Unfiltered wives opinions?

[Michelle Vinova]

Yes, communication is key...but spouses may not be brutally honest with each other to avoid hurting the other’s feelings.

This site is terrific (the best IMO) for bringing us fellow CD’s together to support different things we’re going through. Which is awesome, but besides a few GG’s who are also on the site to share the SO’s perspective, we don’t really know unfiltered thoughts/responses to our CD actions.

Since we can’t access the SO’s part of this site, where do you go for ‘oppositon’ research?

I imagine there’s threads somewhere that wives are weighing in on the first time their husband shaved his chest/legs (OMG!) or seeing him dressed for the first time or I found photos! Etc.

Maybe it’s not helpful to read for risk it would keep us more closeted (I.e. suppressing ourselves in order not to hurt the ones we love), but only reading this site creates an inherent bias in perspective if you know what I mean.

Thoughts? Thanks for your advice as always!

[Micki_Finn]

Well, funny you should mention “unfiltered GG opinions” My wife is super supportive and enthusiastic. That being said, we’ve discussed MANY times about how bad of an idea it would be for her to join the forums, as she’s probably get banned post haste. Not because she would say anything negative about cross dressing, but because (ironically) there are some girls on this forum who have very dated ideas about gender, gender roles, feminism, and women in general and she wouldn’t be able to just ignore those posts.

[Michelle Crossfire]

It might be very helpful and beneficial to get "opposition" input from GG's.

[Krisi]

Keep in mind that anything you see posted here is just one person's opinion, whether it be from a male or from a female. And for that matter, we have only their word that they are actually male or female.

There are wives who seem to be fine with our prancing around the house in a tutu and hooker heels and of course there are those who would leave and tell the world how sick their husband is. All that really matters to each one of us is how our own wives feel about it. Each situation is unique.

[Lux]

There is always the “Ask a GG” sticky at the top. It’s a start.

And Micki I agree with you 100%. My wife is significantly younger than I am and is more of a lurker than participator for that very reason.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Have to agree with others, when you think of your spouse as "opposition" it's hard to imagine the benefit of said information except in war. I understand you most like just meant something more benign.

The "Ask a GG" thread provide a lot of open honest feed back to non GG questions.

The FAB section should remain GG, because after reading some of these posts and rolling my eyes, I'm sure the GG's NEED a place to chat about the "wtf are they thinking" thoughts regarding the thread.

On the other hand, I've always thought that a MAB section would be nice, (yes some will argue the forum is basically a MAB, but it's also open to GG, there is no section where a MAB can post without a GG viewing)

[Michelle Vinova]

Have to agree with others, when you think of your spouse as "opposition" it's hard to imagine the benefit of said information except in war. I understand you most like just meant something more benign.

The "Ask a GG" thread provide a lot of open honest feed back to non GG questions.

The FAB section should remain GG, because after reading some of these posts and rolling my eyes, I'm sure the GG's NEED a place to chat about the "wtf are they thinking" thoughts regarding the thread.

On the other hand, I've always thought that a MAB section would be nice, (yes some will argue the forum is basically a MAB, but it's also open to GG, there is no section where a MAB can post without a GG viewing)

Thanks - yeah for clarification I don’t mean “opposition” in a literal sense. Even ask a GG here on this site , the GG has to be comfortable enough to engage in an online forum full of CD men, which I would believe as a sample bias as well.

[Meghan4now]

Kelly, there IS the GM section. I was on it till the disastrous attempt to upgrade a couple years ago. Membership didn't get restored, but there really wasn't much going on over there.

Anyway, you can find stuff out on the web, but it is not as prevelent as it once was. There was a bit of an agressively anti CD site that is now gone. While there was a lot of bashing, there was also some interesting perspectives, and at least a survey on the wives take on things. The survey was not really properly done and biased, but still interesting. You can find remnants if you look.

Of course I also find that even some of the sites that propose "curative" processes and thought are interesting. I may not agree with them, but it is fair to raise a question. And if you think they are wrong, you might need to reflect on why you think that, and how you defend your own position.

[Beverley Sims]

My wife may not be brutally honest but her natural reaction or distaste for some of my presentation does guide me well.

You do have to be observant of and mindful of a wife's tolerance and limitations.

You can dress to play around one day, but not the next.

[Krisi]

A wife's tolerance of your dressing may be at least partially based on your presentation. A typical woman is not going to be very pleased with you dressing as a hooker or a bride. Your best chance of gaining acceptance is to tone it down and dress like she does. Don't go wild with the makeup or boob size. Keep the heels under 3" or better yet, wear flats. Don't parade around in an ultra short mini skirt. And whatever you do, don't let crossdressing take away from the time and attention you should be giving to her.

[Teresa]

Michelle,
We've lost so many GG members most use to reply in Loved Ones section which isn't the right section to get all our questions answered .

I was in a DADT situation so I only assumed how much my CDing was disliked well we're separated now so I guess I got to the truth .

One way to get some input is with a social group , I find talking to wives/partners very useful .

Seeking a wife/partner's approval is a tough one . Even when you've got over the basic questions of being gay and wanting to be a woman the question is then WHY do you want to do it ? Some don't want to know at all and some will let you go so far . They fear you being seen but it's possibly better to let a CDing partner totally dress and shave then to place him firmly in the closet being suppressed and frustrated . I called the closet solitary confinement . I know the other side of the coin is they don't want to be married to a woman and they tell you in no uncertain terms they aren't lesbians .

No easy way out of this dilemma , if your wife/partner is on board you are one of the lucky ones , the rest just live in their version of DADT , or call it a day like I did .

[Michelle Vinova]

A wife's tolerance of your dressing may be at least partially based on your presentation. A typical woman is not going to be very pleased with you dressing as a hooker or a bride. Your best chance of gaining acceptance is to tone it down and dress like she does. Don't go wild with the makeup or boob size. Keep the heels under 3" or better yet, wear flats. Don't parade around in an ultra short mini skirt. And whatever you do, don't let crossdressing take away from the time and attention you should be giving to her.

Great advice Krisi! But flats instead of heels, that’s just unreasonable! 😉🙃

Kidding aside you’re right. Not only the look of the heels but we can walk awkward in them. I suggest boots as a middle ground to get a heel but a toned down vs a stiletto

[CarlaWestin]

Although it's still DADT, my CD is accepted as matter-of-factly just part of who I am. The anger component has diminished into non-existence as it should.
On a recent day that I called out from work as she was going out for the day, I told her that I just didn't feel good and did nothing all day. Well, It's impossible for someone to just do nothing, right?
She commented that I called out so I could "play" while she was gone and I acknowledged that I did that, too! I'm hoping to be accepted as the resident "housekeeper" someday.

[sometimes_miss]

Actions speak louder than words. We know what most women think about crossdressers; they're not attracted to us, most are turned off at the idea of a guy behaving like a woman, and the vast majority would be embarrassed if anyone found out that they were a couple with a crossdresser.
Trying to elicit more responses from GG's (especially here) in the desperate attempt to seek more positive results, isn't going to change things, ESPECIALLY from those women who are already here; we already know that they are not representative of the general female population. The world knows that crossdressing men exist. If it were a turn on or considered a wonderful, positive thing by GG's, there would be women looking for us; but there aren't. There just aren't. Go ahead; post an ad on any personal dating sites with the fact that you're a crossdresser right up on the headline. Let us know how many responses you get from women. NOT transgender women, not crossdressing 'gurls', actual, phenotype/genotype single WOMEN (who are not 'ladies for hire').
I've issued this challenge many times. If you truly believe that there are lots of crossdresser enthusiast women out there, start you're own matchmaking service for women to find crossdressers. Build the better mousetrap. You'll get rich if you can do it, because there are millions of crossdressers out there eagerly awaiting your success, cash in hand, if you can find all these women who love crossdressers.

Time may change things. There are already some kids today who are accepting of crossdressers in their own age group. But that's a far cry from the girls among them becoming sexually attracted to crossdressers.

[jacques]

All that really matters to each one of us is how our own wives feel about it. Each situation is unique.

Hello Krisi,
you are right - it IS that simple.
I am blessed that my wife's reaction is "it's only clothes" - why make it more complicated?
luv J

[kimdl93]

In my experience my wife tolerated or endured. I chose to perceive endurance as acceptance. She expressed her discomfort and I chose to perceive that as healthy communication. The result was the loss of someone I claimed to have cherished.

[deebra]

Micki, I think your wife's attitude is Great. Would like to hear more if you would care to share. Do you dress together, does she have any fear of you getting outed when out together, does she like you to dress and does she like to see you as Micki?

[MoGG]

Of course I wouldn’t want to be hurtful, but if you have a direct question I would try and answer as honestly as possible, and I think that is true of the other women in the Ask A GG section. They’ve been pretty blunt in some responses, just not rude.
I kind of wish we SOs had an Ask A CD thread, for some of our stranger queries. I’m not sure if it would be appropriate for a non-CDer to start one?

[phili]

Micki's wife obviously is an exception- she interprets his dressing as a positive - but the very fact that we are asking about wives is the clue to the normal results.

Marriage pairing or LTR sexual partner pairing, is almost always initiated and concluded as a man + woman, male + female proposition. Clothes and other supportive clues are for messaging femaleness and maleness during the courtship, and then carried forward for preserving role polarity afterwards. My wife is absolutely aghast at the idea that I somehow want to portray myself as a woman. In her view I am undermining the most fundamental agreement that humans make- she feels I lied to her! She doesn't care that I was afraid, nor that my trans*ness underlies all the good I am for her.

Young women who object to the role restrictions placed on them may see feminine role play as a positive in their mate. As we get older the mythology of man and woman as opposites has less credence, so older women can be more philosophical or even warmly accepting about a crossdressing husband,and enjoy the creative release from the humdrum of routine. But even in these cases we are not the only person in their lives. We are still an important accessory [or core] support for the the rest of their lives revolves.

So my acting like a woman is not just a problem for my wife in our own relationship as the tall building built on the courtship dreams, and keeping her safe in old age. She is worried that her friends and family will see her identity as a woman who attracted a man [=success] as failing, undermined, or unfulfilled- and that is not going to be pleasant.

[Kelly DeWinter]

MoGG;

I think you have a Great Idea, I started a thread for you, if Moderators think its a good idea, it may stay, if not they will remove it. Look for Ask a CD and be the first to start a question.

[Rochal Tukque]

I agree with Krisi. Presentation my wife rules. If your going dress as a woman then be a woman no hooker or school girl crap. No tight teenager jeans and tee shirts. Skirts and blouses that are age appropriate Or I won't be seen with you!

[VeronicaMoonlit]

If it were a turn on or considered a wonderful, positive thing by GG's, there would be women looking for us; but there aren't. There just aren't.

There most certainly ARE such women, not many, but they exist. They like feminine/androgynous men with penises.


Go ahead; post an ad on any personal dating sites with the fact that you're a crossdresser right up on the headline. Let us know how many responses you get from women.

You're not going to find them on the standard heterosexual sites. You might find them on OKcupid. You're more likely to find them on the GLBT centric sites, or admirer sites, and "kink" sites because they don't generally identify as straight. So if you're an older conservative CD, who doesn't have much to do with the GLBT community and who doesn't go out in public, you won't run into them . Your age and lack of connection to the wider GLBT community will get in the way. Sorry. If you're younger and more open about the CDing from the start, you'll have more luck.


I've issued this challenge many times. If you truly believe that there are lots of crossdresser enthusiast women out there,

I wouldn't say lots, I say some.


if you can find all these women who love crossdressers.

There's a corollary to that: Why not make it easier for THEM to find YOU. They can't find you if you're seriously closeted, can they? A woman can't discover she likes feminine guys if she never meets one. Or if the ones she meets hide it from her, can she?

I know what some of you will say, you hide it for various reasons. But crossdressers hiding and complaining how they can't find someone into it is basically crossdressers being their own worst enemy.

Veronica

[Maid_Marion]

I've been reading up and it seems that bisexual women also run into the issue of stereotypes and misconceptions making it hard for them to date.

[cdsamswife]

I as a gg/Spouse of a cd try to reply to threads as honestly and as unfiltered as possible.... I think there will always be a bias here as I dont think non-supportive spouses would really want to be part of a conversation about cd-ing..... Also... some threads i honestly dont have any input because I dont have any first hand experience (e.g. i have never shaved anything in my life...)... or i dont think i have anything to say that hasnt already been said.. I hope you get the type of "opposition" feedback that you want when u ask a q... :)

[KatieGG]

I try not to be hurtful but I will tell my husband if he doesnt look good especially if we are going somewhere. I try to give an honest answer about how an outfit looks if he asks me.
Now if we are laying around the house, it doesn't matter. I might jokingly tell him that he shouldn't wear something in public, but if he wants to look like a hooker to sit and play xbox its totally fine with me.
As for women not being attracted to cross dressers, well I'm sure some are. I'm attracted to my husband whether he is wearing mens clothes or a dress. I didnt seek out a cd but when I found out he was one I was...intrigued to say the least. I don't know if it was because I'm bi or if it was because it was somthing different or maybe I'm just weird lol.

[RachelPortugal]

Even if you are lucky, as I am, to have an accepting and supportive wife, never take anything for granted because it is most likely that she chose you for the man you are and that she did not know about your crossdressing until the knot was tied. If she says she needs some man time then she needs some man time.

Let her set the boundaries, which will move in both directions from time to time. I have found that my wife is more sensitive to the attitudes and reactions of others, although most of the time it is out of concern for me, but remember to check that she is still comfortable with whatever situation you may find ourselves in.

Listen to her fashion advice. Yes, if you are getting on in years then 5-6" heels with platforms are best only worn in the privacy of your home, unless a night out to a particular bar or club is planned, but remember to take flats or a lower heel for the walk, on what is likely to be an uneven surface, to and from the car. How many real girls do you see barefoot on the dance floor or indeed outside nightclubs waiting for a cab home, those high heels are fine when standing still or on carpeted surfaces.

Take her make-up advice, less is more and blending is a must unless you want a tarty look, which, I am sure, most wives would not appreciate.

Let her take the lead, it will usually end up with more rather than less girl time than you expected.

This is my unique situation so it is unlikely to apply to anyone who is DADT or with a totally unaccepting partner.

[t-girlxsophie]

I'm in a unique,or at least minority situation in that my wife knew from the beginning that I crossdressed,but other than her seeing pics of me we didnt introduce it into our relationship,in real life so to speak until we knew each other better,only after a good few weeks did we feel it was time to bring Sophie into the open.

I have vowed always to never take her support and acceptance for granted,of course I've slipped up once or twice,but I quickly made amends and our relationship has always been strong.As I've said already yes its a minority of women who are fully supportive and happy being in a relationship with a CD,but they do exist

Sophie