Dealing With Male Attention...

[Patience]

I guess there comes a time in every type of female's life where she has to come to terms with the fact that, for better or worse, she might be considered attractive by some type of male; and that being attractive can have consequences.

As most of you know, I've only been going out dressed for the past six months. Over that period of time, I am happy to say I've made some good progress (with considerable help from the ladies here, btw). I've had a couple makeovers (third one later this month) and am slowly gaining some confidence in my makeup skills, such as they are. Add that to my expanding wardrobe and other bits and pieces falling into place here and there, I have to accept the fact that I may end up looking somewhat attractive. In fact, I'm getting the occasional ogle and fella hovering about me already.

Let me be clear: I dress to express my femininity. Other men's feelings don't really come into consideration when I dress, but at the same time, as the saying goes, for every action there is a reaction. Thing is, I have no idea where this is going or what to expect, and because I realize others might interpret my dressing quite differently, I'm beginning to feel a bit concerned (dare I say vulnerable?).

So ladies, do you have any insights into dealing with male attention, in general? Any experiences that stand out, good or bad?

Thanks...

[Diane Taylor]

Over the years, I've had many instances when there was male attention directed my way. Some of it was simply a hello or someone holding the door for me. A few times it was the negative or even creepy type. One example of the creepy type was when I had gone clothes shopping and as I was heading toward my car a family of 4 was walking toward the store. I noticed the "male" started to lag behind the others and once he was far enough behind that his wife and kids couldn't see him he leaned over to me just as I was about to pass him and his reaction to me was "OoH ! Baby !!! I really like you ! I just kept walking but was tempted to turn around and let his wife know what her husband just did. On a few occasions when I had gone out dressed to a pub for a drink (not the sleazy kind) I've had men offer to buy me a drink which I always politely refused. No matter what the male responses were I always considered it as "part of the territory" and it didn't bother me.

[Judy-Somthing]

Forty something years ago when I went out with friends it was fun and not a problem.
But when I would venture out late by myself I was harassed on three separate occasions
Twice very persistent men tried talking me into their cars and once I was chased by a group of older teenagers.
My wife won't dress to fem because of some things guy have yelled out to her over the years.

[nikkiwindsor]

As I've previously posted I've only been out a few times to LGBTQ friendly bars during Halloween holidays. Each time I was approached by men and each situation was different from down-right creepy to great dancing to great conversation. I'm not into men but I enjoy people. I would say to be cautious when approached by any strangers. I always felt particularly anxious when walking to/from the clubs from my car. I made sure there was plenty of lighting and other people around. Dressing en femme has given me a true understanding about how my wife feels going out in public at night. You really need to have friends with you, particularly at night, when your presenting your femininity.

[Cheshire girl]

If you look attractive you will get the same sort of attention as any woman. I don't want to attract men but it's nice to be considered attractive when dressed.

[Eemz]

It happened to me tonight. I am literally just home, still dressed (it's midnight here). I decided to break the taboo of going out in my home town with a mini pub-crawl of 6 pubs in the city centre (if alcohol-free beer counts as a pub crawl). I have gotten a lot more confident in my presentation and makeup lately, a bit like Patience, and I'm also very happy and smiley all the time now that I'm "out" to my immediate family and therefore have much less to lose if I'm spotted. Anyway, I'm doing something right because for the second time in two weeks, at the end of the night some guy started hitting on me. It was a noisy pub so I made a strategic exit before he heard too much of my voice. It was nice though. Well this week anyway. Last week's was a bit sleazy.

[Veronica4me]

My advice would be to deal with the attention graciously, smile politely, nod gently, and look away without another glance, whether you are dressed or in drab. Best not to ignore the attention, but to signal clearly that it is misdirected at you. My two cents.

[TheHiddenMe]

If I received male attention on a regular basis, I think I'd be flattered. I am not in those situations very often so I really don't know how I would react.

I know there are admirers out there--likely several or more on this board--but we all have our own unique issues (who am I to criticize an admirer when I go against the grain by wanting to present as a female?).

But there is another issue, aptly put by Courtney Barnett in her song "Nameless, Faceless".


I wanna walk through the park in the dark
Men are scared that women will laugh at them
I wanna walk through the park in the dark
Women are scared that men will kill them…

If you are out presenting female, you are more likely to get unwanted negative attention from men than if you were presenting male.

So is the attention flattering (and harmless), or potentially harmful?

[Tracii G]

Please don't fall into that victim mentality.
If you feel vulnerable don't show it because guys sense that.
I have had my share or oogles and hey baby lets get to know each other types letting me know what they had in mind.
I don't enjoy it at all but it goes with the territory and you have to deal with it.
Going out with friends is always a safer way to be out. Better yet don't go to areas where you are likely to be subjected to things like that

[ReineD]

If you enjoy the attention, show your appreciation by saying thank you. If you don’t, tell him you’re not interested. Really, it’s no different than a married man dealing with a woman who is flirting with him. He can encourage it or politely let her know that he is not interested.

One thing to keep in mind though. There are guys who are specifically into men who dress like women. My guess is, they perceive that a guy will dress as a woman for sexual reasons and because of this, the guys who dress are more apt to "play" than random women or random guys who don’t dress. The guy Diane Taylor described seems to fall into this category - I don't imagine he behaves like this with every GG he sees, especially with his wife and children nearby. I saw evidence of this when my SO and I used to go to trans/alt clubs. As soon as the "admirers" (the male patrons) figured out I was a GG, they’d make their excuses and walk away. lol

[Patience]

One thing to keep in mind though. There are guys who are specifically into men who dress like women.Thank you, Reine. I was thinking about them when I started this thread, but didn't want to single them out. I wouldn't mind humoring them (or any other man, for that matter) to a point, as long as boundaries are observed by all parties involved.

I have to admit sometimes I hate being so alluring. It's a curse, It really is.

Thank you all for your replies.

[Micki_Finn]

Unless you’re going to bars or clubs or some other similar “social” venue, you won’t get hit on nearly as much as you think you will. If you really want to deflect male attention just keep a ring on your left ring finger and point to it and tell the gents you’re taken.

[Periwinkle]

The only person who shows me any romantic attention is my boyfriend. Aside from that, I just get complements on my outfits from girls. In fact, the only time men have approached me while dressed, they were Mormon missionaries. They were nice, though!

[Beverley Sims]

When I was young and single I would act friendly and engage in conversation with others in a group.

They rarely knew my true gender.

Mind you neither did I sometimes. :-)

[docrobbysherry]

I DO get hit on! Without a mask on I'm always amazed, because I do nothing for me unmasked!:doh:

Last nite a tall brutish looking guy asked me if I was leaving when I walked outside Mary's club to get some air and chat with folks outside so I could hear what whoever was out there said!:heehee:

I told him, "No, I'll be back." If he had been there when I came back in I would have told him I wasn't interested!:sad:

I think what Reine said is quite relevant. If u say anything nice about their attention they will push on. U need to be very clear you're NOT INTERESTED if u want them to leave u alone.:thumbsdn:
This is VERY IMPORTANT if you're alone and/or in a vulnerable position!:Angry3:

[Jenny22]

Micki Finn is spot on. The few times I've been out, I always wore matched engagement/wedding rings. I did it to try to add some authenticity to my femininity and also I could show them to any man coming on to me.

[DeeDeeB]

In both male and female appearance, I've been hit on by men and women. My attitude remains the same. If I am not interested, I politely say no thank you (but with that caveat, I may accept the drink). Always remember the decision is yours. If you feel threatened, then alert the bartender, 911 or what ever else you would be appropriate for the situation. Do keep in mind that as trans folk we are the #1 target of hate crimes. So always be careful where you go and having a few friends around always helps. But I can say I honestly haven't met someone who didn't take no as an answer.

Be out, but be safe.

DeeDee :fairy1:

[prene]

I love dressing and being feminine. It is nice to be complemented by both males and females.

If I was dressed very sexy and curvy I did get the nasty/naughty comments from guys. I dress now still feminine but more of a girl next door look and 90% of the bad comments have ended.

It can be confusing.

[elizabethjonescd]

I have had a few experiences being out dressed and having to deal with a guy. I consider myself non passable but look pretty nice all dressed up. I find some guys are very polite but once they realize I’m a CD it seems to change their attitude and some become much more forward and assume that i’m looking for more. On th positive side there have been some very nice guys too that were polite and nice

[Ceera]

When I first started going out, about four and a half years ago, I started with LGBTQ clubs, at night. I figured that at least there, I would not get severe negative reactions from some drunk, straight guy who suddenly realized I was not born female! And I didn’t care if I got some male attention, as long as they accepted that I was just there to dance and have a few drinks.

I got offers for dances and offers to buy me a drink from both men and women. Most of them were respectful and polite. But a few guys did get too ’hands on’, and I simply stepped back and told them, “Sorry, that is going too far. If you want more than a dance partner, look elsewhere.” They usually accepted that. I also made a point of getting to know the bartenders and other staff, so I could request help if I needed it.

I definitely encountered a few guys there who swore they “considered themselves to be straight”, but who also admitted they found a cross-dressed guy attractive. Best advice there is to set clear limits on expectations. If you are not interested at all, say so, decisively. Don’t act like you might be persuaded otherwise. Never act like a fearful potential victim.

Out in the general community, away from the nightclub venues, most of the ‘male attention’ was confined to gazes from a distance. By that point, I could pass pretty well, even through a long conversation. Sometimes a guy will chat me up at a straight bar. I usually keep it polite, but make it clear my attentions are directed elsewhere... perhaps towards a female bartender. If they think I am a lesbian, that doesn’t bother me. In fact, I went out of my way to befriend several lesbian ladies, and found them surprisingly accepting and supportive.

Again, if you can, try to get to know the staff at the places you frequent. They don’t want to see customers harassed, and can be good allies if someone gets too pushy. Same goes for getting to know other regular patrons. You might only see each other at those venues, but a friendly face you can turn to is very good to have.

[t-girlxsophie]

I certainly don't dress to garner male attention,but I would be lying if I said I wasn't flattered when it happens,I've never felt harassed at all and if they expect anything more from me they are politely told not interested.Ive not encountered any trouble

Sophie

Sophir

[MonicaPVD]

This thread is a study in male privilege. Women have been harassed for their looks since the beginning of time. They deal with it. Every. Single. Day. The more physically attractive they are, the worse it is. Good luck to you!

[Rochal Tukque]

You have to stop and think about where going. Then you need to really search your heart why your going. Is there some deep underlying motive your not dealing with. Are the people going where your going shopping for groceries or are they looking for something else and where your going and their going is the place commonly known to find it? Would your mother go there? Not to say it doesn't happen in the day light of doing everyday things but its rare.

[Samantha2015]

In my limited outings (mainly to LGBT bars) I've never really had any bad encounters with men.
Many gay men have complimented me on the dress I was wearing or my shoes and have generally been very nice.
But they are not looking for CD's and I'm not looking for any men so everything has been fine.

During the SCC conference a few of us were at a mainstream bar/restaurant near the hotel. We were at the bar
and I had my barstool turned to my right to face the other gals I was with. This young fellow came up to the bar
on my left and started a conversation with me, he had only seen me from the back (long hair, magenta dress and heels)
I could tell he was a little surprised by my deep voice and our conversation didn't last long, he quickly bailed and joined
some other friends he was with. He was perfectly polite but I had a laugh thinking about it later.

I would say what others have said, go out with a group if possible. Safety in numbers. Going out by myself is not
something I have wanted to try. Much more fun to be out with friends anyway.
Stay safe

[Mickitv]

Being a bisexual I really don't mind the attention I receive from men when I am dressed. When dressed I always feel so much feminine and I just love the feeling.

[Patience]

With respect, Mickitv, I'm not sure sexual orientation comes into it that much in this case. As CDers interacting with the public, it sort of behooves us to humor those who take our femininity seriously, in the same way they might be humoring us.

I imagine even bisexuals sometimes turn down certain people.

[MonicaPVD]

Women have figured out how to gracefully cope with unwanted attention for generations. Just because a woman may be single and heterosexual doesn't mean that she welcomes all the attention she gets from men. Similarly, the fact that you aren't into men doesn't mean you have to get convulsive and start throwing up because a man finds you attractive.

[Rogina B]

Similarly, the fact that you aren't into men doesn't mean you have to get convulsive and start throwing up because a man finds you attractive.
Well said !

[Patience]

Honey, If I got convulsive and threw up every time a man thought I was attractive, I wouldn't need a gym membership. I'd be thin as a rail!

[JaytoJillian]

If you feel threatened, then alert the bartender, 911 or what ever else you would be appropriate for the situation. Do keep in mind that as trans folk we are the #1 target of hate crimes. So always be careful where you go...

If you're out at a club/bar, the staff is responsible for your safety while you're on the grounds of the establishment. In my cautionary tale, I was out at my favorite LGBT watering hole in Harrisburg PA--Stallionshttps://www.flickr.com/photos/stallionsharrisburg/?ytcheck=1&new_session=1 A couple of guys who were having drinks at the bar began paying me lots of nice compliments--which I loved--, drink offers (which I had the good sense to refuse) and eventually an invitation to come back to their hotel. When I politely declined, they became aggressive and rude. I immediately sensed that I was in danger and by the way they stalked me around the bar, I felt that I was going to be assaulted the moment I stepped outside. I approached a bartender with whom I had become friendly and always tipped well. I explained that I was ready to call it a night but that I thought these two characters where going to follow me to my car. Right away, the bartender told me to come with him--through a door marked "employees only" he led me out of the bar and on to the street via a "secret passage" LoL. He walked me to my car and gave me a hug goodnight. Male attention is something that I don't mind, just be careful and recognize predators when you see them.

[Shelly Preston]

Also please be aware a guy might try to pick you up on the street.

One night while walking to my car in the city centre this guy attempted to pick me up as I left the bar.

To be fair to him he was polite and after about 5 mins he got the message I was not interested and walked away.

I can hear you all thinking, "why did you walk on your own" well I wasn't on my own.

I was with my friend so it was a bit of a shock to find this guy trying to pick me up.

[Stacy Darling]

Male attention is top of my not like list!

Possibly worse when I'm in drab and some male says that I'm an attractive MAN? not my scene dude!

What can we do if we look nice though?
Just work with it!
Stacy!

[Patience]

JaytoJillian, what a creepy story. Glad the bartending staff had your back.

Thank you all for your replies.

[Desiree2bababe]

I never set out in the beginning to attract a man's attention but once I had it, I found I truly enjoyed it. I see no reason not to enjoy both sexes. I still love women but also enjoy being the woman with a nice man.

[Tracii G]

I love to be around "nice respectful" guys.
One you can hold a conversation with.

[ClosetED]

This is one fear that keeps me in the closet. I do like to look good, and like compliments from people, but don't want the risk of physical contact. My FB account gets requests from males that I turn away. I would likely only venture out with someone who would support me.
My wife hates that all you genetic males on the site (and a few GGs) look at my clothed body. She considers it hers alone to admire. Pointing out that clothes catalog models get admired by both genders didn't help - she says they get paid to do that.
Hugs, Ellen

[Rhonda Jean]

One severely creepy incident here in over 40 years of going out regularly. Although this one incident happened downtown in the middle of the day, I think the fact that I stick almost entirely to mainstream places keeps the uncomfortable encounters to near zero. Shopping and restaurants for me. I've never been in a bar alone, or even a restaurant/bar with live music alone.

I had one incident in a mainstream restaurant in the evening that in hindsight was probably a close call. I didn't realize it at the time. My standard routine in male or female mode when dining alone was to order a drink, look over the menu, order when they brought my drink, then go to the restroom. Never thought about it until this incident, but this left my drink unattended while I was in the restroom. I had drank only a little, but started feeling "woozy" even before my food arrived. I thought it was because I hadn't had anything to eat all day and the alcohol was hitting me particularly hard. Really hard! I didn't think I was going to make it even till my food arrived. I didn't drink any more after it hit me, and ate a couple of bites thinking it'd get better. It didn't. I asked for my bill, and by the time I paid I could hardly walk. I sat in my car for a while hoping to sober up, and did a little. Made it to my hotel and went immediately to bed.

In retrospect, I think somebody put something in my drink. At the time I was either unaware of date rape drugs, or at least never thought it'd happen to me. There were two guys at the table across the aisle from me. Maybe it was them. Maybe it was somebody who just walked by. Maybe it really was the combination of alcohol and not eating all day. It made me aware, though, to never leave a drink unattended.

If you go where guys go to pick up women (or men), you'll probably get exactly what you expect. Stick to places where that rarely happens and it'll rarely happen.

[Yinlingyen]

I have been at the end of both wanted and unwanted attention by men.
The wanted attention no doubt left me feeling all smug, sexy and great.
In fact I am dating a gentlemen I met for over 1.5 years now and I am deeply enjoying his company.
The unwanted attention has occurred on several occasion and I have posted one of these nasty experiences here, if you search my posts you'll see it (Crude comments from a man).

[Kandi Robbins]

Been out several hundred times, mostly in mainstream situations. I fool no one. I've been in front of tens of thousands of people. Plenty of complements, have had meals purchased for me, drinks bought as well. I am frequently noticed. No issues, no male attention. None.

What you make of going out dressed is greatly influenced about where you go and how you present and hold yourself. Being smart, appropriate and confident will go a very long way toward assuring you have no issues.

While "CD friendly" places seem a comfortable way to get out, they also attract a negative element.

[Alenko]

I'm relatively new to CDing so when I started to attract men I guess it was a shock to me, usually in clubs or bars which I hardly go to. I guess they're not my scene lol. I'd much rather dress up while with friends :)

[Alexis00]

Male attention is top of my not like list!

Possibly worse when I'm in drab and some male says that I'm an attractive MAN? not my scene dude!

What can we do if we look nice though?
Just work with it!
Stacy!Teenage girls are top of list for me. Observant, noisy, usually have no place to go. It’s like being followed by a pack of monkeys. (No, I’ve never actually been followed by a pack of monkeys).

I prefer to go out with my own posse of friends when possible.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've been hit on while en femme by a dude a couple of times and a chick a couple of times. I don't think I'm all that attractive so I chalk it up to beer goggles.

I'm not sure what I would do if someone made a serious attempt to woo me. If it was a guy alone, I'd flash my large (faux) engagement ring and/or tell him I was only into chicks. If it was a guy from a group of men, I'd try to get rid of him, but give him a story he could tell his guy friends and save his dignity.

If it was a chick, I'd be thinking, "Where have you been my whole life?" But I'd still be very careful to make sure that she wasn't "procuring" me for a guy friend.

[Ressie]

Attention from men can be exciting or scary. Depends on whether or not the guy is attractive to me.

[Patience]

I believe GGs feel the same way, Ressie.

[Keira Bea]

Nothing for me to report yet as haven’t really been out, except late at night for a walk around the block or three.

But I have learned so much from you peeps with good advice, to always be aware and on my guard at all times for when I do venture out to a bar, a restaurant, or even on the street. Might have to buy myself a ring to pretend I am taken if confronted by a creep. A very informative topic.

[sweetdreams]

I had something creepy happen to me.

It's Halloween. I'm dressed to the nines but the agreement with the wife is it needs to be obvious I'm a guy in drag (I can do better than this when I want to).

We go for dinner. I have a beer and need to hit the washroom. I get up and head into the men's washroom. I'm dressed like a girl so I need to sit down in a stall. A short time after I entered, the bathroom door opens, someone comes in, says "damn", turns around and leaves. The timing was too weird. It was like after I got up to walk to the bathroom, someone noticed and decided to follow me in.

I don't know what they had in mind. A compliment? Something more sinister? I don't know but I sensed something odd was going on.

[Alice B]

In the past at a local gay/cross dresser bar I have been hit on several times. I always said thank you, but not interested. I always wear my wedding band. One time a very attractive male sat next to me and became very direct, running his hand up and down my leg and tryimg to reach under my dress. I felt he maay have had a bit to drink but there are always a few present that seek this attention and are willing to hook up. I am not one of them. But I have to admit that this attention was a bit enjoyable. I was also hit on by an attractive cross dresser from out of town. Unable to pull the trigger, but thought about it for sever days afterward. Fantasy does not become reality for me.

[ReineD]

Alice, if this guy ever ran his hands up the legs of a GG trying to reach under her dress, she'd have grounds to press charges for sexual harassment. Can you imagine the gall?

[Becky Blue]

I have been out over 30 times in 3 countries over the years. On more than one occasion I have been ogled by guys but not in an aggressive manner, I have seen men stare at my boobs (which always makes my lol inside - if only you knew they are fake).. I have only ever had one 'incident'.

I was at a bar with another girlfriend in San Francisco, just an ordinary one. We got separated and I landed up talking to what I thought was a couple.. (turned out they didnt know each other) suddenly I saw these lips coming towards me alas not from the woman but from the drunk guy. I turned my head like I had been avoiding kisses from guys for years. He said to me "Why?" I said Why back to him. He repeated "Why don't you want to kiss me?" I said Why would I want to kiss you? and moved off. I never figured out if he was saying why would I not want to kiss a man because I was dressed as a woman or why would I not want to kiss him? Although he was quite drunk he was not at all aggressive, but still I felt quite vulnerable and uncomfortable. That incident definitely heightened my awareness to how women must feel a LOT more often than once...

[michelleddg]

I've never been hit on, mostly because I avoid situations in which it might be possible. Pretty sure I'd throw up on the spot were it to happen. Hugs, Michelle

[Patience]

I'm dressed like a girl so I need to sit down in a stall.

Unless the need is wardrobe related, those two things don’t really follow.

As for the incident itself,I think you had that guy fooled until you went into the men’s room.

[Patience]

I still love women but also enjoy being the woman with a nice man.I'm intrigued. Can you elaborate?

[faltenrock]

My opinion on this:

The more you try to look feminine and present near 'perfect' as a woman, the more likely it is that you attract guys, CD/TS admirer or heterosexual men.
It's a little contridictionary, so don't start complaining about male attention.

[prene]

When I get out I am usually just going for a girl next door look.
The last time I was in Las Vegas I had a nice conversation with this guy until I noticed he was looking at my boobs more than my face.

That got me a little scared and I soon left.

[Micki_Finn]

Try being so fish in a gay bar that none of the guys hit on you because they think you’re actually a woman. :P

[Patience]

I cant imagine that being a common occurrence. I mean, a person cruising for gay guys would fare better if they themselves looked like a guy, no?

[Majella St Gerard]

If I don't get hit in I'm slightly annoyed.

[Lara A]

I am good with getting attention from men and/or women, as long as it is respectful. After all, I take a lot of trouble to look as good as I can when I head out! If someone is attractive and generally cool, I will always give them the time of day, male or female. I have seldom had any issues with unwanted male attention, altho often it is the ones you think are OK or not OK that surprise you. I was once at a Harmony weekend in Scarborough in the UK with a tgurl friend, and we were in a club that was hopping. A guy who was well dressed and an off duty cop was starting to get a little tipsy, and very handsy with me. I pointed out that what he was doing was almost certainly against any law, both of the land and of decency, and he pulled back and was rather chastened. My friend and I left soon after, and being about 1am after a long evening, we were hungry. We passed a late night takeout pizza joint on the way back to the hotel, and went in to order some slices. My friend was quite passable, but I am a tall gal and would probably not fool anyone up close. As we were waiting, a few very rough looking biker types came into the place, and we were both extremely nervous. But, as it happened, they turned out to be just fine, very much the gentlemen, and we had a great laugh and chat with them while we were all waiting! No problems at all...Then more recently here in Tucson, I was in Barnes and Noble one evening after dark, and was just leaving to walk back to my car. A man and his teenaged son were leaving at the same time, and he held the door for me to go thru, and smiled. I smiled back and said a quiet thank you, and then walked back across the lot to my car. All the way across I could hear them walking behind me, and I got very nervous for some reason. I got into my car, and they got into an SUV behind me a little way. I waited for them to leave, because for some reason I thought he might follow me, but he did not move. Then I caught sight of a shadow behind my car, and realized he was crouched down there trying to look into my car! God knows what his son thought he might have been doing, but I was terrified and started up and drove away. I looked behind and saw the SUV start to follow me around to the other side of the Mall, so I pulled over and parked, thinking he would drive off. Nope, he drove over and parked not far away from me. I was really getting freaked out then, so I drove back to the busier side of the place, followed again by the SUV, and luckily saw a cop car parked there as they do after dark sometimes. I wasn't quite ready to chance an encounter with the cops dressed up, so I pulled in just up close to them, and the SUV continued on and didn't stop. I waited for quite some time, then went home, but it was very unnerving. You can never tell, and the best advice is to be in company if you're somewhere that could be dodgy.

[Patience]

My opinion on this:

The more you try to look feminine and present near 'perfect' as a woman, the more likely it is that you attract guys, CD/TS admirer or heterosexual men.
It's a little contridictionary, so don't start complaining about male attention.Well, I like being contridictionary!

And let's be honest, some fellas will chase anything in a dress. ;)

[josie_S]

Lara's story is frightening...and illustrates some of what's possible to encounter out in the world. Someone else here said it, but this thread shows how much privilege men have in this world. As a man, if I go to the store, the mall, a bar, etc, i never have to think about predatory men. But the few times I've been out dressed as a woman, I've had to think about all sorts of things I never had before, like knowing where my drink is at all times and how lonesome and scary it can be simply walking to and from my car at night. So while it can be very affirming and even exciting to receive male attention, it can also be frightening. I've had men paw at me at a bar in a way that they would never (I'm assuming) do in a different setting. It's gross. And it can feel very vulnerable. Then I remember I can bench 225# and have been in fights before, so I feel less so. But many GGs can't, and so they can be left feeling just as vulnerable.

One unexpected result of crossdressing and going out in the world is how it has made me a much more empathic and aware of the things women face. I think, weirdly, it's made me a better man.

[Jean. Ann]

Actually learning how to deal with Male attention
to me is a part of going out enfemme .
Now you know what it is like for the GGs
You learn a lot about how to treat a Lady when viewing it from the other side

JAS

[ReineD]

And let's be honest, some fellas will chase anything in a dress. ;)

And some fellas will chase guys who wear dresses even more than they would chase a GG in a dress. :)

Honestly, I think that guys might be cruder with CDers than they are with GGs, because they know the CDer is a man and so the CDer understands what men want.

[Rhonda Jean]

Josie mentions always knowing where your drink is. Back when I was married I'd travel about 150 miles away about once a month to do my girl thing for two or three days. On just about every trip I went to the same Mexican restaurant. I'd always place my drink order, read the menu, then after they took my meal order I'd go to the bathroom. That left my drink sitting on the table. At the time I probably had never even heard of the date rape drug, or at least not given it any thought as it applied to me. I returned to my table and sipped my drink without noticing anything out of the ordinary. Even before my food arrived I started feeling drunk and dizzy. I had probably only drunk a couple of ounces. I went ahead and waited on my food, thinking that I just needed to eat something. I took a couple of bites and felt like I might get sick. I asked for my check, paid, and left. I felt very drunk, but managed to make it to my car. I sat there for a while and tried to collect myself and eventually drove to the hotel, which was nearby.

For years I thought it was just because I hadn't eaten anything and that I just had a quick reaction to the alcohol. Then I talked to a girl who had had a similar experience, and she knew what it was. I was sitting at a booth across from a table with two men. I never had any interaction with them, but they were the likely suspects. I don't know what they would have gotten out of it unless it had gotten bad enough that they would have offered to take me to my room. Glad I didn't find out.

[Eemz]

I think you're right Reine. In my limited experience there's a type of guy who thinks that once he's realized you're a CDer it automatically means you're desperate for sex and have no self-esteem and therefore if he's "prepared to sleep with you anyway" then he doesn't even need to bother with the minimal "niceties" that he'd grudgingly give to a GG to keep her from walking away.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I cant imagine that being a common occurrence. I mean, a person cruising for gay guys would fare better if they themselves looked like a guy, no?

Makes sense to me too. It's why I can't understand GAY guys who want to dress up as WOMEN themselves.---------Do they wanna attract STRAIGHT men? WHY? A true Straight man wants nothing to do with Gay sex.

[Jodie_Lynn]

I have to disagree with you Marina.

It's been my experience that more straight guys hit on T-girls, than gays do.
Most gay men seem to see us as competition.
Whereas, and this is just my opinion, from observation, straight guys will hit on us for the 'forbidden fruit' angle, and because they can indulge in a little homo-erotic behavior while still maintaining their 'straight' rep.

"Hey, it isn't gay if "she" looks and acts like a woman"

[ReineD]

Whereas, and this is just my opinion, from observation, straight guys will hit on us for the 'forbidden fruit' angle, and because they can indulge in a little homo-erotic behavior while still maintaining their 'straight' rep.

I totally agree with this. I've come to realize over the years that to many straight guys, sex is sex no matter the object, especially if they want sex with no strings attached. Some guys are just more flexible than others. Their definition of gay sex is a man who actually wants a relationship with the guy he's having sex with. And so he feels that since most men are just like him (wanting sex no matter with who), the ones who dress like women are easier to score than any GG who might actually want a relationship to go along with the sex. lol

[Patience]

Actually learning how to deal with Male attention
to me is a part of going out enfemme .
Now you know what it is like for the GGs
You learn a lot about how to treat a Lady when viewing it from the other side

JASAin't that the truth, although we don’t get the full experience either.

[Cristy2]

I don't mind male attention at all if he is good looking and buying the drinks.

In all seriousness, there is no real answer to the question until you have answered for yourself where is the boundary and how far are you willing to go to defend it? Where is the line that does not get crossed? Is that line concrete and steel or is there flexibility to work with?

[Karmen]

I don't mind if it's a positive male attention. Either just a smile or few nice words or even something more. I'm only afraid of unwanted male attention, like harassing me on the street while they're drunk and usually in a group.

[Jodi Yardley]

I don't mind the attention....mostly older men....but its fun and I enjoy the conversation.

[Patience]

I don't mind if it's a positive male attention. Either just a smile or few nice words or even something more. I'm only afraid of unwanted male attention, like harassing me on the street while they're drunk and usually in a group.No kidding. At my very first outing during last year’s pride, one drunken-ish college kid told me a couple times to “show my fat boobs”. I guess they must have been pretty convincing. Ironically, it was just a bikini top with no padding at all.

[StarrOfDelite]

One thing to keep in mind though. There are guys who are specifically into men who dress like women. My guess is, they perceive that a guy will dress as a woman for sexual reasons and because of this, the guys who dress are more apt to "play" than random women or random guys who don’t dress. The guy Diane Taylor described seems to fall into this category - I don't imagine he behaves like this with every GG he sees, especially with his wife and children nearby. I saw evidence of this when my SO and I used to go to trans/alt clubs. As soon as the "admirers" (the male patrons) figured out I was a GG, they’d make their excuses and walk away. lol


This comment fits in with my personal experiences. When I'm out in Drag I know that I can pretty much blend with the surroundings if I have female or male companion, but a single person presenting as a woman gets more scrutiny. Under those circumstances it wouldn't be difficult for someone to put 2 + 2 together and conclude that I'm CD'ing. And, as you say, there are guys who very much have their radar attuned for crossdressers. It happens occasionally that I've been approached by men who wouldn't have come on to me if they thought I was a genetic woman. On a few occasions I've even had a cup of coffee or glass of wine with the fellows who have been polite, clean-cut and made a pleasant presentation.

Regarding Diane Taylor's experience, I've never experienced anything like that, where a guy has come-on to me out in a situation where it's totally inappropriate. On the occasions when I've been hit-on there has always been some sort of a social context, and usually alcohol was being served nearby.

I have also been propositioned when I've been in Drab, and I presume other members of this forum have been, also. To my personal sensibilities those occasions have been more jarring and upsetting than the ones where I've been presenting as a woman. The venues for those have been much more varied, including but not limited to the usual suspects such as public urinals, airports, locker rooms.

[Georgia K]

Fantastic thread and first up I've never gone out dressed . And when I'm out and spot a TS or CD I always want to go up and talk to them as I have never talked to a fellow CD . But I'm afraid they'll consider it as I'm hitting on them or I'm a creep . So I haven't done it yet .

[MonicaPVD]

Approaching a CD to talk to her about the fact that she is a CD is beyond creeper. Don't do it. That would be like going up to a woman who has a shapely body with the sole intent of letting her know that you dig her rear end. Sure, people do it but it's wrong. If you can't find a reasonable excuse to engage in conversation with a person who happens to be a CD, just admire from a distance. Don't be a creeper.


Fantastic thread and first up I've never gone out dressed . And when I'm out and spot a TS or CD I always want to go up and talk to them as I have never talked to a fellow CD . But I'm afraid they'll consider it as I'm hitting on them or I'm a creep . So I haven't done it yet .

- - - Updated - - -

As someone who interacts regularly with men, I have heard more than a few say that they are attracted to CDs primarily because we are lovely women with no expectations about relationships and no hangups about sex. The allure of scoring with an attractive "woman" who is OK with casual sex outweighs whatever discomfort they may have with me being male under it all.


I totally agree with this. I've come to realize over the years that to many straight guys, sex is sex no matter the object, especially if they want sex with no strings attached. Some guys are just more flexible than others. Their definition of gay sex is a man who actually wants a relationship with the guy he's having sex with. And so he feels that since most men are just like him (wanting sex no matter with who), the ones who dress like women are easier to score than any GG who might actually want a relationship to go along with the sex. lol

[CourtneyJamieson]

When I am out and dressed at a club I want the attention of men. That adds to my feelings of being attractive and looking Fem. I've had some wonderful times with some really great guys that I have met while out. I am disappointed if I don't have at least a few guys come up to me and try to pick me up.

[Patience]

Can you describe the kind of things that happen in those situations, Courtney?

I’m all for flirty fun, but wouldn’t want to mislead anyone or give false hopes.

[Paige Dehart]

Micki, good advice. I would add don't be shocked if there are times when that ring and statement are not enough to end the situation.

[Robertacd]

I had to deal with some unwanted male attention last night. I was down at the local club where I usually spend my Friday evenings. Last night my wife was not in the mood so it was just me, my son, and a GG friend of mine met up with us later. We were hanging out, drinking, and occasionally dancing. A guy was chatting us all up but seemed to really like me. He asked me to dance and being me I obliged. On the dance floor he got very... well aggressive we'll say touching me. Once I had enough I pushed him away turned around and walked back to my table. He kind acted upset I told him not to touch me again. He was still hanging around and I decided to go the the restroom. When I came out of the restroom my GG friend grabbed me and said "Don't go back to the table, that creepy guy was asking lots of creepy questions about you, and we are trying to get rid of him". So I went outside for a few minutes and when I came back in he was gone.

I am lucky I have friends that look out for me.

[Amelie]

As with anything in life, there is good and bad with any situation and dealing with men is no different.

I get guys messing with me. If I am in a scene like a bar that is to be expected. But if I'm walking home at night it's not a very pleasant thing. Some of the hoods I lived in were dangerous for a man to walk alone, so it would not be any safer for a woman. One just has to get street smarts and be able to read a situation before it happens.

But for a man to come up and talk to me is no big deal. Ya never know he might turn out to be my prince charming.

One advantage I have is that most guys are scared of me, scared of the way I look and are too timid to even try talking to me. I give off this "keep away" sort of vibe. Also living in a bad neighborhood the guy that sees me might think I am the bad person walking alone at night, that I am the one that is dangerous.

I don't go to malls and such places, I am mostly a night time person. I don't run into too many people during the day.

[Aunt Kelly]

For those who don't pass (most of us), the dynamic is usually different. Of course, I'm talking about tranny chasers. At my age, the few I have encountered are old enough to have learned how a gentleman behaves, and they politely, even gallantly take a subtle hint that it's not going to happen. In a similar vein, there's what I'll call sport flirting, the social dance where everyone knows it's a game. That's just good fun when, again, the players are refined enough to know what the stakes are. Some of my younger, hetero CD friends have, I suspect, a harder time.
For all of who present as female, the world, or what in my trade we refer to as "the threat landscape", looks very different. Situational awareness is more important, and different strategy and tactics are required. The cis women reading this are nodding (or saying, "Well, duh!"), but they've learned those things over a lifetime. We, on the other hand got a late start.
You know what? I think I'll look into finding an expert on self defense for women who'd be willing to put together a presentation for us novices. I'm sure it's been done, but not around these parts Hmmm...

[myrrhlynn]

i have yet to venture out, but i think i might be more concerned about my tendency to smile at women and perhaps give them the wrong impression... or would that be the right impression....:)

[Palaina Nocturnus]

Hello Patience,

I always love reading about someone getting to experience the feeling of going out dressed in its earliest stages! Even now there are still places and situations I have yet to experience while en femme, but overall I've been going out for about 17 years now

I can sit here for hours and tell you of all the wonderful things that can accompany a man and how they treat you. I've had a LOT of boyfriends and partners over my 20 years as a CD so yes there have been a few downsides.

You ask about consequences. I'm not prideful but I've been told by every guy I meet that I'm this adjective or that (lately the word goddess keeps getting used and I'm like uh no lol do not call me that) and it is very flattering. I've noticed way more females are attracted to me as well once they see my feminine side. I eat it up inside getting that kind of attention, I stay humble about it. There's a reason I'm bringing this all up.

You are pretty, I can imagine you going out and getting hit on. You're vibing with just being out and dressed, not once thinking about a date and along comes a man. In my experience it has gone one of 2 ways.

The first kind of guys are nice, shy, loud, proudly gay, sweet lol I'd say the ones more in touch with their feminine side. They understand touch, sensuality and boundaries. It can be better than awesome until you get the guy saying he loves you on the first date while in bed together. Ummmm no lol not all are that clingy but the love is def there

Then there's the MAN man, the guy that sees you as he sees any female. These guys are the macho bro type of dudes lol hygiene usually takes a back seat with this group but that is not a bad thing lol these guys are more the swoop you up in their arms and command you around type. It can be a huge turn on when done respectfully however there are those that get very forceful and very mean very quick.

I know just like our community there are far more types than I am exploiting here but the main point I am trying to make is this. Be careful and be very open with anyone you speak to while dressed up. Always be up front when you feel a boundary is being tested and never feel obligated to stick around and hope things get better. If a man is coming up to you because he finds you attractive he's already accepted that he's about to talk to another male that's en femme. Now the manner and tact that they use to begin the conversation should help you to understand what they may already want from you. You'd be surprised how many guys are going to a gay bar for the first time just because they're sick of women and just wanted to vent to someone. And yes there's always the guys saying they've never done this before lol

I wish I could end on a better note but do be careful when you choose events or bars to go to while dressed up. In my experience if the bar is for gay men only, I've never been welcome or approached and def not hit on. Its the same with a female lesbian establishment. Not every place is that way and more places are joining the LGBTQ concept however some places cater to a specific crowd and they're ok with keeping others out. I'm fine with not going in lol

Take care hun and have a fantabulous day!!!!!!!!

[Tracii G]

Makes sense to me too. It's why I can't understand GAY guys who want to dress up as WOMEN themselves.---------Do they wanna attract STRAIGHT men? WHY? A true Straight man wants nothing to do with Gay sex.

I am gay but a transgender woman so I dress like a woman for me not for men.
Your comment is slightly sexist IMO but you are free to feel that way so I really have no problem with you saying that
I would love to find a gay man that would accept me for me but they can tend to be sexist just like straight men.
Plus being big doesn't help either when it comes to dating.

[Robertacd]

Makes sense to me too. It's why I can't understand GAY guys who want to dress up as WOMEN themselves.---------Do they wanna attract STRAIGHT men? WHY? A true Straight man wants nothing to do with Gay sex.


I have to agree with Tracii here, don't fall into that sexist trap of thinking everything a Woman does, she does for the sole purpose of attracting men.

I dress for myself and to impress other women. Attracting a man is the last thing on Earth I want to do.

[5150 Girl]

If I'm at work, I just tell them I'm married, and show the ring.
If I'm at a bar or something, I tell them I'm a married lesbian.

[CourtneyJamieson]

Hi Patience,
I guess we all here have our wants and desires. Some go out dressed and have NO desire to be admired and I TOTALLY understand that.. Others like to be admired but have no intention of going any further and I TOTALLY understand that!. I fall into the category of going out as a "girl" and wanting to be admired as a "girl". So when I am out I WELCOME the attention of men and love to be "hit-on". That is why I dress and go out. So, yes, I do meet men and other CDs. And, yes, I love the attention. And, yes, it does sometimes lead to other things which I totally am agreeable with and seek out. This is just "ME"....Not for everyone.