Where do I stand?

[Gina_83]

Hi All,

I'm a bit confused and need your advice!
I told my SO about my CD preferences about 2 months ago, but I kinda tested the water by only talking to her about pantyhose to gauge reaction, which was supportive. However, she said if it went further to fully dressed she wouldnt like it. Since then, she has also tolerated suspenders, a half slip, and even brought me some knickers for Xmas which was lovely of her, and I took that as a bit of encouragement? Should I have? We also went shopping and she got me a silky ladiesdressing gown.

We have since had a few more talks, and shes fine with pantyhose, bodystockings, suspenders etc, but not bras, dresses or heels.

She has also painted my nails, fingers and toes, but wasnt too happy when I left toes painted for 2 days. She has also put makeup on me as part of our cozy evenings, but the pink fog then kicked in and I asked about wigs and heels. She said it might be fun but only if its not 'serious' and only if I dont get obcessed by it. She keeps asking if I want to take it further and go out dressed, which I don't.

I think she may be testing to see how far I want to take things with all we have done rather than it actually being supportive, its almost like.. if I say I want to dress fully she will leave me, and to be honest I am not even sure myself. If she aint happy with it and its gonna cause anguish or a relationship breakdown, I would rather it didnt go any further. Is it that? Or is she half happy with it?

Anyway, we chose x4 wigs together online, and a pair of heels, but when I got carried away and added x2 more wigs and another pair of sandals, she was very upset and called me selfish. Now that was my own fault.

She had let me shave my legs and chest, and even offerred to wax my legs. But all the time she says its ok because she still sees me as a man. She always seems to bring it back to me not displaying as feminine as she says shes straight. Fair enough. Half way maybe all I should do?

Anyways, what do y' all think?
Should I take what I have and not push the envelope? Its all happened fast for us both TBH. We also do some role play in the bedroom, and when the wigs came she kept them as she wants to do some dressing up too, I thought they would get chucked.

I have told her that all this stems from when I was about 10, growing up on the East Coast. Also said it relaxes me and is a form of escapism etc and not necessarily sexual.

She has been brill, but I also know that one false move and the whole relationship could collapse.

What do I do?
Help!
Thanks
Xx

[Crissy 107]

Gina, This is a case of too much too fast. We have seen so many instances of a little acceptance is then taken too far and the wife or SO pulls back on all acceptance. It sounds like you do have a pretty good level of acceptance for so short a period of time. I suggest stop or at least slow up at this point, keep the lines of communication open and let her know how much you love her and appreciate everything. You are on thin ice here be careful.

[Leslie Mary S]

Welcome to the group.

I see you have a handle on what is might be going on in your SO' mind.
Take it VERY slow NOW.
Keep the SO in the loop, when ever you have an urge to buy something, anything, not just femm stuff, get her involved first and get her views and follow them. Also be a bit slow and a bit reluctant in taking her up on new things.
Sometimes dragging your feet on an idea will be the winning move.

[Cynthia_0101]

Like Crissy and Leslie already said, take it slower. I have been in this exact situation where both I and the SO have gotten way ahead of ourselves and then became uncomfortable for one reason or another.

Maybe another talk is needed and things taken way slower from now on. From the sounds, she is accepting but maybe just moving a little faster than she is comfortable with.

Cynthia

[Shely]

Your wife sounds like dream come true, what I wouldn't give to have my wife act like her. I am afraid to even ask my wife to do makeup on me. But you will have to keep the pink fog under control and it sounds like you have lost that battle so far. You will have to establish limits with her and keep those limits if you want to maintain her trust. This is a slippery slope you are on and the more you dress the slippery it gets. Good luck

[chelyann]

Gina
you have a great wife, but like the others have said slow way down for a while and let this sink in or it will end badly

[Sherrii]

Gina,
I think you "stand" in a very good place. Only you seem like you are trying to run when you need to be walking and at a slow pace at that. It seems like your wife is progressing but a lot slower than you would like. Just keep it fun for her and let her suggest going further when she wants too or if you suggest something more don't go overboard with it and make sure she enjoys whatever it is too. If you surf around this site you will find a lot of folks would like to be where you are and that in general the wives and girlfriends want to go slower than us. Good luck. Sherrii

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Gina, You are standing in the sunshine, enjoy it!

[Maria_mtf]

Sounds like your SO is very accepting compared to so many I had read about, including my own wife.

I agree with others, take to slow and keep communicating.

Do not promise anything you are not sure, that is you will probably want to do more as time goes on.

Good luck.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Crissy;

ROFL - she KNOWS ! She's playing you like a cat with a mouse a catnip mouse. How can you/she go from pantyhose to makeup and wigs and say "
if it went further to fully dressed she wouldnt like it" ? You owe it to her and yourself to have an open and honest conversation with her.

Be open and honest, it sounds as if your wife is open to conversation.

What do you want, tell us about yourself and how you came to the forum ?

[Gina_83]

Yes, thats what I thought. It doesnt quite add up. Is she just playing a game to find out my true intentions?

I was hoping that maybe if I slow down she will get used to seeing me in tights and slip and makeup, then might suggest more or allow more in time?

I suppose I have been a non-practicing cd for 30 years. But cant lie forever, thats why I told her and joined the group.

Thanks

[Jenny22]

Gina, as Kelly said, we need to know more about you to better understand YOU, so give us some helpful info, please. Any background info about your wife would also be helpful in understanding her motives and comments about your CDing.

[Gina_83]

Ok. Not sure what to say really.
Tried on pantyhose early in life and always had a thing for that and makeup I suppose. Told it was wrong by parents so I suppressed it. I havent been caught as many others have, simply because I wasnt dressing. But the desire never left me. I am married for 15 years and we been together nearly 20.
SO is a very non judgmental kind of person. We are VERY liberal in the bedroom, and have lots of fun..you name it!!
Is that enough??
Ta

Xx

[Tracii G]

Its well documented here that wives can turn on a dime and change their minds on the whole thing.
If you constantly push by talking about CDing all the time and testing how far you can go its possible she will shut it all down and you will be living in the shed out back with the chickens.
Men have this urge to push and push until their wives have just had enough.
Its not all about you its about the both of you as a team (relationship) so keep that in mind.
I'm tending not to believe how fast all this has happened but thats just me.

[RADER]

HI and Welcome to the Forum.
You have to go real slow. let you wife work up to seeing you in woman's clothes.
Let her dress you up for Halloween or some other event, even though you stay at home.
My wife would dress me up in a French Maid's dress to hand out candy to the Kids.
She would also dress me up to do certain house cleaning over winter. It was fun, and she
got a kick out of it. But remember, you are still the "MAN" in her life, always remember that.
Rader

[Gina_83]

Ha ha.

Yes.

And its not just you, I cant believe it either!!

Xx

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Thanks. I think thats the main message I have taken from today. Go very slow or it could all blow up.
But, how hard is that if you get a question like, "do you want to try a wig on?".
I suppose I will have to turn it around and say "would you like me to?" Or even, "maybe in a few weeks when we are more comfortable with things?"
Its so difficult not to go for the prize!!

Gina.

[Maria_mtf]

Hello. For your example:
"do you want to try a wig on?"
Your answer could be I am curious about trying it, or I think I would like to I am not really sure, something a bit less non committal. But if the response is tell me honestly, then there is only one answer.

Like others have said take it slow and keep communicating. Your SO sounds great to me very accepting. Just remember to treat her as a special lady sometimes as well.

Good luck.

Maria x

[CarolBrown]

I’d put her in the catageory of being uncomfortably comfortable with the situation. Go gently and be prepared to back off from time to time.

[Gina_83]

Hello. For your example:
"do you want to try a wig on?"
Your answer could be I am curious about trying it, or I think I would like to I am not really sure, something a bit less non committal. But if the response is tell me honestly, then there is only one answer.

Like others have said take it slow and keep communicating. Your SO sounds great to me very accepting. Just remember to treat her as a special lady sometimes as well.

Good luck.

Maria x

Thanks Maria.
Good advice. I have kind of been doing that, but gauging the reaction and caveating it with "but if your uncomfortable I wont" for e.g. I am also petrified that actually wearing one will change her perception of me as a man..Can I split myself? I mean be manly most of the time, and then when we have fun dress up, maybe as her friend or "sister" type of thing?

Xx

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Thanks Carol. Not sure what you mean though!

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Thanks Crissy x

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Thank you Leslie x

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Thanks. X

[char GG]

Hi Gina 83,
I'm going to focus on the wig(s) first. The prices can vary from cheap, Halloween grade wigs, to ones that are several hundreds of dollars. Sounds like you chose four, then two more, so six wigs at one time (price undetermined). After that she called you selfish. I could see where she would think that depending, again on the money spent, unless, of course, you have an unlimited budget. As for the other items, members of the forum have offered very sound advice about taking it slow.

It sounds like you really only let your SO know about your CD desires about two months ago. Just my opinion, but your SO seems to be unusually accepting after such a short time. It sounds to me like you may be trying to make up for lost time but learn to pace yourself. Life is about balance, not just about you or just about her. Make sure she is included and has fun too. Give her a chance to get used to what you have in mind. You may be pleasantly surprised with the results.

[Gina_83]

Ha ha. Yes I think your right. Good luck. Xx

[Micki_Finn]

My advice is if she gives you a foot, take 6 inches. Often SOs will give you certain “permissions” that they THINK they’ll be ok with, but when the reality hits, it’s too much. If the first half foot is ok, they’ll let you know that the last half is ok too.

[Confucius]

It sounds as if you have a wonderful supportive wife. Your first order of business is to tell her that you love her, tell her that you think she is wonderful, and tell her that she is beautiful. You have to remember to do that everyday!

Then your next order of business is the thank her for being helpful and supportive of your crossdressing. Most men are not so lucky. Tell her that she comes first in your life, and she is more important that your crossdressing. Tell her that you never want to cross the line with your crossdressing, and that you need her to tell you when it makes her uncomfortable. You will always plan to stay within her limits and tolerances.

Then tell her that you are glad she wants you to always remain her man, because that is your intention too. You want to be there for her, you will love her, protect her and respect her, because that's what a good man does for his woman.

When my wife asks why I crossdress, I simply reply that it makes me happy. My brain is just hardwired to release feel-good neurotransmitters when I crossdress. Yes, it relieves stress, gives me a sense of well-being, and personal gratification. Yes, it is kinky sexual too, but even if there was nothing sexual about it, it would still make me happy.

[Gina_83]

Awesome advice. Thank you.

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Yes thats sensible, thanks.

[KatieGG]

It sounds like she is a little uncomfortable but is trying to be accepting. She probably doesn't know how much she will be ok with and unsure what you are trying to achieve from it.

I find it a little odd that shes ok with you being clean shaved and wearing a wig if she doesnt want you to present too fem, but I guess everyone is different.

My adive, go slow as others have said and don't try to throw too much at her too fast. If she asks you if you want to wear a wig say somthing like " I would like to only if you are ok with it". Make sure to tell her how much you appreciate her and always make sure she knows she is still the woman of the relationship.

[Gina_83]

Ok Katie, Got it. Put the ball in her court. We are having another nails, makeup night soon, and last time I asked about a wig to finish the look, this time I guess she might say something. I will go with "i'm curious but not if it makes you uncomfortable". Thing is, what happens then? She will undoubtably want to know if this is something I like. Do I say yes or ask her opinion again? What do I say if she says she dont like it?

[Maria in heels]

Gina...sounds like you are going at a million miles an hour and you need to slow down. While it can be confusing with how your wife is acting, as you say, she may be testing the waters to see how much you have really confessed to actually doing. She is allowing Gina to come into the house, sharing time together, and you must take control and just do as she says. Please don't try to push and see how much you can have, because in the end, that could backfire....as you said, you know that one false move and the whole relationship could collapse. You must remember to allow your wife to process and experiment at her own speed, not yours, no matter how much it bothers you. To this day, I still get mixed messages from my wife every once in a while, and have to dial it back ....

[Gina_83]

Gina...sounds like you are going at a million miles an hour and you need to slow down. While it can be confusing with how your wife is acting, as you say, she may be testing the waters to see how much you have really confessed to actually doing. She is allowing Gina to come into the house, sharing time together, and you must take control and just do as she says. Please don't try to push and see how much you can have, because in the end, that could backfire....as you said, you know that one false move and the whole relationship could collapse. You must remember to allow your wife to process and experiment at her own speed, not yours, no matter how much it bothers you. To this day, I still get mixed messages from my wife every once in a while, and have to dial it back ....

Had another chat. It seems that she is ok with most things, but does not want me to dress fully as a woman. Now what?

[ClosetED]

Welcome to the Forum!
I would now back off and only do what she offers - stop pushing. Enjoy what you have or risk losing it all.
When she sees you are still a man to love and the wigs don't change you, other than a short period, then she will be willing to suggest more as a way to thank you for how appreciative you have been to her wants and desires (hint hint)
Hugs, Ellen

[char GG]

Hi again Gina,
Many others have advised to slow it down. This is just my suggestion but since, as you say, she is ok with most things, dress to the level that she is ok with. If I understand correctly, she is still new to all of this. Maybe after a few months, she may re-evaluate. If you keep pushing to "dress fully as a woman", at this point, you just might be coming across as a child who keeps begging for a new toy in the store. Usually the answer is "not now, maybe later".

[Gina_83]

Welcome to the Forum!
I would now back off and only do what she offers - stop pushing. Enjoy what you have or risk losing it all.
When she sees you are still a man to love and the wigs don't change you, other than a short period, then she will be willing to suggest more as a way to thank you for how appreciative you have been to her wants and desires (hint hint)
Hugs, Ellen

Thanks Ellen,
I will back off. Got to I think.
She is doing my nails and makeup soon, she is bound to ask if I want to try a wig on, we have several never used. Do I say no, or reluctant yes so long as its only for a laugh or something along those lines?

Xx

[Diane Taylor]

Your wife is displaying a reaction that is very common with acceptance. She is swallowing a little bit at a time so don't try to go too fast and cause her to change direction. The fact that you picked out 4 wigs and she was OK with it and then you went ahead and picked out two more is an example of trying to go too fast. Give her some time, it seems like she's handling this pretty well and with an open mind.

[Gina_83]

Your wife is displaying a reaction that is very common with acceptance. She is swallowing a little bit at a time so don't try to go too fast and cause her to change direction. The fact that you picked out 4 wigs and she was OK with it and then you went ahead and picked out two more is an example of trying to go too fast. Give her some time, it seems like she's handling this pretty well and with an open mind.

Thanks Diane, good advice.
So in effect, I back off and dont ask for any more. But my worry now is she will suggest more, like why dont you try a wig, thats bound to happen. Do I resist that suggestion and say lets wait, or I'm not ready for that. Or do I seem reluctant, wait for her to say try it, and then see what happens?

[Stacy Darling]

I can only reverberate what some others have said. Go with the minimum you require and don't push too hard or expect your partner to be accepting when you come out in full dress, it's not what will happen mostly!

Just go slow and be honest, see where it leads to?
Stacy!

[Beverley Sims]

To keeep the ball rolling, ONLY do as much as your SO asks.

You will find this works well and you will progress.

[Stephanie47]

I think what any cross dresser has to be wary of with his wife is taking on the personna of a woman. From your narrative it appears you and her are fairly liberal in the bedroom. No explanation needed, but,that suggests to me she is a woman who is willing to explore. But, is there a point when she will hit a wall? Hard to tell until you get there. From your description of 'playful' activities; partial dressing and makeup, that may be construed by her to be playful, 'kinky.' What will happen when you get to being fully en femme; wig, makeup, dress, hosiery and heels. Will you male personna be totally lost?

My personal experience was along that line. My wife when first married was adventurous. Ultimately, we shopped together for long nylon nightgowns for me and hosiery/garter belt. It was 'fun' in the sense of something 'kinky' with benefits for both of us. However, there was no loss of male personna. Just a little kink and love of nylon. It hit the fan when she found a vivid red Vanity Fair bra I had bought. That was her 'wall.' She "could not understand why a man who has nothing to pack into a bra would want to wear a bra?" Almost her exact words. Then came "The Talk." She had no interest with being with a woman. If she wanted to be with a woman she would have chosen a woman, and, not some pseudo woman. Wearing anything feminine quickly became a non starter because the thought of me adopting some sort of female personna was too much for her.

Perhaps, there will be a point when your wife hits a wall. I related several time when men I know were made up and dressed up by their wives for a Halloween party. In oth cases it was the wife's idea, and, to my knowledge neither man has ever displayed any desire to take it further. Definitely my father-in-law did a one time affair.

The best advice is to let your wife lead. She may take it further than she ultimately can accept, and, then want to back off. Maybe for a while. Maybe for good. I think the real issue for a woman is whether she is willing to let the male personna become subservient to a female personna when looking at her husband.

[missjoann49]

Gina, I have to agree with the others, slow it down a bit. For one thing you are very lucky to have a wife that has supported you this far, it is all new to the both of you. If she wants to move it ahead a little let her take the lead and go one step at a time...enjoy what you can while you can,,Hugs

[Gina_83]

I think what any cross dresser has to be wary of with his wife is taking on the personna of a woman. From your narrative it appears you and her are fairly liberal in the bedroom. No explanation needed, but,that suggests to me she is a woman who is willing to explore. But, is there a point when she will hit a wall? Hard to tell until you get there. From your description of 'playful' activities; partial dressing and makeup, that may be construed by her to be playful, 'kinky.' What will happen when you get to being fully en femme; wig, makeup, dress, hosiery and heels. Will you male personna be totally lost?

My personal experience was along that line. My wife when first married was adventurous. Ultimately, we shopped together for long nylon nightgowns for me and hosiery/garter belt. It was 'fun' in the sense of something 'kinky' with benefits for both of us. However, there was no loss of male personna. Just a little kink and love of nylon. It hit the fan when she found a vivid red Vanity Fair bra I had bought. That was her 'wall.' She "could not understand why a man who has nothing to pack into a bra would want to wear a bra?" Almost her exact words. Then came "The Talk." She had no interest with being with a woman. If she wanted to be with a woman she would have chosen a woman, and, not some pseudo woman. Wearing anything feminine quickly became a non starter because the thought of me adopting some sort of female personna was too much for her.

Perhaps, there will be a point when your wife hits a wall. I related several time when men I know were made up and dressed up by their wives for a Halloween party. In oth cases it was the wife's idea, and, to my knowledge neither man has ever displayed any desire to take it further. Definitely my father-in-law did a one time affair.

The best advice is to let your wife lead. She may take it further than she ultimately can accept, and, then want to back off. Maybe for a while. Maybe for good. I think the real issue for a woman is whether she is willing to let the male personna become subservient to a female personna when looking at her husband.


Stephanie, I think you have hit the nail on the head there. She said exactly that about a bra too, and we have already the talk about not wanting to be with a woman. Thanks to all the advice on here I have decided to back off and take the acceptance level I already have. I think it may actually be dangerous to put on a wig in front of her. That will probably be the wall you refer to. After all, its only the wig that really transforms a man into a woman IMO. It would be foolish for me to push it now, in fact I have even considered backing off completely for a while for her to process all this. Its difficult of course. So as every has suggested I will let her lead on stuff. She seems quite happy with pantyhose and makeup, which is more than I could ever have hoped for. Why spoil it by pushing for more? As I'm sure somone said, it was the tortoise that won the race. Very apt I think.

Two question for youb if I may?
Firstly, assuming I can control the pink fog and not ask for anymore, should I actually decline an offer of more from her?

And secondly, are you still with your wife, and what does she allow now?

Thanks !!!