Attraction to admirers

[KatieEvans1989]

Not sure if this has been posted before... But I was hoping I could get some advice here.

In the last week or so, I've noticed myself growing a massive urge to go with an admirer. But then 5 minutes later I don't, then I do, then I don't and so on... This is how I used to feel when I was dressing. I felt almost a guilt for it and now I feel no guilt for dressing, but I feel like I want to but guilty all at the same time.

Any advice would be great, thanks.
k x

[Macey]

You mean like a date? If you're unattached and you want to, why not? If you like the person, just do a nice safe public coffee shop type date. Be safe, and don't give too much personal info until you know where each other's head is at.

[Teresa]

KatieEvans,
I assume you mean a male admirer ?

One question , do you go out or are you still in the closet ? The reason why I ask is going out to a social group might provide some answers to this dilemma , seeing and meeting other Cders does bring a balance to your thoughts . For me it just confimed I'm still attracted to women and would like to find one to share my dressing with . I'm not attracted to other men dressed or not , I also admit that these thoughts did occur to me some years ago , I'm sure many others have had similar thoughts at some time , dressing can be confusing at times .

[KatieEvans1989]

I'm sort of in and out of the closet... Not fully out yet, but not all the way at the back of it either.I do want to go out as Katie and I hope so soon too... I find myself with a massive attraction to male admirers lately... I watched a guy on webcam and I found myself overwhelmingly turned on by it. I got a weird knot in my stomach. I've had the feeling come and go lately.

[Teresa]

Katie,
Just checked your age , I just about remember having all that energy and thoughts going in all directions . I also remember young kids and a mortgage round my neck plus my new photography business ! I'm not sure if I envy you or not care to swap for a while ??

[AllieSF]

I agree with Macey. If unattached, then go for it in a safe environment. Most true admirers understand that and are willing to wait to see if it will lead to physical intimacy. Make it multiple dates over time with time in between to actually think with your head and not with your sexual desires or needs. Good luck.

[Kalisopwith]

Lots of us have the same feelings. It is up to YOU what you want to do! If you are single, why not go for a coffee or a drink? Public place and see how you feel! The other option is another girl like us. Either way, just remember, you are an original, there is no other person like you!

[Beverley Sims]

Back when I was young and single I would befriend an admirer, a coffee or a movie were the usual treats.

Nothing more as that was not my scene.

Just a friendly encounter usually in company with someone else.

[Majella St Gerard]

These back and forth feeling are telling you the answer you seek.

[Jenny22]

Katie, we know very little about you, such as how often you've been going out, where did you meet your admirer en femme, are you possibly Bi-curious, etc..The more you can share with us (not about you EX living with you) the better we will understand what makes you tick, as far as giving you requested help. Consider that, Katie.

[Alice Torn]

The vast majority of "admirers" are actually "lusters" and their end goal is to be physical with you at some point, some also are looking for a steady relationship or marriage even. i have only met four, in a span of 7 yrs. Only one did i meet twice. But, i made it clear, that i don't do any penetration sex, and that was a turn off to them.

[Sevenkittycat]

I suggest you don’t complicate your situation until you are comfortable with yourself. Love yourself first then the rest will come naturally.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

You sound confused Katie. You're on the fence, which is an uncomfortable place to be whichever sex you are.

This is a really boring answer, but have you considered seeing a counsellor?

Going with your instinct, which may be purely lust-based, could have very serious consequences in terms of both health and self esteem, not to mention safety.

One test to learn more about your true feelings might be: when you look at a guy on a webcam and get turned on, do you orgasm, and if so, does the attraction vanish for a time? If that's the case, then I'd strongly advise you against casual sex. It could make you a whole lot more confused.

If on the other hand this attraction is increasingly steady and solid, then perhaps a little experimentation might clarify things.

Whatever you decide, for god's sake be very careful...and good luck!

[Stacy Darling]

What to do?
It's desire! and I'm guilty of it also!

It's how we deal with it which is most important. I find some doting Girls to be quite attractive! even stunning! but hey.

What to do? Maybe some chill time when hot under the collar, just my call though!
Stacy!

[Roxanne Lanyon]

Oh my. I get those feelings as well. And I know they are much more than just physical. I often daydream about marriage, love (not passion, but Love!), and belonging. Lord, I am a Sweet mess! But I think, at times, of something different, or "Better"!

Roxanne Lanyon

[Krisi]

The Internet is not the same as real life. Being turned on by a guy on the Internet is not the same as dating a man. Be sure you can handle it before you try it in real life.

[KatieEvans1989]

The lust can be really strong at times. When looking at a guy on cam I am immediately turned on... I would love to try penetration at some point, that's one thing I definitely know. I do seem to attract a lot of admirers and t-girls too who tell me I'm extremely attractive... I don't see it haha.

Well I've been Katie inside for as long as I can possibly remember, but only taken the plunge to dress as far as I have for about 3 weeks, the photos you see are 100% early me. I'd love to improve with time.

[Alice Torn]

Katie, I understand how powerful the pink fog is, and it overwhelms our thinking too often, and we cannot see the consequences of making fantasy a reality. I would abstain from any penetration sex or tongue kissing, for disease prevention, at least. An hour's fun, can cause a lifetime not fun Sexually transmitted pain in the ass disease.

[KatieEvans1989]

Not even with protection?

[Micki_Finn]

Just speculating here but I’m guessing that the fantasy is playing tug-of-war in your head with reality. The only thing I can tell you is to figure out your sexuality WITHOUT the clothes first.

[docrobbysherry]

Katie, u r young and need to try things to find out who u r and what u like. I see no reason why u shouldn't experiment with your desires.
Except that you may want to do it with someone u know and who knows u. I have met and been hit on by a number of nice guys at Mary's on their monthly T girl nites.:battingeyelashes:

I suggest u visit gay/trans clubs in your area as Katie. Get to know the guys that come on to u in a safe, public enviornment. Then, go where your heart or stomach butterflies leads u!:o

[Miss V]

If you haven't yet, you may want to do some personal experiments with a "toy". If you know what I mean (They are long and made of rubber).

It certainly gives you a great idea of what it would be like, and if you would like it or not :)


(Random side note; you live just a few towns away from me! It's a small world!)

[Krisi]

The lust can be really strong at times. When looking at a guy on cam I am immediately turned on... I would love to try penetration at some point, that's one thing I definitely know. I do seem to attract a lot of admirers and t-girls too who tell me I'm extremely attractive... I don't see it haha.

Well I've been Katie inside for as long as I can possibly remember, but only taken the plunge to dress as far as I have for about 3 weeks, the photos you see are 100% early me. I'd love to improve with time.

Keep in mind that strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig doesn't make you a woman. You have no vagina.

If you have sex with another man, that's gay sex. That's fine if you are gay or even bi-sexual. Just be sure you understand this ahead of time. I think the suggestion to get yourself a rubber penis is a good one just to see what you might be getting yourself into.

[phili]

I find it helpful to acknowledge my sex fantasies, approve of them, and indulge them as fantasies. It gives me the fun with a clearer head. I also talk out loud to myself or even better a self video, what I am trying to experience and why. It is very helpful in reducing the compulsive urges and letting me see the risks of rushed dating sex.

Using people or letting them use you as a sex toy doesn't really satisfy beyond a thin layer of sex fantasy fulfillment. That can seem like it is worth it, but the whole STD risk set is pretty staggering to day, and protection is not all that reliable. Much safer and therefore inescapably better to use inanimate things for the penetration fun and experience, and date non sexually first to build relationship with a person, after which you can enjoy all the sex you want without worry, in a fuller context of emotion and committment.

I also intensely wrote my fantasies out, writing in great detail like a bodice ripper novella,and then add in the cooking and cleaning. That helped drain away the urgency, so I could focus more on the facts of real life relationships.

[faltenrock]

Just speculating here but I’m guessing that the fantasy is playing tug-of-war in your head with reality. The only thing I can tell you is to figure out your sexuality WITHOUT the clothes first.

Katie, I agree with that.

I've been in many situations when guys wanted to flirt, touch or kiss me.
I've never been turned on by men, I just don't feel anything, I love and adore women and my wife.

Figure out your sexuality....

[Roxanne Lanyon]

When being Roxanne, I do experience attractions. But it is more romantic in nature. I have a craving to be in love, to be his mate, to be his wife. Oh, I would adore cuddling and kissing, and the other feelings a girl can get from a partner. OH1 Have I said too much? I am such a mixed up girl!
Roxanne Lanyon

[KatieEvans1989]

Keep in mind that strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig doesn't make you a woman. You have no vagina.

If you have sex with another man, that's gay sex. That's fine if you are gay or even bi-sexual. Just be sure you understand this ahead of time. I think the suggestion to get yourself a rubber penis is a good one just to see what you might be getting yourself into.



This put's it in a new perspective to me... I'd say I'd verge on a little curious. In day to day life I have no attraction to men, only when I'm dressed.

[Roxanne Lanyon]

The Internet is not the same as real life. Being turned on by a guy on the Internet is not the same as dating a man. Be sure you can handle it before you try it in real life.

I so want to be sure!
Roxanne

[KatieEvans1989]

When being Roxanne, I do experience attractions. But it is more romantic in nature. I have a craving to be in love, to be his mate, to be his wife. Oh, I would adore cuddling and kissing, and the other feelings a girl can get from a partner. OH1 Have I said too much? I am such a mixed up girl!
Roxanne Lanyon


I think me & you have similar thoughts. Not sure I wanna be someone’s wife mind.

[natalie edwards]

By watching a guy on webcam I'm assuming you mean he was pleasuring himself to your image. This is such an awesome empowering feeling! But does that mean you really want a man? For me it leaves feeling validated and so confused.

[Ressie]

I'm sort of in and out of the closet... Not fully out yet, but not all the way at the back of it either.I do want to go out as Katie and I hope so soon too... I find myself with a massive attraction to male admirers lately... I watched a guy on webcam and I found myself overwhelmingly turned on by it. I got a weird knot in my stomach. I've had the feeling come and go lately.

I'm out of the closet only to a few people. Mostly people I've met via the internet. That's not really being out of the closet at all.

I was doing the webcam thing 5 or 6 years ago and enjoyed getting men excited. Meeting men for sex was the next level. There has been some good and not so good experiences.

I think deep down you want to be with a man but you're afraid for several reasons. You have to deal with it in your own way because it's personal. You might go for years wondering what you're missing or you may find it hard to live with yourself if you indulge too much. Think about what your really want now and in the future.

[Princess Chantal]

The Internet is not the same as real life. Being turned on by a guy on the Internet is not the same as dating a man. Be sure you can handle it before you try it in real life.

Krisi is absolutely right, internet and real life is a whole different ball(s)game.

[Amelie]

It's up to you what you want to do, only you know. But my advise from experience is to stay from any guy who calls himself an admirer. Find someone who is genuine, someone who won't use you and throw you away the next day.

[phili]

I mentioned this in a similar thread, but I had a lot of my bisexual [male directed] curiosity fulfilled in one night stands in my 20s. A couple of lessons learned:
a. clothing is functional only in flirting and foreplay. I lucked into one circumstance where my clothes were an interesting part of it for the other person, but in those days finding a crossdresser admirer was not easy to do. I went to gay baths and that actually was very nice- gentle people for the most part, and we were all respectful and happy to be in a place where we could have sex in a positive and uncomplicated way. That was pre HIV and the extensive epidemics of STDs. I wouldn't do that again, or trust protection- simply because a failure is catastrophic. I would want to know the person very well. b. Waiting and getting to know someone is much better. Sex is sex whether with men or women. Once you get the technique down, it is a very similar kind of communication and caring for each other. Here is a very helpful well rounded look at this https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/anal-sex-safety#how-to-practice-safe-sex

c. It feels degrading when it is fetishistic, and rushed. Dragging out the flirting is the fun part, but in a fast sex situation it is just a pretense - down graded to dramatic role playing fantasy enactment. Normal life is where you find someone who is not in a rush to use you for gratification.
d. sometimes there was a little bit of liking each other, but without the option to make that person part of my life that was frustrating, and being bi is sort of troublesome for that reason. Monogamy works really well. But you have to try both sexes to know where you want to rest.

[Jean 103]

WOW to be your age and where I am now that would be a game changer.

Pretty much all good advice.

May I suggest you first take some time away from the computer world and go into the real world?

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Go meet and talk to people face to face.

If you just want to find sex that’s easy, but if you are looking for a life that will take a little work.

I know a little of what I speak. It’s been a year and a half since I broke up with a boyfriend, that I had been living with for a year. There was another roommate with a five year old daughter. Instant Family. I was the women of the house. The little girl and I became like sisters. We only had her three days a week. Her MOM hated me and didn’t know exactly why. That is till I was told, that when she went home to her MOMs all she did was talk about how great Jean is. This roommate is a great DAD and now has his daughter full time. This boyfriend died a few months ago. I currently have one boyfriend someone I had been seeing before this other one. This is real life and it goes on and on.

Find what you want and go after it, don’t just sit there and let life pass you by.

[t-girlxsophie]

After my divorce and before meeting my now wife,I experimented with guys,but overwhelmingly the reality was nothing like i hoped,or imagined it would be.

Now I really enjoy chatting with guys when out dressed,but that's just like confirming for me that theres blokes who think I'm worth chatting with,it never ever goes further than that

Sophie

[faltenrock]

I made a weird experience in October. I was on the way to Dunkirque to catch the ferry to the Uk early in the morning.

In June/July, I've visited Antwerpen as a weekend trip with my wife and liked the city. Antwerpen is on the way to Dunkirque.
So I stopped in Antwerpen for the whole day en femme and went out in the night to visit a street cafe with quite a crowd of people.
A woman came to my table and we started having a great and very long talk.
However, there was a guy, probably a latin guy, who starred at me for almost all the time, just about 10 feet away. He started playing with himself by looking at me.

That was pretty disgusting to watch him play while starring at me. As usually I was dressed fairly sexy and very feminine.
What goes on the mind of those men??

I felt like many women feel when they are just looked at as a sexual object. I'm not even sure if the guy realized that I was a man in a dress.

[susanmichelle]

Whatever you decide to do is your business and all the posts here have been great advice but one other thing to consider is make sure you know the person very well and always use protection. In my case many years before I started cross dressing or even had the thought I was out at a few regular straight bars and was mickeyed by someone and raped against my will not a good experience but it sure will leave a bad memory for life, makes thinking about what a lot of gg’s go through too. Always know your surroundings and have a plan in case something might go wrong. Carry a cell phone and I now carry a can of pepper spray or mace just in case to get to the safety of my own car for a fast getaway. Good luck whatever decision you might make