Seeing a Therapist

[Leonora]

I have been seeing a therapist for about a year now for different things and it came up my last session that I crossdress. She said as long as I wasn't hurting anyone it was no big deal. She said I would be surprised of how many men crossdress. I was glad to hear it and we had a good conversation about it. I thought I would share.

[Lisa516]

Thank you so much for sharing that, I was thinking of seeing a therapist and discussing my crossdressing. I have no childhood experiences and it's just started happening out of the blue triggered by a pair of woman's panties I guess, now I have a closet full of clothes an shoes, and dress a lot.

Thanks
Lisa

I'm new here too.

[bridget thronton]

It is good to feel you are not alone

[Leonora]

Thank you so much for sharing that, I was thinking of seeing a therapist and discussing my crossdressing. I have no childhood experiences and it's just started happening out of the blue triggered by a pair of woman's panties I guess, now I have a closet full of clothes an shoes, and dress a lot.

Thanks
Lisa

I'm new here too.

Yeah I went to a therapist for depression and anxiety issues and we just started talking about different things and it just came out. But glad it helped you some to know.

[Carolina]

During my many years of soul searching trying to find out what was wrong with me and the need to present as a woman whenever given the chance, I read quite a bit of psychiatry and psychology on these matters. One thing that stuck to my mind is that in one of the books it said that as long as you don’t hurt anyone and it doesn’t impact your work there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I tried to live by that, and put myself limits based on that. Now, however, I think I need to revisit the work thingy if I want to take my dressing further...

I’ve started seeing a therapist over the last couple of months. I look forward to my sessions with her since I can come completely clean and tell her all about Carolina. I decided to see a therapist in the first place to try to understand who I am and where I am in the gender spectrum. Obviously I’m still work in progress...

[Vikky]

I saw my doctor when I first started in earnest. I had always had a latent interest in crossdressing and had recently started new medication and suddenly become VERY interested and bought clothing etc. He said it wasn't the medication, its not illegal, its not causing anyone any harm, so don't worry - and I haven't. I hope this helps.
Vikky

[Beverley Sims]

Always an eternal question, how many do cross dress.

[GretchenM]

How many men, or women for that matter, crossdress? Probably a number that will never be known, even approximately. Remember, it is not even known how many transgender (general definition) people there are. And crossdressing is a more generalized activity than people with some degree or other of reversed gender identity. So simple crossdressing, for whatever reason, should be much more abundant.

But I think it would be a safe bet that it is many times more than most people imagine. And if asked, it is easy to deny and it is unlikely anybody will find out. The main point is though that it really does no harm unless others think they are harmed by it. Here we see stories all the time of long marriages (mine is going on 50 years) and after decades the Big Reveal occurs. Suddenly something that has been going on for years is revealed and the world comes to an end because it was never seen or hinted at and it was a big, dark secret.

What has really changed? Only the revelation of something that the other person disagrees with and thinks, for whatever reason, you should also not agree with it. OK, so how many secrets are being kept by the other person who is freaking out because of crossdressing being revealed and if those were revealed to you how much hurt would occur for you? The harm is due to what the other person thinks and not what you do in the way of dressing in the clothes of the other sex/gender. It is really not your problem; it is their interpretation of what you do that creates a sense of being hurt. That is not harm - that is just a lack of understanding and communication. The stigmas are real, but it is not the dressing that is the problem.

[Macey]

Brilliant post, Gretchen

[Stephanie47]

Decades ago when my wife and I first had "The Talk" I called a female therapist and had a brief conversation over the telephone. I was scared 'shitless' as the expression goes. It almost seems bizarre that my secret troubled me. My secret caused more angst than being in combat as an infantryman in Vietnam. That really seemed strange. I was more fearful of losing my wife rather than my life. Go figure. After awhile I came to conclusion I was doing nothing wrong. I searched for those answers to the "Why" question. There is no answer. I finally came to the conclusion the persons needing therapy are not the cross dressers, but, those who deem my cross dressing to be an affront to their "values." Anyway, if there are unresolved issues, and, I do believe there can be issues surrounding cross dressing, then therapy is fine. Just keep in mind the persons really needing therapy are the haters.

Yes, I do see a counselor for war related issues. I do participate in an informal group of combat veterans. Is there a difference? Yes, we are a group of men who have either done to others or have had things done to us. Those are different ghosts to confront than confronting and living with the non acceptance of others who need the therapy.

[docrobbysherry]

20+ years ago I was seeing a therapist about my marital issues when I mentioned my new interest in dressing.
She said precisely what yours did Leanora!

Then, we moved on to my REAL problems!:brolleyes:

[Lucy23]

I was glad to hear it and we had a good conversation about it. I thought I would share.
Good for you! I still remember the moment my therapist said that it's okay and there was nothing wrong with me. It felt like a huge burden being torn down; no one had ever said that to me something like that. For two days I felt good about myself like never before.

I have heard and read that many men crossdress but I really I can' bring myself to believe it...

[April T]

I have been seeing a sex therapist and will have my 4th session this week.

I'm wondering if anyone has every gone dressed?

[DarciInTx]

April,

I'm not seeing a sex therapist, but I showed up for my first appointment with counselor I'm seeing as dressed up a I have ever been - pink cable-knit sweater (with 36DD forms), black skirt, black pantyhose, 3-inch pumps, and some dangly clip-on earrings. The only thing to spoil the effect was that I haven't yet gotten to where I can shave my goatee, so I really can't do anything above the neck.

But I figured, well, this is what I'm here to talk about, so let's get it all out in the open. And I do think it helped speed things along.

[Lucy23]

April, I too have have been dressed on a few occasions. My therapist suggested it, even though she had never met a crossdresser or a transgender person before. It was the second time anyone has ever seen me that way, aside from an ex girlfriend several years before that. My heart was pounding for almost the whole session.

I was really scared, thinking what is my thinking about me. Right before the end she asked me how it felt, and I realized that we were talking just like on any previous session. My spidey sense was on the lookout for any sign of dislike, even suppressed, but found nothing. And believe me, I tried. My therapist says that every time my outfits, although simple, are well put together. The only thing she doesn't understand is that how can I walk in such high heels (4 inch).

[April T]

Thanks for the response. I'm thinking I would like to speak as April to the therapist. I've thought about asking if she would be ok with it but a little afraid of the answer

[April T]

Saw my therapist today. Great session. Discussed so much including HRT, my feelings and sexuality. I asked and she said that I was welcome to dress for the next session.

[Lucy23]

That's good news. Enjoy!

[Kalisopwith]

I went to a therapist once to talk about my dressing. She asked why I was being so dumb. She said, I dress up... so what? Who cares? Either I will do it, or I won't. It won't hurt anyone so who cares. I realized then it really isn't a big deal. It is really only a big deal to bigots and no one is going to change their minds so who cares.

[April T]

Thanks Lucy for supportive comments. I have never thought being a CD is a bad thing but I have found my time with the therapist "therapeutic" so I will continue to go and now with a dress on!

[Judy-Somthing]

When I was in my late teens I would dress up with friends, sometimes just one, sometimes up to four and sometimes the local girls had fun doing our makeup.
In our 20s we kind of all went our own ways and never talked about CDing so I don't know if I'm the only one who continued.
I am the only one who CDed at Halloween Parties and none of my friends did!

[LauraJane]

I recently told my GF about my crossdressing, she took it very well. But I have felt this way since a young child, I saw a therapist several years back after my divorce, but I never talked about crossdressing.
I am considering going to a therapist just to explore my thoughts and the path that has brought me here.

[kimdl93]

I recall the same sort of conversation with my therapist. Her response was, “it’s not a crime, you know’.

[Alexandra Collins]

At 56 years old I started dressing earlier this year. I told my therapist right away, and she was very supportive and understanding. She encouraged me to tell my significant other as well. We had been together for 5 years and were struggling in our relationship for the last few years. She was out of town for 2 weeks when I started dressing (one of the reasons I chose then to start). I waited a few days after she got back, then told her, and she was very understanding and curious. I had been wearing all her clothes (except underwear) since we are the same size in clothes and shoes! She didn't mind about that either. We see a couples therapist together as well, and have told him about my dressing and he is also very understanding and helpful. (I've since bought all my own clothes and shoes!). She's currently teaching me how to use makeup.

So in my case, telling my therapists and my partner have worked out very well, I am so fortunate.

[Stacy Darling]

There is nothing wrong with crossdressing as there is nothing wrong with talking with a therapist, therapists need subjects to learn from as well!
Happy to be one!
Stacy!

[Leonora]

I saw my therapist again today had a good session. We talked about my panty and pajama wearing most of the time. She had nothing but good things to say about it which made me feel good about and I really didn't want to go today. Glad I went.

[Lana Mae]

I saw my therapist today! We had a good session! Next week I see the endocrinologist for Hormone Therapy! My next therapy session is after that and promises to be a good one! Hugs Lana Mae

[Emily Occasionally]

I recently came out as a crossdresser to my therapist. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. My heart has never been lighter in my adult life on a consistent basis. I might not be out in any other place but just coming out to this one person and talking about it has changed the way I think about myself and my crossdressing. It's part of the reason why I mustered up the courage to post on the forum here.

You should talk about it with your therapist. It's a safe place...or is supposed to be. If they yell at you or whatever or insult you then you don't have to pay them.

It's really helped me and I hope other people do it too. Instead of dreading those time when I feel the urge to dress...I'm looking forward to them! I was afraid for so long but now...maybe I can have this hobby be a productive part of my life. The fear and shame created problems for me in other areas of my life...I felt like I had this heavy burden my whole life. But since actually talking about it I feel hopeful. My therapist is encouraging me to explore this feeling I've had my whole life...and having someone in your corner (even if you are paying them) makes all the difference!

[Lisa516]

That's awesome Emily! So nice to be accepted by anyone...... When i was a kid I use to look over at Connecticut as I was living on Long Island at the time :)

Lisa

[April T]

I never felt my crossdressing was wrong but I understood the stigma about it. It was a relief to talk about it with my therapist including my sexual feelings towards men and women and my thoughts about HRT.

[maya1]

Do you folks see a psychiatrist or psychologist or another type of counselor? I've never had therapy and have been meaning to do it. Mainly want to start to talk about depression I've dealt with all my life. But I'm cautious of doctors because I feel their first instinct is to medicate, especially in the US. I also have family history of mental health issues so maybe it's better I'm properly diagnosed...

[Darling Micki]

Everyone needs some kind of therapy to work through their inner struggles.

Not always involving a therapist. But then you don't always need one.

In my personal experience, a therapist is there to help guide you along the path to resolution. Which is great. I applaud them for the good they do.

Regrettably, they don't work for me... at least, not anymore. I started going as a kid. I freely admit I have issues.

My problem with therapists is, I don't trust them. So now when I go I try to out think them.

They asked a question. What are they trying to get me to say? Where are they trying to lead the conversation?

Is it the cross-dressing?
Maybe the anger management?
The self-perception of inadequacy?

But you know the goal.
You came to the session to talk about it.
Are you ready to?
No?
Oooh there's my problem.
I know the desired target conversation.
I understand where I am on the path there. So now when the therapist pauses mid-sentance to think of just the right word... I finish it for them.
I'm not being lead, I'm the one leading.

So how about them Dodgers?

I'll process when I'm ready.
So why should I have a therapist when I'm fully aware of the path I need to take for resolution?

Last one, stopped seeing me and told my mother to keep her money, I wasn't going to talk to him.

But that's me...

[MAGurl]

I saw a therapist for many years it was helpful, cross dressing was not a big part of my life but i was never really comfortable talking about my sex life or sexual fantasies, kinks etc. I think it may have been helpful but I know it cant take some courage even to bring this topic up with a therapist.

[Emily Occasionally]

Do you folks see a psychiatrist or psychologist or another type of counselor? I've never had therapy and have been meaning to do it. Mainly want to start to talk about depression I've dealt with all my life. But I'm cautious of doctors because I feel their first instinct is to medicate, especially in the US. I also have family history of mental health issues so maybe it's better I'm properly diagnosed...

Right now I see a social worker.

Having been in therapy most of my life I'd like to correct you on a couple of points if you don't mind.

A psychiatrist is the doctor you go to for medications. They are a medical doctor and you will need one if you feel like you need to have meds...more on meds later.

A psychologist is also a doctor but is a PhD. Typically they will have a specialty which they studied in school, though this doesn't mean they can't advise you in other areas as well of course.

Based on what you said you'll probably want to seek out a psychologist or a social worker before getting into anything with a psychiatrist. Usually the person you see knows reliable people and if you trust your therapist you can most likely can trust their suggestion for a psychiatrist.

You might not stay with your first therapist or social worker. It can be a bit like Goldilocks. You absolutely need to find the one who is just right for you. Otherwise you won't get anything out of it.

As far as meds go...I think it is a bit of a misunderstanding to say that a therapist's first instinct is to medicate. Even if it were true...they can't force you to take meds they can only suggest that they might help. You can say no. They don't hold you down and cram them in your mouth. There are other things you can do like holistic medicine or meditation or what have you. Plenty of therapists will support you in this because ultimately you are in charge of your health. They are there to help you and guide you but like anything you can either take their advice or not take it. Remember you are paying them and they want to give you the best advice that they can because that's their job. They want to see you be healthy even if it means they don't need to see you any more. You can find the treatment that works best for you. Remember you are paying for this service and you are the one in charge! Be brave! You can do it!

[kim22]

I did the therapist thing told the therapist everything and never got any answers at all.
Try a couple of them still nothing maybe diff today this was back in the 70"s and the 80"s.
I finely just said to myself this is me and just go with it.

[MiniRock]

I spent many thousands of pounds with various psychologists and others while I was trying to buy my children back through the British family court business. Not one of them was my intellectual equal and several of them said things about me that helped lead to my children growing up without a dad. I've no time for them at all frankly. In fact, if you want my considered opinion, based upon trenchant experience, never say anything to anybody who is in an a position to do you or your family harm (doctors, teachers, judges, lawyers, solicitors, psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, CAFCASS officers, policemen, probation officers, counselors or public officials of any kind). However nice they might seem be. I'd make one cautious exception for the Samaritans.

[Alaina R]

Do you folks see a psychiatrist or psychologist or another type of counselor? I've never had therapy and have been meaning to do it. Mainly want to start to talk about depression I've dealt with all my life. But I'm cautious of doctors because I feel their first instinct is to medicate, especially in the US. I also have family history of mental health issues so maybe it's better I'm properly diagnosed...

When I was in my 30's (now 3 decades ago) I went to several therapists. It's a long time ago now but I will give you my (highly biased) thoughts. I was mostly depressed at the time. I was functional in that I was making good money and had a few good friends but I felt alienated from much of the world, I hated being stuck with the crossdressing, I was often frustrated and angry, etc. Note: My mother suffered from emotional problems most of her life as well although I don’t think hers or mine was necessarily genetic.

I needed to talk to someone but, to be honest, several of the therapists I went to seemed mostly a waste of money. They were nice people but didn't really move the needle. Fortunately, a close friend gave me a recommendation that turned out to be the right person. I felt, and, looking back still feel, that he was very much worthwhile.

Therapy is funny as so much of it is about the human connection/interaction between the client and therapist. That relationship is critical. At some, hard to quantify level, you need to connect - without that it is a waste. Even so, there are certain things I would consider when searching for a therapist (these are my opinions only). First, unless you are so seriously depressed that you cannot function and/or are possibly suicidal, I much prefer psychologists over psychiatrists. Psychiatrists can give you drugs to help keep you functioning but you are more likely to get into a patient/doctor type relationship with a psychiatrist which is not a good setup for psychological growth. Second, I also prefer psychologists over the many master degree level therapists/family counselors who are out there. My experience is that the master level will give you a sympathetic ear and provide a safe space but, if you are really having problems, I just don't think they have enough training. There is big difference in the degree of training required in a "good" PhD program vs. a masters program. I think it makes a difference especially if you are having significant problems with your life.

As to gender specific counseling, I don't really have an opinion since my crossdressing was never about wanting to become a woman. Crossdressing did create a lot of inner turmoil because of the relationship problems it caused, but I was never fighting myself about my true gender unlike a lot of folks here.
BTW, for the last 20 years I've been married to a woman who seriously likes crossdressing which pretty much solved that problem.