Not a CD topic!

[Stacy Darling]

I See that some would perceive this as a non CD topic. Yet I will never understand those!

As I sat in my Stacy room this morning, skirt and singlet listening to my music as I meditate, I was content, very content!
Then my door is opened without notice and my wife appeared " Your not a Woman" was screamed at me before the glass was smashed in my face!
And that's not CD related? Go Figure!

299939

Sorry to those which don't see this as nice, but the reality is it's there!

I'm not looking for support but just wanting help create more awareness.

Now for a Laugh! If it was my left side again I'd be less symmetrical I guess!

Stacy!

[Crissy 107]

Stacy, I’m so sorry to hear about you being assaulted by your wife. There should be no place for violence in a marriage or anyplace else for that matter. You are fortunate that you did not lose an eye over it.

[Diane Taylor]

She should be arrested. Battery works both ways, it's not OK for someone to smash things in your face. What's next? a hatchet? Be careful and please be safe.

[Stacy Darling]

Thanks Girls,
Guess I've been around this for so long that it's how I live, Awareness for the rest of the world is what I hope for!
Stacy!

[Macey]

Stacy, my heart goes out for you, hun. I think I recall an earlier thread of your along this topic and that you said for a number of reasons that you would never leave her. I won't comment on what I think of that, but in general …

Abuse is not okay. It is never okay. You are worth more than that and no one has reason, right, or justification to abuse you … ever.

I implore you to get some counseling if for no other reason that to be able to talk through your feelings on this with a professional. Please always share here, if you want to, we all have your back, but please talk to someone with some skills in helping you process through this.

You are far too important to allow yourself to be treated this way!

[Teresa]

Stacy ,
Abuse is not good , as you say not funny in the least and you were lucky not to lose an eye .

It looks like some serious talking has to happen, Stacy doesn't appear to be welcome in 2019 . The problem is if she is profusely sorry when she's calmed down the question is will it happen again ? Looks like trust could be thin on the ground in your home for a while .

[Mermaiden]

Truly sorry for what you’re feeling, both the visible injuries and the others.

[Bobbi46]

Stacy, Be strong and stand up for yourself, I agreee with earlier comments violence is just not on, whats next knives? or worse, if I was you I would take a hike and start a new life. Its never too late I am doing that right now (making a new life and have been building on this for the last 5 years). Its now time time to think of yourself I feel your life and dressing is being dominated and denied from what you so dearly need.
I am sorry for your injury, you were very lucky not to loose your eye.

[CarlaWestin]

Stacy, I hope you are OK. That would be the end of that relationship and the start of litigation.
There is nothing good about being subjected to violence, especially that severe.

[Lana Mae]

Sorry for your injuries! Sounds like she needs the therapist! Be safe! Hugs Lana Mae

[alwayshave]

Stacy, I'm so sorry. That could have done some permanent damage to your eye and inch higher. Had it been me, I would have called the police.

[Cheryl T]

I'm sorry, but just as we would surely tell any battered woman...It's time to leave.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Stacy,

I can only echo what the others have said that abuse is never tolerated nor condoned by either side.

Your comment however prompts me to ask whether or not alcohol was involved. You said she smashed a "glass" in your face. Granted, it could have been juice but I suspect it wasn't or mixed with something stronger perhaps?

Alcohol doesn't mitigate or absolve what happened but shows that there is something else wrong here that needs to be addressed also.

My wife told me before our marriage 36+ years ago that if I "touched" her she was out of there. Same applies in my direction although I never thought of it at the time.

You mentioned you've been dealing with this for a while. I suggest you're getting numb or inured to this, which isn't a good thing.

Seriously, consider getting out!

[Krisi]

Spousal abuse can happen both ways. It's a big deal when a man hits a woman but when a woman hits a man, he's usually too ashamed to report it. Of course in my mind, reporting it would signal the end of the marriage because I can't imagine staying married to someone who had me thrown in jail and testified against me.

That said, a marriage where one partner continues to abuse the other is really over anyway except for the divorce papers.

[Sherrii]

I am sorry for what has happened to you and the situation you find yourself in. You are, as others have said, very lucky it isn't a LOT more serious than a cut and bruise. And while a slap or punch is serious, but generally causes no long lasting or permanent damage, an assault with something that does is much more serious to my way of thinking. I think you should seriously consider ending the relationship. And possibly prosecute this woman.

[Stacy Darling]

Stacy,

I can only echo what the others have said that abuse is never tolerated nor condoned by either side.

Your comment however prompts me to ask whether or not alcohol was involved. You said she smashed a "glass" in your face. Granted, it could have been juice but I suspect it wasn't or mixed with something stronger perhaps?

Alcohol doesn't mitigate or absolve what happened but shows that there is something else wrong here that needs to be addressed also.

My wife told me before our marriage 36+ years ago that if I "touched" her she was out of there. Same applies in my direction although I never thought of it at the time.

You mentioned you've been dealing with this for a while. I suggest you're getting numb or inured to this, which isn't a good thing.

Seriously, consider getting out!

The glass was a water glass, but I must say that my wife takes a lot of pain killers, she's had 4 disks removed,Mmm
Stacy!

[Kelly DeWinter]

Spousal abuse whether for a CD non CD, male or female is not right. I knew a Navy Sailor a few years ago who was big burly 6 foot 2 and 275 pounds. He would come in from time to time with serious cuts and bruises. No one questioned his excuses for the marks. It wasn't until he wound up in Intensive Care , that it came out that his diminutive 5 foot 2 inch 100 pound wife was the one assaulting him.

My point is, you need to seek help or guidance. You need to have a plan in case this happens again.

[April Rose]

I am very sorry about this, Stacey. This is undeniable physical violence. Ignoring it, or letting it slide is not helping your wife, either. It needs to be addressed before something tragic happens. Couples counseling at the very least is indicated. I would also suggest an exploratory conference with a divorce lawyer. You need not make the decision to go, but at least you would be prepared so that, if push came to shove, you could exit quickly without losing everything.

[Beverley Sims]

Stacy,
Words fail me but is it a result of your surrounding environment and the people you associate with?

You are in Sydney and the Tattoo parlour environment I assume.

[Stacy Darling]

Spousal abuse whether for a CD non CD, male or female is not right. I knew a Navy Sailor a few years ago who was big burly 6 foot 2 and 275 pounds. He would come in from time to time with serious cuts and bruises. No one questioned his excuses for the marks. It wasn't until he wound up in Intensive Care , that it came out that his diminutive 5 foot 2 inch 100 pound wife was the one assaulting him.

My point is, you need to seek help or guidance. You need to have a plan in case this happens again.

So you get this Kell, I'm a former sigs operative which doesn't play well with police just how it is!

[Macey]

Stacy, you may be right about the police, but it may be time to talk to the butcher (divorce attorney), the baker (support councilor), and the candlestick maker (spiritual leader). One or more of these and asap! This can't go on!

[Danielle_cder]

New year new change.... abuse is abuse. If she can smash a glass in your face she might escalate to something even more violent. Please seek help.

[GaleWarning]

Did your injury require a visit to an A and E, Stacy? If so, you will have a medical report as well as before and after pictures to back your claim of physical assault.

You can still report the matter to the police and lay a charge of assault, or file a restraining order against your wife.

But you do need to leave home immediately, for the sake of your own health and safety.

You are in an abusive relationship and it takes courage to walk away from it.

Be brave!

[Tracii G]

So sorry Stacy I know how spousal abuse feels I have been thru it twice.
If she is on opioids for pain and has a violent side it may be time she gets some help.
It may have to come to some jail time or time in a rehab facility.
She has no right to accost you like that.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Stacy

Thank you for having the courage to post this. Its a good first step to be able to talk about it even if it is just online.

I suggest you at least speak to a counseller about what is happening and possibly joint counselling later.

I know you say you have been living with this, which I am sure is in no doubt partly to do with your wife's health issues.

Long term you may need to help her deal with her anger issues.

I hope this never happens again but can you continue to live the constant possibility of what could happen.

Thank you for making everyone aware of what could happen to anyone.

[Patience]

This is simply not acceptable. I suggest you leave the blood right where it is until it heals. Then let your wife see the result. You don’t have to say anything.

Some wives have to put through a lot with their husbands. Drugs, alcohol, just plain jerks, whatever. Some of these wives even get beaten by said husbands. You're not laying a finger on your wife when you dress and she does this? No, that trait in her character is present regardless of your dressing. Your dressing is just the excuse for her to go there.

I think the term “restraining order” should be introduced into your conversations with your wife. Other than that, marriage counseling, immediately.

Sorry for your troubles.

[Aunt Kelly]

Thanks Girls,
Guess I've been around this for so long that it's how I live, Awareness for the rest of the world is what I hope for!
Stacy!

It's time to stop living that way. Your rationalizations are those of most abuse victims, and no, you don't deserve it because you are who you are. Sorry, but that is the unvarnished truth.
No better time to start making changes than right now.

[giuseppina]

Hello Stacey

That's assault with a weapon (the water glass) where I live. You're very lucky that no eye damage occurred.

It's time to leave and see the police and a lawyer. I'd be looking very hard at a no-contact restraining order or the local equivalent.

Her anger issues are hers alone. You didn't cause them. She's too dangerous to stay any longer. The opioids for back pain, while saddening, is not a relevant issue.

A string of assaults and subsequent apologies is one of the hallmarks of an abuser.

Get going, and good luck.

[Tracii G]

I know I wouldn't stay in that situation.
Sure she has back issues so do I but that does not give me the right to abuse a friend or loved one.
I'm sure you love her in some way but her leaving may be whats best for both of you.

[Alice B]

That kind of violence can not be tolerated. You need to deal with this no matter how hard it may seem. It is too late for police at this point. At minimum a councier should be seen. The next kevel is to talk with an attorney. I wish you all of the best. keep us in the loop.

[Georgia K]

I'm lost for words ...there is no excuse for anyone to be treated that way .I really feel for you and your situation

[Rianna Humble]

Domestic violence is never OK.

It is not your fault whatever your wife thinks of you cross-dressing.

What makes it worse IMNSHO is that you are getting used to living with this.

At the VERY least, file a police report - whether they act on it this time or not, it can be used as evidence of prior bad acts if there is ever a repeat.

[Trione]

Stacy, run this will only get worst. If you were closer i would offer you a room. Hope you have someplace to go. You are in more danger then you are will to admit. Get yourself some place safe.

[Lydianne]

Hi Stacy,

So sorry to hear about this. As somebody said earlier, you are lucky not to have lost an eye, and as somebody said last time, the next might be even more severe. I don't think you should risk this escalating from here.

I understand your sense of duty as a carer to her, but in my opinion, she has gambled with that obligation from you. The least you should do, as others have said, is get it formally on record.

Heal well. I hope no scarring is left :weep:.
- Lydianne.

[LeslieSD]

What happened is disturbing and wrong.

The next step depends on your situation. How is the situation in general? What triggers it? You are dressed and meditating, that seems to suggest that the dressing situation is somewhat managed or at least DADT. Why the sudden down turn? Even if she found your dressing, a lot of women will be disappointed and turned away. Becoming violent all the sudden is a bit unusual. Did she expect that you are dressed before she open the door? Did she bring the glass, or simply the glass happened to be in her hands?

Only you know the situation. And it seems the situation is more than your dressing. You need to man up and deal with that situation. It is not going away.

[DianaPrince]

So sorry to hear this. Be safe.

[abbiedrake]

Stacy. My heart goes out to you. My wife and I were both in abusive (in more ways than one) relationships before.
It's not ok. It never is. It's not normal, even if it is your everyday existence. Please seek some help. Even an ear or some advice is better than trynna deal on your own. This is not something to be all 'man' about (oh the irony! �� ). 3 times as many men as women kill themselves, usually because they can't/won't talk and end up hopeless.
Thank you for sharing your experiences in hope of raising awareness in others. But please, Stacy, I'm begging you, don't become another statistic.
Btw I'm a full-time carer for my disabled wife so I get your extra pressures. It's hard with all the extra stuff you have to do. You have to do not just the work of two but more. Most people will never have a clue how much it can wear both of you out.. And then there's the difficulty of trying to be husband and wife, not carer and cared-for. Throw CDing into the mix and yeah, fireworks and guilt.
But in the thread of yours that was closed ElianaFrozenFlame was SO right. Go back, read her post. But mostly take care of you.
Hugs, A

PS. There's more I could say that's more directly relevant but it's not for public. Yet.
If you wanna PM me that's cool.

PPS. If painkillers were the problem I'd be 6 feet under. If my wife could walk she'd sound like maracas. Don't make or look for excuses for her. Nor for why you both can't seek help.

[docrobbysherry]

It makes me VERY ANGRY when ANYONE puts up with abusive behavior, Stacy. I think u BOTH need professional help! NOW!:Angry3:

[abbiedrake]

In fairness I see an awful lot of where Stacy's coming from. But I also wholeheartedly agree both need help.

[t-girlxsophie]

Awareness must start with yourself, I know it's probably hard hearing us all say you should leave her, report her etc but It's not going to stop and goodness knows how much worse it could be.There is no place for such abuse whether commited by a man or a woman, there's absolutely no difference. I'm sorry but please think of getting yourself out of this hurtful relationship. I wish for better times for you

Sophie

[Emily Occasionally]

I can't imagine how scary it must be for this to happen. I know that this is a decision only you can make but please consider what people are saying.

Everyone here and out in your non-internet life cares about you, Stacy. Please, please, please try to stay as safe as you can.

[Tahoegurl]

Stacy, abuse is unacceptable. Period. No behavior justifies being assaulted. Period. What ever your situation is, you both need to get counciling and work on it from there. Set healthy boundaries and be willing to stand up for them. If this happens again you are not a victim , you are a participant. I pray that you stay safe and get the help you need. I wish you all the best.

[Rianna Humble]

You need to man up and deal with that situation.

Speaking as someone who has supported victims and survivors of domestic abuse, that is the last thing that you should be telling the victim.
You are blaming the victim for not taking action when (in this case) he has been conditioned to accept what is happening.


It makes me VERY ANGRY when ANYONE puts up with abusive behavior, Stacy.

I believe you mean well, doc, but until you have been there and have worked to change a victim into a survivor, you are only pouring oil onto the fire.

[Judy-Somthing]

Thirty-five years about the 1st 5 years of marriage my wife and I would have fights mainly over trying to control each others lives.
Quite it got physical, hitting, breaking things, name calling, even food fights which made some big messes.
A few times I would sleep in a room and push furniture in front of the door because I thought she would hit me in my sleep.
Luckily we both decided we were out of control and we stopped 98% of the craziness.

Well good luck on your relationship!

[abbiedrake]

Well said Rianna!

And Judy, boy can I sympathise! But that's a story for another time.
It is possible to mend these situations but it's hard and it's raw. But as painful as the solution may be it's still better than being abused. Be well, Stacy. We're clearly thinking of you.

[Femdenise]

Stacy, put a lock on the door. Protect yourself.

[Becky Blue]

Stacy my heart goes out to you, my question is why are you hanging around? can't you leave?

[abbiedrake]

To all those asking why Stacy doesn't just leave, respectfully, when you're a carer for a loved one the situation is not so black and white. If I had taken such simple advice my marriage would likely have ended over 10 years ago. I didn't. Nor did my wife. And we're both relieved it never came to that. We fought WAY too hard to be together.
And that's not even touching the mild disrespect for Stacy as an adult, capable of making her own decisions.

[Asew]

If you think it is the drugs she is on, can you consult with the doctor who prescribed them that they are making her violent (and if they have any suggestions on to mitigate that drug inducing violence).

I hope you can figure out a way to fix this.

[ClosetED]

It is abuse. You don't have to get police involved. Could you move out and let her live on her own means, while starting down a formal separation path? Live at the temple?
Hugs, Ellen

[Meghan4now]

OMG

This is very serious. What is the breaking point? Abuse should not be tolerated. Even if you think this relationship is saveable,you need a third party to keep her accountable. Otherwise the pattern will repeat and escalate. What happens if you finally snap? Who will be sitting in jail saying "but she hit me first? No really"

I am not an advocate for divorce, but at least protect you self, put some distance between you. Does she even know what she did, and how wrong that is?

[Helen Waite]

Stacy, hope you're okay, haven't seen a post from you in 3 days. Take care.

[abbiedrake]

Amen Helen

[Micki_Finn]

You’re not “creating awareness” by staying in an abusive relationship. That is assault and she should be arrested. If you want to “create awareness” get the hell out of that relationship and help others to do the same. At this point with all the stories of egregious physical abuse you’ve given us, it makes me wonder if you just stay for the attention from others.

[Ronnie38]

Although harsh i kind of agree with Micki on this. There is no excuse for violence but at the same time there is ALWAYS a way out. My ex wife is my ex wife because of her abuse towards me. At first it was yeats of neglect and emotional abuse. Then the cheating and lying. Then the boyfriends showing up to my house to "put me in my place." when she started hitting me, I called the cops. They told me I would be the one arrested. So I called a lawyer. With the law now on my side i kicked her and her boyfriend out of my house. It was a long battle after that but in the end i did what was best for me and my children. Its a hard path to fallow but sympathy dosnt fix anything. Action does. Stand up for yourself and take action.

[Stacy Darling]

You’re not “creating awareness” by staying in an abusive relationship. That is assault and she should be arrested. If you want to “create awareness” get the hell out of that relationship and help others to do the same. At this point with all the stories of egregious physical abuse you’ve given us, it makes me wonder if you just stay for the attention from others.

IT's people like you which attempt to put down the more vulnerable of us, which sickens me!

[JaytoJillian]

Girl, glass to the face indicates that you are not married to someone who is well. You are in danger, girl. Leave now.

[Leslie Mary S]

Sid question any children at home?

[Stacy Darling]

The Girls have grown up and now trying to conquer the word Leslie, Sad to say that I wish one of them were here as this would not occur if either of them were here. That's selfish of me though to even think of that!
Stacy!

[Macey]

Stacy, it may not be selfish to invite one or both of them over for a visit. If it's been a while, they should probably get a look at the situation.

[Crissy 107]

Stacy, I think that is a good idea Macey has, you should give it a try.

[Stacy Darling]

I like your thinking Macey, It's just awkward with me being more femme now and then how to go about explaining this situation to a couple of lawyers. Neither would understand I fear.
Stacy!

[Crissy 107]

Stacy, I understand what you are saying but I would give it a try.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Another point I think needs to be made here.

Stacey believes that the assault would not have happened if either of the daughters were there.

And what if it does?

This is a very real possibility and I personally know of one instance where it DID OCCUR!

Things can keep escalating until what ever is holding them back no longer works.

At that point you're back to square one but only worse.

[phili]

aHi Stacey,

You are amazing- holding up so well in a very extreme situation. You are sharing with us, your friends, and people who understand. Of course it is nice occasionally having someone to talk to. So please tell us more! Talk out your reasoning here-

How you feel about your marriage, and if has changed over time.

Were either or both of you subject to or a witness to family violence in childhood? We can learn as children that love leads to hurt, and we can be helped to find a better way to love and be loved..

Where is this all going? What is the ending to this story as you two are playing it out?, and why does that seem like the ending to choose?

Looking forward to hearing more

[Stacy Darling]

Not much to say Phili,

One of the cold war Kids, sigs operator at 19 to where I now am! Such extremes?

Guess I'm all WAR'ed out!

[Macey]

Stacy, better awkward than dangerous, I think. Invite your daughters over. They should see the both of you for a lot of reasons. As for lawyers, I suggest finding a trans support group and seeking their advice on trans friendly lawyers.

[Leslie Mary S]

What is a "Sigs operator". It seems to have garbled coming across the pond on the short wave.

[Micki_Finn]

IT's people like you which attempt to put down the more vulnerable of us, which sickens me!

Yeah I’m putting you down by telling you to get away from the person who keeps beating the shit out of you.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Stacy;

I think what a lot of people are trying to say is consider placing some boundries in your marriage, such as
. No physical asults or the consequeses will be, a ) she leaves, b ) you leave c ) she spends the night in jail , something along those lines.
. What every you decide just be safe

What's a sigs operator ?

[giuseppina]

... how to go about explaining this situation to a couple of lawyers. Neither would understand I fear.
Stacy!

I'm sure there are some experienced lawyers that specialise in family law with spousal abuse where you live, Stacy. They've seen everything. The best ones are empathetic to you and a lion(ess) in court.

While the majority of physical violence is perpetrated by males, the statistics show that domestic violence responsibility is split close to evenly between males and females.

[Stacy Darling]

It's with the responses of so many that someone as blind as I am can better choose where to go next. Not sure where but hey! Please don't be disappointed if I stay though, it's in my nature!
Stacy!

[Macey]

Stacy, the fact that you're considering your options is a great step and gives me hope!

[Ronnie38]

If you do stay, please put your foot down, take control, and set some rules. You should not have to live in fear,