I overreacted! Now what?

[midwest GG]

Hello all! I am totally new at this whole thing, so please bear with me if I am saying something stupid, or offending anyone. I am 28 years old, married for 6 years (together for 10), with 3 beautiful children (all with my husband). I always thought that we had a very open relationship, and we are very close. On Friday, by mistake, I stumbled upone some thigh highs while packing to go away for the weekend with my family. I asked my husband where they came from, and out of now where he said "they are mine!" At the time, I about had a heart attack, almost laughed because I thought he was joking, and thought my world was comming to an end. It took me a little bit to understand what he was saying. I finally came out of the bedroom from crying and tried to sit down and talk to him. Now I know that i totally over reacted. I thought that perfect life as I had known for 10 years was comming to an end. I thought that CD meant that he was gay, he didn't love me, and didn't want to be with me. He told me he has done it for years, and it relaxes him and turns him on and that it had nothing to do with me. I cried for 2 days straight, and it never left my mind over our vacation weekend. After getting home and having time to think, I have a totally different opinion about it. (thanks to this site especially!! :D) So now, I want to know where do I go from here? I love him with my whole heart, and I am ok with him doing it. The only thing that I want is for him to dress for me. I have to admit, the more I am thinking about it, the more it is turning me on every minute!! This is something I have never dreamed of him doing, but now that the truth is out, I am quite excited for it. I just feel so darn bad for reacting the way that I did, and I don't know how to make him feel comfortable with his CD in front of me. Any suggestions????

[lovesnylons]

Just tell him you thought about it and you're fine with it. Then ask him to "dress up" for you and see what happens

[Jennaie]

About a thousand things just pop to my head but I will give one idea. Tell him you need to run to the store for some stockings or something and ask if he would please come with you. While you are shopping in the womens dept, pick out something that you think you would like to see him dressed in and say, " I know someone I would love to see this outfit on, do you think she would wear it for me if I bought it?", If he plays shy and says "who is that?" Just run your finger down his chest slowly as you smile into his eyes saying "please".

I would wearing it that night for you.

[Clare]

Hiya!

What a lucky man to have such a wondeful woman like you! Many of us pray for a spouse who (eventually) understands and wants to encourage our crossdressing - God Bless you!

As for him dressing in front of you, be careful. He may have spent a long time hiding it from you and suddenly being asked to dress up in front of you may be too much of a big change to quickly. Perhaps start in small steps such as helping with makeup and gradually move to complete dressing.

[Kimberley]

The only thing that has changed in your relationship is that now you know a very deeply hidden secret about him, one that has likely been tearing at him for years.

He still loves you, your children, your life together. Your acceptance is very important to him. Set out ground rules that both of you can live with.

After that all I can say is TRY to enjoy the ride. He is still the same compassionate caring person s/he was before. Have some fun with it!!!

Just as importantly, talk to the other GG's here for both of you.

Kimberley

[trannie T]

Buy him some panties.

[elizabeth nicole]

tell him you love him ,kiss him ,then buy him some panties.the lucky guy toi be so young and have it in the open.

[Julie York]

Reveal a secret to him that you have kept all your life for fear of being ridiculed and losing your job and family......and he'll probably be quite open minded about dressing for you in return.

Good luck.

That's the short pithy version.

But as much as your understanding and acceptance is greatly admired, and a dream come true for many, the crossdressing thing is a "terrible secret" for most of us and it requires a level of trust that is quite extrordinary to be able to reveal it comfortably. You now need to develope and understanding between you that allows him to share something that requires a huge amount of trust.

Now I really do wish you luck.

[Annaliese]

You have started by comming to this forum, next read through this forum together. He need to say he is sorry for keeping it from all these years and your reaction was normal now get past this point and talk. You will find that you will have found a new friend that you can talk to and go shoping and he will be able to be him self. Good luck.

Anna

[EricaCD]

My guess is that the words "I overreacted, I am ok with it, and actually interested to participate" will be the only words you need to get out. Good on you to be so open-minded.

I'd go slow on the whole "buying him undies" thing. If my wife had come back with that reaction, it would have led to some awkwardness while I sorted out my feeling about sharing this activity with her (as opposed to just having her know about it without participating). Most CDs love the idea of spousal participation, but some do not. You'll be able to find out which you are married to in short order!

Erica

[TGMarla]

You're amazing, you know that? I takes a lot of introspection and courage to conclude to oneself that you have over-reacted to something like this. Hey, he didn't lie to you. No "err...homina-homina-homina...." He told you the truth, and now after thinking about it, you have concluded that it is what it is...no big deal.

I'm glad for you and for him. May you enjoy many years of happiness together.

[Tracy Lynn]

My wife was the same way when I told her. We had been married 14 years and together for 17. I have been dressing in front of her since then but it took weeks to do it the first time. I was very nervous even though she already knew. I couldn't get comfortable because I thought she was going to judge me for how I looked or acted when dressed.
I can tell you that once he does dress around you the situation will become more relaxed. You should talk with him and put him at ease that you are alright with his CDing. The more comfortable he feels the easier it will be.
I wish you both the best. He should be greatful to have a wife that is so understanding.

[midwest GG]

Wow!! Thanks to all of you! I am taking this all in, and trying to see the best way to approach him. Derek is the type of person that doesn't talk much about his emotions, and I feel as if EricaCD is right when she said I need to go slow with it. I just feel like a big BUTT for thinking the worst and reacting the way I did. I am happy that he told me the truth, and didn't deny it, I am just sad for him that he had to keep it to himself for the past 15 years. God will not give you anything that you can't handle!!! (I have been telling my self that a lot in the last couple of days) But I love the feedback, and I hope I can bring him to this forum someday soon!!!!!!

[Bev06 GG]

Hi there.

I guess your feeling rotten because youve upset the man you quite obviously adore. Dont beat yourself up too much tho. Finding out that your partner is a crossdresser can be a pretty traumatic experience for most women, especially when they stumble upon it like you did.

He is a very lucky T Girl, most girls on this site would give their right arm to have a wife or partner like you, but then Im sure he knows that. The best way forward now is to talk to him, tell him exactly how you feel, and then pray that it is something that he is willing to share with you and allow you to participate in.

I know when I first realised that my partner dressed I didn't actually have any problem with the dressing, it was more a case of where will this end? Does he want agender change, or does he still fancy me? You know all the usual stuff. Once we'd got all that sorted out and we were straight in our heads, it was great and weve never looked back.

I know alot of T Girls would love a partner to share it with, but some do not, so be sensitive. Nevertheless, altho I understand why T Girls keep it a secret from their partners, (some have lost everything when theyve admitted it), I do still feel that now you know and are OK about it this is a golden opportunity for him to come clean. I know it might be embarassingly akward for him and maybe a tad painful, but you care enough about him to be concerned that youve hurt him, and the chances are he feels the same way about you. It really needs to be discussed now. I think you would do well to join the GG Forum on this site. I just have done and the girls on there are just greeaaat.

Hope it all works out Ok for you both.
Take care
BEVxxxx

[Rikkicn]

I would invite you to show him what you posted here. When he reads that he may need some time to understand what your saying. It could be his biggest dream come true!
After he reads it then is the time to decide your next steps. Ask him to dress for you perhaps?
If he's like me, he may be embarassed too tell you everything that turns him on right away.
It's so exciting thinking about the new sexual energy that you can build together.
Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy!

It would be lovely if you can report back and let us know how your doing?

Rikki

[paulaN]

you came to the right forum. look at all the advice you have gotten already. and good advice at that. I'd put this forum up on your computer and then go get your husband and sit him down and say look at what I found. show him your post and then let him poke around for a wile. even join. that's my advice and I'm sticking to it. that should open up a dialog. I hope.

[Barb Valentine]

I can't really add any more then what have already been said
but do love him for him not what he wears

Good luck
Barb

[RenaCD]

You Dear are an Angel and need to be told so, you are both very very lucky to have each other. Now Talk to him and then Talk some more and as my Angel Sage GG says don't forget to Breath, Take Baby Steps and you will both be Fine. You have come to the right place to start this site is wonderful. We are all learning here everyday.

Big Hugs Rena

[Josi]

I have hesitated over this entry .. I fear it may be "dangerous" to say what I am about to say .. It is judgmental of me .. and who the hell am I to be jusdgemantal over anyone?
But this is a place to be open and honest ...
So here it is ..
My cynical head senses this ..
Midwest are you really a GG? The timbre of the writing doesnt feel "real" ..
Your first post is so like something a CD fantasises over ,,, a real woman who not only accepts his dressing .. but one who very quickly is sexually excited by it and wants to "encourage him" to dress in front of her.


Am I awful for saying this ?
I mean no offence .. but feel like it is hopefully Ok to express an opinion.

Josi

[sky0629]

i really havn't had anyone who knew about my dressing. only the gurls on this forum. so all i can say is he's a lucky guy to have you.

[Joy Carter]

Welcome MidWest we are all here for you both any time.

[Sweet Susan]

I don't think you over-reacted, I just think you reacted, thought about it, and are now ready to move on. So, move on!

[Charlene Marie]

Midwest. Dont beat yourself up. Your first instincts were typical; (is he Gay) he's not, the majoritry of us are not Gay. Believe me if we were it would be so much eaiser. Let him feel comfortable with this experience and if you are open to it join him in his feel good sessions. Your marriage will grow with more love and respect, so much so you couldn't imagine. He may decide on his own that it isn't worth it, or he may continue to enjoy it for yeas to come. In either case if you are accepting you will prosper as a couple and a family.
I know what I'm talking about, my wife and I have been there, and after 25 years of marriage we love each other more than ever.

Good Luck, and thank you for sharing this.

Sincerely,

Charlene Marie

[Holly]

Hi Midwest,

First of all, welcome to the forum. I hope you are as happy that you found us as we are happy happy that you found us! I applaud for your willingness to examine your original conclusions and re-evauate your feelings.

I am a married CDer for over 37 years. My wife knows and is supportive so I do have some basis for drawing the following conclusion...

I agree with those who suggest that you show your husband your post. I think you expressed yoursef quite eloquently. I think he will be quite touched by it. And it will show that you are serious about really serious about learning more about this lifestyle so many of us find ourselves a part of. I hope he will also see that he is not alone, either. That is one of the main reasons so many of us remain in the closet for so long. Provide the opportunity for the conversation to take place but let Derek set the pace. And I'm sure you have questions and will have more as time goes on... that's where we come in. You will not find a more loving and helpful community anywhere else in the world. You'll both find that we will be more than happy to give all the advice you can bear! But the bottom line is; you and Derek know yourselves better than we ever will. So try, in the very beginning, to be open and honest with one another. If things come out that make you unconfortable, TELL HIM! Come to mutual agreement on any ground rules that may be necessary for you BOTH to be comfortable. Please trust me when I tell you that this can be so much fun for you and Derek.

I wish you both the very best and look forward to hearing of the happiness you two share. Feel free to PM (private message) me if you believe there is anything moreI can help with.

[Sophia Rearen]

I have hesitated over this entry .. I fear it may be "dangerous" to say what I am about to say .. It is judgmental of me .. and who the hell am I to be jusdgemantal over anyone?
But this is a place to be open and honest ...
So here it is ..
My cynical head senses this ..
Midwest are you really a GG? The timbre of the writing doesnt feel "real" ..
Your first post is so like something a CD fantasises over ,,, a real woman who not only accepts his dressing .. but one who very quickly is sexually excited by it and wants to "encourage him" to dress in front of her.


Am I awful for saying this ?
I mean no offence .. but feel like it is hopefully Ok to express an opinion.

Josi


Josi,
No need to apologize. I had the same feeling reading that. If you feel it, say it. Hopefully, it's on the up and up and all the great advice has not gone for naught.

[Lilith Moon]

midwest,

Can I just suggest a little caution in how you approach Derek? If he has spent most of his life CDing in secret it is going to take him a while to adjust to having somebody else entering his secret world. I wouldn't demand to see him fully dressed unless he is obviously enthusiastic about that. Usually we suggest "gently does it" for coming out to SOs but in this case I suggest that you apply this to Derek.

[Penny]

Hi Midwest,

First of all, welcome to the forum. I hope you are as happy that you found us as we are happy happy that you found us! I applaud for your willingness to examine your original conclusions and re-evauate your feelings.

I am a married CDer for over 37 years. My wife knows and is supportive so I do have some basis for drawing the following conclusion...

I agree with those who suggest that you show your husband your post. I think you expressed yoursef quite eloquently. I think he will be quite touched by it. And it will show that you are serious about really serious about learning more about this lifestyle so many of us find ourselves a part of. I hope he will also see that he is not alone, either. That is one of the main reasons so many of us remain in the closet for so long. Provide the opportunity for the conversation to take place but let Derek set the pace. And I'm sure you have questions and will have more as time goes on... that's where we come in. You will not find a more loving and helpful community anywhere else in the world. You'll both find that we will be more than happy to give all the advice you can bear! But the bottom line is; you and Derek know yourselves better than we ever will. So try, in the very beginning, to be open and honest with one another. If things come out that make you unconfortable, TELL HIM! Come to mutual agreement on any ground rules that may be necessary for you BOTH to be comfortable. Please trust me when I tell you that this can be so much fun for you and Derek.

I wish you both the very best and look forward to hearing of the happiness you two share. Feel free to PM (private message) me if you believe there is anything moreI can help with.
I'll have to admit, it does sound like CD utopia. On the other hand, my wife
and I have shared some interesting and enjoyable sexual encounters while I have been crossdressed. She also is quick to remind me that she married a man. At any rate, by joining this forum, you have fostered envolment in a place were many of the threads will necessitate thought and that in turn will kindle a flame of emotions. Welcome Midwest and it would be advisable to get your other half to join.

[Noel Chimes]

Perhaps this idea would work, my wife used it on me. When he is in the shower, lay out a change of clothes for him to put on. one set drab and one set femme. Then sit back and relax and see what he goes for. You might want to get a small bottle of wine and some candles to set the mood. Who knows, you both may have the time of your lives. i know we did.:jumping:

[DonnaT]

I am 28 years old, married for 6 years (together for 10), with 3 beautiful children (all with my husband).


I am just sad for him that he had to keep it to himself for the past 15 years.

Might I ask where the extra 5 years came from?

[kittypw GG]

I have hesitated over this entry .. I fear it may be "dangerous" to say what I am about to say .. It is judgmental of me .. and who the hell am I to be jusdgemantal over anyone?
But this is a place to be open and honest ...
So here it is ..
My cynical head senses this ..
Midwest are you really a GG? The timbre of the writing doesnt feel "real" ..
Your first post is so like something a CD fantasises over ,,, a real woman who not only accepts his dressing .. but one who very quickly is sexually excited by it and wants to "encourage him" to dress in front of her.


Am I awful for saying this ?
I mean no offence .. but feel like it is hopefully Ok to express an opinion.

Josi

Josi, I kinda had the same feeling which is why I haven't responded.
If you are for real Midwest then my appologies but me smells a rat. Kitty

[kathy gg]

I used to have people "doubt" my authenticity when I was single and loooking for a crossdresser. And even now with a website, being written about in a book, and being a member of a local cd social group{withm y hubby} I still get the occasional "are you for real?????"

Midwest wife.....I "want to believe" {gee sound like x-files now!} that your story is the real deal. Because in all my years in this community I have met a small handful of wives who initially freaked out, only to find the silver lining in this all. One of whom is one of my best gg friends who lives very near to me. This friend and I have had many long discussions and it took her two years before she was ready to admit that this turned her on {which coincidently bothered her more than her husband being a crossdresser!}.

But such a radical change in only a few days. You would surely win an award for most open minded...if...this is all the real deal.

I will be looking forward to more posts from you and eventually your huband. Also, the gg only section does require more screening.

So here's hoping you are for "real". Keeping my fingers tightly crossed.

[Julia Cross]

Josi, While i agree with Kathy and would hope this was a real attempt from a GG, I too feel the sudden change is suspicious. My first thought was that I was reading yet another work of fiction, and I still believe that.

Julia

[Khriss]

real girls... that want to understand "our prediliction" eh??
hmmm.... walk a mile in my heels- !?
iamimpressedwiththeendevourselfishornoteh? :eek: :) xx"K"

[michellecd9999]

Hi Miwest.
First, I think you need to quit beating yourself up for how you reacted. Although I am a guy who CDs, I can understand your reaction and how you felt. I think your reaction is pretty normal. Here you are married, think you have a good life with a good husband, kids and WHAM - you what? put on women's clothing?
Of course society makes more fun of us CDers than they do the gay or even BDSM. It is good that you have educated yourself on CDing and now realized that your "perfect life" can continue with your husband with a little "extra" added. The fact you can also partciapte and support him and even be turned on by it, is really a plus for him AND for you. He may be also dealing with the fact of who/what he is. He has probably never said "I am a crossdresser" to anyone in his life. That is a big step for any of us - just to admit what we are.

Just sit him down. Let him know why you reacted the way you did, but now you have come to understand the situation better. Assure him you love him and want to spend the rest of your lives together and that CDing is fine with you.. and that you would even like to help and participate with it. Tell him you would like to see him dressed but it will be up to HIM as when he feels confortable showing Erica to you. Continue to show love and understanding every day and even if he is shy, he will come around to embracing who he is and having you spend time with Erica. Best of luch
Michelle

[Anita Mae GG]

Well I thought it sounded quick too. I had about a week or two before I even BEGAN to understand that this was a lifelong thing and not a passing fetish. And I thought LONG and HARD about it that 1st week or 2. Like ALL the time. And only then did I have a GLIMMER of understanding just how deep this was, both mentally for him, me and us as a couple. So only 2 days and WHAM all better.......very doubtful, but here is my response "just in case" I am wrong.

Don't push him to dress or anything else for that matter. When I first found out, even talking deeply about it took a few days, it probably would have taken a lot longer for the whole thing but he was on his way to Philly for a business trip and I didn't want to leave it untouched.

Anyhow, even to this day he is still taking baby steps and we are talking and still exploring things. He has only FULLY dressed (makeup ,wig etc) ONCE in front of me. We haven't gone out yet but we are checking out places around us to feel comfy going to for his first time.

GO SLOW and DON'T PUSH HIM.......he'll open up more when he is ready, feels he can trust you, and is comfortable with himself as a crossdresser

Best of luck!

[ValerieToo]

Hi All,

Whether it was factual of fictional, and I have my own idea about that, look at the absolute avalanche of sympathetic and supportive responses it provoked from all of you wonderful girls!

All of the helpful thoughts, ideas and suggestions are certainly real and very useful to any Genuine GG/SO that might be reading and needing help.

As a lifetime CD, not yet out to my own SO, I learned a lot myself. Thank you.

Love,

Valerie

[Dragster]

Midwest,
I know you have raised suspicions here, mine included, but I want to believe you really are genuine. Please convince us with your next post.

If so, I suggest you start real slow. If you're both turned on with your husband crossdressed, why not ask him first to put just the thigh highs on, with maybe his favourite panties. And you do the same, maybe you put them on first. I'll bet you won't be able to keep your hands off one another, and you'll have a great time. Next time, add another item, if he's been crossdressing since puberty (most of us have) he'll already have a few items which really turn him on. You can then both decide how long you want it to be before you see the whole woman in him, but you'll have a real rollercoaster ride in between! I bet you'll both enjoy it if you do his make-up for him too!
I've suggested this because I would really like to say that was the way I came out to my own wife, but unfortunately, she does not share your enthusiasm, and may never. You're really lucky to have one another.....I hope you're for real!

Tony

[carol ann]

i would suggest you take it very carefully - one step at a time. partly because you want to remain, as far as possible, in charge of the whole situation, but mainly because you would not wish to do anything that might change yours and his relationships wit the children and other family members.

In other words - you need the best of both worlds.

Suggest to him that you would like to have another chat with him. Ask him how he feels, tell him you want to understand and, if he will go along with you, you will try and support him As a first stage you would like to see him dressed. From that other things might well flow - but make him promise that in future there will be no more secrets and that he will do nothing without your agreement.

[Toni]

Perhaps this idea would work, my wife used it on me. When he is in the shower, lay out a change of clothes for him to put on. one set drab and one set femme. Then sit back and relax and see what he goes for. You might want to get a small bottle of wine and some candles to set the mood. Who knows, you both may have the time of your lives. i know we did.:jumping:
Hi Midwest,
This sounds the best idea to me. My wife caught me dressing (In her clothes) some 40yrs ago and she immediately accepted what I was doing and willingly participates in what I do so it can work out. I know I was scared wittless the first time I dressed "for her", but it can work out without a lot of hand wringing and soul searching - at least it did for us.

[sharifemme]

Well, honey...

We all do things we regret later. That's why they put erasers on the end of pencils! The best thing to do is to apologize for your reaction if you really mean it. You know how you like to get flowers when your husband makes up to you for something he did? Maybe there is something he would like that you could get for him that would be a token of your desire to make up with him (her). If you REALLY want to get him to dress for you, get him a new item of lingerie and some bubble bath! Share a bubble bath with your husband and ask him to wear the lingerie. You should be able to figure it out from there.

The greatest thing a transgendered person can have is an accepting and supportive spouse. I guarantee you that your husband will be forever grateful for you and you will have a really great new girlfriend in addition to a spouse.

Sharifemme



Hello all! I am totally new at this whole thing, so please bear with me if I am saying something stupid, or offending anyone. I am 28 years old, married for 6 years (together for 10), with 3 beautiful children (all with my husband). I always thought that we had a very open relationship, and we are very close. On Friday, by mistake, I stumbled upone some thigh highs while packing to go away for the weekend with my family. I asked my husband where they came from, and out of now where he said "they are mine!" At the time, I about had a heart attack, almost laughed because I thought he was joking, and thought my world was comming to an end. It took me a little bit to understand what he was saying. I finally came out of the bedroom from crying and tried to sit down and talk to him. Now I know that i totally over reacted. I thought that perfect life as I had known for 10 years was comming to an end. I thought that CD meant that he was gay, he didn't love me, and didn't want to be with me. He told me he has done it for years, and it relaxes him and turns him on and that it had nothing to do with me. I cried for 2 days straight, and it never left my mind over our vacation weekend. After getting home and having time to think, I have a totally different opinion about it. (thanks to this site especially!! :D) So now, I want to know where do I go from here? I love him with my whole heart, and I am ok with him doing it. The only thing that I want is for him to dress for me. I have to admit, the more I am thinking about it, the more it is turning me on every minute!! This is something I have never dreamed of him doing, but now that the truth is out, I am quite excited for it. I just feel so darn bad for reacting the way that I did, and I don't know how to make him feel comfortable with his CD in front of me. Any suggestions????

[sharifemme]

When I just posted here I hadn't read all the posts in the thread. Now I have and I see some doubt that the original post is real. Well, I can't tell you it is, but if not and some other SO reads and is helped by our comments, I'm just as happy. Most of us give good advice and maybe a little humor.

Sharifemme


Well, honey...

We all do things we regret later. That's why they put erasers on the end of pencils! The best thing to do is to apologize for your reaction if you really mean it. You know how you like to get flowers when your husband makes up to you for something he did? Maybe there is something he would like that you could get for him that would be a token of your desire to make up with him (her). If you REALLY want to get him to dress for you, get him a new item of lingerie and some bubble bath! Share a bubble bath with your husband and ask him to wear the lingerie. You should be able to figure it out from there.

The greatest thing a transgendered person can have is an accepting and supportive spouse. I guarantee you that your husband will be forever grateful for you and you will have a really great new girlfriend in addition to a spouse.

Sharifemme

[midwest GG]

Sorry, I should have clarified that, he told me that he started when he was 15. We got together when we were 18.

[midwest GG]

Hello All!! I know that there is a lot of you that don't think that I am genuine, but I will try to give you a little bit of my side. I am totally and utterally in love with my husband. After 10 years, I fall in love with him more and more every day. He is the most kind and honest people I know, and I couldn't have picked a better father for children than him. He is my best friend in every aspect of the meaning. I know it sounds like a big joke that I am so forgiving, but, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I am not going to say that if we get to the point of him dressing infront of me someday, it isn't going to be a bit uncomfortable. But that is a part of growing, and being together as a couple. I truly believe that Derek and I will be together for a very long time to come. I just had to ask myself if this was something to end our lives together for? no Do I have the right to insist that he stops? no I either had to accept it or not, and I choose to turn it into a positive, and look at the situation from his eyes. I love him for who he is, and I am honored and very humbled that he shared this secret with me. The least I can do is suppport him in every aspect of his life. Many of you say that he is a lucky man to be married to someone like me, but none of you know him, and how lucky I am to have him in my life.
Now!! for the lighter update....
Today I went to Walmart and bought a 3 drwarer plastic cart to put all of our "toys" in. When I got it home, I labled the drawers...His, Hers, Ours. After the kids went to bed I sat him down and told him how sorry I was, and where I was comming from. We had a long conversation about it, and I told him I was fine with it, I just didn't want him to hide any of his things from me. That is why I got the cart, and I showed it to him, and explained the drawers. His is for him only. Hers is for me, and he doesn't touch mamma's toys!! and ours is the drawer for both of our stuff together. He took it really well, I showed him some new stuff i bought for "our" drawer, and told him when he was ready, I wanted to see him dressed. He smiled his cute grin smile, and said Thank You. So, that is where we are at with that, and thank you so much to all of you for giving the feedback. I will deff. be on this site often.

[Jennaie]

So happy that things are going well for you. I hope that you are able to enjoy his dressing as much as he does.

[Bliss GG]

I have hesitated over this entry .. I fear it may be "dangerous" to say what I am about to say .. It is judgmental of me .. and who the hell am I to be jusdgemantal over anyone?
But this is a place to be open and honest ...
So here it is ..
My cynical head senses this ..
Midwest are you really a GG? The timbre of the writing doesnt feel "real" ..
Your first post is so like something a CD fantasises over ,,, a real woman who not only accepts his dressing .. but one who very quickly is sexually excited by it and wants to "encourage him" to dress in front of her.


Am I awful for saying this ?
I mean no offence .. but feel like it is hopefully Ok to express an opinion.

Josi

The only thing I know for sure is that I don't know anything for sure.
That being said, I will venture an opinion.

I agree with Josie and others who think this post may be a fabrication.
While I was reading it, I got a wierd feeling that it just didn't seem right. I'm a GG, new to this forum, and it just seemed so odd that someone could go from devestated to turned on in two days. I may be wrong, but it just seems too much like a crossdresser's wildest dream.

To those who say it's o.k. if it's made up, because it may give other GGs advice on how to respond to their CDing SOs, I say it may do more harm than good. Lots of women struggle with how to respond to crossdressing. We come here for truth, real stories about real people like ourselves. It's hard enough for some to live up to real GGs who support and love crossdressers. We will never be able to live up to a fantasy.

Just my opinion.
--Bliss

[nikisbest]

I always love to read post from supportive wives. I have to agree with some of the others, you only reacted not overreacted. Also your husband is the lucky one, supportive wives are few and far between, so he better be good to you. Please keep us up to date with what happens with you two.
Niki:)

[Lisa Baby]

you came to the right forum. look at all the advice you have gotten already. and good advice at that. I'd put this forum up on your computer and then go get your husband and sit him down and say look at what I found. show him your post and then let him poke around for a wile. even join. that's my advice and I'm sticking to it. that should open up a dialog. I hope.

All that every one has said before me has shown you many approaches to your delema. I think it is great that you have accepted him for who he is.

Now you both are in for a time of adjustment as you get to know the new aspects of the person you thought you knew so well. Go as slow or as fast as BOTH of you feel good about going. Talking to each other, openly and honestly, about this is (in my opinion) is essential to your continued happiness together.

Best of luck, and fun, to both of you.

Lisa

[sharifemme]

Bliss...

I appreciate your opinions but want to mention a couple of things. None of us transgender people who kept our secret until after marriage would really expect for a gg spouse to be so accepting after such an initial reaction, but it does happen. Could go the other way after a few months although I hope not. It happened to us to a degree.

I have many regrets in life - that I was not honest with my prospective wife, that I pushed too hard after I told her, and that we lost the newfound closeness we had after I told her among others. I will always have to live with the fact that I was a liar and a fool. But we have been married for over 30 years and I still love her with all my heart, even more than I did before I told her. Many of us are in similar situations.

Also, gg's should not feel compelled to live up to anyone elses comfort level in this. Not your husband's or anybody else's spouse, or anybody. You have to be who you are too. I think we all understand that.

God Bless you,
Sharifemme



The only thing I know for sure is that I don't know anything for sure.
That being said, I will venture an opinion.

I agree with Josie and others who think this post may be a fabrication.
While I was reading it, I got a wierd feeling that it just didn't seem right. I'm a GG, new to this forum, and it just seemed so odd that someone could go from devestated to turned on in two days. I may be wrong, but it just seems too much like a crossdresser's wildest dream.

To those who say it's o.k. if it's made up, because it may give other GGs advice on how to respond to their CDing SOs, I say it may do more harm than good. Lots of women struggle with how to respond to crossdressing. We come here for truth, real stories about real people like ourselves. It's hard enough for some to live up to real GGs who support and love crossdressers. We will never be able to live up to a fantasy.

Just my opinion.
--Bliss

[DonnaT]

Sorry, I should have clarified that, he told me that he started when he was 15. We got together when we were 18.

That's cool, but note that 28-15=13 :D

My wife was very accepting of my CDing when it came out. No crying or questions. She even gave me a wig so I could complete the image.

She did put boundries on it however, such as not going out of the house, etc.

All was great until she looked up the term "transvestite" in the dictionary, and the definition included the term "homosexual". That's all it took for her to be much less accepting. And to this day, 30 years later, that definition still nags at her and her acceptance goes from good to barely any, depending on her mood swings.

It's good to hear that you've explained things to your husband about your reaction, and your acceptance. Hopefully you can continue to be accepting.

But if something bothers you, don't be afraid to discuss it with him. Don't let it build up do a boiling point before discussing it.

Most of all, try and have fun with his CDing. Explore ways both of you can enjoy it.

[pricilla21 GG]

Hi Midwest, as a SO of a cder, I found your post a bit "too good to be true". I really hope you find things as "sunshine and lollipops" as you imagine. Alot of the cders and SOs will tell you that it takes time before true acceptance and the redefining of a relationship occurs, often many years. I wish you luck but would advise you that the GG forum is always there for you when things crop up. Best of luck.

[Bliss GG]

Bliss...

Also, gg's should not feel compelled to live up to anyone elses comfort level in this. Not your husband's or anybody else's spouse, or anybody. You have to be who you are too. I think we all understand that.

God Bless you,
Sharifemme

Sharifemme,
Thanks for the kind words. I'm open to the idea that this really did happen, it just doesn't ring true for me. Thank you for letting me know that it does happen on occasion. I have a lot to learn.

Thank you also, for supporting that fact that ggs will have varying comfort levels with this. But I don't agree that "we all understand that." You do, obviously, as do many others. But some still have hostility toward their partners who are struggling to come to terms with the idea. If all cds had your attitude, all would be well for us, the partners who love, but may not completely understand, our cd'ing partners.
Bliss

[Seven]

Hiya!

What a lucky man to have such a wondeful woman like you! Many of us pray for a spouse who (eventually) understands and wants to encourage our crossdressing - God Bless you!

As for him dressing in front of you, be careful. He may have spent a long time hiding it from you and suddenly being asked to dress up in front of you may be too much of a big change to quickly. Perhaps start in small steps such as helping with makeup and gradually move to complete dressing.



What a lucky man to have such a wondeful woman like you! Many of us pray for a spouse who (eventually) understands and wants to encourage our crossdressing - God Bless you! I am going to pick up from this point, First you are a dream sister, a kind and understanding sister, and we all love you and think greatly of you. Sister you can look at it this way, not only have you a hubbey, but you have a sister to share your live with some times. My wife has been an angel and supporting me all the way. I have never looked or wished for a woman in my life, but only my wife, she is a great gift that I have and would never do anything to upset her. Sister many have said kind words, but it's up to you my dear beloved sister, take control and enjoy yourselfs , he needs to be shown from a true (woman) how its done, go for it girl have fun, you have many friends here with you all the way.

[sharifemme]

Bliss...

You are so right that there can still be hostility. And I do think that most of us TG's understand that comfort levels vary among spouses. What we don't sometimes understand is the level of that hostility and comfort. The GG's are worried about us going too far, being discovered by someone close to us or in a position to cause us trouble, or of the fact that many TGs decide to transition and maybe leave them behind. We are all worried we will lose that special person that we love so much. I'm afraid confrontation will always exist for most of us to some degree regardless of our amount of understanding.


I am a member of an open TG support group and have seen the stress among the members that being TG can put on families and friends . While our lives are not perfect and my wife and I both have to have time to be who we are, I really do not mind walking a line that will keep me together with the one I love. But then, I don't really identify as transexual - I have gender elements of both sexes and like it that way.

I would be glad to share personal experience with you if are interested. E-mail at [email protected] .



Sharifemme,
Thanks for the kind words. I'm open to the idea that this really did happen, it just doesn't ring true for me. Thank you for letting me know that it does happen on occasion. I have a lot to learn.

Thank you also, for supporting that fact that ggs will have varying comfort levels with this. But I don't agree that "we all understand that." You do, obviously, as do many others. But some still have hostility toward their partners who are struggling to come to terms with the idea. If all cds had your attitude, all would be well for us, the partners who love, but may not completely understand, our cd'ing partners.
Bliss

[AnnaMaria]

Midwest,

After reading all the posts, which took quite a while, the only thing that I can suggest to you is something that my wife and I use from time to time when things get difficult. I have a really hard time putting my feelings into spoken words, it is something of a deffensive mechanism which has developed over the years, so our counsler suggested that we write letters to each other. The whole idea is to be able to respond to each others feelings without fear of rejection or attitude. One of you starts the letter writing and the other simply responds point by point but you have to be willing to be completely honest for the whole thing to work. The idea is that it gives you both an outlet for your feelings and at the same time allows the other to be a part of those feelings.

I also noticed the doubt about your being real. All I can say on that point is that no two people are alike. What may take weeks, months, or years for one could only take minutes, hours, or days for another. If your love for each other is as strong as you say then my thought would be that there is some hidden desire in you which is just comming to the surface as a result of finding out about your so. What that desire is there is no way for me to judge because I don't know you personally therefore I am not going to even consider attempting to speculate what it could be. That said I would suggest that you consider exploring it in the future when both of you are more comfortable with your new found situation.

But, above all remember that talking is the key. Something that I don't do near enough of and something that has caused much grief in my own marriage because of it.

Welcome to the group and good luck on your new journey into discovery

Anna

[Claire]

Hey midwest. Glad you found this site. Your husband is very fortunate to have someone like you who decided to try to find out more and who still loves him. He is the same person you have loved all these years. His dressing probably goes back to his childhood days; I believe that is true with most of us. I don't think you should blame him or you. Many of us never tell because we fear the reaction of our SO; many relationships have ended when the dressing was discovered. Your initial reaction was probably the norm, but you approached it with an open mind after the initial shock was over. I say give him a big hug and tell him you love him! Now that it is out, each of you can be honest about it with each other. Some SO's allow it but never want to see him dressed. You. on the other hand, do want to see him, and that is great! He needs to realiize how fortunate he is! Some SO's get a thrill out of being with their husbands while dressed, and you seem to say that you feel that way now. For some it improves their sex life. For others it is companionship. You can help him to learn how to dress and act more like the woman he wants to be while dressed. you could go places as husband and wife or as girlfriends. The possibilities are endless, and I know all of us here wish you trhe best and are here to support both of y:thumbsup: ou!

[erica12b]

you are awsome ,do you have a sister thats single ? lol i know this guy .,,,,,,,

[Kristen Kelly]

Love him Talk with him comunicate go slow. You married him for the person he is you must have liked the fact he had more fem traits. I feel men that are in touch with their fem sides make better husbands.

[Meag]

I have read the greater part of the tread, and I much say that it is not hard to beleive that Midwest could accept that her husband was a crossdresser.

When my wife found out, all she wanted to do was throw me out of the house. After 3 hours of talking to a friend of our's, she changed her whole attitude. I know that seeing me in a skirt and heels, got some getting use to. I don't wear them all the time, because she has said that she does like to see in the male clothes, some of the time.

I'm just saying that it can and does happen, I Know...

Meag

[jodybi35]

Josi, I gotta tell you I think you are right on. I would love for that all to be true as the day is long, but I had the same
feelings while reading it.......as I can appreciated how one
feels about their significant other and the idea of acceptance. However, all the advice has been pretty good.
I have been married over 25 years and we have been going at this very slowly over the years, and we are not even half way there. We may never be, but it is wonderful.

[midwest GG]

All I can say is WOW!! Thank You from the bottom of my heart to all of you. Some of the feedback I have gotton on here is udderly unbelievable!! I feel as if some of you have known me for years, and I can truly feel that someone understands. Like I said before, this is different for me, but, I know it is different for him also. This past week has brought about so much in our relationship, and has deff. put us into the next level of Love and Admiration for one another, (amongst the best "bonding" ever :D ). I will deff. be keeping in touch and letting u all know how it is going. We are going out tonight, so u never know what can happen!!!!!!!

[Bernice]

Intellectually, I must acknowlege the minute possibility that Midwest is not genuine. Emotionally, I choose to believe that she is very real, and very honest, and very trusting, and also vulnerable. Perhaps arithmetic is not her best subject. So what? As others have already said, even if Midwest is not genuine, the advice given is applicable to others in the same situation.

I have the following to offer to anyone reading this whose recently exposed crossdressing hubby is reluctant to dress in front of you, even though you have asked:

Habits are hard to break. He has been hiding this from you for how long? He is squarely in his most feared danger zone.

Go slow, and be honest, but expect him to be over-sensistive. I told me wife about my CDing before we were married. My wife and I were fine our first year together - until one day when a neighbor peeped into our apartment window past the closed blinds, and he became very hostile. He was known to get violent. This changed everything.

Once, many years later, I was encouraged to wear whatever I pleased in our own home, and not worry, but one day when she came home, she admitted the wig and the breasts were a little too much for her. I perhaps over-reacted, by dressing since then only when she is not home, or fully engrossed in an activity elsewhere in the house. When she comes home early and unexpected, she often finds me changing as rapidly as I can. This bothers her. It bothers me. Remember, I love her SO MUCH! I don't want my dressing to be too much for her. I don't want to push the boundaries. She wants me to trust her, and not fear her, and to know that she tolerates me better than I am now able to understand. That's really what it is in my mind. It is tolerance, not full acceptance, certainly not encouragement. We both shop garage sales together, and she finds things for me on occassion. I often wear a pullover knit dress to bed, but never for sex, and I still can't muster the nerve to fill a brassiere or wear a wig or even just all the rest when she is around.

So our marriage is imperfect, as are most. But we continue to work on it, as should you work on yours. That is what counts in the long term. Seek to understand, and then express your love. Encourage him to dress with you, instead of for you. Try to remove any hint of personal agenda when building his trust. Be patient.

Hugs,

Bernice

[mudanjel]

All I can say is WOW!! Thank You from the bottom of my heart to all of you. Some of the feedback I have gotton on here is udderly unbelievable!! I feel as if some of you have known me for years, and I can truly feel that someone understands. Like I said before, this is different for me, but, I know it is different for him also. This past week has brought about so much in our relationship, and has deff. put us into the next level of Love and Admiration for one another, (amongst the best "bonding" ever :D ). I will deff. be keeping in touch and letting u all know how it is going. We are going out tonight, so u never know what can happen!!!!!!!

How fortunate for you that you were able to swing from crying your eyes out for two days, confused and bewildered over such a deeply held secret, to both of you suddenly enjoying a euphoric second honeymoon all within a week!

Me thinks you're a troll trying to take a slow boat into the GG forum :D

[Danielle]

Yes !!Yes!!:yrtw: as a crossdresser we value the entire women persona it's such a joy and having my SO accept, it's the cherry on top:^5: Best wishes to you both and please embrace the courage he had to admit it it takes alot of balls to share that secret with anyone.There's alot to do now..so enjoy yourselves:peace: out!!

[LaceLuvr's GG]

I have read all the posts thus far in this thread - and I will disagree with those that think that Midwest isn't genuine for her sudden change of heart. I had a very similar experience with my SO. Ok, so I wasn't married for 10 years, heck we weren't even together - but here's my story for those that haven't heard it before:

I spent several weeks getting to know this guy on the internet. He was sweet, caring.. and didn't only want to talk about sex. We met a couple of times and I liked him very much. Even though nothing had happened between us - I really saw myself being with this man. Then one night, he dropped the bombshell on me that he liked to wear women's underwear and heels. I was devastated - I automatically had the same reaction and that was assuming that he was gay and definately not interested in me. I was VERY upset. Once he explained to me that he wasn't gay, and it was just something he enjoyed doing - I was totally ok with it. He will vouch for me. I could of run away screaming - but I didn't. I loved him and that's all that mattered. I started to realize that I had fallen for this man - CDing included.

The fact that people automatically assume that Midwest is a CDer - just because she was so accepting upsets me. Maybe the thrill of knowing her husband wasn't gay made her relieved. I find Lace's dressing very sexually attractive - I can't get enough of it.

[midwest GG]

Thanks so much Lace Luver's GG. you said it all perfectly. He hasn't even dressed infront of me "yet", and I already am soooo attracted to him and can't get enough of him period!!!!!

[Cheery GG]

Hiya honey,

From what youve said already it seems that your in the same situation many of us GG's (genetic girls) have been in, and some still are.

I dont know if anyone has told you yet, but on this forum we have a special part.....for us special people....(joke!)....

So if you want to be part of our GG forum, please send me a pm, and we can sort out access for you....there are some great girls over there. We give each other some fab advise and even sometimes have a laugh along with way.....

Cheery
xx

[KrazyKat]

Hello Midwest
I "bonded" the minute I read u felt "humbled and honored" that D shared this secret after all this time with u! That's exactly the way I felt, it took a week, but who's counting! I often have used the word"humbled" because I never thought there was any secret like Cding between Gypsy Karen and I.
Gypsy still smiles when I say that, I'm not sure exactly why, after a year.
I understand the wanting to find our everything and the excitement, I felt this way, too! It seems some are taking that to mean that life is perfection, but I understand that the adventure is only beginning!! Just my 0.02 Heck, I was pulling everything out of my closet for Karen to try on when the midnight shift was over. When GypsyK got home, she said, "oh, yes, that fits me!" That made me laugh!!
Kat PS I still see the only person who loves me unconditionally when I look in those big brown eyes!!

[swiss_susan]

Hi Midwest,

it seems to me that you have not really overreacted in my opinion. It is entirely understandable that you were shocked and taken aback by this revelation.

Just let him know you are there for him and I think things will fall into place.

Susan

[GypsyKaren]

All I have to add is this; you say you love him with your whole heart, and it sounds like he does the same. Just keep on doing that, it's a pretty cool place to be, something many search for in life and never find. I'm not going to delve into the dressing issue, the fact that you love each other so much is all that matters. Clothes are just a shell, sharing your inner soul with someone is what it's all about.

Karen