Is it essental that we venture out dressed, in order to further the 'cause'?

[GaleWarning]

Thank you to everyone who feels that the decision to either remain closeted or go out is a personal one, which should be respected.

Thank you, too, to those who feel that to remain closeted somehow shows a lack of courage and conviction. Although I disagree with you, I respect your right to hold those views.

There are other ways in which people such as I can and do, do our bit to further the cause by challenging people's perceptions of our community. I work with special people every day, and it is by treating every human as a person of great worth, that we teach tolerance, acceptance, and above all, love for one another.

That's my perspective. What is yours?


May the new year bring all of us oodles of peace, joy, hope and love.:love:

[Teresa]

Gale,
How you deal with your own circumstances is yours and yours alone . People need to remain in the closet for so many reasons , to some they have shown enough courage to fulfill their own needs . My personal take on it was solitary confinement , I needed more, not initially to help others but simply to come to terms with my TG issues .

To answer your qusetion I do believe we need to be out in the RW to further our cause . People know more about TG issues but very few have come across a crossdressing person, we are still a minority on the streets . It's hard to put a figure on the number of people I've met as Teresa , as far as I'm aware I haven't upset or given anyone problems but it is a learning curve for both sides, in this situation it can't be any bad thing . Two points I have been amazed at is once I've given people an opening they have told me about people they know or family members who are TG , the other is how many F/M TG people there are now . Maybe this touches on the thorny subject of being read and passing , the fact is we are read and don't pass 100% , the point to accept is we are TG members of society , we can contribute to it on that basis on an equal footing .

People who choose to remain in the closet I have no problem with but it does need a core of us the take those extra steps and go out and fly the flag , otherwise the scene in the UK wouldn't have moved on .

[Mermaiden]

I’m sure going out dressed “furthers the cause” but not everyone wants the fall out, of course. The conflict between these two ideas is responsibility to self v responsibility to the CD community, and I think responsibility to self has to be the priority.

[Paula DAngelo]

Does it help "the cause" by venturing out, of course it helps, the more people see a trangender person the more normal it starts to become. Now to answer the actual question "Is it essential"', no I don't think it is. There are many ways to help and they don't require someone to be out or even to be transgender. It is just as important for people to be supportive of transgender people and to let others see that it is ok to interact with us as they would any other "normal" person, none of which requires someone to come out..

[Macey]

I'm truly glad for those that regularly go out. I want to and will at some point, but I'm not a 'cause' and would only want to go out dressed as an outward expression of myself. If that helps others? Great and I would be inclined to share the experience.

[CarlaWestin]

I dress. I enjoy. I go out dressed.
I'm not trying to further any Cause.
That's just nonsense.

[Stacy Darling]

NO!

What is on the inside is what is most important!

If you are not confident enough to venture out dressed "Don't do it!"

Leave it to the some of us which are capable of taking the risks!
Stacy!

[alwayshave]

Gale, I don't believe it is essential. I head out because I like to, not because it is going to change anyone's mind.

[DIANEF]

I do go out on a semi regular basis, but it is just for me and the need to escape the confines of the house. I am not a flagwaver.
See the last line of my signature....,

[Cheryl T]

When I go somewhere it's for me. I need to shop or want to go somewhere.
I'm not a flag waver, I don't feel I need to do it to "further the cause". I do feel that when I do I need to be the best me so that others see me, not as a freak, not as a curiosity or a threat, but just as another person. In the scheme of things that will further the cause.

[marlacd]

I don't go out, because I don't want to take the chance of ruining my business.

My ability to pay my bills supersedes putting forth "The cause."

Now, if someone wants to put me on the payroll for going out dressed, (Please include timely pay raises, insurance, paid vacations, and clothing allowances) then sign me up! You just got a lifetime employee. I can ignore cracks and comments easily.

[Helen_Highwater]

Gale,

Those who choose to go out and present as normal, well mannered, polite individuals will by the very nature of interacting with others, help to further the cause. If you like it's a byproduct of the process.

It would be a rare individual who initially sets out into the wide world with the main intention being to promote our cause. In truth we that stepped out did so to fulfill a need that exists within us. A need to express fully who we are.

We, the community, have been fortunate in that the Gay community have led the way in gaining greater visibility and through that, greater acceptance from society. We hung onto their coat tails and have benefited from that. It is however time for our community to promote it's own cause and ultimately the only way to do that is for ever more folks to get out and mingle. As the saying goes, "Out of sight, out of mind". If we're not there to be seen, people won't give us a second thought

For some it will always, for what ever reasons and there are many, be a step too far. What those who go out do in their writings here is try to reassure those teetering in the edge of stepping out that it isn't the big bad world imagination often concocts in our heads for us.

[Rogina B]

There are many ways to help and they don't require someone to be out or even to be transgender. It is just as important for people to be supportive of transgender people and to let others see that it is ok to interact with us as they would any other "normal" person, none of which requires someone to come out..
A few years back I was collecting signatures for a pro equality petition. There were people who wouldn't put the pen to the paper but all the while say they have "no problem with this"..Occasionally there is a post on the forum about a "discussion at work" and the post chose not to support the object of the discussion for "FEAR" of being found out..So,perhaps some good could have come from it,but that didn't happen.I wish stuff like that not to happen. Everyone has the right to be themselves in this short life.

[Krisi]

I dress. I enjoy. I go out dressed.
I'm not trying to further any Cause.
That's just nonsense.

My thoughts exactly!

Furthermore, when I go out, I'm hoping that nobody notices me, that I blend into the crowd as another woman that just walked by.

[Danielle_cder]

Am I furthering a cause if I pass? If everyone thinks I’m a woman then am I furthering women?

[Wildaboutheels]

I'm a firm believer in "SHOW me, don't tell me"

Especially if one actually WANTS to further the cause...BUT.

IF "helping the cause" is an actual GOAL?

Is "dressing to blend"/"pass as a female" a good plan?

Is NOT BEING NOTICED going to help any cause?

FACT: There has never been a better time to be a CDer of any flavor

1) all the various places ONline that sell giant high heeled shoes and other clothing items. There is now no need to ever leave one's house.

2) The fact that so many folks out in the RW are simply CONSUMED by their "smartphones" Every second spent CD busting in the RW is time NOT spent on their phone. That's a slam dunk decision for most.

I think a good plan for the "full presenters" actually looking to help the cause?

Go out of your way to actually INTERACT with Joe Doe public. An actual face to face conversation no matter how brief.

Act normal and treat them with dignity and respect unless and until their actions indicate you are wasting your time and effort.

There is no cure for clueless or closed minded.people.

[Beverley Sims]

To answer the question.....

NO!

I go out to enjoy myself, I am cautious on the way and when interact with someone that guesses what I am I remain pleasant and certainly don't carry a placcard to show any militancy. Generally I go to parties and whoop it up a little to make it entertaining and do not do in your face acts.

At other times I appear to be another woman going about her business and any looks I get I evaluate why and try to correct the what? next time.

For those that are comfortable staying in the closet all I can say is try and make friends with someone else as it is a gratifying experience having support.

[MarinaTwelve200]

But then again, not all of us go out. We are content to stay at home, enjoy our hobby and not have to deal with the consequences of violating social "norms".
----It might be an element of "dangerous fun" for some, but a lot of us would rather not have to deal with it. And if the element were removed, it would not be "fun" anymore, now would it. ;)

[Eemz]

I was out a lot over Christmas and very visible, and I talked in my normal voice to lots of strangers, many of whom had never interacted with a trans person before. I wasn't bothered or self-conscious about it, so neither was anyone else. One guy thanked me - I think he was expecting some sort of militant weirdo and it was eye-opening to meet just a regular person instead. Did that "further the cause"? Probably, and maybe I was vaguely aware of that, but I was mainly just out and about being me and living my life.

Now that all said - I'm very aware that there is a whole set of circumstances that allows me to do things like this. I'm not in a relationship, I have no kids, I'm already out to any family that matter, I'm not going to lose my job if it comes out at work, etc etc. I also have a fairly thick hide, and I still took the best part of 50 years to get to a point where I finally accept myself for who I am. That's possibly the biggest single factor. All of this would have been inconceivable only a year ago.

[Gillian Gigs]

it is by treating every human as a person of great worth, that we teach tolerance, acceptance, and above all, love for one another.


If a CD'er goes out and does an excellent job of blending in, then nobody notices, that may be very good for them, but how does it further "the cause"? In most societies today, people are unobservant and hence fringe groups get into their face to get there point across. Then the people react to having someone getting into their face and there is backlash.

My bias leans more toward the 50/50 approach. Another example would be, if someone went out in guy clothes except for a skirt, that may lead toward acceptance sooner. What would most people see, someone with bare legs, and not think about it at all, or until later on. There was a story in the news last summer about male Paris bus drivers wearing skirts to work because of the summer heat. Dress codes wouldn't allow shorts, but women bus drivers could wear skirts, so the men dressed in skirts also. The same thing happening in some school also. Wars are won one battle at a time, win the battle of wearing the clothes first, then go for the passing part later, if that is your goal.

Look at how manscaping has come a long way recently, it's not just CD'ers who want to get rid of the 'fuzz'. We all might be amazed at how many men are wearing panties, pantyhose, or lingerie, but would never consider themselves as being CD'ers. Why are they wearing these clothes, because they find them comfortable, or necessary for some unknown reason. We don't need to convince people of anything other than everyone needs to wear clothes for whatever reason they have. If they are not against you, then assume they are for you. As it was said, "acceptance, and above all, love for one another."

[Tracii G]

Some feel they have to be part of a "cause" for some reason maybe its that bunch that have the victim mentality.
To me getting out and interacting with the public and showing them we are nice people is enough for me.
I don't need to march and carry signs or scream out meaningless slogans and talking points.
Assimilate not agitate seems to be working for me.
If you feel you have to belong to one set of trans people and raise hell constantly IMO you aren't helping anything.
Case in point that crazy trans woman on you tube screaming at the store clerk because he mis genderd her.

[Aunt Kelly]

Essential? No. Effective? Absolutely. Any of us who is out in public for any length of time (you know, long enough to get past the terror :) ), can tell you that. It helps, a lot, if you display proper decorum and confident bearing. As I've said many times, you don't have to pass. Just be polite and most people will reciprocate. I believe that even the ones that point and gape are just a tiny bit less shocked with each encounter that they have with us. It's all progress.

For the longest time, I believed that I was no "flag waver". I'm still not. Oh, I believe in serving the cause, and do so in my quiet way, but serving the cause it not why I go out in public. That's just me, enjoying an opportunity to be the real me. Perhaps someday, there will no longer be a "cause", and we can all just be ourselves.

[Alice B]

I do not think that my going out is something I do for "the cause". It is something I do for myself. I doubt that there are many here that are willing or able to publicaly carry the tourch and all that goes with that stance

[Miss V]

To me it's always felt like an end game.

Where else is there to go after that? I'd feel like i'd reached a limit or something. So I kind of like that it's some far-off goal for me.

[Jenny22]

I essentially agree with Aunt Kelly. When there are polite, and favorable encounters with general public individuals, it would follow that such circumstances might favorably modify the person's mind set of Trans folks. However, if a Trans person is poorly or sloppily presenting to the public, that will just reinforce the public's negative opinion. Just Sayin'.

[Teresa]

Now I've read the rest of the replies I guess I must be a bit of a flag waver .

I will be attending the pride week again in Boston College ( UK Boston ) to help any students with TG issues , last year I joined two other members of my social group talk to a group of delegates on how well the NHS has cared for us with TG issues . Last month I collected in the hotel for the Lincs and Notts air ambulance during one of our social meetings and will be doing another collection this month .

I do believe we have to show our faces because we are still active members of society . Everytime I read a good story about acceptance at work or other public places I hope that the ones who have stepped out in the RW have contributed something to that outcome .

To take Wild's point I dress to integrate , that encompasses the fact I have been read and I don't pass 100% the important point is I have been accepted .

[Becky Blue]

In my opinion going out is a totally personal thing. For me it is an essential part of who I am and what I need to do, but I am not doing it to further any agender (SP pun intended). When I am out I am however representing this community even if I do not want to, so if I am picked I am being judged. I hope that people that I come into contact with can see that although I am dressed as a woman, I am a nice, kind gentle decent person and that I hope I am creating a positive vibe. That is why for me its important to try blend in and be as 'normal' as possible.

[Kas]

What is the “cause”?

Are you referring to the LGBT movement?

Everything I do is for me personally and I don’t care about any greater “cause”.

[Lana Mae]

I go out dressed for me! If it strengthens the "cause" then it is just a side effect of my going out! Hugs Lana Mae

[Nikki A.]

I don't have an issue with those that don't go out. It is their prerogative.
As for myself, I do go out on a regular basis. I do it for myself, not to further the cause. On the other hand, by being out and about I do hope that I do set an example and do try to change people's opinions of what we do and why we do it. I do think I have made a difference at least one person at a time

[sometimes_miss]

One of the big problems with being 'out', is that everyone just assumes that your support for TG people is all because you have a self interest agenda that you're following. Staying in the closet, and demonstrating acceptance of those with alternative lifestyles is just as important, because it carries more weight with the normals, as they assume that I'm one of them. Much of the fear comes from homophobia, so helping them to get over that as well will be a positive thing.

[Jaymees22]

Sometimes I go out just "cause".

[Diane Taylor]

The longer we stay invisible, the longer it'll take to be accepted. However, I respect one's desire to remain closeted.

[Cassandra Lynn]

In it's simplest terms we go out firstly for our selves, and secondly, while we are out the greater good get's done. Provided of course that we do so confidently and politely.
I'm one of those mixed gender non-binary types, and I've had many discussions with everyday peeps and have done my part to loosen up some thick headed folks in the process.

If anyone thinks "i'm just one person, I can't make any difference", well your wrong it's numbers that makes a change, mostly a very slow one, but it does help.

When I first hung out around this site several years ago there was a much more militant vibe about getting out, and I for one am glad to see it has lessened, we don't need to be brow beaten.

I do more for the cause in my local community (I'm in the recovery field and LGBT people are a plenty and they can be marginalized there just like they are in other places), and by being active n the U.U. church.
Cass

[giuseppina]

Thank you and well put, Sometimes Miss (#31).

[GaleWarning]

Thank you to everyone who has contributed so far.
I am assimilating your comments.
Please carry on ...

[t-girlxsophie]

I don't go out to be a flag bearer or to further the cause, but I do believe when out I have a responsibility to carry myself in the best possible manner, so even if I get looks it's just the person's curiosity their not thinking WTF is that. For the longest time I was of the school that thought oh I can't wear trousers I must be in a cute dress or skirt, but I've learnt a lot and feel I blend pretty well in each situation
But you'll never hear me say one thing against those that stay closeted

Sophie

[Andrea2656]

It is certainly not essential to further the "cause" to go out in the real world. For members (or non-members) who are just exploring there gender identity a clarion call to "Go out dressed for the cause" is not a good message. One thing we know is that we have a diverse community. Those who are out in the real world have made that decision for a reason that fits with their personal identity. There lifestyle is certain an inspiration to many of us, including myself, who is not out in the real world. They may help to normalize the appearance of TG/CD girls in our society and thereby gain acceptance. However, this is not an obligation for the TG/CD individual.

[kimdl93]

No one is under any obligation to go out. Being out should to be a positive, freeing experience, not a chore.

One can advance the interests of transgender people in many other ways. Expressing tolerance, educating others and pushing back against bigotry all help...especially one person at a time.

[Krisi]

The real question is; What is this "cause"?

[Helen_Highwater]

I suppose other questions that could be asked are, "What would happen if non of us went out? If we all stayed in the closet?".

If non of us are out there then there's no need for tolerance and acceptance. Effectively we wouldn't exist. We'd be a problem that didn't need a solution.

So as others have said, It's not that any of us go out with the sole and prime objective of furthering our cause but if non of us go out then there is no cause to further. Perhaps if you swapped furthering the cause with going out and also creating a good impression then that suits what we do better.

[suzanne]

OMG, no. You don't have to get out there and be seen if you're not ready for it. We all have our own lives to live, with our own particular constraints to obey. Some of us are permanently closeted, some are completely free, and anything in between can happen. Only you know where you stand.

But those fortunate few of us who are free are making it easier for those who are less free, if only indirectly. In time, enough people will see a crossdresser and realize she is not to be feared or obsessed over that it becomes No.Big Deal. I say indirectly because I don't go out to make any statement other than "This is me, and I'm claiming my place in the world." But in so doing, I know I am a de facto ambassador for all crossdressers because I am often the first one many have seen in person. By dressing as tastefully as possible, I hope to show us all in a positive light and make it easier for more to come out and break down more barriers.

No, you don't have to get out there if you're not ready. But know that others are helping in their own ways to make it easier for you all the time. So if and when you are ready, please do, have fun and add to the snowball effect.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm assuming when u say, "the cause", u r referring to those crossdressers who wear masks?:thumbsup:

In that case, then, YES! I am a walking, talking advocate for all of them wherever Sherry appears!:D

I wonder what have u done for our cause lately, Gale!?:straightface:

[GaleWarning]

I wonder what have u done for our cause lately, Gale!?:straightface:


Thanks for asking, Doc. The question can be answered on two levels: the superficial and the deeper.


On a superficial level, in recent years this site has encouraged me to open up to my flatmates about my crossdressing. The two gay guys did not, and have never commented. My female flatmate K struggled to accept it. I very rarely wore anything feminine, for many months. There was a spat with our landlady and we were forced to move. The two guys went off on their own. K and I found our own place. I started to dress more and more. For a long time she was very unaccepting. But slowly over the course of about 18 months resistance has dwindled and greater acceptance has emerged. I now dress freely at home. I very frequently underdress when going out.


I am closeted because of my work situation. My immediate colleagues know that my toes are painted, having caught a glimpse of them on a couple of occasions. Just before Christmas, I wore a bright orange blouse to work 'because it is Christmas'.


On a deeper level, I challenge those who make homophobic comments on fb. A member of this site who is quite active in the transgender movement in NZ sent me a pm. In my response, I revealed to her that CDing is not my main passion. I told her of my true passion and shared with her how it applies to our shared lives in NZ. Sadly, she has not yet responded.


Let's see how this thread unfolds. I may reveal more a bit later.

[abbiedrake]

Got to go with the consensus here, Gale.
Those who venture out, as I'm intending to soon, are doing it for themselves and are under no obligation to any cause. We do it for ourselves. As others have said any benefit to other trans people is collateral.
In the meantime no-one should feel obligated to the trans socio-political campaign.