Do you talk about your family ?

[Teresa]

I guess this question relates more to members out and about but no restriction on any replies .

It really relates to a conversation with a check out girl in a supermarket . Yesterday I made my mince pies , my painting class always insist I take some in for an informal get together at the end of the last session before Xmas . I had plenty left over but then realised I hadn't accounted for my daughter and son in law's gluten free diet . So I headed off to Sainsbury's this morning to buy some gluten free flour and while I was there I found gluten free stuffing but no gluten free bread sauce ( looks like I'll have to make my own ) because I've invited them to the Xmas Day meal . So I was checking out and chatting to the check out girl about the gluten free problem with my daghter and SIL . I thought after should I have been so open being dressed as Teresa ? I wonder what the check out girl thought about me talking more like the mother/ housewife ? I must admit I didn't give it a second thought but is it unfair on the family to associate them with my TG situation in public or am I just so paranoid still about my wife's volatile reaction ?

So the question is do you talk about you family openly in this way ?

[DaisyLawrence]

Of course, the clothes I am wearing have no bearing on the person I am, and vis a vis, what I talk to people about.

By the way, could this be all the excuse you need to drop the awful, pointless, stodgy mess that is the bread sauce on Christmas day? :)

[Jaylyn]

'Be never been out dressed but don't think I'd mention my family in a conversation as of where I'm at now in my dressing. I read in your post that you are very comfortable in yours that you can carry on a conversation about the family and not think twice. I compliment you on getting to that point. In my male mode when I'm out and about yes I just blab about anything that pops in my head my wife is ale always telling me that the strangers didn't want to hear about what I'm doing, building or the weather or they would have talked back to me. I'm comfortable being out in male mode and probably I'd be too scared to visit in a CD mode. I think we all are at different points of dressing in our lives.

[Charlotte7]

Daisy! Daisy!! Daisy!!! Hopefully I won't break any rules here when I directly contradict you and please bear in mind that I'm not trying to start a flame war here, but what can I say, other than I wholly, totally and unashamedly disagree with your last post. Bread sauce is wonderful (Delia Smith, Complete Cookery Course, fourth edition, 1982, third reprint, page 441) and l, (sorry Teresa if you feel I'm talking about you and not to you, no offence is intended), come Christmas day I would rather go to Grantham where I would be guaranteed a warm welcome with bread sauce rather than some foresaken corner on the north east coast where the wonder that is bread sauce is criminally shunned. ;)

Getting back to the OP, no you're not wrong to talk about your family. The staff in Sainsbury's will know nothing (and probably care even less) about you and your family personaly. They'll just be looking forwards to the clock hand ticking round to the time that they can go home and throw off their dreary uniforms, pull on their glad rags and get out and party like only people in Grantham can. I bet that Margaret Roberts was a Grantham Goer when she lived above the shop :)

[DaisyLawrence]

Teresa, I think that what Charlotte and I are saying is that you should just be yourself, no acting or 'dual' personalities. What you do or say should in no way be affected by your presentation if, as is claimed, you are not a 'hobby' dresser (no offense to those that are - whatever floats your boat :)). The fact that you didn't give it a second thought at the time shows that you are nearly there, it is these second thoughts afterwards that you need to dispense of now :). Happy days ahead I'm sure.

Now then Charlotte, this bread sauce thing. You do realise that these things are just the invention of the poor trying to fill themselves up because they couldn't afford the goose, swan or wild boar that the wealthier Brits would have on Chrisytmas day? Have a Yorkshire pudding instead, same thing but lovely and you do at least know how to make them there. Oh and Saint Delia? I'll give you that one :). Teresa, don't you just love it when we Brits get to the subject matter that really is important on this forum? Happy days indeed :).

[Teresa]

Maybe I should added that when I bought the dress from the Klass shop in the thread about the Xmas party ( picture section ) I also bought a gift voucher for my daughter as I love the clothes from that outlet . Again I did get into a conversation about my family and my daughter in particular and what the chances would be of me accompanying her when she spends the voucher . It was an amusing moment when the SA asked how old my daughter is and I told her 41 this Xmas , so she tentatively asked how old I was in that case , she really didn't believe me when I told her , aren't some people lovely !!

I guess the bottom line is family are family no matter my circumstances , if only my wife could understand that point .

Daisy/Charlotte ,
I can't believe I've started a debate about bread sauce !! Well I love it especially my homemade on cold turkey , well I'll need plenty because the turkey I've bought is enormous , so Charlotte if you are passing you could well have a turkey sandwich thrust in your hand whether you like it or not !!

Also Charlotte I appreciate your point about the disinterest of staff , the point is making the link between my TG situation and my family , I'm only twenty miles from my old home town so you never know who knows who .

Just a slight twist to the story now you mention Maggie , I know a little more about her because my mother in law was a class mate of hers at the local High School and they often dropped in to see her above the shop . I understand she was all work and no play and a very bright girl .

[Asew]

I think you are just second guessing yourself here. Never heard of beard sauce, but I looked it up and I bet my inner carb-lover would love it :)

[Vikky]

Love bread sauce with chicken/turkey. No strong views on Teresa post as I don't venture out.

Vikky

[Beverley Sims]

I do in conversation because to a stranger family is anonymous.

[Stephanie47]

If you're out and about, whether en femme or en drab, why would you not talk about your family? However, I do not and would not provide any information that would violate their privacy, such as where they work or live.

Teresa, I'm waiting for your post when your wife blows a gasket about Christmas dinner.

[DIANEF]

As I am not yet at the interacting stage I can't comment, only on this forum do I ever mention my family. That could change in the future
More importantly, as a Brit I must join the bread sauce debate. I'm with Daisy, yuk!! I don't like any of them, bread, cranberry, apple, horse radish, mint, you can keep them all. Good old gravy for me!

We must get our priorities right Teresa :)

[Michaelasfun]

Not really. Then again I’m not a chatty Michael or Michaela to begin with!

[Teresa]

Stephanie ,
Gasket already blown , her text messages are unrepeatable , I know I haven't heard the last of it but all I'm doing now is saving everything in a dossier for my solicitor when I see him after Xmas to get the ball rolling on a divorce . There wasn't really any grounds but she is beginning to build a case of harassment or even mental cruelty .

Diane,
Thanks I mustn't forget the cranberry source , I love all the rest apart from horse radish .

[Ceera]

Yes, I often mention my adult daughter, who lives with me. I usually phrase things in a way that can be interpreted either as me being her birth mother, or me being her adoptive mom. In public with me, she addresses me as ‘Obaasan’, which is Japanese for Aunt, since ‘mom/mother’ is too bound up in her mind with her birth mom. (She is an anime geek and speaks a smattering of several languages, including Japanese.)

I was widowed before I started crossdressing or even dreamed of transitioning fully. So I speak of myself as a widow, and if asked, refer to her as ‘my spouse’, ‘my Partner’, or ‘my mate’, often without stating her gender. If they want to assume I was married to a man, I don’t care. I do mention her gender with my lesbian friends.

I don’t have much reason to mention my other family members, unless discussing my transition openly with someone I trust. Parents and most elder relatives are dead, and while my sister and her four adult kids and their spouses all accept me, my sister’s husband rejected me as soon as he found out I was cross dressing. So while we remain in contact, I do not interact with my sister or her family much at this time.

[Helena]

Teresa, I don't see it as a problem. Surely there is enough distance that it would be very strange coincidence if there was a link from SA back to your family, may well be little paranoia creeping in. If it came up I would mention family, but then I am not as chatty and sharing as you.

I love bread sauce and all hail Delia.

[SaraLin]

Teresa,
I'm not out and about, so I can't talk about that. But I'd like comment on what you said here:


I thought after should I have been so open being dressed as Teresa ? I wonder what the check out girl thought about me talking more like the mother/ housewife ? I must admit I didn't give it a second thought but is it unfair on the family to associate them with my TG situation in public or am I just so paranoid still about my wife's volatile reaction ?



So You talked about your family while out and about. People do that all the time. It's just social chatter and harmless. Unless you're naming names, or showing pictures, there isn't really any way people will be able to associate you to anyone in your family. So - don't worry about that.

About your soon-to-be ex-wife and her attitudes/reactions: There isn't really anything you can do - and it isn't really your place any more to even try. Just move on, live your life as the best "you" you can be, Wish her well, and let her self destruct - or 'get over it' as she will.

[Jean 103]

Teresa,

I haven’t had any contact with my Family in three years. One of the daughters did try and contact me about a year ago. I refrain from contacting any of them because my wife would go ballistic. They live in a town 50 miles away.

Still I would never talk about them to strangers. My close friends is another story, like my landlord I rent a room from. She made a comment recently that I never say anything bad about my wife. I told her that when we broke up after 30 years I didn’t lose a wife, I lost my best friend.

I get what you are saying, I do try and protect the people around me.

There are people out there that will and try and do you harm.

It’s happened to me a few of times. Currently there is this guy, I use to work with, two of my friends told me was asking questions. They each said they told him it was none of his business, and if he has any questions he knows where I work. I can take comfort in the fact that I have some inside information, his world is about to come crashing down. It doesn’t have anything to do with me, it’s just karma.

I don’t talk about TG issues with anyone. I don’t really even think about them, that is except for here. I’m just living my life as Jean, it is that simple. Not that my life is simple. As the saying goes “if it were easy everyone would do it”. Besides even my best friend doesn’t completely understand.

[Nikki A.]

Theresa, your kids are a part of your life. While I may not go into details, if the reason exists I will bring them up. They are my kids. Then again, when talking with people who know me, I also will mention my wife (deceased) as she was also a part of my life.

[Andrea Chenowith]

I've never felt any weirdness with regard to talking about my family with SAs. And in the one instance where my history with a SA has crossed paths with my wife (we went to Lane Bryant to pick out some panties for her and one of the gals greeted me with a little bit more enthusiasm than my wife was expecting) it was only a fleeting discomfort for all parties.

[2B Natasha]

Do I talk about my family? Yes and no. I don’t out of my way to talk about my family, wife and kid. But I don’t shy away from it either. Being one who is open to any and all about myself has that advantage.

[abbiedrake]

I do.
Admittedly I've not yet gone out fully en-femme but there are those I know who know of Abbie and I have little compunction about talking about my wife, my life etc. Now, that said.... I'm estranged from a lot (all) of my family so I have no-one to 'protect', and that's likely the key.
My presentation is not the issue so much as 'others' knowing something that so many of us typically keep very private.
OP, I'm new here so forgive me but how much do your family know? Are those in the know supportive? If so, meh. No harm, no foul.
No-one at a checkout is likely to care also btw.
Our fears are usually WAY worse than any potential fallout.

Oh and erm bread sauce? Dear lordy no. Apple sauce? Well what's it with?
Christmas was complicated for me when I married 'proper' wife. Cos she's 'Murican it's glazed ham for Christmas. But that's fine. It's more likely the accompaniments that'll turn my fellow Brits again. Veggie casserole anyone?

[Rachelakld]

Question to a question -
Would a NORMAL mother mention how proud they are or what exciting things their kids are doing?

So what's so bad about being a normal mother?

Okay so some things are private - medical conditions etc
I often talk about how my girls are doing so well in life, how lucky we were to have easy kids etc, how one of my girls likes this but the others don't etc.
I even mention how great my wife is, how she loves gardening.
Sure I don't mention names, I don't mention where they live or work

The question really is, do you want to be normal, or not so much?

On the male side of things,
I like my fruit mince pies with gluten, recon they should be cheaper if they forget to add the gluten, like, imagine if they forgot to add the fruit, same thing really :)

[t-girlxsophie]

I don't mind talking of my family, when interacting with folk when out,they are a big part of my life,whether dressed or not.Even on the subject of my son who I'm estranged from,I'm proud of the young man he's become and I tell everyone that,although in the last few years none of that's been down to me,Mind you my ex wife tells me,and no doubt others that its never been down to me,but that's another story


On the bread sauce just no.Im a fickle eater,And Abbie as a true Scot,I'm allergic to veggies :heehee:

Sophie

[Teresa]

Rachel,
A dozen on the way , special delivery !!

My trans issues don't stop me being proud of my kids , so I guess it's part of normal conversation .

Abbie,
My of my past is somewhere in the archives , but I separated in February this year after 44 years of marriage , moved twenty miles away and went full time . Everyone is fully in the picture . I'm really happy to say I'm doing the Xmas meal for my daughter and family as Teresa , my wife is doing loop the loop over this arrangement but that's her problem now , it has made things very difficult but then I knew this first Xmas would be a balancing act .