a rose is a rose by any name, but "rose" is the right name

[pamela7]

Today, I was called by my old (male) name, and I didn't even respond to it; they then called me "Pam", i heard and responded - all unconsciously, no thinking. I'm guessing many old hands here went through this at some point, but for me it felt really affirming, that now my identity is so "Pam" that there is zero resonance left for the old name - and in hypnotic circles, one knows that the name is one of the most powerful inductions. So, yes, I'm pleased!

[Lana Mae]

Pam, you are further down the path than me! I am just glad to hear "Lana Mae" at church and by my therapist! Hugs Lana Mae

[KymberlyOct]

My old name was Mike so I hear it often in public - once in awhile I turn my head out of reflex but not very often - the reflex fades with time. I always respond to Kim. Neither is thought out it is just a reflex - like Pavlov's dog. LOL

[Teresa]

Pamela,
Are you prepared to tell us your old name ?

I've accidentally kept mine simple , I say that because when I registered here it accepted the female version of my male name . I'm now glad that happened because it's kept things so simple , I can go from Terry to Terri which is what I've chosen to do at my GP surgery and the Blood transfusion service . It also means I can do the same thing with my middle name if I choose which is John . If and when it comes to any major changes my mailing address will remain the same and document changes will be much simpler .

This year was the first one a family member has sent me a card with Terri apart from all my social friends who all use Teresa in the Xmas cards .

As you may recall in the NB section when I took my daughter and granddaughter out she did continue to call me dad and my granddaughter called me grandpa , I can't change that .

[Lana Mae]

Teresa, would you really want to change from dad and grandpa? Just curious! Hugs Lana Mae

[Nigella]

Lana,

Without taking the thread off topic, When I told my daughter that I was TS, I told her I would always be her dad, that has remained the same throughout, but she will defend me to the hilt if anyone dares to misgender me within her earshot.

[Teresa]

Lana,
It's a matter of getting use to the changes in my appearance , as far as my daughter is concerned she has accepted me as Teresa I can't ask for more than that .

[pamela7]

Naargh, the old name is gone, Teresa. I did today though, take my son to the hospital, and was referred to as "dad" the whole time (while in skirt, heels, etc of course) - didn't seem to phase the nurses, drs or other patients.

[Paula DAngelo]

Are you prepared to tell us your old name ?


Not trying to take this thread of course, and I'm just bringing this up since I feel this is something that really shouldn't be done, and is in my opinion in bad taste. This thread is posted in the Transsexual form so I'm assuming that Pamela is transsexual. For someone who has or is transitioning, their name is what they say it is. There is a reason that the old name is called a "Dead Name" and asking someone what their old name is should not be done. If some one offers their old name, that's their choice. In everything I've read, this is considered a big no-no.

I know there was no offense being meant with this question here, and it doesn't appear that Pamela got upset by the question. I'm only bringing this up so that people who may not have realized it, know that generally this should not be done.

[pamela7]

Your point is not taking the thread off course, it is aligned with it. In fact, you meet the point exactly. There might be any name used for the Rose, but the Rose is a Rose. The old name is dead, no longer creating a response in me. Effectively therefore, yes, that name is dead to me.

I'm not offended by the question, though. People "in the real world" can easily find out my old name, and it can even be helpful as a long career backstory is necessary with some proof of pedigree of work.

[Teresa]

Pamela,
From Paula's comment I offer you an apology .

It's actually a sensitive point with me at the moment as my wife is telling people I'm dead .

Personally I've not considered my old name being dead , I used it for thrity years for my business name , I have fond memories of those times besides it has kept the changes far simpler . I feel you can't and shouldn't eradicate our past our gender may change but our brain hasn't and as we discussed some of our labels do get retained .

[pamela7]

Teresa; no apology is required, as you intended no offense, and no offense was taken by me. :-)

I think-feel-intuit the middle-ground understanding of Jeri-Ann and Teresa lies here - ladies please correct me though: Jeri-Ann was able to realise early enough her gender identity and never took on male role patterning, meaning she had less behaviours to re-process, less male-patterning to unlearn to be replaced with the natural response. By being so late in our realisations, Teresa and I are fighting battles as such to recognise old mind-programs and let them go, to allow the suppressed natural feminine ways to take over. My own approach has been probably quite in the middle space between you ladies' experiences and processes.

Teresa; the sense of being an experiment comes from one type of school experience; another person might have a sense of "always learning" (also from school), another like myself has more an "unlearning" view, and still others will have "life is a game" (pre-school influence), life is lessons (school), and "life is to be experienced" (more natural imo).

enjoying the discussion, it helps clarify

[Teresa]

Pamela,
I've always been one on the " Learning " trail , always done my own thing and ploughed my own furrow .
Should we unlearn or just archive ? I know part of my problem is the battle with my wife, juggling with the differnt views , who is right and who is wrong ? It does make it hard to shake off the past when much of it still means so much .

I'm afraid it did hit home as I mentioned in the , " If only" thread in the NB section , I just didn't want to see the pictures of me in male mode and that was the first time I'd admitted it when I told my daughter .

Life has now become a totally new experience , I'm still learning !

[pamela7]

your question "should we unlearn or just archive". this is a significant semantic to me. It feels like you would archive and I would unlearn, relating to our different places in the gender universe. I would unlearn, because I had to learn male ways - which were unnatural to me - and so then where they've overwritten my natural female self's way, by unlearning i have my "just knowing" back from the female point of view. I don't feel that I have to learn female ways, because that's my nature - is how i feel - i might be "wrong" but who has the right to tell me that?