Getting harassed and called a b!7€h!

[IamWren]

So last night a few gals met for the monthly Houston GNO. It was a small number but quite fun nonetheless. Also, a quick shout out to Alexandra’s, long-time friend, S.O. and bestie Lisa (a cis gal). :wave: Cis girls who are supportive, curious and inquisitive are SO much fun to hang out with. Loved meeting you Lisa!!! Mwah!

So one thing I may have mentioned here is how nervous I get during the few times I’ve gone out and I think the main reason I get so nervous to the point of almost getting sick is because I’m really short. Being so short, plus being built kinda like a fireplug and as such obviously a boy dressed as a girl makes me feel...I don’t know, like a lot of potential negative stuff could happen.

Anyway, so we decided to call it a night and when we all got up to leave, I walked away from everyone because I was parked in the opposite direction about a block away. I could see my car from the exit of the bar it was that close but it felt like I would be crossing the longest expanse. There was a parking lot that was pretty well lit but patches along the way where it was quite dark. As I crossed the street and got to my car that was parked on the corner, a couple of guys in a car yelled out to me. “Hey baby! Hey! You doin’ alright tonight! Hey! Hey!” I ignored them and walked a little faster as I got to within a few feet of my car.

Then I heard him say as he rounded the corner “F#<¥!n bitch! Actin’ like she don’t hear us!”

Freaked me the hell out! It’s a really unnerving feeling and I feel really sorry that women have to put up with crap like that every single day.

Have any of you ever experienced anything like this before? Does dressing or for those who are gender questioning... has it given you a new outlook on how you interact with women?

Coincidentally, Shannon told me something earlier in the evening that she saw online a few weeks ago. It was a quote that said, “Straight men understand consent when they go to a gay bar.”

Anyway, besides that unnerving moment, it was a lot of fun. The others met for dinner and I caught up with them at the gay bar. We found a cozy little corner where we played Jenga, talked and laughed. Oh... and we gossiped about all you Houston gals that didn’t make it. :D

Kidding
Kinda kidding
Not kidding. :tongueout:

[docrobbysherry]

There is a downside to passing and being treated as a female, Sue. I've run into this a few times, too.:straightface:

And, it was an eye opening experience on how many men operate!:brolleyes:

[Tracii G]

Yes I have several times a few times from guys and a few times from women.
The same thing pretty much that happened to you with the guys. I was at a gay club downtown and I parked about 200 yards from the club.
The cat calls were kind of funny too it was hey girl how about some of that ass? Any chance your husband is a woman?
I had to chuckle at the last comment but I didn't respond or look but I was clear on where they were if I had to drop one of them. I was packing.
Some teen girls cat called me as I was walking across a mall parking lot and called me a fat bitch fag.

Point is that its going to happen sooner or later and yes it is sad and kind of unnerving but you are going to have to deal with it.
Sure women get way more of it than CDers do so I can empathize.

[GracieRose]

Sue,
I'm sorry that happened to you, as I am sorry that it happens to women quite often. There are places that I go without much fear (especially after sunset) as a guy that I will not allow my wife or daughters to go, and I would not go dressed. It's not fair, but it is what it is. I haven't had any negative experiences like that when dressed. I've only experienced the other side of the coin; men opening doors for me or even once a gentleman tipped his hat and smiled. I almost felt guilty for misleading him. The first time a cashier at the store asked me if I needed help getting my stuff to the car, it took me a minute to realize that I was being treated like a woman. Despite the jerks out there, there are still a lot of nice guys, hopefully myself included. Maybe the jerks will grow up some day. Probably not very soon though.

The good news is that you were obviously passing.

[paulaprimo]

i had a woman call me that word, arguing over a seat, up close and personal...
with all of the possible words she could of used, i took it as a compliment and
would gladly wear that label! :)

[Patience]

There are many women who are “short and built like a fireplug”. The fact you got called that name suggests you appear more feminine than you think.

I have never been called that. Then again, I haven’t been out very long.

[Beverley Sims]

Surprisingly only a couple of times in my lifetime.

I have been fortunate.

[Leslie Mary S]

I have never been called the "B" word. I have been out a few times and have overheard a couple snide comments and snickers. Remember I presently am not doing the 'going out' thing but have had a few short periods when I have.

[DaisyLawrence]

Thank you Sue, you've reminded me of one of the reasons I am so happy to be the mixed gender person I am and not a typical alpha male. :)

[RADER]

Next time you get harassed, Hold up your cell phone and take there picture,
or at least the license plate number. When they think you might report them, they will
go away.
Rader

[Zoeytgtx]

Sue:
Despite you trying to deny it you must be passing or you wouldn't have gotten the cat calls from the guys. It would have been MUCH different. It is an interesting situation to truly experience what women have to put up with in their day to day lives. I have been learning a lot about empathy from my female experiences.
Zoey

[Leslie Mary S]

Next time you get harassed, Hold up your cell phone and take there picture,
or at least the license plate number. When they think you might report them, they will
go away.
Rader

Or come back and take the phone and rearrange you and your outfit.

[Micki_Finn]

Ha! That’s the tip of the iceberg of what women have to deal with.

- - - Updated - - -

That’s what Inwas thinking Leslie. Better to just keep walking.

[Aunt Kelly]

Y'all don't believe Sayyidah when she says she doesn't pass. ☺ She will, most of the time, which, in this case made for a scary time. So sorry to hear about this, Sue. Next time we'll walk together.

Other than that, it was indeed another wonderful event. Thanks to all of the ladies who made it so.

[Alice Torn]

The first time i went out in public during the daylight, i went to several towns, and when waiting for a "walk" light to turn on, some guys in a truck yellled some things at me.

[Leslie Mary S]

Ya, some people are stupid and/or dumb, and just can't accept anyone that doesn't fit in their social mold. They are very narrow minded people.

[Shannon michelle]

we definitely will walk together next time.


Shannon

[Stephanie47]

I watched a posting of a woman on Youtube where all she did was walk down the city street. She was being filmed by a friend who walked in front of her with a concealed camera. It was endless cat calls. When my wife, who was twenty at the time and drop dead gorgeous, had to sign for her unemployment checks in mid town Manhattan, she constantly was verbally harassed by construction workers. Finally, she stopped one day and literally berated them for their behavior, asking them if they would like it if their wives and daughters had to endure that behavior. She totally ripped them a new asshole to the extent a security guard intervened. After that the security guard offered to walk her to the subway every week.

A neighbor who did nothing more than wait for her husband to pick her up after a hair appointment at a shopping center be questioned whether she was a *****.

The problem with interacting with a group of neanderthals is group behavior. Many men will not act the same alone as in a group. I personally would follow Traii G's implied recommendation for safety.

[aprilgirl]

I'm so sorry you had that unnerving experience, Sayyidah. I have no idea what possesses some men to cat call towards women, and what they hope to accomplish, other than to prove they're idiots. Glad you had a great time out with friends, but next time do try to stick together.

To answer your question, it's never happened to me, and hope it never does.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Sue,
Those moments can be pretty scary.
I’ve had a few guys try that “hey baby” kind of approach.
I’m sure there’s nothing more a girl wants than several
strange guys hitting on her from a moving car.

Geez! Why not just buy the white van already fellas?

What else could you do but ignore them? I woulda done the same.
I’m glad you still had an enjoyable GNO.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Kalisopwith]

Unfortunately there are those with small minds out there who occasionally need a fist in their beaks to understand that they are being a$$holes. I have never met a woman who would respond positively to a cat call like that so why idiots think something like that is appropriate is beyond me. Glad it didn't put a damper on a great evening out! Stay safe!

[Asew]

On my first GNO I wrote the following about heading to my car afterwards: "On the way to the parking lot, some girl yelled "Hey beautiful" to me. She didn't hear me say "thanks" and said something agitated. Tried saying "thanks" again and just got in my car." I was worried what might happen when she got agitated, and I was already on high alert being out at night for the first time.

It sucks having these type of encounters.

[IamWren]

Hey everyone.... thanks for the empathetic comments.
I wasn't trying to suggest I am passing (despite what Kelly will say, her and her peaches and cream complexion) I mean where I was standing was some pretty weird lighting, my face was kind of covered by my hair so all the had to go on were the hip pads, butt pads and boobs.

Either way, is this the best idea a guy has?... to yell out "hey baby"?
Reminds me of this bit that Jerry Seinfeld has about guys and the very last brain cell they must have left.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTbNtO0hZsk

[Samm]

Geez! Why not just buy the white van already fellas?


Hey! I happen to drive a white van:laughing:
A few times in full on girl mode too.

In the handful of times I've gone out, I haven't had to deal with any unpleasant experiences. Though I haven't been in any situations that have had me too close to the general population. Not sure how I would handle it. It would probably scare the heck out of me, I'm sure.

[Aunt Kelly]

Hey everyone.... thanks for the empathetic comments.
I wasn't trying to suggest I am passing (despite what Kelly will say, her and her peaches and cream complexion)
Girl... What are you talking about? That skin has been exposed to the elements for a long time. It takes the proper prep and paint to cover up that "weathered" exterior.

[CallMeHeather]

I had a frightening experience like this last night. I was going to this club for the first time, however I had mapped to their previous address (it's the one most associated with this club online still). So I'm standing outside this dark building in a kinda sketchy area with my phone out trying to figure out where the heck I'm supposed to be, when a black SUV slowly pulls up next to me and rolls the window down. The driver asked me, "What are you doing here?" and I was already a little alarmed and said, "Um, looking for a friend." And he asked where I was going next when he saw me back away toward my car. I just said, "Probably back home!" And then he says, "How 'bout me and my boy over here come with you?" And this is when I noticed he had a male passenger. His car was blocking mine from being able to back out. I politely said, "Hmm, not tonight...." and he finally pulled away.

Here's the thing though- after I got back in my car and put the new location in Waze, I pull out of the parking lot and this guy is pulled over on the shoulder with his lights on. He waited for me to pass and then followed me. I was able to lose him at a light, but it's the first time in my life I ever felt, stalked. I did not like it.

EDIT: From behind and from certain angles I am passing, but only by sight. I have a masculine voice and don't try to hide it. At first I thought these guys just assumed I was a lost little lady, but they were still pushy and following me after we talked... which somehow alarmed me a little more?

[Jenny22]

Now here's a thought ... after a GNO and girls are leaving, find out who has the closest parked car. Walk to it as a group (security in numbers), even if there are two of you. Then the driver can drive you all to your own cars. Make sense?

[Leslie Mary S]

Good idea.

[Crissy 107]

Heather, That would have had me very worried. Please be careful. It does sound like you handled things correctly but you just never know. Crissy

[Wiccle]

Got called "bitch" once by an man arguing in a flat overlooking the park I was walking through - I took it as a compliment! I can't imagine how much (more) it would have angered him to know he was calling to a CD!!!