Any such thing as a "lucky" CDder? Maybe...YOU are one?

[Wildaboutheels]

"Lucky" as in, a CDer who lives in one of "those" cities or towns. One where people are "accepting"?

Or is this ^^^ thought process a CDing Myth?

[Micki_Finn]

There isn’t a city on the planet where 100% of people will be accepting. That being said, there are places that are more progressive than others. I live in one of the most LGBTQ friendly cities in the country and I can go out and do pretty much whatever I want and most people are friendly and accepting. However there are still intolerant people scattered around. I also have spent a good amount of time refining my presentation. I’ve seen girls around that look like they just dressed and put on makeup for the first time ever and yes, they do tend to draw looks and stares.

So no there isn’t a magical land of crossdressers, but there are lots of places where we can feel relatively safe to present.

[Teresa]

Wildaboutheels ,
Lucky or not I just go out there as Teresa . My new home town did have a bit of a reputation but acceptance hasn't been a problem , nothing is off limits but that's how it should be . It really does depend what you want or need for being TG , want it bad enough it has to happen .

[Nikki A.]

I live in a fairly tolerant area in a generally intolerant state. However, I've found so far that once people get to know me I have had no problems.

[Lainie]

Suburban Houston. I have a mustache and routinely—2 or 3 days a week—go out fully en femme; eg, jeans or slacks, blouse or polo shirt, flats, usually a purse. Nothing frilly or especially girly. Shopping here and in Houston, includes trying on and buying dresses, lingerie, and other clothes in Target, Old Navy, thrift shops, &c. No one ever says anything negative. Most people don’t notice at all, I guess.

[Leslie Mary S]

I live in he 4th largest metro-plex in our state. We have a very large number of transplants due to the nature of the work here. Space and Rockets and electronics. Never any trouble with the transplants, it is the "born and raised here" types that are the problem.

[AllieSF]

I have been here a long time, maybe too long. The one thing I have learned from all the posts here is that if you more or less dress to blend, own it wherever you are, smile and talk to people, like strangers and regulars, and stay away from certain areas/places you will see that most places are safe places similar to where I live near San Francisco. There are many members here from the deep south, small towns and even Texas (you need to read some of the posts from our Texas members) who all go out, have fun and enjoy life with little to no issues. So, yes, there are those special cities like San Francisco, Austin, Texas, Los Angeles and New York City that are great places for those that do not have the confidence and courage to go out, to go out. However, most other places can be similar if one wants to be themselves out and about. I also understand and agree that sometimes we need to create our own "no fly" zones close to where we live. But, where there is a will there is also a way!

[Aunt Kelly]

Setting aside one's no-fly zones (places where there is a reasonable possibility of encountering some whom you'd rather not be out to), and places where there's likely to be greater concentration of a dangerously intolerant demographic (not naming names, but you probably have a good idea)., and you're not likely to have a problem. Appropriate dress and comportment will almost always prompt people to treat you like the person you're presenting. It's true that we seldom rate a second glance in Houston's Montrose neighborhood, but even out the burbs, I have never encountered anything more threatening than a disapproving scowl.I

You don't need luck. Just age and venue appropriate dress, and proper comportment.

[PrettyPolly]

move to Canada, simples!

[Amelie]

I lived in probably one of the better places for gay and tg's, Greenwich Villlage NYC. The East Village and Hells Kitchen were OK too. Also lived for a bit in Mount Vernon Baltimore which was OK. But the problem never comes from people one knows in the hood, it comes from strangers who visit the area to cause trouble. There were always people coming to the village to start trouble, thinking if they attack gays and tg's they would not get much thrown back at them. It's probably different today, it's better. I now live in a mostly red neckish, area, hunters and such and no one bothers me. Maybe I don't care anymore, maybe I don't go out much either.

[CarlaWestin]

Yes. I am ponderously lucky. That's why I live in Las Vegas.
Actually, Las Vegas is where luck goes to die.

[Beverley Sims]

I have been luck all my life, just take care and watch your surroundings.

I don;t live dangerously or take unnecessary risks.

[Tracii G]

I live in Central Kentucky and my city has a fairness ordinance which by law gay and trans folk are treated fairly as far as jobs and housing for example.Other things as well so life is fine here and very few issues.
People here are kind and for the most part very accepting.
Sure we have our share of nasty people but they are generally scared to even get close to a trans person.
They fear they will get cooties off a tranny lol.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Wild,
Like Micki said, expecting 100% would be a myth. I’d be willing to bet that EVERY city will have some percentage of “accepting” people.
Playing nicely with others is something learned as a child. Being safe, and knowing your surroundings should be as well.
Much Love,
Kristyn
Traci...is that anywhere near the town of Luck Stop, Ky. ?

[deebra]

Micki I'll ask you what's been asked of me zillion of times, show us two pic's of your refined presentation. One face, the other full body. Thanks

[Lydianne]

I think people I have encountered are generally quite decent. For every, say, 10 people who might disapprove of me being out en femme, I can't imagine that more than one or two would want to see me physically harmed for it, and probably just one who would be inclined to come and challenge me themselves.

So if I go out during the day into a reasonably well populated place and someone gives me the death stare, if I just walk past them without looking confrontational, what are they gonna do? Tell my mom?!?? :tongueout..

( :thinking: Umm... actually, that would be pretty effective against me :worried: ).

Seriously though, after I'm past them with all those other people around, there isn't really much more they can do other than to stop looking at me and carry on with their day. As for me,.. I'm long gone. I can't really expect much more than that.

It's quite similar to my male mode experience as a youth, when I think about it. I had more frequent shoutings at me from passing cars as a young male than abuse hurled at me when out en femme.

- Lydianne.

[Micki_Finn]

Micki I'll ask you what's been asked of me zillion of times, show us two pic's of your refined presentation. One face, the other full body. Thanks

I don’t see how my pictures are relevant to the topic at hand.

[t-girlxsophie]

I don't venture out into my home town,other than to hop on the train,which is 2 minutes from my home,not convinced how good an idea it would be

I usually go into the nearest big city to me,Glasgow,which for many years had an infamous reputation,In the city centre I haven't had any major incidents,the odd quizical look aside.And that helps make it easier for me deciding to be out and about a lot more.The normal safety measures apply,always be aware and don't go to dodgy areas.As has been said before nowhere is truly 100% accepting but its much better now than it has ever been imo

Lydianne,you've summed up perfectly how you should react to any adverse looks,I mean once by them that's them out of mind,your not likely to see them again

Sophie

[abbiedrake]

I'd like to think I'm lucky. I live in the North West of England. I know plenty of girls who can certainly enjoy a decent nightlife without fear of injury. Sadly, I've yet to confirm.
2019?! Subject to spousal negotiations.

[Teresa]

Lydianne,
That does sum it up , stop looking for a reaction and you won't get one ! I'm usually pushed for time anyway so it's all about fleeting glances , OK sometimes you do wonder what they are thinking , exactly what did I register as ?

Up close maybe going through the clearance racks , some GGs don't care who gets the elbow as long as they get the dress , I'm just another female checking out the same items .

Abbie,
Make it sooner rather than later you won't regret it , I hope you get your wife/partner on board .

[elliemoss]

Yes I would absolutely call myself lucky. I live in London which is such a fantastic accepting city and has so many social events going on for us peeps you never get bored. London people are so busy and enthralled with their own lives they don't seem to even have time to care. I've been out fully dressed daytime on a few occasions and always a pleasure. Add to that some of the best shopping in the world. Genetically too I'm blessed with 5 7' height and a natural slim/athletic figure. I have a pretty large nose and hands but can't win em all eh? haha

[phili]

I've come to the conclusion that there are very few settings now where social conservatism or predatory instincts are a dominant force controlling people's individual behavior. That is why we hear from members that their small rural town is fine with them being themselves.

IMHO, being fully present, owning our presentation, and doing whatever we are doing while radiating peace with ourselves is the key.

If we look at someone and wonder what they feel about us, it triggers them to wonder why we are wondering- what is our internal weirdness we are wondering if they will accept? Uncertainty breeds discomfort, and the desire to avoid us.

If we look at someone and smile and think about how nice they are, they feel good and respond in kind. The penalty for unfamiliarity lasts only a few seconds- in which people go- "well, I just met my first crossdresser, and it is not actually a problem to know what to do with them."

[Miss V]

"Lucky" Crossdressers are the ones who pass well enough to not have to worry about where they live :P

[Jenny22]

Deebra, I've been out with Micki-Finn. She's a beautiful young lady! I envy her feminine presentation.

[Jean 103]

Yes ,

There are places with more support, where others have gone before, and the path is very wide and easy you could say. Like where Carla Lives in Vegas, they have a drop in center, a place you can go and just hang out. I have been there, good people, that are there with help and support if needed.

Lucky, you could be referring to me.

Was I just in the right place at the right time for me, or could anyone have come alone and done what I have?

Allie, I've been to SF, I just haven't spent much time there, no problems, other then there is no parking.

[Jaymees22]

I think you have to make your own luck. Do a little research before you venture out. Use common sense. If you think you're having problems with being noticed work on your presentation.

[Michaelasfun]

I live on the outskirts of Seattle in a smaller town that has more pickups as vehicles than most else, but it does give you motivation to work on your presentation!

[Ressie]

Luck is a possibility. But what if one intentionally moves to a more accepting area? The first place I dressed in front of others is in a resort town 40 miles away from my home town. This resort town has been known for having a gay population for decades.

I guess I'm lucky that I live so close to a place that draws transgender people from different parts of the country. Always a safe and accepting place to be en fem as far as the locals go. There is the possibility that some tourists might be surprised but they'll most likely get used to it.

[Charlotte7]

I know that I'm only out of the front door for a short time, but I'd have to say that I've found England, yes, all of it, is very accepting. I'm lucky to live here.

[Amelie]

A question for the UK people. Is all of the UK really safe? Has anyone here walked around east London or know if it is safe to do so?

[DaisyLawrence]

The risk factor is related to the time of day Amelie. In the early hours of the morning in big cities when the clubs and bars are chucking out drunk individuals then it may not be safe, but to be perfectly honest it probably isn't safe for anyone at that time, and definitely not for women. In fact young men, dressed as young men, are statistically the most at risk of unwarranted violence. During the day I would consider all but the most no-go areas of the Uk to be crossdressers friendly yes.

[Amelie]

Daisy thanks. What you say is true for most places. But is it safe to walk as a cd in the day time in East London? Areas that have a large immigrant population?

Edit-Sorry, I just read your no go areas.

[deebra]

MickiFinn, your words not mind. Considerable amount of time. Why wouldn't we want to see how you have progressed and gotten better. If you have gotten better so you feel comfortable going out we would like to see how close you are to passing. Reasonable request, requested in a positive way, not meant to be negative at all.

[DaisyLawrence]

Amelie, big area East London. If I lived there I'm sure I would know the areas to avoid although I'm sure the ethnicity of the area is probably unconnected. Point is, if it were not safe for a crossdresser during the day I would reccomend ALL to avoid the area whoever they are. In other words, the crossdressing per se is unlikely to increase your risk factor in the vast majority of the UK. Anyone from east London want to chip in?

[Amelie]

Daisy you're from Northern England. How about parts of Birmingham? Is Birmingham near you?

[DaisyLawrence]

Sorry only been to Birmingham once.

[Amelie]

OK. Sorry for the questions. It's just I read a lot of posts on how accepting the UK is and then I watch television and see parts of the UK look worse than where I lived in Baltimore. Also I know people from Northern Ireland who are part of the Uk tell me that CDs are not always accepted there. I seem to get conflicting ideas of what life in the UK really is. Because I live in the US, I generally know how things are. Thanks for replying.

[Charlotte7]

As a cross dresser in England, the one place I wouldn't go at any time of day is the London Underground. I'm sure that there are many people here who may say that they've been on the underground and had no trouble. But it's the one place I wouldn't go. Also, I wouldn't go to town centres and night. I know a lot here like to go to pubs, clubs and bars but to my mind they have to be the least safest places to go - you have young men, you have alcohol, you have limited exits. Also, you may be in a LGBT friendly venue but you have to get there and back. To me, it's one thing that isnt worth the risk. The rest, if you're happy enough walking around somewhere in drab then the same will apply when dressed. And I would include the east of London in that.

The only other thing that I would add to what you see on the TV is that just because one famous tweeter believes everything he sees on the news (when it's not about him), then it doesn't mean that it's true. As I say, with a little bit of common sense, the UK is a safe enough place.

Nothern Ireland though, that is a place apart. There, certain C17th and C18th attitude do persist.

[t-girlxsophie]

Amelie I wouldnt hold Northern Ireland as a beacon of tolerance of any minority,same goes for Parts of the Scottish Highlands (17th century attitudes is actually being kind) .maybe im contradicting myself a little but we can't all stay in beautiful areas,don't write off people on that basis

Charlotte,I can't speak for London,as I've never been.but I'm sure it's like any other place,as you say use commom sense you should be fine.Not everywhere is a hive of villiany

An amazing thing has happened on this site,No one has put in question this time my assertion that things are getting much better in my neck of the woods anyway,its early yet I suppose

Sophie

[Wildaboutheels]

A "lucky" CDer = Any CDer of any flavor who simply OWNS IT. No matter what city or town they live in. The evidence for this exists in hundreds of threads over the years at this Forum.

[Patience]

I feel I’m pretty lucky. The fact I go out dressed regularly has a lot to do with where I live. Having a strong LGBT presence helps a lot too.

[MonicaPVD]

Fortunately, most people are quite self absorbed and won't notice you unless you are dressed like a drag queen or prostitute. Those who do notice could care less for the most part.