Meeting other CDs? It just feels strange.

[Hazel Overstreet]

Hi all. I am a heterosexual man. I have had the urge to dress as a woman since I was a boy. I don’t understand it even now. And the truth is, it would be much more convenient if I didn’t—or if I were gay (which would also make more sense). But there you go.
I joined this group to see if there was some comfort/clarity to be had in the company of others like myself. And there is, on line.
But here’s the thing. I’m not sure if I could meet up and hang out with others like me. Now, I have a fair number of gay friends. It’s certainly not that I have anything but understanding and affection for others who are in this boat with me. It’s that I AM hetero, and that it’s sort of a personal experience. It’s also that there is definitely a sexual component for me.
Is anyone else conflicted this way? I would love it if there were a way for me to share with others, but it just feels strange.

[Tracii G]

The desire to crossdress has nothing to do with your sexual preference.
There is a thing called gender expression and gender dysphoria which is more related to transgenderism.
The gender spectrum is as long as it is wide and we are all different so there is no cut and dried or black and white answer to any of this.
So just be aware that just because you like to crossdress does not mean you are gay or will turn gay.
Either you are gay or you are not only you know that and its not likely to change.

[GaleWarning]

I once met in person, another member of this group. We were both in male mode.
It was like meeting a brother, we were so similar in looks.
(We both have Scottish heritage, and I feel sure that we would find common ancestors, if we looked for them.)

We had communicated via this site for some time before we met. Also via Skype.

There are very few members of this site I really would care to meet in person. So my advice is to spend a few months getting to know our members, to see if there are any who resonate with your personality.
Then, if you do want to meet up, be sensible about it.
Follow the safety rules suggested on dating sites.

This is a great site for self-discovery, so don't be focussed on simply meeting others.
Know thyself first.

[ellbee]

Back during my totally en-femme days, I had an awesome time hanging out with an openly-gay male friend of mine -- who also happened to be a drag queen.

He had shown me videos of him performing, as a drag contestant, and as an emcee. He was also no stranger to showing me all his crowns & sashes he had won, as well as his extensive dress collection. But oddly enough, I was the first of us to get fully dolled-up, in person, in front of the other. And I had presented like that many times, before I finally got to see *him* all dolled-up, in person!

Was it weird for me? I suppose, at least at first. But I also quickly got used to it. ;)

Not only being dressed in front of him, but also him being dressed in front of me!


At some point, we invited some of his gay male & drag-queen friends into the mix. Again, a bit weird at first, but you quickly get used to that, as well.

And sometimes we'd head out to a drag club or a drag night at an LGBT place -- Where, you guessed it... Even more guys are dressed up! And yet again, you get used to it rather quickly. Of course, at that point, it's no longer really necessarily about *you* anymore... Because there a ton of others there! You tend to quickly forget how you're presenting, as there's just so much else to take in!

Kinda wild, really. :)


However, the absolute best part, is getting GG's into the mix. They add a *whole* new dynamic to it all (and I'm sure they say the same about guys like us! :heehee: ).

Seriously, you'd be surprised at how many hetero GG's are into this kinda stuff. No, not all, obviously. But more than enough. And sometimes age isn't even a factor, either... Heck, the oldest GG in our social circle was well into her 50's! And she was definitely one of our biggest supporters (and quite the party animal, to boot :devil: ).

The absolute *best* times we'd go out as a group, IMO... As gay males, drag queens/CD'ers, and GG's? At a "vanilla" hetero club, no joke. We would have sooooo much fun together, with all kinds of crazy stuff happening! :roflmao:


Here's the weird thing, though, with the GG's...

Do *not* expect them to be physically attracted to you (nor you, to them), when you're all dolled up. This isn't about hooking up or anything. Yeah, I'm sure it *can* happen once in a blue moon. But honestly, it's about waaaay more than something like that. It really is a special type of bonding, that most "normal" hetero men don't typically get to experience. If you look decent enough, and you're receptive enough? They will welcome you with open arms into their sisterhood, making you an honorary member! They won't even bat an eyelash in doing so, either. BOOM! Instant acceptance. They'll probably make a fuss over you -- just roll with it, LOL. You will be one of the girls... And it's pretty awesome, really. :GD:



Anyway, that's the short story. :D

In my case, I was pretty lucky. The drag queen I was friends with, also happened to be quite extroverted, and pretty much knew *everybody* & *every* place & event. It's like I had keys to this entire world out there that I never knew really existed. BAM! Right at my fingertips. Definitely opened a lot of doors for me, socially speaking.

Does it have to be same way for you? Of course not. And is every gay male out there also cool with drag queens & CD'ers? Of course not. But don't underestimate your gay friends, either. ;)

I'm telling you... Drag queens & CD'ers, with gay males & hetero GG's? That's one heck of an awesome recipe! :thumbsup:

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Hazel,
What you might have forgotten is that...those same people that you’re hoping to connect with are most likely hetero themselves (and in no way should that even matter). When it comes to meeting other “like minded” people you have your own control over how you interact with those you meet.
I’d suggest you not overthink why, or why not, to meet with others. If you find chatting with us here online helpful with understanding yourself, a personal real life friend that has similar views on all the mayhem going on in your head will
certainly be nothing short of amazing.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Lucy Long Legs]

Hello Hazel. Yes I recognise much in what you say. I have been to CD meetings but I feel very awkward meeting other CDs and have not enjoyed the experience as much as I had hoped. I like to meet women when I am dressed and now I see a lady who dresses in a less feminine way than myself. The way I see it, I am a man and always will be, but there is no reason why I shouldn't be the most feminine person in the room. My clothes emphasise an admittedly outdated version of femininity, making me appear and feel submissive and vulnerable, while hers are practical and non-gender specific. She has jeans and boots while I have a short dress, heels, hose and makeup. We are both happy!

[Jean. Ann]

I was a a member of the Secret Garden group
that met in Eueeka Springs twice a year.
I really enjoyed meeting other CD ers
I very soon got over feeling in any was "funny "
It was just about friends. sharing a similar interest.
It was not a sexual thing
I met many people gay straight bi CD
Trams GG .
I learned that just because you look good,
does not mean you are looking to have sex
I would love to find a like minded group
To hang out with again. I am not looking
to " hook up " just have fun .
I have contacted several , no luck .
I really dont understand this reluctance to
Meet
Are we really that afraid ???

Jean Ann

[prettytoes]

I feel exactly the same way. My dressing is really kind of "my thing". I would like it if my wife were a little bit more accepting...she is, but only to a certain degree. I really don't like talking about my dressing with anyone, it's just something I feel compelled to do. And I also often wish my brain was wired just a little bit differently....it would make life a bit easier. I've tried to stop, but always come back. It's like an addiction that just won't let go.

[Helen_Highwater]

Hazel,

As Kristyn says, don't over think it. The first time I met other CD'ers I must admit that for a short while I felt like a fish out of water. That however was more due to not knowing what to expect more than anything else.

After a few minutes chatting any feelings of self consciousness or awkwardness evaporated. These were like minded souls who'd experienced the same trials, tribulations and feelings as me. We'd never met but shared so much.

Looking back it was no different than being introduced to a group of strangers while dressed in drab.

Our community is diverse. It's likely you'll encounter folks who dress perhaps more flamboyantly than is your taste. Some will look stunning, others far less so. Just accept we're all different and go with the flow. After all, do you like or bond with everyone you meet in the vanilla world? No, so it is when dressed.

I've sat in pubs and had long and meaningful discussions with sister CD'ers. I suspect that what you're imagining is akin to the fears that in going out you'll encounter a pitchfork mob. Your imagination is creating scenarios that don't mirror reality.

[Crissy 107]

Prettytoes, There are many of us who have tried to stop but as you know that it will not work. I have no idea why that is but it does seem to be the case. I tried to suppress it for many years until I found these type of forums and realized why fight it.

[Beverley Sims]

Meeting other CD'ers is no more strange than any other small interest group.

Once you get over the basics you get to discuss and compare your experiences.

After about the third meeting you have discussed all and start to talk about everyday things.

We all have some conflict in our minds and that soon dissipates.

[alwayshave]

Hazel, I at some level have known I was a crossdresser since I was 4-5 years of age. I joined this group because I wanted to interact with others who have the same desires I have, that is to dress as a women. I joined a group that meets on a regular basis. I felt nothing strange with meeting other who crossdressers. I felt supported. Further, a lot of the group are married crossdressers like myself. So there is no sexual undertone.

[Maria_mtf]

Hi all. I am a heterosexual man. I have had the urge to dress as a woman since I was a boy. I don’t understand it even now. And the truth is, it would be much more convenient if I didn’t—or if I were gay (which would also make more sense).
Above is so close to how I feel I could have easily written it myself, minus the gay part as I am married with kids.


But there you go.
I joined this group to see if there was some comfort/clarity to be had in the company of others like myself. And there is, on line.
But here’s the thing. I’m not sure if I could meet up and hang out with others like me.
I feel lik I want to meet others but honestly not sure I could. I barely have any friends as it is, never go out for a social chat at a pubic or cafe, and am pretty rubbish at smalk talk.


. Now, I have a fair number of gay friends. It’s certainly not that I have anything but understanding and affection for others who are in this boat with me. It’s that I AM hetero, and that it’s sort of a personal experience. It’s also that there is definitely a sexual component for me.
Is anyone else conflicted this way? I would love it if there were a way for me to share with others, but it just feels strange.
I have one gay friend but that seems irrelevant. The sexual component makes it very confusing, if its just sexual why would I share this with anyone than my SO, especially another guy. But if its only sexual why is dress shopping so fun when the sexual element is removed.

I relate very strongly to what you have written, and I am very conflicted with sexual part, wanting to meet people but at the same not wanting to.

When you get to 10 msgs feel free to private message me if you want to talk further.

[Teresa]

Hazel,
Very few Cders are gay , in my social groups approx 25% are accompanied by wives/partners . I've been going out socially for about three years now and only one has made a pass at me . I'm not gay so it was dealt with very amicably and we remain good friends .

It's one thing to have keyboard friends but another to have them in reality , I found it helped getting my life in balance especially meeting TSs from the groups . Perhaps some do fear an awakening of different sexual desires , to fall for an attractive CDer doesn't mean you've fallen for the guy , our mindsets do change when dressed on occasions .

Going out and meeting others also makes you question your own needs , you may find you've gone from a closet Cder to someone who may consider transition eventually many do go onto start hormones when they witness the benifits others achieve . I admit all this can be scary and some may question the safety of the closet , we are all different no one can decide for you , it depends on your own personal situation .

[Micki_Finn]

Going to reiterate what others here have said: You seem to be under the impression that most of us are gay, when in fact, quite the opposite is true. I’d dare to venture that most CDers, by a pretty wide margin, are straight or bi. So is it really your sexuality that’s keeping you from meeting others or is it your pre-conceived notions of other dressers?

[Stephanie47]

But here’s the thing. I’m not sure if I could meet up and hang out with others like me.

Hazel, I do get your point. I've thought many times whether I would feel comfortable "hanging out" with another cross dresser. What would I have in common with him. I choose the pronoun "him" because what else would we have in common. I model military plastic models. If I were to join a model making club would I go out for a beer or go to a ball game just because we share a common interest. It would have to go deeper than a particular shared experience. I think it would have the same approach if I was en femme. Is it sufficient to "hang out" en femme because both of us feel the need to wear women's clothing. For me wearing women's clothing is just a part of myself. I don't wear women's clothing to be part of a club. If I were to meet another member en drab would I want to befriend him just because he also needs to wear women's clothing?I don't think I would sit around and share a brew just because we are both cross dressers. Further, if I was attracted to his personality would I feel more comfortable or more awkward if we share the moment en femme?

Personally, I think meeting like minded individuals at a regional or national convention would make more sense. Then the explicit purpose is to have fun and an opportunity to share the cross dressing aspect of our lives.

I'm curious if there are respondents to this thread who have continued a relationship with another person met on this site? Have you cemented a relationship that transcends wearing women's clothing?

I don't put transsexuals in the same category as cross dressers. I accept a person who is gay (have some) or a transsexual (have one) because that is who they are. However, the gay person or lesbian or transsexual has to have something going for me to engage with them.

I don't know if I am making sense?

[Meeshell]

Hi Hazel,
I'm right there with you. I'm a straight man, and I love being a man. I love being a husband and father and grandfather. I love teaching my grandson about fixing cars and building things I love providing for my family and protecting them. I served in the military and enjoyed many things about that. I enjoy having the strength and abilities that come with testosterone. On the other hand, I get a great thrill from feminine clothing, the sexier the better. I enjoy seeing it on a sexy woman or even a sexy man, I enjoy seeing it on a mannequin in the store, heck I even enjoy seeing it on a hanger or layed out on the bed. I certainly get extremely excited wearing it. I love how it feels and how it makes me feel. I feel so sexy and attractive(when actually I probably look pretty silly as balding old man in beautiful clothes). There certainly is a major fetish/sexual component to it for me also. In fact I would say that's my primary(although probably not exclusive) interest in crossdressing. I know that, especially given my appearance, that any public dressing desires are purely fueled by the personal sexual thrill it gives me to venture out of my comfort zone. That being said, I think I would welcome the opportunity to have a "face to face, man to man" visit with someone who has similar interests/feelings. Sort of a talk over lunch out, about experiences and thoughts and clothes and the like. I've been dealing with this since I was very young and I just think it might be interesting to "commiserate" with some one who is also.

[Hazel Overstreet]

Going to reiterate what others here have said: You seem to be under the impression that most of us are gay, when in fact, quite the opposite is true. I’d dare to venture that most CDers, by a pretty wide margin, are straight or bi. So is it really your sexuality that’s keeping you from meeting others or is it your pre-conceived notions of other dressers?
Hm. Don’t know how I gave that impression. I am aware that most of us are hetero. What’s keeping me from meeting others is that it would feel artificial to hang out with someone just because we share one single aspect of our lives. And because, for me there is a sexual component, and being a cis male, it would be odd to share that with another cis male.

[Asew]

I have had a sexual component to my dressing (it has gone down since regularly dressing, but still there if I want it to be there). So as a heterosexual man I also thought about your concern to some degree before meeting a local group. But it was not an issue, it was more like hanging out with a club where you all a certain interest in common. It was great to talk to people about this. Had the same concern when I wore something kind of sexy for a Halloween outfit with this group and again not an issue. I think the big thing that this group is not sexual in nature, it is more like just hanging out. I have come to love our monthly outings.

[Hazel Overstreet]

You said it better than me Stephanie!

- - - Updated - - -

That’s great that you have found your group meetings fulfilling.
I want to make clear though that it’s not that I am uptight about male on male sexual attraction (and that being the reason I would feel weird hanging with other CDs), it’s just not how I’m wired.

[Patience]

Hi, Hazel.

Out of curiosity, how much dressing have you done to date and do you have the ambition to go out? This may be debatable, but I don’t think there’s much point worrying about meeting other crossdressers until you’re out and about dressed.

What happens when a crossdresser meets another crossdresser is basically the same thing that happens when a left handed person meets another left handed person.

Of course, if your dressing is inextricably connected to a kink, it’s highly likely you’ll have to keep it to yourself, unfortunately.

[TheHiddenMe]

I have met two members of this board, and belong to a TG group that has monthly meetings.

I understand the dynamic about your hesitation. Or maybe the Woody Allen axiom about not wanting to be a member of a club that would have him for a member.

I am a CD and I don't have gender dsyphoria. I'm a guy 95+% of the time.

Here is the issue as I see it.

Guys get together to do things. Golf, play tennis, go to ball games, hunt, fish, etc. Talk is a secondary byproduct.

Women get together TO talk. They are wired that way; we aren't.

Plus, if we meet with other CDs, the talk is likely about a subject we have repressed around others; our dressing.

It takes a while to overcome that reluctance with other CDs. I have found it much easier to talk to GGs, as they often want a male perspective on things.

So I think your reaction is normal for many of us.

[Alice Torn]

Yes. Hazel. I feel exactly the same way. i have only met one other Cd,and i met him in drab, rather than as Alice. He was in drab, too. I was uncomfortable, and conflicted over it. Just me personally. We are all a bit different. Stephanie, You make much sense. Great post. Outside of enjoying dressing up in womens clothing, many of us will have little in common. Some more than others.

[docrobbysherry]

Hazel, u R quite wrong about dressers. However, I can understand where u r coming from. If u have been contacted by CD's online out of the blue? They may have come on to u. I was like u when I came here 10+ years ago. Straight and worried about being hit on.:sad: But, besides chatting with countless members here, I have met nearly 100 CD.comers in person. And, have never been hit on or "discussed sex" with any of them. And, it's no secret that sex is VERY IMPORTANT component in my dressing!:o

Straight dressers don't talk about their personal sex info any more than vanilla guys do in my experience. (Meaning like never!) What they do talk about, besides dressing, is exactly the same things vanilla guys do!:thumbsup:

[AngelaYVR]

Hazel, we don’t have any idea about the extent of your dressing. If it’s just lingerie well, then yes, that would be an awkward meeting with others.

Most of us (as near as I can glean) that go out dressed are over the sexual aspect. My best friend is a married bi CD and sex has never been an issue; but our friendship is based on a lot more than a shared love of women’s clothes.

On the other hand, any meeting based purely on “fetish” dressing will go exactly how you fear it will.

[Ressie]

Well, there's a difference between meeting other CDs from this website than from meeting one at a dating website. You seem to have a fear (or guilt) that either you'll get hit on or that you'll will become aroused while being dressed with others crossdressers.

As for myself, I'm pretty much a fetish dresser. Dressing turns me on, but when I'm out socially with other CDs I don't think about sex at all. OTOH, if I get in touch with someone for sex - that's another thing!

We all go thru phases of learning more about ourselves and it appears that's where you're at. Conflicts with how one feels versus how one was brought up isn't uncommon. Try not to be ashamed that you get aroused by women's clothing. Most people think it's sick but it's much better than other things people get into, i.e. drugs, gambling, cheating etc.

[Tracii G]

I have met maybe 10 members here face to face and in guy mode and its not odd feeling at all.
Its like meeting a new male friend that you have something in common with.
Just like some friends are car guys and we go to car shows together some are musicians and we go to concerts together.
Most of my guy friends know I am gay but and its not an issue, they are friends I don't "hit" on them or feel sexually attracted to them.
Maybe its just you never stepped outside your bubble or comfort zone.

[Jolene Robertson]

I have met several from here, the first one, we met in guy mode first and my wife was with me. We talked about our common interest and stuff. Then we had a monthly meet up with others and it was all cool, just like any group of people some you will hit it off with and some you won't. The variety of ages and other interest determines how much time you want to spend with anyone. Of our group we ranged in age from early 30s to 60 so of course not everyone was going to have a lot in common other than dressing. We always had a good time and enjoyed being out and dressed I a public but safe place. That I know of no one ever made a pass at another member of our group. Most of us are married "and plan on staying that way" some of the wives knew some didn't. I'm stll friends with a couple from that group. By the way, the reason we quit meeting is the place we met at closed and we have not found another place that felt as welcoming.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Hazel, no need to fear ... I have had the pleasure of meeting several forum members. Our get togethers were most enjoyable. We all learned a lot from each other. We all had a lot of laughs. You will learn that commraderie in our unique world has so many benefits. We all need friends... go out and make some friends. You will be better for it & some of your fears / concerns will be allayed. Much peace to you.

[Stacy Lyn]

Hi Hazel and welcome.
Our dressing habits seem to be very similar. I'm hetro and married for over 30 years. I also have a sexual component to my dressing but it has lessened over time. I was leary about meeting other CDs but took the plunge and joined a local TG group that meets monthly. I have to say that the friends I've made there have been amazing and run the gamut front CDs to those that have transitioned. It has been wonderful to explore my feelings and hear how others have handled this component of their personality. While we discuss many TG topics we also talk about sports, cars and hunting. It is kind of funny to see four or five guys dressed to the nines discussing 60's muscle cars and makeup tips! Lol.

[Georgia K]

I'd love to meet other CDs just to know I'm not alone. I don't think I could dress up in front of another at the moment I'm still very much in the closet and only my wife knows

[Di]

What’s keeping me from meeting others is that it would feel artificial to hang out with someone just because we share one single aspect of our lives. And because, for me there is a sexual component, and being a cis male, it would be odd to share that with another cis male.
Then don’t meet others simple as that.
Many go out and about and for others it’s a private personal thing.

Some go to support groups and for others that’s not their cup of tea
It is not a race - just be you.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Of my 61 friends on this site, I've met 19 of them FtF.

I've met all of them with both of us dressed, but I've often met them the first few times in male mode.

I'm in the same DC social group as Jamie, and that's where i've met her FtF several times. I think we had about 40 girls at our Christmas meetup.

I've gone to Keystone 7 years in a row and met hundreds of girl FtF.

I don't think I've ever felt uncomfortable at a meeting, except possibly the first time meeting someone at a neutral venue.

I guess the only thing that made me feel a little uncomfortable was hugging another girl. The girls in my social circle always hug on meeting again, and I would be insulted if I didn't receive a hug now.

[Aunt Kelly]

It’s also that there is definitely a sexual component for me.
Is anyone else conflicted this way? I would love it if there were a way for me to share with others, but it just feels strange.

By your own description, your dressing is fetishistic in nature. It's unlikely that you would get much out of hanging out with a group of crossdressers, straight or gay.

Note that I used the word description, rather than "admission". You are guilty of nothing, so you have nothing to admit. The term fetish has come to be used as a pejorative quite often, but it's not necessarily so. Your dressing adds something to... certain activities. Nothing wrong with that, at all. As you observe, talking about that with others here is safe because it's anonymous and virtually devoid of the kind of discomfiture that is possible in real world encounters with others with similar interests. Assuming that things are as you describe, you have nothing to feel conflicted about.

[Tracii G]

Aunt Kelly and Di I tend to agree with your points.
Just hang out here do your thing and just be you.There is no right or wrong way to be you.
Lose the I have to be authentic because being you is authentically you is it not?

[Ressie]

Me too. Di and Aunt Kelly are both on the beam.

[Stacy Darling]

Meeting with any one is strange Haze! Thinking of us being on a sliding scale is an old term, but the knowledge that we all differ is more where we are at now.

So my standout point will be to you that, I can be a stand-out cd in my own world, YET hanging out wit other cd's is quite intimidating for me! And I'm confident!
Stacy!

[Cheryl T]

Strange...yes it feels very strange, weird, not quite right. AT FIRST.
Once you realize that the people you feel strange about meeting and talking to are JUST like YOU and that they felt strange at first also then you begin to relax and enjoy the company of people who don't need you to explain WHY, don't look at you funny because you're wearing a dress, heels and hose, and don't feel you are perverted.
You find people who want to know where you got those shoes, what perfume you are wearing, how much did you pay for those earrings. They are just like any other group you may join. Their interest is the same as yours. They may have a different background, different situation, but they understand how you feel. They feel that way too.
It's strange because it's new, it's different, but in the end it's the same and it's comforting.

[JaclynL61]

It is always good to have friends with similar interests to enjoy activities with. I feel it is important to know what you are looking for in the friendship. I've met some through social groups where the CD'ing is all we had in common. I had no desire to meet with them outside the group setting. Others there was more in common.

[Helen_Highwater]

Can I add another thought. You won't know until you've tried it!.

As it stands what you have is a perception of what something you've no experience of is going to be like. Go with an open and positive mind and see what the outcome is. These gatherings are (almost) totally nothing to do with hookups or even anything remotely close to flirting. It's possible you'll encounter a Gay CD'er. If things sart to get personal just be polite and say you bat for the other side or whatever phrase you choose to use and that will be the end of it. Personally, I've not knowingly met a Gay CD'er. What I have met is folks like us, folks I chatted to over a drink, swapped tales and experiences with. Realised we share so much but are all different and generally had a very pleasant evening.

One thing I'd wager on and it's that as you dress more your views will change. Read enough posts here and you'll soon see that for many in the early days there was a sexual element to their dressing. The majority report that this element wanes as time goes by and other aspects gain prominence.

[JaclynL61]

Excellent points Helen.

[Teresa]

Hazel,
Admitting there's a sexual component is no bad thing , over the years many possibly had those feelings . Meetings others doesn't usually create a bigger problem in fact it may help to balance those feelings out , sometimes it may crop up in a conversation , to hear how others deal with it often helps.

One of my social groups asked me to do my life story in their newsletter , it was a potted version but I left nothing out . While it's not a help group others may have been helped with their own situation .