An Analogy?

[Sophia Rearen]

I understand, I think, how wives and SO's feel when they find their partner dresses. I have a GG friend whom for years talked of breast augmentation and a tummy tuck. I was completely supportive. She got the tummy tuck and told us that was it. She has totally lied to us about the breast job. Said she didn't get one. She has told others she did. She went from an A- cup to a full C at least. What, does she think I'm visually challenged? I don't get it? Why the lies? I was supportive. Now, we feel a loss of connection to her. How and why should/could she lie to us? Not sure if it's repairable, or if we even want to try. Thoughts please.

[Phoebe Reece]

Maybe your GG friend just did what we do and filled her bra with silicone breast forms to get the shape she wanted. In any case, it must be a sensitive issue with her or she wouldn't give out conflicting stories (if indeed she has). I don't think being given the full and complete truth all the time should be a condition for friendship. After all, does she know the full story about you?

[Sophia Rearen]

After all, does she know the full story about you?

She knows enough. Her choice.

[Laurie Ann]

Sometimes people are embarrassed by the lifes decisions they have made and find it hard to talk to others about it. Good friendships are hard to come by you need to think if this issue is worth losing a good friend over.

[Holly]

She knows enough. Her choice.It's really your call, Sophia. But based on the above, I'm thinking that you are not highly motivated to maintain the friendship.

[livy_m_b]

Maybe after she saw the reaction, comments, etc. to the tummy tuck, she decided against being open about it. My so had a face lift many years ago and made the mistake of mentioning it to one person in her family - now there is never a family gathering but what someone asks her about it, or makes a response if someone says "You look nice" such as "But she had a face lift you know!". People are unintentionally cruel, or intentionally cruel! Honesty is not always the best policy -especially if the people around you can't handle the truth with kindness. I would give her a break - you don't have to think she is trying to fool you, just think that she is trying to maintain some privacy about something essentially private.

[Ms. Donna]

Hi Sophia,

As for the analogy... Other than feeling hurt that you were lied to, the two things are very different.

When an SO discovers that her partner is something other than she her knew him to be, it causes a flood of emotions. She goes from having married 'the man of her dreams' to having married 'the woman of her husband's dreams'. It causes her to question her own identity as a woman: her sexuality (am I a lesbian?) - her (in) adequacies as a partner (what does he get dressing up that I can not provide) - her place amongst her peers (what will my friends think) - in short, it throws her world completely off kilter.

She now no longer sees her 'husband' but this other person - someone who she thought she knew. She wonders what other 'things' she doesn't know about him: in he gay? - does he want to be a 'real' woman? - how far does this go? - how far will this go? - and just what else isn't he telling me. She feels betrayed because he has this whole other part to his life that he has been hiding. She doesn't just feel lied to, she feels deceived and that is much more damaging.

In the case with your friend, you weren't deceived. As you pointed out, you're not visually challenged - her breasts were bigger - no deception there. You just don't see the issue with her fessing up to it.

Laurie Ann was quite right in noting that sometimes people are simply embarassed by their decisions. Your friend told you she wasn't going to get her breasts done and then she did. Why is she embarased by that? No clue - but you might try asking her. Are you really going to let her breasts get in the way of your friendship? ;)

Talk with her. At the very least, a friendship is worth a conversation.


Love & Stuff,
Donna