Girlfriend doesn't like crossdressing that much... help?

[andymanic]

Hello! New here, also fairly new to dressing up.. Very much just for (sexual) play - not comfortable with others seeing me at all like that.

Long story short, my partner is very supportive, she's played with me in the past while dressed up and even helped me get started with makeup and clothing. Recently she's made it clear that now I'm rather.... convincing... and her being straight, she isn't exactly comfortable with it. I don't want to pressure her into anything, I respect her very much and totally understand if we never play dressed up again - I'd deal with that.

Reason for posting - do you lovely people have any suggestions here? I'm thinking about how we can re-frame our play so it's not specifically about me being girly but not sure really. Would love to hear from you all!

[Macey]

That's a tough question that would be full of all of the nuances of you and she and your relationship with each other. I don't think anyone could give any comprehensive advice without knowing a ton of details … but in general, I'd say make everything about her! Whether your dressed or not, girly or not, get excited about HER and make it about HER and not about you or whether your dressed or not.

[Leslie Mary S]

I have given this some thought. You will just have to play it alone. I did for many years. my wife of 36 years never knew. Wish I could be more helpful.

[andymanic]

That's a tough question that would be full of all of the nuances of you and she and your relationship with each other. I don't think anyone could give any comprehensive advice without knowing a ton of details … but in general, I'd say make everything about her! Whether your dressed or not, girly or not, get excited about HER and make it about HER and not about you or whether your dressed or not.

Thank you Macey for the quick response! That's understandable, and I don't know I could give enough details anyway!

One note I'd add is that she doesn't really enjoy focusing on her in sex... We both have our own mental health problems but a part of her's is low self worth so that's pretty hard to do. She's said she enjoys my orgasm much more than her own. Just makes things even harder to figure out! If only life was as easy as it looks in the movies huh?

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I have given this some thought. You will just have to play it alone. I did for many years. my wife of 36 years never knew. Wish I could be more helpful.

Leslie - thank you for the reply! I'm definitely prepared for that, I just hope we can work something out as most of the fun for me is being with her! And I'm sorry to hear you couldn't share that with your wife!

[Judy-Somthing]

Sounds like my wife, she knew I dabbled in dressing before we got married but after we got married it was no way!

[Beverley Sims]

Just retreat and she may suggest something else as your relationship grows.

Just leave it in her mind that you like to cross dress and she may come around slowly to your way of thinking.

Don't push the issue though.

[docrobbysherry]

1. Get a new girl friend.:battingeyelashes:

2. Don't take your dressing to bed!:brolleyes:

[Tracii G]

The sexual aspect may not always be there after you start dressing more than just the bedroom.
You have to understand she is "into " you the man not the woman you.
Sounds like she has gotten to the point its not fun any more to her.
Reverse the roles and tell me how would you feel if she liked to dress up as a man in the bedroom?

[Emily Occasionally]

Reverse the roles and tell me how would you feel if she liked to dress up as a man in the bedroom?

Like...Charlie Chaplin play or something? If I'm being honest with myself I'd have to say, "Interesting...let's see where this goes."

[alwayshave]

Andy, in the beginning dressing was probably something fun that she could do with you because she wanted a relationship. You are now probably at the point in the relationship where she thinks she can change you to what she really wants.

[Crissy 107]

Andy, Some good advice here so the only thing I would re-enforce is to go slow and not to push anything. There are many stories about SO’s pulling back on acceptance. Crissy

[Micki_Finn]

There is no advice. There’s only one course of action here: respect her wishes. You can’t change her. She likes what she likes and that’s NOT women. If she changes her own mind later, then great, but there is literally nothing you can do but as she says.

[Stephanie47]

You cannot force anything on anybody without it being considered a form of spousal abuse. I suspect in the beginning your girlfriend thought of you, and, you probably looked like a "man in a dress." Great for Halloween fun or kinky bedroom sex. But, to start living and doing as two women. Not, so much. It comes down to the woman initially choosing her man to fulfill her image of a desirable man. My wife once told me"If I wanted a woman as a wife, I would have married one!" That was after we had enjoyed on enhancements in the bedroom, i.e., me in nylon nightgowns and sexy hosier which she and I bought together or she bought me as a present. I totally respect her opinion and desires. She knows I wear women's clothing, but, she does not know the extent of my wardrobe.

I would recommend sitting down and discussing your desires and her limitations and see if she is willing to accommodate your desires. If it were to remain kinky bedroom play without you going over the top,then perhaps she would enjoy it. Sort of similar to 'man in a dress' but 'man in a nightie.' When you start acting too much like a woman, then that is crossing the line and entering her vision of woman on woman.

As to being totally dressed up in pretties, makeup and wig, find a support group to enjoy that aspect of yourself.

[chrissyone]

There’s plenty you can do start off with an open and honest discussion of your wants and needs than hear her out and try to come up with a compromise. It sounds like you are not married so if you can not get what you need it is time to move on.
It really is that simple!!!

[sometimes_miss]

Keep it out of sight unless she requests otherwise.
If she's okay with you occasionally dressing up for whatever reason, let it remain that way. If she wants to participate, she will let you know. But it seems like she was just 'being nice' to you in order to further the relationship. Women do things like that. AND...women expect men to change for the better once she has informed you what she thinks is better; in this case, for you, that apparently means not crossdressing in front of her or wanting her to participate in any way.

Women really believe that, as they will often say something to the effect of, 'If you really love me, you'll {fill in the blank with whatever she wants}'. They really believe it, and you can't change it, so learn to live with it. One thing to try, as mentioned, is to do everything ELSE possible to keep her happy. After all, you've found the one in a hundred women who didn't run away screaming once she knew you were a crossdresser. Finding another woman like that won't be easy, so don't think it will be (unless you know some sort of magic that the rest of us don't; if you do, it would be nice if you'd share just what that is!).

[mykell]

it all comes down to respect, you need to respect each others boundaries, that needs to come about with discussions with each others but you may have to revisit them from time to time as the relationship moves on.

here is where your girl will find her peers if she would care to join in with some discussions with them :
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=pf#faq_gg_forum

like you their are not many outlets to find kind and comprehensive opinions from like minded folks, good luck to you both....