Do any other CD's have a medically barren wife?

[StephWi11iams]

I am a happily married CD of 34 years. My wife knew before we were married of my CD desires and compulsion. She was i an accident in 2002 that left her barren due to the medicine she needs to take for pain and other issues. We have made love a couple times since then. She is wonderful and the love of my life. But it has been now 4 years since any contact. We used to play dressup and have fun sexually together. But no more. I'm 57 and find the concept of never being touched again, let alone never making love again just so unbearable.
Is there anyone else like me? If so, how do you cope?
I will never leave her as she is the mother of my children and i love her.
Any comments or thoughts?
Stephanie

[Maria in heels]

Sorry to hear your predicament Stephanie, and I was wondering whether you had talked to her about what you are feeling? I know that it can be a very "tender" subject, and maybe just telling her that you miss playing dress up and see where that leads. If you haven't talked with her, maybe she is thinking that everything is ok with you, and once a year passes, it just becomes the "norm"

[Nikki A.]

I went through something similar with my wife also, due to pain and other medicines. It's a tough call on what to do. She discussed it with me on some of her better days and we did have some contact, but it was sporadic at best. My wanting to dress did amp up during that time, maybe it was due to lack of contact.
I feel for you but each person needs to do what feels right. I did love her also, never thought of leaving or cheating on her. But there was a void. Best of luck to you and her.

[RADER]

In the last 5 years with my wife before she passed away, She was very Medical burden.
She had Hart problems. Kidney a she was Diabetic as well.
We had Doctor appointments 2 times month.
I was afraid to make love with her for the fact her hart may not take it.
She passed almost 6 years ago, no sex for over 8 years now, but still alive.
Radere

[Majella St Gerard]

Seems to more at play here. Barren means she can't conceive not have sex.

[Micki_Finn]

Simply being infertile shouldn’t prevent your wife from having sex. Is she having other complications that make sex uncomfortable? Or are the medications just causing a lack of desire? It’s also possible her problems are purely psychological. There’s a really a lot to parse out here and we don’t really have enough information to give you any actionable advice. I’d say you need to talk to your wife and let her know that you’re not ready for celibacy. Is she even aware of how you feel? If the problem is physical, is she ready to take steps to correct the issue? If it’s psychological, is she willing to go to therapy?

Talk to her and find out 1) the root of the problem 2) what steps she’s willing to take to find a remedy. It’s possible she isn’t aware of your unhappiness and doesn’t think there’s a problem.

[Tracii G]

I would say talk with her and find out how she feels.

[Jenny22]

I have to agree with Micki Finn on all points. Good luck.

[Eemz]

I was thinking something similar to Micki. Being infertile doesn't really matter unless you're planning to have more kids, which you're probably not at 57. So I'm guessing you mean she's not interested in sex. That could be anything. You need to talk to her. Maybe she physically can't have sex the way you used to any more, and she feels undesirable as a result, like you couldn't possibly want her, though in fact you really do and there are plenty of other options you could try. We're just guessing. Talk.

[StephWi11iams]

She is not willing to go to counseling she does not say it but it is my problem. i dont know what to at at this point.

[Beverley Sims]

Steph,
Welcome to the forum, some advice has already been given and a think it is good.

Unfortunately, it is something you may have to bear but as you have said you love your wife dearly and that counts for a lot in my opinion.

[Mermaiden]

Steph, I’m in a somewhat similar situation. My wife and I love each other, enjoy each other and are committed to each other. She’s ok but not wild about my CD. But, she just doesn’t have much interest in sex with me, herself or anyone. We touch and hug lots. But sex isn’t part of her biology. I do my best to accept her as she is. I satisfy myself and she occasionally helps me out.
I’m grateful for what I do have - love, children, our life together, and accept the shortcomings as part of my fate.
The best advice is to talk it out, including really listening to each other.

[ambigendrous]

My wife has health issues (sciatica, bulging discs at L4 and L5, arthritis in hips) that make sex very uncomfortable for her. While we haven't had penetration for probably a decade we still regularly cuddle in bed. Since we're closer to 70 than we are to 60 penetration isn't so important any more, but having the contact we get with cuddling and fondling each other keeps us happy. We hug many times during the course of a day, no matter what I'm wearing as well!

[Stephanie47]

Putting the lack of sexual contact aside for the moment and focus on the pain issue, she needs to attend a pain management clinic. You stated "and other issues" which require medicine? Sometime "other medical issues" have an adverse effect to mental health. You should check the adverse reactions of each of the medications she is taking. Chronic pain saps a person's energy. She should have a medication review with a qualified pharmacist who may be able to recommend alternative medication. She may be able to find a non-drug form of therapy to help with pain management. The Department of Veterans Affairs is notorious for dishing of opioids for chronic pain. With all the overdoses and abuse of medications going it has been trying to ween patients off opioids, and, is offering other non-drug therapies. It's always worth taking a look at what may be available.

As far as no physical contact. Perhaps, the situation perpetuates itself. Your wife is probably aware of your angst which makes it more and more difficult to address the situation. Sexual penetration may hurt her. That should not preclude cuddling and other showing of affection. You and your wife need to discuss the situation. And, I would not try to incorporate cross dressing into any resumption of showing affection. Getting past the pain should come first.

[Krisi]

Seems to more at play here. Barren means she can't conceive not have sex

Correct. Your wife has lost her sex drive. This is not uncommon in post menopausal women.

While everyone here means well, a crossdressing forum is not the best place to get advice on this. A visit to her doctor would be the best plan. There are medicines and treatments that can help if she is willing to try them. If she is not, counselling would be the next step. Of course, it may be the fact that you dress like a woman and that turns her off sexually. That leaves you a tough choice but my best guess is that the "damage" has already been done and stopping all dressing won't bring back the sex.