we cannot shop together

[jacques]

hello,
I dress at home and my wife is OK with that. However when we are in a women's clothes shop we cannot shop together. If I say that looks nice, she says "it's not my size" or "it's not my colour". I don't have the courage to say "I'd like it for me" or just pick it up and go to pay for it.
So I shop alone; my wife is OK with that and then we meet up for a coffee.
We have been married long enough for me to realise that that will not change - but I still hope..
luv J

[JeanTG]

You can dress at home but are concerned because you cannot shop together???

You realize many of us gals would just LOVE to be able to dress at home without recriminations. Forgive your wife her little foibles, she's a gem for letting you dress at home!

[Micki_Finn]

Have you bothered to try to tel her that you’re asking for yourself? For that matter, have you bothered to ask her if she’s OK with shopping with you for girl stuff? Sounds like your relationship is severely lacking in communication.

[2B Natasha]

S’pose I have to ask the obvious question. Have you ask to shop with her for you? At home. Before you hit the store? Sounds like your not not letting her know what your thinking. Perhaps you have done this already but you don’t state it.

Cheers

[Tracii G]

Why is it the men here lack the courage to speak up to their spouses.
I'm sure they would love for you to speak up and say what it is you want. Don't leave them in the dark only to guess what is bothering you.
All this silent suffering men do is really depressing sometimes.
Do you feel you have to be week because you CD ? What kind of mindset is it you have where you think you can't speak up?

[Kelly DeWinter]

In the beginning when Jeannie and I are out shopping, I recognised there are times we are looking for just her and that the focus is on her shopping needs and wants at the time. She would from time to time include me. Eventually our shopping became intertwined.

[Bobbi46]

So many lucky girls here! shopping should be a joy for both it was'nt for me and that is one of the reasons I am divorced but that is beside the point, I find this a bit hard to comprehend you can dress at home and you are not in the closet, your wife is well aware of your dressing but does not like you looking at/ wanting a dress for yourself? could this be that although she tolerates your dressing she does not want you to go further down the feminine road that you are on at the moment.
Still if you are able to buy things for yourself without your wife but with her knowledge then I would not push for shopping totality and just continue with the staus quo.

[paulaprimo]

Why is it the men here lack the courage to speak up to their spouses.

not me, i've spoken up three times!! did i mention i'm divorced 3x???

I'm really very lucky. If i tell my gf i like something, she will normally buy it for me.
When she can find Sasquatch size... ;)

[RADER]

You have to go with the flow; Been there, and done that before. It is called keeping the peace.
Rader

[alwayshave]

Jacques, you may just want to say "I was thinking of that for me."

[Shybrenda]

My wife and I shop together all the time. It was not always like that until I had that conversation with her about what I liked for me. She knows I dress but was not aware of my style and also my passion to shop until I spoke up. Since that talk we have a lot of fun shopping together. Speak up and let her know how you feel.

[Darla L]

I have to be careful to watch how I approach shopping. My wife loves to shop for things with me, but I have to make sure I allow her that time to shop for her (together). I don’t like shopping for hours on end. I know what I want, I go in and get it, and I come out.

[Kas]

As others have said, just say something to her. I don’t see how she could react badly if you already dress at home and also shop for yourself.

[Darla L]

Oh, trust me Kas, I have. Shopping for fem things for me does not usually involve trying on two carts full of clothes. In all fairness, it’s not quite two carts full for her, lol. But, like I said, other venues may involve me shopping a little more, in the name of research of course...

[Beverley Sims]

Take what comes, it may change at a later stage.

I shop with my wife dressed and get similar remarks, I look at a bra and she says what do you want that for?

So, I just go with the flow.

[AllieSF]

I prefer to shop alone, because I have my own rhythm and timing. If you are not in sync with your SO's that makes it harder for both. I may take more time in the tops sections and the other person may get super bored there because they want to look at dresses! On the other hand, being supportive at home may not always translate very well when you try to take that show on the road. Maybe there are a lot of other issues that come into play, sometimes meaning that there is toleration inside the house and away from the eyes and ears of others, and then more sensitivity to what others may think when out. Or, it could be a lot of those things and others that do not encourage your SO to enjoy that with you. Or, maybe she means nothing by it and you are being overly sensitive! Ask her.

[janec]

i get this some times and i just say to her in a joking kind of way that its not all about her
Usualy works

[Krisi]

When shopping with my wife, I'll find something I like, hold it up (on my body) and say "Is this me?".

At this point, we know that when we go into a clothing store, we're shopping for both of us. Some days she finds stuff for her, some days, I am the lucky one. Some days we both get lucky. And since we wear the same sizes, we sometimes split the stash when we get home.

And sometimes she will be out, go into a store and buy things for me.

[Maria_mtf]

Some harsh answers in my opinion, especially early on.

I can relate to you Jacques and I think what your really asking is why doesnt you wife think its obvious you would want to shop for yourself? Why doesnt she offer up dresses you might like? How can she not know I want to try on all these clothes!!!

Its only obvious to you because if you are anything like me you are probably thinking about dresses all the time and she probably has no idea! Or she knows you are, and wants you to be the man and conform to the stereotypical shopping for dresses is for women. Or maybe option 3, I have no idea how your wife or any other women think.

Either way communication is key, this coming from someone rubbish at communicating with his wife.

[JeanTG]

Option 3 definitely. Women are always full of surprises. Not all of them good. But not all of them bad. So go with the flow.

[MiniRock]

The only problem I have when shopping with my fiancée is that I think she loves shopping for clothes even more than I do. Which means that I have to pay at least double for everything I buy - and sometimes even when I buy nothing. But I still find shopping alone very uncomfortable so I regard myself as being very lucky with her.

[Teresa]

Jacques,
After the first time I would just accept the shopping problem and do it alone , why push the issue ?

I've never had a shopping partner so had to learn the hard way , it took a while but now I wouldn't want it any other way , would miss the fun and interaction with the SAs . Even when we meet up as a group I prefer to head off on my own , I've found the hardest thing shopping with another Cder when I'm dressed and they're in drab .

[Gillian Gigs]

My wife and I have a good approach to shopping. I let her have all the time that she wants, and just before going to the cashier to pay I say, "there is something that I would like to look at first". She gets the hint and we look at what I want. It has gotten to the point that as she is finishing, she looks at me and says, "is there anything that you want to look at"? It doesn't matter if it is Walmart, or some boutique, I give her the first placement of the time while we shop together.

[jacques]

Jacques, you may just want to say "I was thinking of that for me."

you are right - it is the obvious thing to do!
why did I not think of that?
luv J

[Jenny22]

Glad your wife is dressed when you two shop together....grin

[Francene Lola Dupree]

jacques, Does your partner suffer with any Social Anxiety?

My GF is wonderfully supportive, i can dress around her and she likes to be in the room as i put on makeup and she'll occasionally purchase items for me or give me hand-downs, but she can be very paranoid if we are out and about in public so she doesn't like me openly shopping for Fem items with her.

I recently went shopping by myself in Peterborough, and during our phone call she was very interested in whether i'd found myself anything and how brave i'd been in going into wig shop.

xXx