Living with my ex... Not enough time to be myself

[KatieEvans1989]

Hey...

Looking for some advice. As titled, I currently live with my ex Girlfriend... Although I think she may think we're getting back together I don't feel the same anymore. I haven't made any signals to her otherwise.

I'm off work this week and was hoping to have a few girly days to myself and she then announces that shes off work Tuesday & Wednesday... Great. All she ever does is sit on my sofa watching my tv.

One of the reasons we broke up.

Recently I've decided I can't lock Katie in a box anymore and a month ago I completely shaved myself clean and she asked me why and forever asks me when I'm growing my beard back. And has also said 'where is the (male name) I fell in love with gone?' I replied with dead!

For at least 5 years now our sex life has been vanilla at very very best and before we split we hadn't touched for months anyway. I find it boring and wish I was the girl in the relationship.

Help... :(

[Taylor186]

Sounds like it is time to move on. You are not doing her any favors by sticking around.

[Eemz]

OK I'll bite... living with your ex... Why? That's guaranteed to be a train wreck even without mixing anything else in.

[Micki_Finn]

Just dress. What’s the worst that could happen? She moves out? Sounds like a win-win!

[KatieEvans1989]

Purely financial... Also being locked into an 18 month tenancy. Very very little I can do about it atm.

[Tracii G]

Ask the landlord for an early legal release.
Why live with an Ex it just ends up being a continuation of hell.

[KymG]

I guess she doesnt know about Katie?

[KatieEvans1989]

I rent from an estate agent...
Then there's the problem that I can't afford a place on my own not whilst I have a car and I need a car for work... My mum is moving into a 2 bed house within the next few months so I should have a little more freedom if it needs be...

I own all the stuff in the apartment... Which causes another issue.

[Sami Brown]

If the ex isn't on the lease, then it is simple. Tell her she has until the weekend to move out.

If she is on the lease, well your femme side is just going to have to stick it out. In the meantime, consider getting yourself a second job so that your finances allow you more flexibility on your housing and your life.

Since you are done with this relationship, every day that you don't do something to fix it is another day you choose not to be happy.

Sami

[KatieEvans1989]

She's a listed tenant. However, I am lead tenant. In the eye's of the law it's my flat...

[docrobbysherry]

I agree with Micki. None of your excuses explain why u don't just be Katie whenever u like! :battingeyelashes:

What's the worst that could happen? No sex?:heehee:

[JustMe!]

Completely agree with my fellow members here. Just let Katie out, unless doing so would involve your Ex in being vengeful or something! In which case, I agree with just getting her out since you said you own everything as it is!

[Tracii G]

I will ad my vote for having her leave because it sounds like she is using you because she knows your weak spots.
Moving in with your Mom at 29 years old makes you the user just like your ex is doing you now.
I would feel like a loser if I were an adult and had to move back home.I would do whatever it took to stay on my own.
I left home at 18 and never looked back.

[AmandaRaquel]

I agree with Micki - go and dress up. See how she reacts.
Just tell her that this has been your fantasy and you want to try it out.
Life is too short. Especially because it sounds like you are stuck with her to be around for some time.

[Glenda58]

Tell her you're a crossdresser and you want to dress up. She can neither help with your dressing or leave. Just don't be mean when you tell her. You should have told long ago.

[Eemz]

Taking the OP at face value I would say this. The best thing about someone being your ex is that you don't have to follow their rules any more. It's your lease, your furniture, your life. Live it the way you want. If she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is.

There are some odd things in the OP however. It reads like a relationship that's ongoing, not one that's over. You say "she may think we're getting back together"... that's easily fixed, but you're not doing it. And your last sentence "I wish I was the girl in the relationship" ... what relationship? it's over, right? I think two things. First - you need to let Katie out of the box. This relationship may or may not survive that, but it needs to happen because you're not going to be happy in any relationship that's not based on the real you.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Be kind, tell her your plans in advance, Dress the way you want. The rest will sort itself out in 18 months or less.

[Beverley Sims]

I think it is time to readjust your life and terminate the relationship.

As for a relationship I would like to hear the other side, it appears that she still has feelings for you and that probably needs assessment.

[April T]

How do you define split? Sounds like you're still together since she appears to think its still a relationship. If you haven't had sex or months, then what she doing for excitement?

[Rachelakld]

For me, If I wanted to be the "girl in the relationship", I would find a boyfriend.

Dress as often as you like

Open up the option of a boarder or boyfriend staying there - make profit on lease.


Maybe I'm not that good with giving advice :)

[faltenrock]

Just dress. What’s the worst that could happen? She moves out? Sounds like a win-win!

I totally agree with Micki.

There might also be another outcome. Perhaps once she knows about your dressing, the relationship could improve and perhaps she would be supportive as a friend or even again as a partner.
Just go ahead and dress at home. You may give her a notice or not, it's only your business how you do it and when.

[Patricia_Campi]

Ok, my opinion on this... I am a real state agent in Brazil, so I don´t know the laws where you live, but I assure you there is something you can do (legally) about her. IMHO, there is no reason for her to be living with you. You can find another job, you can find another room mate, you can even end you contract and move in with you mother.

Don´t delay your life because of her!

My two cents.

Kisses

Patricia

[~Joanne~]

There is a reason why she is called an "EX". Living with her under any conditions seems insane to me.

[suzanne]

Your situation doesn't sound like much of a hell. You don't have to worry whether or not she's accepting of your dressing. If she objects, she can just shove off. I just hope she's not the same size as you. You could lose a dress or two.

[Kas]

As everyone else has said, if she’s your ex, why is there any problem? Do what you want. F*** that B****.

[Tracii G]

You know as long as you live together she still thinks she run the show.
Can you do whatever you want whenever you want? If no then she is still controlling you
Does she date other guys? If she does she has the best of both worlds 2 men she can control.

It may not be what you want to hear but you need to hear it.
I have been used so much I know all the signs.

[Beverley Sims]

I feel that a kind and caring let down should be your first strategy, if this fails then it is the "Out the door tomorrow stance".

[Roxanne Lanyon]

Ex's are just that - Past, History, Gone! Does this give you any advice?
I have never been happier as Roxanne until I moved out of the house, out of the state!
Roxanne,

[alwayshave]

KatieEvans, If she is not accepting now, it probably will not get better.

[Veronica Lacey]

Wow...being bound by economics is a real test of your fortitude. Yes, in a tight rental market you cannot just up and leave or have your roommate leave without making things much worse.

Perhaps just continue to keep on the quiet, formulate a couple of feasible exit strategies for when you have access to another suite or the lease is up (I know, 18 months is big chunk of life!) and try to take solace in taking action by being tactful and patient. You will find what you need when the dust settles.

[kimdl93]

Why do you feel constrained by her presence?

[LauraJane]

I agree, force some kind of change, I could never live with my ex.

[Ressie]

Start dressing in front of her has a caveat. What if Katie doesn't want to come out of the closet? His GF would mostly likely spread the word that she's living with a transvestite.

OTOH, if you continue to become someone different than the person you were, she will end the relationship and leave voluntarily.

[Stephanie47]

It does not sound as if you and the woman you're living with are on the same page. Living as brother and sister? In the same bed? If you cannot afford the flat on only your income is it possible to get out of the lease and move to a smaller flat. I'm assuming you're in a two bedroom flat. Otherwise I cannot understand sleeping in the same bed and nothing happens. Is there a potential downside to revealing Katie to your friend? Perhaps she would be receptive to your cross dressing and the sex life would not be so "vanilla." Is it possible you're frustrated with not being able to have Katie come out whenever you want and that is part of the reason for downgrading the relationship?

[Isabella Ross]

Time to woman up and take control of your life.

[kimdl93]

Lots of relevant questions here. It would be interesting to hear your thoughts on each as it pertains to you and your ex.

[KatieEvans1989]

She doesn't know about it. I don't want her to go and tell just about everyone I know. I'll probably end up getting caught by her one day, but until that day happens... I'm a little reluctant. As much as I'd love to.

We do still get on, and we make better mates than we ever did with anything else.

- - - Updated - - -


It does not sound as if you and the woman you're living with are on the same page. Living as brother and sister? In the same bed? If you cannot afford the flat on only your income is it possible to get out of the lease and move to a smaller flat. I'm assuming you're in a two bedroom flat. Otherwise I cannot understand sleeping in the same bed and nothing happens. Is there a potential downside to revealing Katie to your friend? Perhaps she would be receptive to your cross dressing and the sex life would not be so "vanilla." Is it possible you're frustrated with not being able to have Katie come out whenever you want and that is part of the reason for downgrading the relationship?

No a one bed flat...

I've already explained I'm locked into an 18 month contract and breaking that would be a breach of my contract with fairly serious ramifications... I'll be able to afford it once my car is paid off which coincidentally is about 18 months time.

And before anyone says it, I can't not have a car, I need my car for work. I work a 25 mile round trip to work.

[kimdl93]

Even more interesting with these details. It’s a bit risky to avoid the possibility of her telling just about anyone you know while being resigned to getting caught eventually. It’s your life, of course, so good luck with that.

otherwise, I don’t see a problem of being roomies, and even being physically involved. I would not let past conflicts stand in the way of rekindled affection between you. None of us are perfect and almost everyone deserves a second or third chance.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Kas, that last part was not cool.

[Joni T]

Ex's are ex's for a reason. I have 2 of them. You only live once. If she's an ex, who gives a rat's azz what she thinks or says. Grow a spine, do what you want to do when you want to do it and don't look back.
Jon

[honey1036]

i used to live with my ex shes a T but she just happens to have all those cute panties and idk why :O