Referring to fem self in third person.

[Kas]

Why do some members choose to refer to their female names from a 3rd person perspective rather than saying Me or I? I just find it odd because in the real world, referring to yourself in 3rd person is usually viewed as strange, but it’s very common on this site.

Do you see your fem self as a seperate identity? Or is it more just to help reaffirm your fem self by using the name as much as possible? Would saying Me or I be leaning uncomfortably close towards being transgender which I know many here are not?

I understand in a drag (queen) situation, where you are actively pretending to be somebody your not, but I even see some girls on the TS forum referring to themselves in 3rd person which I just don’t understand.

So, why do you refer to your fem self in 3rd person?

[RachelPortugal]

I do not recall doing so myself intentionally, but I will not swear on that.

If I am out shopping in male mode with my wife, she will say that a dress or a pair of shoes would suit Rachel. So, when writing about such incidents it is easy to fall into the trap and continue writing about one's alter ego in the third person, much the same as Clarke Kent would talk about Superman. Although he needed to conceal his secret identity, but on this forum we are all "out" to each other, if not in the real world.

[Becky Blue]

Kas, as someone who is 'guilty' of that, its really simple. I do it for clarity of posts... I am Becky, she is me, but when posting about that part of my life its often easier and clearer to refer to her as another person.

[Helen_Highwater]

Kas,

I find it understandable as so many of us live what are effectively 2 lives. There's our day to day male existance and depending upon personal circumstance our femme persona.

I can understand that perhaps the very fact that we're conversing here on the forum places us in that femme persona and therefore using the first person makes sense. However if we're describing events in the real world then it's possible we need to distinguish between our two existances.

Now I know this will have some saying that they're a single personality etc which I suppose is true for all of us but you could look at it that we're all a little bit schizophrenic.

[Lydianne]

So that if an arrest warrant is issued for the Lydianne, I can continue with impunity.

- Lydianne.

[Macey]

I'm in the 'no third person' camp (for myself, no judgement on how other people feel comfortable!).

But it seems so prevalent that in another posting of mine, I used the term "herself" (referring to my wife), and folks were confused that I was referring to me.

[Kas]

However if we're describing events in the real world then it's possible we need to distinguish between our two existances.

This is a good point. Using it in this context makes sense.

Also good responses from everybody else.

[Charlotte7]

Charlotte! Charlotte!!

Okay, okay, I'm coming. What do you want?

You don't look so good?

No, Charlotte, she doesn't feel too good.

What's up? Hungiver?

Yes, Charlotte, she is hungover.

Well, you've only yourself to blame.

Yes, Charlotte, she blames herslef. She was drinking red wine last night.

Well be that as it may, there's someone here saying that you've been using the third person again?

Who? Me? Charlotte?!!! No, she wouldn't do that!

Well someone has, because there's a thread up about it?

Is there? I'm sure that she, Charlotte would have something to say about that.

And what would she say?

Well, she would say that this is a forum and there are all kinds of people here, from all over the world. And she would say that the reason that they're here is because they're cross dressers. And she would go on that they post here because it's a place to share cross dressing and a place to seek help and advice. And she, Charlotte would add, that's a good thing and she would want everyone to be welcomed here and she would hope that anyone who wants to post here would be welcomed and feel able to post. And she would hope that everyone would be treated the same. And she would hope that people weren't put off posting because they found it harder to express themselves. And she would hope that everyone here would realise this and not be bothered about how people write, how people spell, or if sometime the grammer it was incorrect. You see, what she would hope is that people here would read the message, and offer any help that could be offered, and if they themselves might have differently phrased it, not be worried about how it was being said.

That's what Charlotte thinks is it?

Yes, she thinks that.

[SaraLin]

I used to do that too. I once tried my best to keep the two sides of me separate. If I was in male mode, talking about my female side, I'd refer to Her, Sara, etc. If I was dressed, I'd refer to my male side as Him.

These days, I don't bother. I've merged my two halves into one whole -um- me. No more taking sides, so to speak.

Nowadays, I'll say "I like that skirt" rather than "Sara would like that". etc.

Still - there are some 'socially convenient' times where I would still use "she" (so as not to raise eyebrows when they don't need to be raised)

[Kas]

Charlotte,

I am aware that we have many types of people from all over the world etc, but if thats the case, then why dont reddit users (for example) or any other forum users, frequently refer to themselves in 3rd person? Surely there is a much larger variety of people on reddit, compared to here right?

There is obviously more to it then that... The other responses seem to confirm that also.

[Jillian Faith]

Kas,

I find it understandable as so many of us live what are effectively 2 lives. There's our day to day male existance and depending upon personal circumstance our femme persona.

I can understand that perhaps the very fact that we're conversing here on the forum places us in that femme persona and therefore using the first person makes sense. However if we're describing events in the real world then it's possible we need to distinguish between our two existances.

Now I know this will have some saying that they're a single personality etc which I suppose is true for all of us but you could look at it that we're all a little bit schizophrenic.



What Helen said

[Fran-K]

Literary license?
Though I like Lydianne’s answer too ;-)

Fran

[Jean 103]

Because it is a seperate life.

With me I have my work life and my personal life. I have thought of changing my name, for now things are fine the way they are.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I don't. I am both Stephanie and Bob all the time. I have long given up trying to seperate them. In reality, my Stephanie Julianna me is at the front of my personality even though my appearance does not get to match it near as often as I would like. As I have gotten older my feminine psyche has definitely fought it's way to the front of the line.

[Majella St Gerard]

I find that people that refer to themselves in the third person to be a bit pretentious.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Kas,
I’ve noticed the 3rd person usage on this forum too. I don’t think I use it, although I’m sure at one point or another I have.
If you were to look up the definition of the word illeism, you’ll find many reasons for the use of speaking, or writing in the third person.

I don’t think schizophrenia has much, if anything to do with it. Although I am afraid Kristyn may have a different opinion about that!

Much Love,
Kristyn

[Beverley Sims]

I think it occurs among those that are just starting out, their fem self is probably still a stranger that has not established an identity.

[Nikki A.]

I'm guilty. I don't use it much when speaking. But in order to clarify my posts I do use Nikki as a separate persona. As Helen and Becky stated earlier, it's not being pretentious on my part. But as Nikki I prefer to be dressed completely, make-up, hair etc. I'm not comfortable with being in between. Usually all or nothing.

[carhill2mn]

I sometimes refer to myself in the third person if I am trying to be clear as to whether I was presenting as a woman or a man at the time.

[Tracii G]

I have wondered that myself.
Pretty sure I have always been me and for clarity said I was in 100% girl mode or 50/50 mode which is a mix of how I was dressed at the time.

[Carolina]

In my case I may be guilty as charged. But I do it, as Becky and others mentioned, for clarity purposes in the posts.

In the real world I find it easier and even acceptable for my wife that I refer to Carolina as a third person, even if I’m one and the same. If I tell my wife that I love that skirt or I wished I had that dress, she would freak out (in case someone else overhears me). Saying that the dress would suit Carolina works far better for her (and consequently, for me too...)

I also find it quite pretentious to speak in third person, but in this forum I’d rather err on clarity (as much as I can). Apologies if others don’t like it. I’ll try to be conscious about it and only use it when I believe the message would be (more) confusing otherwise.

[Becky Blue]

I find that people that refer to themselves in the third person to be a bit pretentious.
Pretentious? Moi?

[Veronica4me]

I don't know if Veronica does it or not. She is such a diva, so I wouldn't doubt it! : )

[AllieSF]

I think "Jimmy" does it best! Sorry for the poor picture quality, but this may explain the OP's reasons. At least it is worth a good laugh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Apa0nG1OfUc

[Patience]

Sometimes, it’s a Jekyll and Hyde situation. Two people sharing the same body. Referring to the other persona (whichever it happens to be at the time) in the third person is an acknowledgement of the distinction between the two.

[DIANEF]

Pretentious? Moi?

298019

I suppose you think that was funny?, hmmm, hmmmm....

[Rachelish]

I've been on here for 2 years and I've never considered how people refer to themselves. I can't even readily say if I've used ever used the third person myself (or is that herself?), probably on occasion. I doubt if anyone does it deliberately and, as has been pointed out, our particular situation does make things a little more complex.

[Kas]

I think "Jimmy" does it best! Sorry for the poor picture quality, but this may explain the OP's reasons. At least it is worth a good laugh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Apa0nG1OfUc

Hahaha Allie exactly!

Love all the responses ladies! Some very good points made.

[docrobbysherry]

Sherry doesn't appear to BE me in any, way, shape or form! :battingeyelashes:

And, if she ever does, it means I screwed up and am NOT happy with her look!:doh:

Kas, I prefer to present as a pretty, young, woman. Since I'm a homely 75 y/o man that requires changing EVERYTHING about the way I look. That's what I meant!:battingeyelashes:

So, she is LITERALLY a completely different looking person! And, is a 3rd person, get it now!?:D

[Kas]

Sherry,

What you just said makes absolutely no sense, I’m sorry.

Your comment is a good example of what I am referring to in my OP.

I have a hard time being able to respond or even take comments like these seriously, because frankly, it just sounds very ingenuine to me and doesn’t add anything to the conversation besides making things more confusing and convoluted.

[docrobbysherry]

U posted:
"Why do some members choose to refer to their female names from a 3rd person perspective rather than saying Me or I? I just find it odd because in the real world, referring to yourself in 3rd person is usually viewed as strange, but it’s very common on this site.

Do you see your fem self as a seperate identity? Or is it more just to help reaffirm your fem self by using the name as much as possible? Would saying Me or I be leaning uncomfortably close towards being transgender which I know many here are not?"
I responded to that.

Rather than bad mouthing my reply? Why not just ask about the part(s) u don't understand?:straightface:

[Eemz]

We have a mix of people on this forum though and for some of them CD is more like a hobby or a fantasy, and in that context I could see how the "fictional" female character might be referred to in the 3rd person. It's like an actor talking about the character he plays on TV.

For me ... I'm TG ... I *am* Eemz - so me talking about Eemz in the 3rd person would make no sense. But that's different.

[Kas]

Why not just ask about the part(s) u don't understand?

Because I literally didn’t understand any of it.

For example:

“Sherry doesn’t appear to me in any, way, shape or form!”

What is this supposed to mean? If Sherry doesn’t appear to you, then why do you refer to yourself as Sherry? I don’t get it...

“And, if she ever does, it means I have screwed up and am NOT happy with her look!”

This sentence makes just as little sense as the first... So Sherry only appears when you are not happy with how she looks? Who is she when you ARE happy with her looks?

I’m sorry, but none of this makes any sense to me or answers the question I asked in my OP.

[sometimes_miss]

wow, this is definitely an indication that no one ever reads the sig parts of posts.


Because it is a seperate life. With me I have my work life and my personal life. I have thought of changing my name, for now things are fine the way they are.
True, compartmentalization might be a good excuse, but straight men don't use third person to distinguish between their work and personal lives.

I find that people that refer to themselves in the third person to be a bit pretentious.
I don't think that most people here who do it, do it for that reason. The rest of their posts don't seem to indicate that, anyway.

Hell-o Kas,
I’ve noticed the 3rd person usage on this forum too. I don’t think I use it, although I’m sure at one point or another I have.
If you were to look up the definition of the word illeism, you’ll find many reasons for the use of speaking, or writing in the third person.

I don’t think schizophrenia has much, if anything to do with it. Although I am afraid Kristyn may have a different opinion about that!

If you're referring to multiple personality disorder, that's actually different from schizophrenia, and MPD is exceedingly rare. There also doesn't seem to be that type of distinction being made in the posts of those who use third person female identifiers, either.

Much of it tends to be one of a few things.
1. The individual's desire to distance his 'real' self from any and all feminine desires, behaviors and thoughts. This most likely comes from our upbringing in which the worst possible thing a boy could be, was girly in any way. Feminine pronouns, nouns and descriptives are the worst insults that anyone can use against a male. Cheater, liar, thief, etc., all pale in comparison to Sissy, the 'P' and 'W' words which end with 'y', 'Lady', 'girl', are all insults and taunts that will start fights faster than any other in all male company. What is odd is that women will use these same mean spirited words as insults towards men, seemingly totally oblivious to the fact that they are actively implying that being feminine is inferior to being masculine, essentially insulting themselves at the same time.
2. The desire to actually draw attention to referring to themselves as female. Maybe they feel that if they do that, others will treat them as females as well.
3. Probably the most common; it's a way for them to hopefully fool the women in their lives, that what they see and hear, isn't the 'real him'. This apparently works well enough for some, that it's all they have to do in order to keep the possibility of it being true firmly in their SO's (and potentially family and others) minds as well. To those I say, good luck and I hope you can continue to manage that.

But if you're trying to figure out why you have all these thoughts, feelings and even desires to dress, behave and be treated as a female, pretending that those feminine things aren't actually part of you, isn't going to help at all. In fact, it will get in the way of ever figuring out WHY you are this way. And some are just fine with that, because they really don't want to know. For some who were indoctrinated into the mindset that even allowing themselves to think about being feminine is a sin or a terrible thing, it can be very difficult to cast off those feelings even much later in life.

[Jenn A116]

A really good question. One that I don't have an answer for. In general I refer to myself in the first person when in drab, unless I'm talking about Jenn in which case I do use the 3rd person. Sometimes its a convenience/cover when I'm out (again, in drab) with my wife and we are talking about Jenn's stuff. When I'm presenting as Jenn I talk about myself in the first person. Yes, puzzling.

[RachelPortugal]

I sort of get that Jenna. I suppose it is much the same as an actor talking about a character that they have played or are playing.

[docrobbysherry]

Thank u, Kas! Now I know why u don't understand!:thumbsup:

Because I left out a word, "be". Re read it and see if it's better now!?:daydreaming:

[Rachelakld]

Multiple personalities (co-consciousness)
Depends on which personality is talking about which personality stuff/events etc.
I'm normally in "boy mode" so I talk to my wife about "her / Rachels" clothes
If I was in girl mode, I would be talking about "my clothes"

Really quite simple if you enjoy MP.
But if you've never experienced it, it would be like explaining colours to a person who has always been blind.

[Tracy Irving]

So, why do you refer to your fem self in 3rd person?

if I wasn't lazy I would change the name to something I prefer. That being said, over the years, it has grown on me. But then again, I don't tend to use it in responses. I am always me.

[Krisi]

I don't recall doing that. I say "I" regardless.

[Darla L]

Like others have said, I only refer to “Darla” in the third person when my wife and I are out shopping and there is a chance of being overheard. I will ask her opinion on something as in, “Do you think Darla would like this shirt?” Or, she may tell me, “Honey, I think Darla would love this dress, what do you think?”

I don’t dress fully with makeup and wig often, due to many things, but among those things is not wanting to over do it and lose her support. So, when it’s been a while and we have time, I may ask her how she feels about Darla coming over for a few hours. At other times I just ask her if she would mind helping me with my makeup tonight.

Normally when I’m dressed, we stick to the same first person terms of endearment that we always call each other, “ Honey, Sweetheart, etc.”

[Stacy Darling]

Been doing it for years, can never understand the issue with doing it, plus it can be funny!

I've always done it at Swim School, all my little fishes knew who and where Stacy was and if distressed to look to Stacy!
"And they all grew up to be Dolphins" The End!

Stacy! or " I "

[Patience]

It's also easier to text to a friend:


“Patience is standing in the checkout line at Morrison's”
than

“I am crossdressed and standing in the checkout line at Morrison's”. when out and about.

I'd rather not keep broadcasting the fact that I dress and I can never be sure my friend's alone when I'm texting them. Not that I don’t trust my friends. It’s the people they might be with.

[Michelle Vinova]

Very interesting question and thread! I’ll add my thoughts that I don’t think we’re covered yet:

Although I don’t think I’ve referred to Michelle in 3rd person yet (until just now!) I chose a girl name because (1) When I have time to go full CD, I’m doing everything I can to present as a woman.. artificial boobs, hips, make-up, perfume, girl clothes...why not also take on an artificial female name??
And (2) precedence had been set on this forum to have a female name. I had not really adopted a full female name until registering here. Good ideas come from friends! And having a female name is part of the fun!! Although not as fun as the dress ;-)

Last thought is I believe those who are TG and born in wrong body would struggle with this concept. I’m a CD and enjoy each gender, so having a name for when I’m acting as the opposite one makes sense to me.