Do you ever feel silly about all this?

[karentvca]

For those of us who are very part-time dressers, who do it for some escape and erotic fun, do you ever feel silly about it?

I mean here I am, a grown man in his 50s with no intention of transitioning or living fulll-time, or coming out to everyone in my family and circle of friends, getting positively woozy from the sight/touch/mention of lingerie, stockings, high heels and the like. Sometimes I sit back and think about this "little" obsession of mine and wonder, "Am I wasting my time here? Couldn't I be doing something more constructive? is this all just a little bit silly?"

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE crossdressing and try to do the best job I can in impersonating a woman. I just wonder sometimes if it's all just a bit much.

What do you think?

[Aileen]

Well, I went by my male name here and put off using a female name for a long time, because I did feel silly about it. For me it's just a fun hobby, not a way of life, and I don't want to insist that everyone use the "she" pronoun when referring to me.

But it is just fun. Hey, even GGs are not deadly serious about putting on a dress. Are there any GGs out there who have dresses that would cause them to get suicidal if they were ruined? Me neither.

[karentvca]

Thanks Aileen... You know, I once asked that question in person to the leader of a support group here in Canada and she looked at me like I was positively wacky (which may have been true at the time). She had no idea what I was talking about. Further prooof that we all dress up for very individual reasons which is what makes CDs so fascinating.

[Alex R]

For those of us who are very part-time dressers, who do it for some escape and erotic fun, do you ever feel silly about it?



I know what you mean - I'm late forties and really just started crossdressing seriously after absolute years of asking "will I, won't I" - and yes sometimes I do ask "what's this all about then?"

For me it's a great buzz and not the start of a total transformation - I'm more than happy with the male me and the typical male things I do - go for a beer, talk about football (soccer to the US) and all that stuff - other guys have their golf at weekends, I just have a bit of secret dressing - everyone to their own:thumbsup:

[Snookums]

I feel silly about everythang I do :Party2: :Party2:

[Alexandria]

Mmm, I do feel a bit silly and even weirded out sometimes. Other days I feel fantastic, turned on even.

It depends on how I'm feeling at the moment.

[Julie York]

I know exactly what you mean. It's like suddenly standing back from a situation and thinking......."This is just absurd! What AM I doing!"

The interesting thing though, is that when you do it and it feels good, it has a sort of logic to it, then you know that it is right somehow and of no harm to anyone.

But when you get that sensation of stepping back and seeing the absurdity it....I mean you're a bloke (and not that young in my case) and you're preening and flouncing about like someone in a Woody Alan comedy. It makes me understand the horror and repulsion someone else might feel, seeing it from the outside and having no clue at all of what is going on in my head.

[trannie T]

It is silly. It is also what I am.

[Kimberley]

I think that for the most part I have never really felt that way although there have been a few times......result? Purge then regret, then depression... and so the cycle went.

Today I dont feel that at all. Today I feel....... just me. It is something that I cant really describe. How do you describe a feeling or emotion?

Kimberley.

[karentvca]

I know exactly what you mean. It's like suddenly standing back from a situation and thinking......."This is just absurd! What AM I doing!"

I mean you're a bloke (and not that young in my case) and you're preening and flouncing about like someone in a Woody Alan comedy.


You know, the absurdity of how we sometimes feel may be a result of how crossdressing has been protrayed as something weird, dangerous or just plain funny. There has never been enough portrayals that show us as regular people (though not necesarily regular guys) doing something that, in the end, is healthy for everyone.

What CDs and the CDing movement need is a good PR company! Think about what ideas and products have been sold and unsold as a result of great PR. Drunk driving and smoking cigarettes have been greatly diminished through years of good (and constant) PR. Next on the list: fast foods and trans fats. Exercise is now more popular because of PR. These things and ideas now enjoy a DIFFERENT place in culture's psyche because the PR has worked.

Crossdressing could use the same treatment. Yes, it would take years, but with the right messages, we could actually be widely accepted as a good thing rather than a comical thing.

I'm getting off my soapbox now, because I am sure you are all trying to look up my skirt.

[KathrynW]

Do you ever feel silly about all this?
Absolutely! Guys aren't supposed to want to wear girl's clothes!
Didn't you KNOW THAT?


I'm getting off my soapbox now, because I am sure you are all trying to look up my skirt.

Actually, I think Julie York was trying to do exactly that...but not me...;)

[Julie York]

I know what colour they are and I'm not telling.:D

But back on topic.....

[Alexis Ann]

I really dress only about every other weekend, or on long holidays. I do have my moments...

"This is soooooooo heavenly :D "

or

"What the frack am i doin?" And then i dont dress for awhile.

It doesn't rule my life but it is an interesting and fun diversion. If i am not in the mood, i simply don't do it. Odd that on the long weekends i DO do it more.

Silly or not, in the mood or not...it's as much a piece of me as say....my......



foot.

Alexis

[Julie Avery]

I suppose you might imagine yourself feeding the starving or performing some other useful service if you weren't dressing, but if you're like me, more likely the time would be spent fishing and watching football on TV. Both of those are pretty silly if you look at them in a certain way. My daughter nearly ruined fishing for me when she offhandedly remarked that she didn't understand what I found so satisfying about outsmarting fish ;)

[uknowhoo]

**holds nose and chokes out the words:** Julie York's words pretty much sum up how I feel about it. :sick:

:D Yeah, on occasion I take a step back to appreciate the absurdity of the situation... and smile. Comedy and absurdity are two things I value in my life.

Hugs,

Tammi

[Sophia Rearen]

My daughter nearly ruined fishing for me when she offhandedly remarked that she didn't understand what I found so satisfying about outsmarting fish ;)


Thanks for that Julie! Wait, that may be a good way to look at it. Now, less fishing and more dressing.

[Clementine]

This is a wonderful thread, I've heard so much from all of you that goes through my head as well - as fun, relaxing, thrilling, etc. etc. as dressing up can be, I do have those moments where I say "you know, there IS a reason people make fun of this ..." - don't know how much is the guilt talking ...

I've gone through the "binge, purge" cycle with my attire a few times, too...

Thanks for sharing, galz - great end of the workday reading!

- Clementine xx

[randi_789]

And here I thought I was the only one who felt this way. After I have been dressed for hours and spend a lot of that time online, much of it in this forum, I stop and think that perhaps I could have spent the time doing something else, something a little more constructive and not have wasted all that time. But then the next opportunity arises and I wouldn't want to do anything else. So much to come to terms with in this "hobby".

[pammiecd]

I don't feel silly about it. I feel I was born with it as I can trace it back to about 4 yrs. old. It's a big part of my life, and in my 50's it's only getting stronger.

[ashlee chiffon]

i've got a black evening dress with chiffon overlay that i want to be buried in when i go!
but...guess that's not the same as committing suicide over a ruined dress:laughing: *though i would be verrrry sad if anything happened to it!*

[Teresa Amina]

Best sort of silly I've ever experienced! Absurd, sure, but isn't it a thrill most of the time?

[Adrienne Heels]

It's just harmless fun....and besides, I look so good as a woman!!

[Joy Carter]

Can't help but love what I do just don't do it often enough to get the silly notion into my head that it's wrong any more.

[TGMarla]

Yes, absolutely, Karen. It's very absurd. Like Julie said, I'm a guy, and not all that young, and I spend a goodly amount of time prancing around in high heels and dresses. I feel like it's a part of me, but I also feel like it's a bit silly, too. What would anyone really think if they saw me? I feel pretty and serene when I'm dressed, and I really like feeling that way. But like Julie said:
It makes me understand the horror and repulsion someone else might feel, seeing it from the outside and having no clue at all of what is going on in my head.I understand that; I feel very much the same way.

[Angela Burke]

Yes sometimes extremely silly.
Silly to the point of laughing out loud and thinking "What the f***k do you look like?"
But always enjoyable.

[karentvca]

You girls have proven both my theory and my anecdotal experiences: crossdressers are not only beautiful, you are more intelligent and well-adjusted than a lot of the so-called "normal" people (if there is such a thing) out there. However, in many cases, "normal" is synonymous with "unimaginative."

I am thrilled to have stimulated a healthy discussion and I am grateful that you took the time to give me your opinions, your experiences and your good humour.

Love you girls! (even if you are a bit silly!)

[Stephanie]

I have to admit that sometimes I'm simply baffled by my interest in crossdressing. I mean, logically, it really doesn't make that much sense to me, especially since I don't identify myself as a "woman" like a TS individual would, nor will I ever transition or even make my crossdressing a more visible part of my life (I'm closeted to almost everybody I know and plan to remain so). Although I generally subscribe to the notion that it's not really important to understand about WHY I enjoy crossdressing and that I should just relax and enjoy it for whatever it's worth, I nonetheless sometimes have a hard time justifying, even to myself, why I should be spending a bunch of $$$$ on clothes, accessories, etc. that I'll probably wear once a week (if my schedule and life circumstances permit it) and only in the privacy of my bedroom when there are other things that I could buy that I would be able to enjoy more frequently and openly(and probably there are a few things that I NEED a little more). Crossdressing occasionally seems to me to be little more than a sophisticated adult version of "play-dressing" that little kids do when they're in Kindergarten and it sometimes makes me feel somewhat immature about indulging in it (I can't ever seem to stop "blushing" whenever my wife brings it up:o). Yet, as I'm sure that most of us here can relate to, crossdressing just makes me feel so indescribably good inside and it feels way too important to me for me to ever want to give it up (I've tried giving it up once with no apparent success). Unfortunately, I believe that we will probably have about as much luck trying to figure out WHY we enjoy crossdressing as why some people enjoy. Would that time not be better spent simply enjoying our unique interest?

[Lauren Richards]

Silly? Of course. Most of the most important things we do are silly. Who thinks falling in love is rational, or either creating or appreciating beautiful art? Silly stuff, like wanting to see the world from 10,000 feet in the sky, or driving a car really fast, or seeing how a woman walks in high heels. Yumm! Absolutely, and I think that is one reason I do it. It just feels so good. And sometimes a bit silly.

Oh, and Karen.. cute skirt..nice legs!

Lauren

[RenaCD]

**holds nose and chokes out the words:** Julie's words pretty much sum up how I feel about it. :sick:

:D Yeah, on occasion I take a step back to appreciate the absurdity of the situation... and smile. Comedy and absurdity are two things I value in my life.

Hugs,

Tammi

Value in our lives another good thought Tammi and thats something we all here are looking for as well as truth there's pletey of that here. Whether we like it or not, just the simple fact that we can ask each other do we sometimes feel a little Silly or how does this look, how do I do this ,That or the or thing. Yes I too do feel a little Silly, But the simple fact that we can ask our selves that, can't be a bad thing.

Great Thread Big Hugs Rena

[Sweet Susan]

I do feel silly from time to time, but mostly I feel unfulfilled. This is a good thread, it has stimulated some good thoughtful comments from some serious thinkers. It is such a refreshing change from the "silly" threads that do make me feel silly. Thanks for getting us on a worthwhile discussion. Although it isn't really deep, at least it is not shallow.

[sky0629]

i'm not feeling silly about dressing up, it's been a part of me so long now.

[jo_ann]

there's two moments when I feel silly:
1. when I decide to dress up around 7pm, and by the time I get done with makeup, I get to enjoy it for maybe 2 hours.. feel real silly wasting an hour to enjoy it for only 2 hours.
2. when I need to get something manly done (fix the sink, fix a computer, etc.) and I'm dressed up in heels, and I find it hard to walk around.. and I'm thinking "why did I decide to crossdress?"

[Gretchen]

And here I thought my somewhat frequent reactions about this wonderful blissful activity were unique.....Thanks to Julie York for describing the mental process that frequently occurs in my levels of consciousness. Strangely though, the seemingly profound awareness that "this is silly" or "what am I doing, really?" sometimes comes to me regarding my CDing when I am in male mode and engaged in an activity that is part of my male personna. That happened several times this past weekend while on a weekend visit with adult son and daughter in law. At that point, Saturday PM, I had not dressed since previous Thursday and the wave of feeling the unreality of it just knocked me for a loop.
Love,
Gretchen

[Leigh Davis]

While I have never felt "silly" I have had different feelings while getting dressed. Sometimes I feel it is a creative, artistic outlet for me.
Feeling feminine is one thing but creating the illusion is another. I think applying makeup requires a certain amount of creative talent. It's something that I found that gets easier with practice, like anything else. Something that GG's have had a lifetime to develop. ;)

[Holly]

Is it any sillier than chasing a little ball around a giant lawn and trying to hit it into a hole with a bunch of sticks? We all do things that seem silly to others. One man's pleasure is another' folly!

[Abby Lauren]

When I don't feel the urgent need to fulfill myself as Abby, there are many times I just wonder why I do this and why I'm not interested in doing the generally more societally accepted, primarily altruistic work I frequently do. Granted that many people do mindless things just for fun (and many have cited just a few of those examples), it's just that I usually don't and this is singularly different. Yet, this rapidly assumes a primary position in my life- often at a moment's notice.
Thanks for the thread and the momentary reflections.

[Jodi]

I don't feel silly, but sometimes if I reach very deeply into my pocket, I feel nuts.

Jodi

[KathrynW]

I don't feel silly, but sometimes if I reach very deeply into my pocket, I feel nuts.
Oh, Get a grip on yourself!! ;)

[MsJanessa]

For those of us who are very part-time dressers, who do it for some escape and erotic fun, do you ever feel silly about it?

I mean here I am, a grown man in his 50s with no intention of transitioning or living fulll-time, or coming out to everyone in my family and circle of friends, getting positively woozy from the sight/touch/mention of lingerie, stockings, high heels and the like. Sometimes I sit back and think about this "little" obsession of mine and wonder, "Am I wasting my time here? Couldn't I be doing something more constructive? is this all just a little bit silly?"

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE crossdressing and try to do the best job I can in impersonating a woman. I just wonder sometimes if it's all just a bit much.

What do you think?
Well I have to admit it is a little silly in a Monty Python kind of way---still I've been around a while and have done all kinds of things that others consider silly but I consider fun---for instance I'm in a sport fencing group and every monday night cross blades with all kinds of people---most of them younger---I like to imagine I'm Charles D'Eon--the famous 18th century swordsperson, spy and TG/TV/CD---the point is that people do all kinds of things that seem silly to others---but who cares?

[MsJanessa]

Is it any sillier than chasing a little ball around a giant lawn and trying to hit it into a hole with a bunch of sticks? We all do things that seem silly to others. One man's pleasure is another' folly!
Absolutly---I can't imangine a more silly(or boring) hobby than golf --talk about a nice walk spoiled---but to each his own---I certainly wouldn't go critize golfers---particularly while they were swinging their clubs.

[Toni]

Karen I've just been looking at your avatar and profile and if I looked half as good as you do I'd never feel silly.

[Jill]

You know, I used to feel extremely silly. As a teenager, I would prance around the house in my sisters clothes and aside from the enjoyment and pleasure, I felt really foolish and silly. I don't feel that silly anymore, I'm really not sure why, I just don't. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing though.

[sharifemme]

It IS silly, life IS silly, and I AM silly, so what? Like the old saying goes, it's a great life if you don't weaken! Or maybe this one: It doesn't pay to be too serious about life - nobody lives through it anyway!



For those of us who are very part-time dressers, who do it for some escape and erotic fun, do you ever feel silly about it?

I mean here I am, a grown man in his 50s with no intention of transitioning or living fulll-time, or coming out to everyone in my family and circle of friends, getting positively woozy from the sight/touch/mention of lingerie, stockings, high heels and the like. Sometimes I sit back and think about this "little" obsession of mine and wonder, "Am I wasting my time here? Couldn't I be doing something more constructive? is this all just a little bit silly?"

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE crossdressing and try to do the best job I can in impersonating a woman. I just wonder sometimes if it's all just a bit much.

What do you think?

[Natalie x]

Silly you may be, but this is probably the most rational thread I've read here for yonks!

I've accepted that I'm TS, so my motives are different, but I'm delighted to read such a sensible debate. I agree with everything everyone has said.

Now, I'll get up on that soapbox if anyone wants to look up my skirt!

[Julie York]

We should organise a Silly Weekend. We all dress up as hookers in the most ridiculous heels and skirts and play golf, then get drunk and go fishing.

[Bridgette T]

I definitely find it silly sometimes. I will like how I look when dressed, but then realize that I am a six foot, 220 lb man underneath it all. It doesn't make me want to stop dressing, but occasionally I think it is all a little weird.

[KathrynW]

We should organise a Silly Weekend. We all dress up as hookers in the most ridiculous heels and skirts and play golf, then get drunk and go fishing.
Julie: go stand in the corner...yes, again... :straightface:

[uknowhoo]

We should organise a Silly Weekend. We all dress up as hookers in the most ridiculous heels and skirts and play golf, then get drunk and go fishing.

Would it be possible to squeeze in an afternoon of quail hunting?

[Julie York]

Would it be possible to squeeze in an afternoon of quail hunting?

Hey we don't want to look RIDICULOUS now do we!

THINKS: Tutu quail hunting?.....hmmmmmm......

[Natalie x]

NOW you are getting silly! How can we go quail hunting in THESE shoes?

[KathrynW]

Would it be possible to squeeze in an afternoon of quail hunting?
Sure...as long as you're not a 78 yr. old attorney... :straightface:

[wendy]

For those of us who are very part-time dressers, who do it for some escape and erotic fun, do you ever feel silly about it?

I mean here I am, a grown man in his 50s with no intention of transitioning or living fulll-time, or coming out to everyone in my family and circle of friends, getting positively woozy from the sight/touch/mention of lingerie, stockings, high heels and the like. Sometimes I sit back and think about this "little" obsession of mine and wonder, "Am I wasting my time here? Couldn't I be doing something more constructive? is this all just a little bit silly?"

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE crossdressing and try to do the best job I can in impersonating a woman. I just wonder sometimes if it's all just a bit much.

What do you think?
not really, you even answered the question yourself as to why not, and 'escape and fun' probablly sums it up best.

like you, i consider myself a PT CD, and I don't have any intentions on disclosing my secret to anyone. Do I feel silly about it ? no, for me it is a form of escape - ie. stress relief.

If you love CDing, why stop or consider it silly ?:D

[Susan Johnson]

I definitely find it silly sometimes. I will like how I look when dressed, but then realize that I am a six foot, 220 lb man underneath it all. It doesn't make me want to stop dressing, but occasionally I think it is all a little weird.

Bridgette, your description matches me perfectly, 6' tall plus high heels, no way I can blend into the crowd, my voice is also fairly deep so no way could I pass when speaking. I often get the urge to 'dress' then after a relatively short while when I may have to venture out in public so have to return to my male appearance I think 'Was it worth it for just an hour, most of which was spent getting the appearance right' Don't intend to stop though, in fact I don't think I could stop

[Dana]

Silly? Sure, and in the past guilt, and a whole range of other emotions! That's one of the reasons that I crossdress, to work through the negative ones and to exilirate (sp?) over the positive ones!

[ginafaye]

yes this is me too.......my gg suports my hobby butits our private thing we wouldnt want all the compications if family kids or close friends knew

[Rossie]

Probably it is the best subject than I have read in this forum. This is for heterosexual crossdresser. It is the mystery of our lives. I sometimes dress every day, but there are days that not happened to me, then it is when I feel ridiculous and silly. Sometimes I feel the addiction and other times I feel far from the subject. Our lives are cyclical around the feminine feeling that we tried to integrate.

[michelle_grrrl]

Karen, I can totally relate, sometimes when I'm dressed or on this forum (or both hehe) sometimes my male side pops up in my head and I'm thinkin 'Dude what am i doing this is so crazy!' but cd'ing is like a habit, certainly not a bad one, but something that's never gonna go away and i think that most everyone in this forum has had thoughts one time or another about this being silly too, so hun, don't worry, you're not alone girl!

[CarmenG]

silly and maybe foolish... but it's my escape to a world that is the center of my being. I get tired of being the one who gives all the attention to everyone else, I get tired of living life to a set of rules that I had no input. I get tired of being the " MAN ".
enter Carmen..... with her I feel at ease, I feel comforable, not to mention I love the attention I get and the looks from the men who play the same role I do. I feel so alive yet always wondering, do I pass? Silly? perhaps but I love doing this and the sadness returns when I have to change back and crawl back into the closet....
But here with all my lovely Sisters.... I can express myself without fear of backlash or someone pointing the finger........
LOVE YOU ALL.....:gh:

[Ms Alison Janes]

The only time I feel silly about cross dressing is when I look at my debit card statement.:(

[carol ann]

Of course its silly! But the so is whacking a little ball around the countryside with an assortment of big sticks to get it into the tiniest hole imagineable, or collecting tiny squares of paper from different countries to stick into stamp albums, or spending hours and hours underneath a motor car getting covered with oil, or even spending countless hours on computer chat rooms exchanging nonsense with people you have never met.

None of it is very productive either - so why do we do dress.

It makes us feel good, It excites us, its slightly dangerous (we might get caught), it takes us out of our normal humdrum existence, its sexy, its addictive, its escapist, it gives us great scope to use our imagination and escape into fantasy.

Do we need any more reasons? I can't imagine why more people don't join us.

[Jacqui]

.... but if you're like me, more likely the time would be spent fishing....

Fishing and crossdressing-- two things you can get hooked on!

When I had my first and only makeover at FemmeFever, I had a choice of watching the whole process in the mirror or being surprised for the big "reveal." I chose the latter (not to look!).

This was the first time I had ever worn fem clothes and heels that actually fit; the first time I had makeup that was applied professionally; first time I tried breastforms.
In addition to the earrings, necklace, bracelet and ring that seemed to "all go together," it was the first time I wore a quality wig and the first time my face was taped to give the appearance of a feminine look.

OK, now to answer your question....

After everything was complete, I was turned around and told to open my eyes. There in the mirror was this woman looking at me and imitating my movements!
I burst out laughing! The physical image of myself did not match my mental psyche.
I had prepared myself to see a female facsimile, but I hadn’t prepared myself to act, think, move, or speak like a woman. The contradictions, at least in my mind, were hilarious…and very disconcerting! Although I felt comfortable enough having the makeover done to me, I was not comfortable in letting go of my “male” inhibitions.

Looking back, not only did I feel “silly,” I felt ridiculous.
But 'good' ridiculous!

[nancy58]

Of course I feel silly when I dress up as a woman. If you saw a man with a moustache and thinning hair wearing makeup and a dress, wouldn't you laugh, too?

Nancy

[Cathy Anderson]

do you ever feel silly about it?
Doubts, but not exactly feeling that it's silly. Beneath the surface appearances of CDing are perhaps some potentially important issues.

> getting positively woozy...

For example, in another thread Donna and I were disucssing Nietzche's idea of the Apollonian (logical and 'straight-laced') and Dionysian (intoxicated, ecstatic) sides of human nature. The suggestion is that CDing is partly an attempt to express the repressed Dionysian side. In other words, sometimes people need to experience ecstatic states of consciousness, and to get out of the usual logical/analytical model.

CDing might not be the best way to do that, but at least one can respect that element of its impetus.

> Am I wasting my time here? Couldn't I be doing something more
> constructive? is this all just a little bit silly?"

Depending on how you're doing it, and how much. This is not an all-or-none question.

>I just wonder sometimes if it's all just a bit much.

Then you have two choices:

1. Stop entirely, in which case you may later experience a "rebound effect"
2. Make an adjustment in degree of CDing, them re-evaluate

On general principles, perhaps 2. seems more logical.

Cathy

[Sarah Rabbit]

The only time I might feel silly is if I have chosen an Item that really did not suit me. My S.O pulls me back into reality real quick


Sarah R. :bunny:

[sparks]

Hell ya it's silly! I'm usually really happy when I dress though I get really depressed when I get a runner in my hose! The trouble I went through for those! Small town Canada where the Cashiere is your neighbour! How many convincing stories can I come up with in a single weekend for buying womens hosiery!
Of course I can stop being lazy and trimm the damn things!

Beside what else would i do with the ten minutes I can find for my hobby. Study for the barr or just head for one!

[sharifemme]

Julie...

I've got three boats in Seneca Falls, NY if anybody wants to come. I suggest we wait for warmer weather though. Maybe we could start a transgender bass tournament!

Sharifemme




We should organise a Silly Weekend. We all dress up as hookers in the most ridiculous heels and skirts and play golf, then get drunk and go fishing.

[Teresa Amina]

If you saw a man with a moustache and thinning hair wearing makeup and a dress, wouldn't you laugh, too?
Nancy

How could I laugh when you just descibed Me so well! But then I did ax the 'stash recently and the wig covers the very thinned greying hair.:D

[HaleyPink2000]

I used to feel silly about it and would dress only for a little while. Then undress because I thought it was silly. Now days I enjoy it way to much and dress as much as I can. I even love it when I am laying against my wife fully dressed at night after dinner, watching the evening TV shows. It's become our quiet time together. I believe She is slowly coming around to my dressing. Be nice when She helps me dress some day or asks me to dress in something pretty. Looking forward to that day of her total exceptance of Haley!

[Ranee Daze]

Really....I often get the idea that there is a sort of two-in-one going on. I really love Ranee and she never argues with me, happily accepts all of my gifts, always dresses just the way I like her. I have created this friend from inside me.
This past Sunday I did the total body shave for the first time so that I could try on strapless little party dresses. Down at the mall I ended up getting a free makeover from a bored cosmetician at Sears, tried on dozens of wigs and for the very first time had no "hairy" restrictions as far as the dresses I could try. When I looked in the mirror every time...well it was weird, because it was ME, but a really different me. But it was thrilling. I was more than passable...I really was pretty and beautiful. I went to a Laura Petites shop and the saleslady kept bringing dress upon dress, and to take my time, no problem and calling me Miss and complimenting my hair, nails, perfume...really showing the respect and treating me as Ranee. She was enjoying the process of revealing the full scope of what I can pull off enfemme. I almost cried a couple of times when I saw myself in the mirror. Then there was one wig, longer but in my natural colour and waviness and for the first time I saw myself as I would be with my own grown out hair......wow, friggin'; wow!!
Yes this is sill, bizarre, strange and totally incomprehensible to the outside world. Yes I would lose my job and other things as well if the truth got out. And yes it is tempting to really do this alot, alot. BUT..................
I learned a long time ago that the best way to enjoy this gift we share is to manage it as a sort of mental health vacation. We all know that it can suck up alot of time and money and distract us from work and family, like any other obsession like booze, golf, gambling, sex.... So I force myself to keep it to once a month. I plan the day, trip, activities, wardrobe etc. Totally enjoy my day with Ranee and then lock it all back into the CD trunk. The next time has to be better...maybe some individual lashes, a massage enfemme, a haircut or colour enfemme, but I will plan and enjoy and keep it in control. Something so much fun is a gift to be cherished and letting it rule and ruin my life.....ugly, guly ugly!

[Ranee Daze]

Hey Karen, I am in Ottawa, but have wanted for some time to get to Montreal to The Bay on St. Catherine for a MAC makeover and some time in the wig salon there, then maybe over to that great wigshoppe on Circle St. Wanna get together?

[Star]

Sometimes, but it feels so right.

[Lindahexi]

YES! I often think that the whole crossdressing part of me is too ridiculous for words. I have frequent spells of feeling silly, guilty, even ashamed at what I do; and yet I still do it. I'm going through a bad patch at the moment and am contemplating wiping my hard drive, purging everything femme that I have and trying to be all 'Macho'. Right now I'm fighting this thing hard, I'm trying to resist all temptation to get my femme gear and apply my makeup; I'm deadly serious in what I'm saying here. My wife and my niece know about my dressing, and yet I still feel that I shouldn't be doing it; I've had these feeling for so long, if only I could totally relax and enjoy it, I'd be so happy. I'm logged on to this forum (obviously) and responding to this thread, which contradicts everything I've said; I tried not to log on, but it's compulsive, OMG I'll never be able to stop.

[Bernice]

The only time I can remember feeling silly is when someone who had no clue about crossdressing wanted to force me to feel silly, or when I feared being caught. I've been very vulnerable to that kind of abuse in the past, but as I mature, it is less of a problem.

This is who I am. "Who I am" cannot be "silly", even if it does not conform to the notions of some bigot or of many bigots.

Crossdressing - even as an obsession, is less self-destructive than drinking, racing, boxing, playing football, land luge, smoking, gambling, illicit sex, or a host of other reckless activities.

I don't criticize skydivers. I envy them.

"Silly" is in the eye of the beholder, very much a matter of subjective opinion.

I've crossdressed when I thought I only had five minutes to do so, and sometimes discovered that "five minutes" was really only two minutes. Was it worth it? Every time - yes.

Will my crossdressing hurt anyone? I highly doubt it!

Am I getting too defensive? Yes. I'm sorry. I'll stop (defending crossdressing per se, not stop the crossdressing itself).

Hugs,

Bernice