crossdresser.

[Pixie_94]

There's nothing wrong with any of it. However the stigma still exists.

And there's still quite of a stigma in most Spanish-speaking countries. I have even heard of guys with even a bit of make up getting mugged just for that in some places of the capital.

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Sounds like you may be in a tough spot, with parents who would not be at all happy to hear that their son was TG.

Well, I'm not transgender, but I sort of know how much more difficult would that be, being thought of as a deviant or "someone who is not with ''God''", while my mother would say it's either that I'm confused or say it's because of anime, and to add salt on the wound, she would ask if it's because I watched Ranma 1/2 (there was already an allusion to that after she found my former stash, one to a really hated character from that work).

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Here's my advice. If it's possible for you to seek counseling it will help you sort this out sooner.

I can't look for counseling yet, no budget for it and the closest thing at college has really long waiting lists, besides that I don't trust anyone there for this.

[Emily Occasionally]

And there's still quite of a stigma in most Spanish-speaking countries. I have even heard of guys with even a bit of make up getting mugged just for that in some places of the capital.

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Well, I'm not transgender, but I sort of know how much more difficult would that be, being thought of as a deviant or "someone who is not with ''God''", while my mother would say it's either that I'm confused or say it's because of anime, and to add salt on the wound, she would ask if it's because I watched Ranma 1/2 (there was already an allusion to that after she found my former stash, one to a really hated character from that work).

I can't look for counseling yet, no budget for it and the closest thing at college has really long waiting lists, besides that I don't trust anyone there for this.

Just for a little makeup? Well whatever you decide stay safe!

I know the Bible says men aren't supposed to wear women's clothing but...the next time someone around you says something like that ask them if they eat shellfish. The Bible says eating anything out of the water that doesn't have scales is an abomination. Seriously, there's more about that in the Bible than there is about how you shouldn't be gay. You can bet your last dollar that almost any politician who uses the Bible as an excuse for their homophobia has eaten shrimp or served up lobster at one of their fundraisers. How can they justify eating things that are an abomination to eat while at the same time condemn crossdressers or LGBT people? And hey it's kind of cool that your mom even knows an anime you've watched! My mom doesn't care at all. I tried to explain some to her like Sword Art Online and some others but she doesn't care. Even if your mom sees anime as a negative influence you've gotta find a bright side somewhere Kurt Vonnegut said that you can either cry or laugh at the bad things that happen in your life. He chose laughter and I try to find the bright spots even if they're hard to see sometimes. Always look on the bright side of life as Monty Python's Life of Brian taught us. That song has gotten me through some tough times, let me tell you...

I can understand that. Hopefully you can locate someone you can trust who you can talk about this with. I carried my shame and guilt over this for so long...I know it seems bad right now. I've been in that place where I just don't know what to do and all I think I want is to just shove down everything and be "normal" but there's no such thing as normal really.

Just be safe and hopefully you can rekindle your crossdressing at a later date once you feel like you have a better handle on things.

[GretchenM]

Just a suggestion that you might consider. In light of crossdressing not being viewed as proper gender behavior in some Spanish speaking societies and countries, and many other countries, finding someone else that is more or less like you could be difficult. But being in college perhaps give you the best opportunity to find someone like that. Look closely at others for those little hints. In Costa Rica the hints might be very subtle. Carefully reach out to them in a way that shows you mean no harm, that is, be very friendly on a friend level rather than crossdresser level. Then, when the time seems right, some trust is established between you, and the discussion is heading in that direction (college students discuss everything) ask a tactful question. Remember, there are crossdressers out there and they are in the same situation you are in with regard to the social standards. They may be looking for someone as well.

You might also look around for a group of students that meet and share their experiences. I am sure there are others at your school that are like you. Crossdressers and transgender people are everywhere irrespective of the social feelings about it. Far more often than not this behavior is built in to the individual and is not some crazy choice. There is nothing to be ashamed of and feeling shame will eat you up. That said, overcoming the shame is easier said than done. But a good way to do that is to communicate with someone else who is similar. This forum helps some in that direction. But it would be far better if, in addition to the help and suggestions provided here, you could develop a friendship with someone else right there in Costa Rica. As I said, they may be in the same situation you are in and may be looking for someone to share with.

[Fran-K]

Hi Pixie

I’m sorry for your situation and hope you get enough advice here to make your situation easier.

It sounds like you have a couple of different problems all coming together
First is your own feelings about dressing
Second is being a student (which usually means not a lot of money)
Third is living at home, and
Fourth is living in a country/society/culture that generally does not approve of people like us
I think that lists the basic problems, yes?

As to your own feelings - you’ll have to work that out yourself. The only advice I, or anyone here, really can give is that there is nothing wrong with cross dressing and most people, once they start and really accept it find it fun, a “natural” thing for them to do, and generally a good thing. Some do it 24/7, others only a few times a year, depending on each girl’s situation. It also can be natural to take an occasional break, maybe for years. Deciding whether you can accept your dressing, or not, is separate from the other things. The other problems will work themselves out over time... just wait. But your own accepting it is something that only you can do.


Money - they money you have is the money you have... the good news (I hope) is that you are in college, so you are more likely to get a job that pays you well in a few years. Once you do, maybe you can get your own apartment? That makes dressing a lot easier! But be patient and realize that your work and sacrifice now will pay you back later.

Family - living with people that do not approve is hard. Look forward to finishing school and moving out. I would caution against making your family situation worse by, for example, insisting that they accept your dressing. You only have one mother and father — do not cause a break or split, you may not be able to fix it.

Your local society’s views — if you have your own apartment, no one knows what you do inside. You can go out under selected circumstances, when you are as safe as you can make it. Most important is to be safe. Will you be able to move to a different country when you leave college? Or at least San Jose (which might have areas that are a bit more accepting)?

Fran

[sometimes_miss]

FWIW, there are all kinds of places to hide your stash of girl things. it really depends upon whether you live in an house, apartment, or dorm at school. We can address this more when we know your exact situation.

Laundry? Do you have laundramats, stores with washing machines and dryers that you operate yourself? You can take your things there to wash them, and be out in an hour, with no need to hide soiled clothes. Or just keep the soiled items in a sealed plastic bag with your clean clothes until you can wash them.


And there's still quite of a stigma in most Spanish-speaking countries. I have even heard of guys with even a bit of make up getting mugged just for that in some places of the capital.
^this is a danger even in most places in America. There are always going to be people who consider us the worst type of perverts, and wish us dead. You have to develop what is called 'situational awareness'; this means that you are VERY frequently sizing up your surroundings and everyone in them, in order to know what potential dangers might be present, and then plan for your defense and escape. It's hard for me to understand how to learn how this is done, because I grew up being bullied so I learned it all at a very young age.


Well, I'm not transgender
Do you know why you have the desire to crossdress? Most of us have gone through many years of trying to figure it all out, most, unsuccessfully. Until you know where it all comes from, there's no way to know whether you harbor transgender feelings or not, because we in western societies usually bury such ideas deep in our subconscious since it's deemed inappropriate.

What are you studying? Is there a drama class at school? Being involved in artistic things like that can give you a reasonable excuse as to why you might be caught doing something usually reserved for females, such as exploring make up and various clothing styles, not to mention dance and more elaborate outfits for entertainment purposes as well.



but I sort of know how much more difficult would that be, being thought of as a deviant or "someone who is not with ''God''"
If you have a girlfriend, or even girls who are friends, that usually goes a long way towards deflecting away family concerns about not being a 'normal straight man'.

[Pixie_94]

Hopefully you can locate someone you can trust who you can talk about this with.

I hope you don't mean someone around where I live, I don't even know my neighbors.

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You might also look around for a group of students that meet and share their experiences. I am sure there are others at your school that are like you. Crossdressers and transgender people are everywhere irrespective of the social feelings about it.

Maybe, if I still had any classes left, I'm recently doing an equivalent of a thesis, but it's some 4 short-ish projects.

[Beverley Sims]

Pixie, you need to get yourself some digs of your own and then you can experience the freedom of being alone as others do.

[Pixie_94]

Money - they money you have is the money you have... the good news (I hope) is that you are in college, so you are more likely to get a job that pays you well in a few years. Once you do, maybe you can get your own apartment? That makes dressing a lot easier! But be patient and realize that your work and sacrifice now will pay you back later.

Family - living with people that do not approve is hard. Look forward to finishing school and moving out. I would caution against making your family situation worse by, for example, insisting that they accept your dressing. You only have one mother and father — do not cause a break or split, you may not be able to fix it.

Your local society’s views — if you have your own apartment, no one knows what you do inside. You can go out under selected circumstances, when you are as safe as you can make it. Most important is to be safe. Will you be able to move to a different country when you leave college? Or at least San Jose (which might have areas that are a bit more accepting)?
Fran

About money and living somewhere else, the idea still seems too risky for me, I know how some people can barely pay for taxes and all that stuff. I don't know, but apartments too me also seem a bit like dead ends, places that are a bit too shady (and I don't even watch movies).

About not insisting, don't worry, I don't even know what to say.

There's chances that I could work in Spain and live there even if it's for some parts of the year, but I know the situation is way better than here, at least apparently. Anyways, I really doubt I'd go out wearing anything girly, I usually choose a practical style just in case.

- - - Updated - - -


FWIW, there are all kinds of places to hide your stash of girl things. it really depends upon whether you live in an house, apartment, or dorm at school. We can address this more when we know your exact situation.

Laundry? Do you have laundramats, stores with washing machines and dryers that you operate yourself? You can take your things there to wash them, and be out in an hour, with no need to hide soiled clothes. Or just keep the soiled items in a sealed plastic bag with your clean clothes until you can wash them.


^this is a danger even in most places in America. There are always going to be people who consider us the worst type of perverts, and wish us dead. You have to develop what is called 'situational awareness'; this means that you are VERY frequently sizing up your surroundings and everyone in them, in order to know what potential dangers might be present, and then plan for your defense and escape. It's hard for me to understand how to learn how this is done, because I grew up being bullied so I learned it all at a very young age.


Do you know why you have the desire to crossdress? Most of us have gone through many years of trying to figure it all out, most, unsuccessfully. Until you know where it all comes from, there's no way to know whether you harbor transgender feelings or not, because we in western societies usually bury such ideas deep in our subconscious since it's deemed inappropriate.

What are you studying? Is there a drama class at school? Being involved in artistic things like that can give you a reasonable excuse as to why you might be caught doing something usually reserved for females, such as exploring make up and various clothing styles, not to mention dance and more elaborate outfits for entertainment purposes as well.



If you have a girlfriend, or even girls who are friends, that usually goes a long way towards deflecting away family concerns about not being a 'normal straight man'.

Okay, I'll go in order. I live in a house, my (clean) stash is not the problem when it's about hiding, just the things that need washing.

We have no laundramats in this country, or at least, none in the city where I live.

About potential danger, don't worry, as I told to Fran K, I usually choose a practical style and I usually have a pocket knife with me.

The desire, tricky, yet somewhat tormenting question I have done to myself every time I tried to repress myself or stopping to like it. In some way I feel comfortable and "pretty" (does this even make sense if I'm not TG?), but then the guilt appeared (my previous threads and posts as evidence and reference).

I'm a Communications/Design student, no drama classes or anything similar, in fact, I finished all my classes, I'm even about to graduate.

I currently don't have a girlfriend, but I have many friends who are girls (just in case, they live in other countries) and I have eventually brought up the topic. All of them support me or have even made jokes, but some in which we can both laugh and some other things that calm me down a bit, but the feelings I usually mention come back in some situations.

[Emily Occasionally]

I hope you don't mean someone around where I live, I don't even know my neighbors.

Ok...Well I didn't mean a stranger. I meant more like in a therapeutic setting. Or even on the internet with friends. Whatever you feel comfortable with. If there is a group at your school you'd probably be able to get in even if you don't have classes anymore. As long as you're still playing the school you can still do stuff there. Heck you could probably do some activities there even if you aren't paying the school anymore. Who's going to question you if you aren't doing anything wrong?

It seems like as far as laundry you're just going to have to wait until people in your house are gone. How small is the place you live? If they don't have a laundromat then it must be tiny. How are you fixed for transportation? Do you have a car or can you get to a bus or get a taxi or even an Uber? (Do they have Uber in Costa Rica? Or something similar?) If you can go some place else even another town you can do laundry there.

[Pixie_94]

Ok...Well I didn't mean a stranger. I meant more like in a therapeutic setting. Or even on the internet with friends. Whatever you feel comfortable with. If there is a group at your school you'd probably be able to get in even if you don't have classes anymore. As long as you're still playing the school you can still do stuff there. Heck you could probably do some activities there even if you aren't paying the school anymore. Who's going to question you if you aren't doing anything wrong?

It seems like as far as laundry you're just going to have to wait until people in your house are gone. How small is the place you live? If they don't have a laundromat then it must be tiny. How are you fixed for transportation? Do you have a car or can you get to a bus or get a taxi or even an Uber? (Do they have Uber in Costa Rica? Or something similar?) If you can go some place else even another town you can do laundry there.

Oh good, in that case I guess I have some people I can talk to about it, I'm just usually afraid to even mention it. And the people at college, let's say that almost everyone I knew there has already graduated or are doing their thesis. I didn't talk to many people there to be honest.

Now, about how small is the place where I live, it's a 1-story house, but sort of spacious and many rooms. What I meant about the laundromats was in the city, people here like more the idea of having a washing machine at home, there's some dry cleaning shops, but I guess that would be excessive in this case.

The transportation part is covered, my issue isn't washing things, since I check the perimeter first, even though, I could get a chance only once a week or every two weeks, depends on some things, but once I do, I'm stealthy anyways.