Born with this?....

[DawnLabelle]

I asked a good friend of mine once if she believed that I started dressing actively cause I have always had troubled relationships and I try to become the girlfriend that I could never get..... or if I always had troubled relationships because I was a tranny and felt conflicted inside (fear, anxiety, paranoia, always blaming it on the dressing). She answered that yeah its possible that I'm projecting my idea of a sexy perfect GF onto myself, but she reminded me of something, that I have very vivid memories of dressing a few times even as a young child and enjoying it (while knwoing it was wrong), so yeah, perhaps it has always been in me somewhere.

Im an engineer by trade, very logical "cause and effect" line of investigation and thought, so for me there has to be a reason for this. I firmly believe that homosexuals are born that way, and its genetic, but crossdressing (not transgendered, who I define as those with actual measuarble horomonal or psysiological differences which are female, sorry if I step on any toes here) has so many sociological and behavioural sides to it that I kind of believe that it must have something to do with how we percieve the world, or how we perceive ourselves.

At least I feel this is true for myself, its as if over years of having a general resentment for men (based on a bad relationship with my father, getting backstabbed by male friend after male friend, got beat up a few times on the school yard by a gang of boys I didn't even know as initiation BS in the yard) I drifted towards women, always having a great respect for women during my life, in such a strong way that I imprinted them onto myself. Again the only thing that doesn't fit with that is the feminine behaviour as a child. Although there are only 2 memories, one of modyfying my clothing to look female, and one of dressing, alot of my other traits qualified as feminine, or more specifically, "sociologically" feminine. I was emotional, needy, overly sensitive, not a mama's boy but went to my mother with problems as opposed to my father who was uncommunicative. Got called girly so often just for being friends with girls (not neccessarily acting girlish), that maybe a piece of me flipped over and inside something said, "ok, maybe i will start to become a chick". Even at that young age I had more female friends and always felt more comfortable around them. So is that what did it?

I have a younger sister by 6.5 years, and although the timing of the memories is foggy, and im not sure if the early dressing was before or after her birth, but I know that I was jealous of her for a long time, so perhaps that had something to do with it, I wanted to be like my sister to win the impossible approval of my father (cause she could do no wrong, out of an old fashioned belief set of "she doesn't need to grow up and get a high education, she can just marry rich") up to the point of even changing sex for it to get actual unconditional love for once?. That's a hell of an answer isn't it!?.

I don't have an answer, I wish I could say that I was born with it and actually believe it 100%, cause right now it's at around 75%, but the other 25 is pretty damn loud right now the more I experiment and expose myself more and more for who I am (amount of people who know apart from ex's, 5 including my mother, very recent outing of myself over past 2 months).

Have any of you other CD'ers or others had these types of thoughts in your past?, do you have a strong opinion on if you were born with it or not?, or am I just wasting my time and this is the last death throes of my inability to accept myself now that I'm finally making progress. I'd love to hear any comments about your own thoughts on these types of issues.

Deep thoughts brought to you lovingly by
Dawn

[Kimberley]

Dawn,
I am one of those who believes that there is a genetic link. Yes we are a diverse group.

I think many of the things you describe can be found among many of us. Schoolyard? Oh yeah, Politics? Lost count of the stab wounds. (I also worked as an engineer for several decades) Questioning? It never ends.

I am certain that this has been lifelong and will remain that way. This is not fetishism on my side of the fence in any way shape or form. I am working through this as best I can with a pdoc who specializes in gender and sexuality and I am actually discovering a few answers. If you arent already then I would suggest gender counselling to help you find out for yourself exactly how this fits into your life or rather how all of this affects your life.

Kimberley.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Sure I've thought about "why", then I realized that knowing why wouldn't make much a difference in my life in the long run. That it didn't really matter. That instead of focusing on "why" I should be thinking about "what do I make of it" or "what next"


Veronica

[Deborah_UK]

It seems to me that so many CDers want to finds out 'why?' and try to find links between all cders, hence the numerous posts and polls "were you crap at sports at school", "were you the high school loner" "are Cders taller than the average population" "do most cders go into ........ (insert occupation here)" "were you brought up by your mum" "were your only influences feminine" ""are you the youngest brother" etc etc - all these polls and posts come to one conclusion, cder are all very diverse in lifestyles, life choices, upbrigings etc - the only common link amongst cder is the one thing - crossdressing.

That is why it is my firm belief that cding (as is being transgendered - which is how I see myself) is genetic and not caused by any external sources, however some of those external sources can, I suggest, give that genetic predisposition a stronger or weaker impetus.

Wow all that at 7.30 in the morning!! :)

[Lisa Golightly]

It's magic...

[Cathy Anderson]

g
the only common link amongst cder is the one thing - crossdressing.
Yes, there are many theories on the origin of CDing. That's not a contradiction. People are complex. The fact that there might be many different explanations--or, more accurately stated--a limited number of relevant factors that may interact uniquely in innumerable ways for each CDer --doesn't mean that these explanations or factors are irrelevant.

Each person needs to figure out their own situation. But the more factors they understand, the more tools they have at their disposal.

Also, I don't believe social/psychological factors are any less "causes" than genetics, even thought the latter comes earlier. One could as easily call the genes a "vulnerability" and the later things the causes. For example, there are probably genes that make some people more vulnerable than others to catching a cold. But usually we think of the virus as causing the cold, not the genes.

Or how about this as a possible factor: we are born with both masculine and feminine tendencies. But we are now subject to an increasingly stressful social "system" and exploitive, oppressive government. We are taxed to a degree that could not even have been contemplated, much less tolerated, in bygone ages. Higher education is increasinglly more difficult to obtain, and it's quality increasingly dubious. All these combine to suppress and deny any masculinity in the population which might threaten to rise up in challenge or assert their collective will. (I've got my soap box. Which way to Hyde Park? :) )

Or what of this statement which I read somewhere: Men are made, not born.

Cathy

[livy_m_b]

If you figure it out, let me know! :)

[TGMarla]

Okay, I'll bite. I was a smallish boy, and I did not put on any feminine clothing until I was 12, when I put on a pair of pantyhose for reasons that had nothing to do with crossdressing or even curiosity about crossdressing. But once I tried the pantyhose, I was absolutely hooked. I rapidly started dressing in more and more clothing until I was completely dressing from head to toe.

Now, I remember once as a child, while driving in the car, and sitting up front between my mother and my father (these were the days before car seats for kids), we were going out to eat or to church or something. My mother was wearing a dress with hosiery. I was a bit fascinated with the hosiery, as I remember pulling on it a bit at her knee. I remember that I thought it looked pretty, but wondering why women would wear something that was so transparent. Why, it was like wearing nothing at all, right? (Wrong!) She brushed my hand away to get me to stop. It's a little nothing memory, but it makes me wonder just when I really got curious about women's attire.

Maybe I was born with a predisposition to this, which remained latent until some seminal event in my life allowed it to cascade forth into full blown crossdressing. I really don't know, but once I started, it was like the floodgates were opened, and I've never stopped since.

[Lilith Moon]

My 0.02 is that we girls are born with a genetic or congenital "something" and our personalities, situation and life experiences determine how we deal with that "something".

Some folk suppress and crush this "something", others fantasise but don't act on their fantasies, some of us wear the occasional panties. And so on, right through to folk who choose to become as completely female as possible by whatever means they can.

[DonnaT]

I too am an Engineer. I believe 100% that being transgendered is result of the mix of genetics and hormones while in the womb.

As you are most likely aware, many things can happen during our development in the womb. Take the intersexed for example. Some are genetically XX, some XY, some XXY, etc. The hormones received during development result in some having mixed sexual organs. The degree of mixed characteristics varies with each individual.

Now, take into consideration that our brain is our largest sexual organ, I see no reason to believe that it too cannot be affected by the hormones to have some form of mixed sexual characteristics. The degree of mixed characteristics varies with each individual.

[Tina Dixon]

I don't know about any of that stuff, just that my mother wanted me to be a girl real bad, may be there some thing there that could be reserched.

[Phoebe Reece]

I am an engineer (and prone to logical arguments) and I subscribe to the theory that we are born with a predisposition for being TG or CD. It may be inherited but seems more likely a result of the mix of hormones in the womb. I also think there has to be a "trigger" event in our lives for us to actually discover we want to crossdress. That seems to be evidenced by the stories of so many crossdressers starting to crossdress regularly at both young ages and much later in life after trying it once.

[DawnLabelle]

Dawn,
This is not fetishism on my side of the fence in any way shape or form. I am working through this as best I can with a pdoc who specializes in gender and sexuality and I am actually discovering a few answers. If you arent already then I would suggest gender counselling to help you find out for yourself exactly how this fits into your life or rather how all of this affects your life.
Kimberley.

The whole dressing thing did start for me as a fetish, I couldn't dress without *ahem* pleasuring myself, and I often preferred to be dressed in order to *ahem* pleasure myself. In a way it had replaced using fantasy or porn, or I should say was used along side of those things. Lately though, I've dressed without feeling overly sexual, and its kind of nice.

I am currently in therapy, and crossdressing is one of our hot topics, but its not specifically "gender" therapy. I got a whole host of other issues alongside wanting to femme up from time to time :). I'll be printing out my post that I started with and will be bringing it to my next session actually.

Thanks for the reply,
Dawn

[DawnLabelle]

g
Yes, there are many theories on the origin of CDing. That's not a contradiction. People are complex. The fact that there might be many different explanations--or, more accurately stated--a limited number of relevant factors that may interact uniquely in innumerable ways for each CDer --doesn't mean that these explanations or factors are irrelevant.

Each person needs to figure out their own situation. But the more factors they understand, the more tools they have at their disposal.

Also, I don't believe social/psychological factors are any less "causes" than genetics, even thought the latter comes earlier. One could as easily call the genes a "vulnerability" and the later things the causes. For example, there are probably genes that make some people more vulnerable than others to catching a cold. But usually we think of the virus as causing the cold, not the genes.

Or how about this as a possible factor: we are born with both masculine and feminine tendencies. But we are now subject to an increasingly stressful social "system" and exploitive, oppressive government. We are taxed to a degree that could not even have been contemplated, much less tolerated, in bygone ages. Higher education is increasinglly more difficult to obtain, and it's quality increasingly dubious. All these combine to suppress and deny any masculinity in the population which might threaten to rise up in challenge or assert their collective will. (I've got my soap box. Which way to Hyde Park? :) )

Or what of this statement which I read somewhere: Men are made, not born.

Cathy

You raise some very interesting points Cathy, I may have to mull over them a little more before addrsesing them :).

I think the reason that I don't see sociological or psycological factors as "causes" as strong as genetics, cause those factors go towards how someone is programmed into their current mind set, and if this is true, then logically it must mean that someone could become deprogrammed from them. Ive never been an overly happy person (when it comes to how I feel about myself) and I guess a part of me believes that if I could stop having these femme desires, I'd be "cured" and I'd become happy. Whereas if we could point a finger at a certain chomosome or gene and say "oh, theres the cause!", I could simply give in and finally accept myself for who (and what) I am. This is why I mentioned in my original post that all these thoughts could be that very resistant part of my psyche trying to stop me from acceptance out of fear of "what will come next if you accept yourself".

I have definetly considered the factor you proposed, which I basically see as society no longer valuing or promoting the male instinct or just male-ness, lets face it, this is the only time in western history where its been less advantagoeus to be male!. I do think that this may have played a factor in who I am, as I've often wanted to not share many of those negative male characteristics, basically, I've always seen myself as different than most guys. Perhaps Dawn is the outward expression of that?.

I do like your analogy about the common cold, and it ties into another theroy I have. Im not a doctor, so dont quote me specifically on this stuff, but I've read that while in utero development, a male child has a certain part of his brain washed in testosterone naturally created by the mother. It is theorized that the "Washing" is not equal in all children, and this could account for "softer" men as compared to "uber-many-caveman" type of men. Perhaps this was the case with me, so I was less resistant to psycological feminization.

Thanks for your thoughts, as usual I dont think I went anywhere with mine ;), but its good to get this stuff out of my head where I can really pore over it.

Dawn

[DawnLabelle]

Ok, I'm going to actually try to address all the other quoting I want to do in one thread, hope it doesn't screw up!


My 0.02 is that we girls are born with a genetic or congenital "something" and our personalities, situation and life experiences determine how we deal with that "something".

Some folk suppress and crush this "something", others fantasise but don't act on their fantasies, some of us wear the occasional panties. And so on, right through to folk who choose to become as completely female as possible by whatever means they can.

This is similar to what I replied to Cathy with. Problem is that the way I see this, if I can figure out what that "something" is, I'd be at peace. I dont like the idea of my dressing being my way of compensating for some other issue that my concious psyche can't deal with. When I do that I mentally lump dressing into similar categories as alcoholism, or problems with any form of addiction, and I know that I shouldn't see it in such a negative light.

I guess this goes to show that even if I'm making great strides in accepting myself, I still have a fairly negative outlook on it :(, *Dawn hangs her head in shame*. I still have a long way to go.....

Thanks for your thoughts Lillith, much appreciated.


I don't know about any of that stuff, just that my mother wanted me to be a girl real bad, may be there some thing there that could be reserched.

Perhaps, in my situation my mother had lost my older sister at birth a year before I was born, and my own birth was very rocky (I wasn't supposed to have survived). Maybe in some unconcious way my mother raised me too (sociologically/psychologically) femininely as a way to not totally lose her first daughter?. When you say your mother wanted you to be a girl real bad, how do you mean that?

Thanks for your reply!


I am an engineer (and prone to logical arguments) and I subscribe to the theory that we are born with a predisposition for being TG or CD. It may be inherited but seems more likely a result of the mix of hormones in the womb. I also think there has to be a "trigger" event in our lives for us to actually discover we want to crossdress. That seems to be evidenced by the stories of so many crossdressers starting to crossdress regularly at both young ages and much later in life after trying it once.

Whats with all the engineer's in here :D?.

This seems to be a common theory, the pre-disposition to become CD. I like your spin on it though, I usually see that "trigger" as something that made you want to crossdress or somehow turned you into a crossdresser. You write it as the "trigger" shows us that the desire was always there and it wasn't something that was forced on us one way or another.

Perchance, do you know what your "trigger" was?.

Thanks to all that replied overall, I really do appreciate it, and just cause I didn't reply to everyone directly doesn't mean that I don't value your input. I figure I'm already taking up too much bandwidth with my ramblings ;).

Please, keep all these great conversations goin! :).

Hugs to all
Dawn

[Jennaie]

After reading all this, researching the subject many times over, trying to remember my earliest childhood memories..... I have no idea.

I am very tired of banging my head against a wall trying to figure it all out. Perhaps someday I will be able to afford therapy and will find some answers. Though I don't think the answers will affect my need to be feminine, I will simply understand it a little better.

[Tammy Lynn]

I Think Some Of Us Were Woman Or Girls In Pass Life An Died An Caim Back. An Is Stuck In A Boys Body.



Tammy Lynn

[Phoebe Reece]

Whats with all the engineer's in here ?.

This seems to be a common theory, the pre-disposition to become CD. I like your spin on it though, I usually see that "trigger" as something that made you want to crossdress or somehow turned you into a crossdresser. You write it as the "trigger" shows us that the desire was always there and it wasn't something that was forced on us one way or another.

Perchance, do you know what your "trigger" was?.

Thanks to all that replied overall, I really do appreciate it, and just cause I didn't reply to everyone directly doesn't mean that I don't value your input. I figure I'm already taking up too much bandwidth with my ramblings .

Please, keep all these great conversations goin! .

Hugs to all
Dawn
Dawn, yes I believe the desire is inborn and dormant until that "trigger" event occurs. For some people it happens early in life, but it could occur at anytime. And if the particular "trigger" event we remember had not occurred, that doesn't mean we would never have started crossdressing. It would have just been a different event that would have started it for us.

In my own case (and I will be showing my age here) my "trigger" event goes back to when I was about 4 years old. I remember watching Milton Berle's television show regularly then and "Uncle Miltie" would sometimes do some funny sketch dressed as a woman. I thought if he could do that, so could I. So, I put on a dress, stockings, shoes, and a floppy hat that were my grandmothers and pranced around the house in that outfit. I even marched down the sidewalk outside like that.

[Ms. Donna]

This is similar to what I replied to Cathy with. Problem is that the way I see this, if I can figure out what that "something" is, I'd be at peace. I dont like the idea of my dressing being my way of compensating for some other issue that my concious psyche can't deal with. When I do that I mentally lump dressing into similar categories as alcoholism, or problems with any form of addiction, and I know that I shouldn't see it in such a negative light.

As a followup to Cathy's point, consider the following: The assignment of gender and its subsequent enforcement are completely non–consensual. Pat Califia in his book "Sex Changes: The Politics of Transgenderism" speaks to this:

"...it's not supposed to be hard work to be accepted as a man or a woman; it's supposed to be a natural and effortless process. Few of us are even aware of the pervasive rewards and punishments that shape our gender identities – unless that process was not successful. I suspect much of the hatred and fear of transsexuals is based on the discomfort that others experience when forced to recall the pain of involuntary gender conditioning. It is easier to believe we never had a choice about something so fundamental than to process and accept the fact that the choice was taken away from us and ruthlessly suppressed."

We all have the potential to express a wide array of traits, but as a rule we are not allowed to do so. The problem with trying to locate a specific root cause is that there is not some single causal agent - the 'cause' is the environment as a whole in which we are raised. And because we can not easily separate ourselves from our environment, we do not recognize our 'problem' as a repression of a natural and normal state. Thus, we go in search of of other causes.

Consider the following (from Nietzsche - of course) :


The error of imaginary causes. – To start from the dream: on to a certain sensation, the result for example of a distant cannon-shot, a cause is subsequently foisted (often a whole little novel in which precisely the dreamer is the chief character). The sensation, meanwhile, continues to persist, as a kind of resonance: it waits, as it were, until the cause-creating drive permits it to step into the foreground – now no longer as a chance occurrence but as ‘meaning’. The cannon-shot enters in a causal way, in an apparent inversion of time. That which comes later, the motivation, is experienced first, often with a hundred details which pass like lightning, the shot follows. … What has happened? The ideas engendered by a certain condition have been misunderstood as the cause of that condition. – We do just the same thing, in fact, when we are awake. Most of our general feelings – every sort of restraint, pressure, tension, explosion in the play and counter-play of our organs, likewise and especially the condition of the nervus sympathicus – excite our cause creating drive: we want to have a reason for feeling as we do - for feeling well or for feeling ill. It never suffices us simply to establish the mere fact that we feel as we do: we acknowledge this fact – become conscious of it – only when we have furnished it with a motivation of some kind. – The memory, which in such a case becomes active without our being aware of it, calls up earlier states of a similar kind and the causal interpretations which have grown out of them – not their causality. To be sure, the belief that these ideas, the accompanying occurrences in the consciousness, were causes is also brought up by the memory. Thus there arises an habituation to a certain causal interpretation which in truth obstructs and even prohibits an investigation of the cause.

We look for a familiar, easy explanation to our situation, never considering that the tensions we experience might be due to forces exernal to ourselves.

If you want, have a look-see at Confusing Cause and Effect (http://cydathria.com/ms_donna/cause_effect.html) where I explore this a bit more.

I see much of myself in your search. Some advice I have is to keep an open mind and read everything by everyone - good and bad. You will find that some will resonate, some won't - but it all will contribute to your understanding. I've said this before - we only get through this through sharing our experiences.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[livy_m_b]

Interestingly, there's an article in one of the current Nature journals that reports activity of the Sry gene in adult males. Previously it had been thought that this gene was only active in early development. The article had no connection per se with transgender, but it suggests that more may be going on with the sex-determining genes than simply early developmental effects. When you consider the variety of t*s there are, we shouldn't be too surprised at what remains to be found.

[Cathy Anderson]

The ideas engendered by a certain condition have been misunderstood as the cause of that condition...we want to have a reason for feeling as we do... Thus there arises an habituation to a certain causal interpretation which in truth obstructs and even prohibits an investigation of the cause.
This is a really important point!!

It relates to something I've been thinking about: how CD fantasies may begin serving a symbolic function, but then later we confuse them for reality.

So here's a suggested theory in rough form:

1. We have impulses connected with pleasure, comfort, softness, eros, beauty, bliss, etc.

2. The human being is evolved to be very social. Developmentally, to express any complex behavior we need not just an impulse, but an external example of another person displaying the behavior.

3. Seeing this behavior expressed by another, we internalize the image. This enables us to "visualize" ourselves performing the behavior.

4. Only then can we perform the behavior. That is, we hold the image in mind while displaying the behavior.

This suggests we are limited by available role models. Suppose we have certain impulses, urges etc. And what if the only people we see acting to express these impulses, urges are female?

The theory implies we would imitate these females. But we might not clearly distinguish between the main and secondary aspects of the behavior. In fact, that might be rather difficult to do. Perhaps imitation isn't that precise, and what happens is that a general identification with the behavior model is formed.

Example:

1. I feel an urge or impulse to walk in a sensuous, relaxed way. It is a purely biological motive connected with relaxation, and has nothing to do with male and female.
2. I've never seen a male walk in such a way.
3. I've seen some women do this--say an model or exotic dancer strutting in high heels.
4. I imagine myself this kind of woman, and walk in high heels with that fantasy.
5. Observing my behavior and fantasies, I mistakenly assume I want to be a woman in high heels. But, in fact, all I really wanted was to relax by walking a certain way.

This suggests possible improvements to the situation:

1. Find a gender-congruent role model that expresses the impulse, or perhaps.
2. Once one knows how to express the behavior, do so without the associated imagery or beliefs.

In general this suggests trying to "deconstruct" our fantasies—by that I mean examining them and trying to separate the essential, helpful elements from the secondary, not-so-helpful elements.

Cathy

[Marla S]

Ive never been an overly happy person (when it comes to how I feel about myself) and I guess a part of me believes that if I could stop having these femme desires, I'd be "cured" and I'd become happy.
Whereas if we could point a finger at a certain chomosome or gene and say "oh, theres the cause!", I could simply give in and finally accept myself for who (and what) I am.
I would subscribe to the theory that we are born as TGs or CDers or at least got a predisposition in early childhood. Not being a very happy person could be a direct consequence of the predisposition or of our self, repectively.

As quite a few CDers have their first memory they relate to CDing at the age of 4 or 5, the predisposition must be founded earlier. Some event produced this lasting memory. I would not call this event a trigger, because it is just an intense memory that highlights the contrast between your self and the part you shall play in a binary society. At this age you usually are already playing this (male) part (if not due to your parents, then due to all the other people around) but you probably don't realize it. Some event makes you realize it, and makes you realize that you are somehow different. I'd think this also founds "loneliness" and "un-happyness".

A next important step is usually at the age of 10 to 12. Now you are at a point when you discover your sexuality. At this stage CDing gets often its fetish character. I think there is almost no way out.
At this age you are well aware of the binarity of the society, so you know that "everything" feminine is undesireable for a boy and therefore has to be hidden or suppressed, leading to an accumulation. Simultaneously you discover masturbation, something that usually is "forbidden" too, or at least it is not easy to talk about. IMO mixing the desire for your own feminity with the awaking sexuality makes a good fetish. Even more, because you can't talk about it. You probably wouldn't talk about your sexualitiy with your parents, but due to the feminity involved you can't talk about it with your male friends, due to being a boy you can't talk about it with girls. Your quite alone.
IMO a kind of this combination triggers the circle of excitement, guilt, loneliness, excitement guilt .... and the fetish character, but not the CDing itself, this is founded earlier.

@Cathy
From my own experiences I don't think that CDing is influenced by the lack of a role-model. If there was someone for me I would call a role-model then it was Mia Farrow playing Peter Pan in an almost forgotten 1976 TV movie.
I porobably saw this movie at the age of 11 or 12. I can't remember anything of this movie except for this boyish girl playing a girlish boy.
(the first pentyhose I bought myself has been a green one :D )
And I still identify with this combination (adapted to my age; I don't have the Peter Pan syndrom ;) )

[Star]

Born with it. I dont remember anything that served as a model for me when I was 5 and I was yearning to be a girl.

[TxKimberly]

. . . is that one of my few early memories (5 or 6) is feeling sad and cheated that my step sisters got to where dresses and I didn't just because I was a boy. That was way before the whole Boy friend and girlfriend thing ever crossed my mind.
Kim

[DawnLabelle]

MarlaS: Amazing post, you pretty much described my sexual / dressing history right there. Even got the ages right. Only recently has the sexual aspect started to separate itself from my dressing. Even a couple years ago just wearing a pair of heels would drive me wild, now I enjoy more the whole experience of dressing and making that change. It still excites me at times, but they aren't connected directly anymore. I figure its a good step.

Fulltimelongline: Interesting, I've heard of the chance of extra chromosomes. Is this test something that you can simply request?, or did you have to be referred to get it?. Ive always been curious if there is something like that traceable in me (yeah yeah, my paranoid science-y side)



1. I feel an urge or impulse to walk in a sensuous, relaxed way. It is a purely biological motive connected with relaxation, and has nothing to do with male and female.
2. I've never seen a male walk in such a way.
3. I've seen some women do this--say an model or exotic dancer strutting in high heels.
4. I imagine myself this kind of woman, and walk in high heels with that fantasy.
5. Observing my behavior and fantasies, I mistakenly assume I want to be a woman in high heels. But, in fact, all I really wanted was to relax by walking a certain way.


I like this, its also crossed my mind on occasion in the past. We can have desires to do certain things which in our minds, only women are allowed to, so instead of simply doing that thing, we change ourselves into those who are permitted to in the first place. Kind of like my fear (but desire to) go out dancing at a club as a guy for fear of making an ass of myself, but as Dawn I'm ready to go out and dance the night away (anyone wanna come :D).

Ms Donna, I think im gonna need the cliff notes for your post ;). Good thing you highlighted the important stuff. In a nutshell, there is no one true answer, and its something that is simply there, and the only way to move forward is to let go and accept it?.

Hugs
Dawn

[Lilith Moon]

I would subscribe to the theory that we are born as TGs or CDers or at least got a predisposition in early childhood. Not being a very happy person could be a direct consequence of the predisposition or of our self, repectively.

As quite a few CDers have their first memory they relate to CDing at the age of 4 or 5, the predisposition must be founded earlier.
.....
A next important step is usually at the age of 10 to 12. Now you are at a point when you discover your sexuality. At this stage CDing gets often its fetish character. I think there is almost no way out.
.....
Your quite alone.
IMO a kind of this combination triggers the circle of excitement, guilt, loneliness, excitement guilt .... and the fetish character, but not the CDing itself, this is founded earlier.
.....


Thanks Marla. Nail on the head for me and my life. :thumbsup: