My Husband Betty

[HaleyPink2000]

I'm about done with this book. Would anyone like to give me an idea of the next book to maybe read on CDing. Also why I might read this next book you suggest.

Would you suggest your SO read the MHB book?

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I'm about done with this book. Would anyone like to give me an idea of the next book to maybe read on CDing. Also why I might read this next book you suggest.

Next book? How about some Kate Bornstein "Gender Outlaw"


Would you suggest your SO read the MHB book?[/COLOR][/I]

If I had a SO, yes.

Veronica

[Stephanie]

The best and most positive book I've read so far regarding crossdressing is Lacey Leigh's "Out & about:The Emancipated Crossdresser." It offers good practical advice, it does not make any attempt to explain nor apologize for our enjoyment of crossdressing, and it proudly emphasizes personal acceptance and TG pride. Overall, I found it to be much more positive, uplifting, and TG-friendly than MHB. As far as whether or not your SO should read MHB, I'd think about it a bit. I felt that, although it had some useful information and is probably the most COMPREHENSIVE book on crossdressing (to date), especially as it relates to couples dealing with crossdressing, I feel that it probably feeds into fears about crossdressing moreso than it probably helps eliminate them.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Overall, I found it to be much more positive, uplifting, and TG-friendly than MHB.

Well Out and About is intended for CD's themselves basically to cheer them on into going out and being more open, while MHB was written with SO's in mind and discusses the day to day realities of being in a relationship with a CD.
Lacey's book glosses over relationship stuff, while Helen's book doesn't talk about shopping.

I've got autographed copies of both. :-) I figured Haley had read Lacey's book already which is why I mentioned "Gender Outlaw"

Afther that, she can start on Naomi Wolf's "The Beauty Myth"


Veronica

[ChristineRenee]

My Husband Wears My Clothes by Peggy J. Rudd, Ed.D The first book to be written by the wife of a crossdresser. My wife just finished reading this and we are going to have a talk about what she got out of it.

[BrendaB GG]

Transforming Families by Mary Boenke
It's a book full of personal experiences as told by children, parents, grandparents and SO's of what it was like to find out that a loved one was transgendered and how they each came to their own place of acceptance.
Each story touched my heart.
Brenda

[HaleyPink2000]

Actually MHB was my first book on this topic. I really would like to make the next one a better book for Myself and my Wife. I also feel that MHB is really not a book for Wives or GF's to read. It's way into areas that do not apply to our family. It would in many ways scare the Heck out of my wife if She did read it.

So Like I had mentioned, I need an idea of what to read next, and why.

Thanks so very much for taking the time in helping me with ideas, and in caring for a CD Sister this much to help.

I'll look at the diffrent books this weekend as I should be shopping at Barnes & Noble then. Also at David's Bridal, LOLOLO. Love their dresses.

Thanks!

[Sweet Susan]

I found MHB to be rather aggressively negative, while touting fairness and an even handed look. I didn't agree. My personal opinion is that MHB's wife cannot, no matter how much she tries to deny it, accept that her husband is a crossdresser. I would not recommend MHB to my wife to read, but if she decided on her own that she wanted to read it, I wouldn't try to talk her out of it.

[Cathy Anderson]

You might consider Rachel Miller's "The Bliss of Becoming One." It's out of proint, but you can get a copy from Rachel directly.

http://www.rachelmiller.info/rachel.htm

Cathy

[Phillis]

There is another book by Peggy J. Rudd, Ed.D named Crossdressing with dignity, Coping with Crossdressing, Tools & Strategies for Partners in Committed Relationships, 4th Edition by JoAnn Roberts, Ph.D and I think this one has been mentioned in a previous answer, 7 Secrets of Successful Crossdressers, by Lacy Leigh. I haven't read the last three yet but they were recommended reading by someone else. Best wishes and Best of luck.

[kwebb]

The Man in the Red Velvet Dress by JJ Allen.

[Ellisia_Lynch]

I found MHB to be rather aggressively negative, while touting fairness and an even handed look. I didn't agree. My personal opinion is that MHB's wife cannot, no matter how much she tries to deny it, accept that her husband is a crossdresser. I would not recommend MHB to my wife to read, but if she decided on her own that she wanted to read it, I wouldn't try to talk her out of it.


I think if her partner were a crossdresser, Helen would most likely be able to deal with it, but it seems Betty is more than that. I think this is where the book's problem stems from.

[Honey GG]

This book has come up many times on my SO only groups. We usually agree that the first 4 chapters are fine for a wife that is new to this all. Reading past that will probably scare the crap out of her, add alot of unnecessary fears. I have read the book.
Unfortunatly there are just not very many good books out there, the best avenue for the SO's is a friendly group.

If you would like to read a very good book pick up Trans-Sister Radio by Chris Bohjalian. A wonderful fictional book about MTF Transisition, with a love story thrown in. Keep the tissue close by, you will need it...

Honey-GG

[kathy gg]

The Man in the Red Velvet Dress by JJ Allen.



I got mine in the $1 bin of a used book store....wish I had my dollar back.

0.02

[Dizzy GG]

I read My Husband Betty after seeing my SO for a while( I was aware of his crossdressing) I found parts of it helpful but I have to say I found parts really worrying and not relevent to where we were. I also read the Peggy Rudd book and found much more to identify in that and my partner found he agreed with much of it's content. My advice as an accepting SO, who has only recently been learning all about it, is first introduce the Rudd Books to your wife and if you are someone who has more to diclose move on to the others later.
I found books really helpful. It gave me time to digest information, process it and look at where it fits in terms of my life and then I as able to ask my SO to read chapters and chat through issues with me.It was very reassuring and a good way of opening up tricky questions you wanted to ask too!

[DonnaT]

I'm surprised Melanie Rudd hasn't responded. But here's a quote from one of her earlier posts:

I would like to mention that my wife, Dr. Peggy Rudd, in addition to her first book, My Husband Wears My Clothes, has three other books on tghe topic. In fact I reread her last book, Who's Really From Venus?, last week. I think that book is her best to date and helps me every time I read it.

Hugs,

Melanie

[VeronicaMoonlit]

It's also a generational thing, younger folks tend to like MHB more than older folks. I've read Peggy Rudd's books and they come across a bit "Pollyanna". They don't discuss certain issues that should be discussed. Everything needs to be on the table, the more information the better.

That said, I understand why MHB scares the bejeebus our of some, and it's a good thing that it does that. My advice is usually: older SO, start off with Peggy Rudd, younger SO, start off with MHB.

And it must be mentioned that the Rudd books were written 20 years ago, and attitudes and ideas change.


Veronica

[ChristineRenee]

Here's some more books from my CD library that I can recommend...some of which may have already been mentioned here before:


Crossdressers: And Those Who Share Their Lives - Peggy J. Rudd, Ed.D

Out & about: The Emancipated Crossdresser - Lacey Leigh

7 Secrets of Successful Crossdressers - Lacey Leigh

The Lazy Crossdresser - Charles Anders

The Woman I Was Not Born To Be - Aleshia Brevard

Invisible Lives: The Erasure of Transsexual and Transgendered People - Viviane K. Namaste

Miss Vera's Finishing School for Boys Who Want to Be Girls - Veronica Vera

[Melanie R]

It's also a generational thing, younger folks tend to like MHB more than older folks. I've read Peggy Rudd's books and they come across a bit "Pollyanna". They don't discuss certain issues that should be discussed. Everything needs to be on the table, the more information the better.

That said, I understand why MHB scares the bejeebus our of some, and it's a good thing that it does that. My advice is usually: older SO, start off with Peggy Rudd, younger SO, start off with MHB.

And it must be mentioned that the Rudd books were written 20 years ago, and attitudes and ideas change.


Veronica

Donna, I will jump in on this discussion and also respond to Veronica's quote. First, Veronica, what is "pollyanna" in Peggy's books? Give us some examples. You talk about a genderation gap and that her books were published 20 years ago. Her first book was published in 1989 and revised in 1992 and 1998. The next edition is coming out later in 2006. Dignity was published in 1990 and revised in 1992. Crossdressers: And those Who Share was published in 1995 and Who's Really From Venus in 1998. The same problems, concerns and issues in 1989 for crossdressers and their significant others have not changed much in 2006. We know Helen and Betty very well and respect both of them. For the wife who has achieved acceptance we recommend that she read My Husband Betty. Helen is faced with the probability that Betty will transition. This is the reason her next book will focus on dealing with transitioning.

Yes, I will always be Peggy's greatest supporter, but I know what she has meant for me and thousands of other transgendered persons and their significant others.

Melanie

[sharifemme]

My wife was fine with my gender variance until she read this book and others similar. In fairness, I have to admit that my pushing matters also did not help.


I found MHB to be rather aggressively negative, while touting fairness and an even handed look. I didn't agree. My personal opinion is that MHB's wife cannot, no matter how much she tries to deny it, accept that her husband is a crossdresser. I would not recommend MHB to my wife to read, but if she decided on her own that she wanted to read it, I wouldn't try to talk her out of it.

Although not entirely true to life, I like the movie, NORMAL with Hope Lange. In the movie, a midwest redneck admits he is transgendered and wants to transition. It's more about the relationship with his family and those around him with a great love story thrown in than the actual transition.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

First, Veronica, what is "pollyanna" in Peggy's books? Give us some examples.

First off, I don't own them, but I did read them and I do recommend them.. By Pollyanna, I mean cheerleading. And "leaving things out" Like certain dysfunctional behaviors we see here, a la the "bi when dressed" crowd. And glossing stuff over that probably shouldn't have been glossed over.



You talk about a genderation gap and that her books were published 20 years ago. Her first book was published in 1989 and revised in 1992 and 1998. The next edition is coming out later in 2006.

Oh, it was 17 years ago rather than 20. My mistake. But I doubt that the book has really changed that much between editions, most books don't. If they have changed a lot, let me know and I'll try to get a newer version to check it out.


and Who's Really From Venus in 1998.

I hadn't heard of this one till today.


The same problems, concerns and issues in 1989 for crossdressers and their significant others have not changed much in 2006.

Oh sure, the concerns are the mostly the same, but society and culture has changed, (no internet in 89) so how people deal with them is different. There are legal protections in place in some areas that make things different. too. I remember getting nasty looks from some check out people when I first started buy things in the mid 80's that hasn't happened in a looooong time. Society changed.

There is a generation gap though, anyone who's been around can see it. It's why the support group attending population is aging, when I can be the youngest t-person in a room at 36/37/38, that's not a good sign. And I've had this confirmed by others, including leaders of individual groups.


We know Helen and Betty very well and respect both of them. For the wife who has achieved acceptance we recommend that she read My Husband Betty.

I think all wives should read MHB And they should all read Peggy's books too.


Helen is faced with the probability that Betty will transition. Probability? I don't know about that. Might happen, might not.


This is the reason her next book will focus on dealing with transitioning.

it's going to be trans relationships in depth, and not specifically on transitioning from what she's said so far. Though I bet those issues are going to get mentioned quite a bit.


Yes, I will always be Peggy's greatest supporter, but I know what she has meant for me and thousands of other transgendered persons and their significant others.

Melanie

You're her #1 fan. And again, I do recommend Peggy's books.

Veronica

[HaleyPink2000]

I'll do just that I will try the Rudd book next. I hope that they are able to get them at Barnes and Nobel. Would anyone have the number off the back of the book so I can order it? ISBN#

This has been a ride trying to figure out what to do next. Taking it slow here and trying to let my Wife have the Male me more than seeing the Femme side. That's what She married and I feel it will help Her understand me better with less stress.

So I won't let Her read MHB as I also believe it's a book that is not for SO's to read right off. Also I have other issues about MHB that Are to numerous to mention right now.

Thanks So much, for the advice, and please let me know your thoughts about the Rudd book. That way I can be prepaired for what I might runn into. Meaning When I give it to my Wife after I read it.

[Melanie R]

I'll do just that I will try the Rudd book next. I hope that they are able to get them at Barnes and Nobel. Would anyone have the number off the back of the book so I can order it? ISBN#

This has been a ride trying to figure out what to do next. Taking it slow here and trying to let my Wife have the Male me more than seeing the Femme side. That's what She married and I feel it will help Her understand me better with less stress.

So I won't let Her read MHB as I also believe it's a book that is not for SO's to read right off. Also I have other issues about MHB that Are to numerous to mention right now.

Thanks So much, for the advice, and please let me know your thoughts about the Rudd book. That way I can be prepaired for what I might runn into. Meaning When I give it to my Wife after I read it.

The ISBN # for My Husband Wears My Clothes is 096267625X. Amazon.com discounts this book by 30% and will deliver in 48 hours. It is also available in stock or by order from Barnes and Noble.

Melanie

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

This book has come up many times on my SO only groups. We usually agree that the first 4 chapters are fine for a wife that is new to this all. Reading past that will probably scare the crap out of her, add alot of unnecessary fears. I have read the book.

For what it's worth Helen makes the same recommendation herself.

Haley, here's a left-field suggestion, "Self-Made Man," (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect?link_code=ur2&tag=adahlshous-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&path=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2Fgp%2Fproduct%2F 0670034665%2Fqid%3D1139440406%2Fsr%3D2-1%2Fref%3Dpd_bbs_b_2_1%3Fs%3Dbooks%26v%3Dglance%26 n%3D283155) by Norah Vincent, which talks about her 18 months of off-and-on posing as a man. I actually think it's good reading for any couple, but for SOs of CDs especially it gives insight about why some of us are interested in the occasional "gender vacation." It's not a perfect book -- my thoughts about it (http://www.adahlshouse.com/2006/02/05/“self-made-man”/) on my blog -- but it's interesting reading.

Some additional suggestion for those of you who are interested in a bit of "heavy duty" reading:

"Transvestites and Transsexuals" (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect?link_code=ur2&tag=adahlshous-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&path=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2Fgp%2Fproduct%2F 0306428784%2Fqid%3D1140326627%2Fsr%3D1-1%2Fref%3Dsr_1_1%3Fs%3Dbooks%26v%3Dglance%26n%3D28 3155) by Richard Docter - An excellent summary of the psychological research on hetrosexual CDing (as of 1988). Docter made an important contribution by looking at how CDing changes over time. A bit dry but quite informative.

"Crossdressing, Sex and Gender" (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect?link_code=ur2&tag=adahlshous-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&path=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2Fgp%2Fproduct%2F 0812214315%2Fqid%3D1140326468%2Fsr%3D1-1%2Fref%3Dsr_1_1%3Fs%3Dbooks%26v%3Dglance%26n%3D28 3155) by Vern and Bonnie Bullough - The Bulloughs are social historians so they've got different take on crossdressing. A good part of the book is a listing of account of historical crossdressing mostly FTMs, which I found tough going even though there were some interesting nuggets. (For example, did you know that Joan of Arc was actually burned for crossdressing not heresy?) But the last couple of chapters are quite valuable -- if nothing else they show how psychological theories about crossdressing have been heavily influenced by larger attitudes of the times when the theories were developed.

"Unzipping Gender" (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect?link_code=ur2&tag=georgeolsen-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&path=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2Fgp%2Fproduct%2F 1859737250%2Fqid%3D1143011982%2Fsr%3D2-1%2Fref%3Dpd_bbs_b_2_1%3Fs%3Dbooks%26v%3Dglance%26 n%3D283155) by Charlotte Suthrell - Based on her doctoral thesis (but not written in academese at all) comparing British transvestites to the hijras of India. Suthrell is an anthropologist, so like the Bulloughs, she's got a take that's quite a bit different than the usual "medicial" POV. Suthrell makes some interesting points about why Western culture is much more hostile to trans-folks than Indian and other non-Western cultures. Also nice in that it was published in 2004, so it touch on some of the more recent theorizing about trans stuff.

[HaleyPink2000]

Thanks Melanie for the ISBN Number. I'll call them today at Barnes n Nobel.

Oh and Marlena. Your great. Thanks for the suggestions. I have put myself on this path of reading everything I can so I will be printing out this thred when it's done.

Big Hugz to my Sisters here.