D'oh! What a Jan 1st!

[abbiedrake]

1st things first I'm still not drinking which makes this my longest abstinence since I started drinking 30 years ago. So my d'oh is not alcohol related.
But the 1st was 20 years to the day that my wife left the States to live with me in Blighty. She's never returned, even for a visit.
What did she get as anniversary presents? Well at 4-5am New Year's morning I tried trimming my beard some. Long story short ended up clean shaven. Which I seldom am. Wife likes the beard. So do I. I suit it. But a change is nice too, right? Wrong. Wife woke up to my hairless face and is mighty pissed off. I guess I won't still be hair free for Liverpool Pride in the Summer after all. 😒
Present number 2. She discovered I have a femme name. She knows I dress. She's seen me dressed. But we hadn't had the talk along the lines of 'erm, love, been meaning to tell you I'm sometimes Abbie.' Yeah, never found the right moment for that one. She looked up a youtuber I've mentioned and saw my comments. And since Drake is my actual surname it was obvious to her. That hasn't gone down well.
Anyway, how's 2018 treating you lot? Better than me hopefully.
Still at least I can try all that makeup I bought us for Christmas. I never could find lippy to go with the full beard. 😄

[docrobbysherry]

Sorry hear about your issues, Abbie. I had an unforgettable New Years! I only wish everyone could have!:thumbsup:

[abbiedrake]

Sorry hear about your issues, Abbie. I had an unforgettable New Years! I only wish everyone could have!:thumbsup:

Hey as long as someone's was good it's all gravy.
My misfortunes are nothing in the grand scheme of things.

[Crissy 107]

Abbie, Too bad it was a double hit and on New Years to boot. Hang in there, American woman are a forgiving bunch.

[Lydianne]

Hi Abbie,

I know of someone else who progressed in dressing, which led to positive health changes in their life over time. However, the dressing caused difficulty with family & friends, so it was sacrificed to accommodate their concerns. The positive changes also regressed... but everyone else was OK with that :straightface:.

Would your wife not allow you to shave for a legit function? No exceptions even for that?!? Uff, that's difficult, but I guess that's what compromise is.. in both cases.


The only way is up.. ( Baby ).

- Lydianne.

[Beverley Sims]

Abbie,
Maybe one day the beard may go, just keep it severely trimmed and eventually your wife may not notice.

Sudden changes like you describe are a disaster.

[Helen_Highwater]

Abbie,

Yep it sounds like there was a cumulative effect in play there.

I did wonder if your SO at least in part likes you in a beard simply because she continues to see her man and not someone drfting towards an ever more femme life. Any chance of a compromise along the lines Bev suggested, a short beard that could come off for pride and be back again a week or two later?

As for the name, I would say using Abbie helps keep you anonymous. Drake isn't a common name so it's possible someone could put 2 and 2 together.

There's also a warning for us all in that FB has caught out so many. Employees phoning in sick then posting themselves out with mates, doh! Crims telling the police where they're going to be the following night. Yep posting on FB is fraught with danger.

[Majella St Gerard]

It's your face, do what you want with it.

[Eemz]

Trimming your beard at 5am was never going to end well LOL.

I have to ask though (with the usual caveats about my own control issues) if she turned up some day with blonde hair... would it be OK for you to insist she dye it back? Just saying...

I mean, you would certainly be entitled to say you liked the old colour better, possibly even to be upset that it wasn't mentioned in advance. But dye it back because I say so? Hmmm...

Then again, you know the situation better than me and I acknowledge that asymmetry in relationships is a trigger for me, given my own history.

The name thing... well, ya. She knows you dress, but maybe having a name makes it more real. I suppose you could play it down as others have suggested - you needed a login name and it's an alias. You used your real surname, because how would someone reading it know it's not fake too.

[LeannS]

Abbey I am so with you on this one. My wife know I dress and she knows where i Put my clothes but she went in the spare room to find a picture frame seen my clothes and she came out in a real bad mood. We went to the store she is still upset but later in the afternoon she comes to me and says shes sorry for the way she acted. and she tells me she is trying real hard to accept it. Now for the name this past summer we where camping with her daughter and husband and after they left she says we need to talk she asks me why I am sending picture to Leann she is thinking an ex wife or something and I tell her it is me she looks at me and says interesting.
At least I told her the truth lol
but I still can not shave my mustache

[abbiedrake]

Ok. Wow. Didn't expect quite so many replies. I'll try to clarify as best I can by answering queries thoughout.
@Crissy Yeah. My wife is very forgiving but then I put up with a lot too. We have a good relationship, neither of us going anywhere.
@Lydianne The dressing is a part of me and I don't intend to lose that. Wife and I always find a compromise. We call it 'The Third Way' ie neither nor mine but ours. We're still working on the Third Way for dressing. The beard situation is mostly push back. I have shaved before. In fact until the last coupla years it was a regular thing for me to shave. She's decided the only reason I shaved was for dressing and going full femme. I do wanna do that! But it's not the reason for the shave. I had warned her I intended to some time soon.
So to clarify why it's all gone. It was 5am. New Year. I was tidying up (yes at 5. I couldn't sleep. 😁 ) and I came across my clippers. Trim beard some. Let wife get used to it etc. So I started trimming. However I was distracted by one of the cats, and when I resumed trimming I thought 'This is getting it now'. A minute later I realised to guard had fallen off. Thanks 🐱! So I now had a near shaven patch on my jaw. Bugger.
So I trimmed the rest, but it was so bad I had to use the electric razor too.
An accident had messed my schedule up. Wife suddenly isn't getting eased into me being hairless, as planned.
And to be clear the beard isn't a permission type situation. Neither of us is that controlling, but we do respect one another's opinions. So in @Eemz example of the hair colour my wife would usually discuss it with me and get my opinion first. That DID happen with the beard but it was sooner than expected AND in the night so she woke up to me like that. She felt hurt that I did it while she was asleep. But then I'm not sure I'd trust her to shave me with the straight razor (which she has done before) if makeup crossed her mind! 😱
@Beverley Slow and steady [I]was[I] the plan. Oh well.
@Helen Plain sense from you as usual. As mentioned above a compromise will be found.
@Majella Yeah it is my face. It's also my marriage and my love and respect for my wife. So compromise it'll be.
@Eemz Yeah on the name thing I just said 'Thats just what I'm known as online.' She asked why Abigail. I told her Abigail Drake sounded a little steampunkish. Still waiting for when she expresses an opinion on the name. 😒
@Leann Sounds like it is kinda similar although I will say my wife is trying really hard. She just bought me two Joe Browns dresses. And she does a little makeup with me. But she still gets a little pissy.
Looking at all your comments and thinking on the wife's (few) comments it's clear that timing has not been my strong suit. Having said that though the name discovery was down to her nosing at what I watch, comment on etc. I suppose it's goid she's curious.
Onwards and upwards

[Lydianne]

Uff!.. The guard falling off :doh:. I remember that happening when my dad was cutting my brother's hair. My brother would have been about 12 at the time. There was a bald patch on the side of his head, but the rest looked awesome. He went looking for super glue :laughing:.

We subsequently went to visit a mutual friend for a couple of days. We would have bet anything that this friend would have lit him up :haha:, but it turned out that he had one too for the same reason! :eek:. His was on the top :doh:.

This story would out me, but I'm counting on none of the parties even making it to the site, let alone finding the thread, the post, and then choosing to read it. :worried: :nailbiting:

- Lydianne.

[abbiedrake]

Spat my drink out, laughing at that, Lydianne. Thanks.