My Five Levels of Being Out

[CynthiaD]

When I first started going out en femme (some time ago now) I developed 5 levels of being out to gauge my progress. At first it was "Have I done this ever" but then after having been out many times it turned into "Where have I been out, and at what level." The levels are as follows. It's understood that these things are all done fully en femme: dress or skirt, breast forms, wig, and full makeup.

1. Going for a drive, but not getting out of the car.
2. Getting out of the car without being seen by anyone.
3. Going through a drive-up fast-food place.
4. Getting out of the car and talking with other people.
5. Four plus using the ladies room.

I like to break 5 into three sub-levels, a-single use facility, b-multi-user facility but nobody else there, c-multi-use facility with other women present.

I've been level 5 in at least 10 different states and many different cities. About 75% 5c.

Do any of you have such a list? And if so, what's your progress?

[Jaylyn]

And I'm still at the zero level before your number one.... Lol just my situation and I see no changes happening soon.
I think we all are at many different levels on here and that's what keeps the CDs like myself enjoying this site as I can live vicariously thru those who can go to the next level or levels.

[RADER]

I am also stuck at # 1 with a catch; I only go out dressed in my car to go get the Mail
at the bottom of my driveway. I once was dressed in a skirt and top, with a heavy coat
to do some miner snow plowing at my house and a neighbors house. I was only out for
about 20 minuets. It was exciting and scary for me to go that far.
Rader

[Maria in heels]

I've done everything except #3 ...
and now i've progressed to group settings and meet ups, and attending my 2nd function on February 7th at a bar/club

[Krea]

Cynthia, that's a great idea of listing progression in terms of "outness". :thumbsup: (Is outness a word?:confused:)
As a miad rather than a fully en-femme CDer, here is my personal take on progress.
(Slightly different approach as my list focuses more on what i wear rather than what i do.)
Each step is interacting with public as usual in shops, cafes etc.
1. Going out underdressed.
2. Going out in something fem, but not really obviously so. (eg: womens skinny jeans)
3. Going out in something fem, but more noticeably so. (eg: womens leggings)
4. Going out in all fem clothes. No male attire, but still less obviously fem garments, as above.
5. Going out in all fem clothes and wearing something blatantly fem. (eg: skirt and tights)
Plus:
6. Being "out" to my relatives.

I have reached step 3 whilst away, step 2 closer to home.
Step 4 is on the horizon now, i think.
Step 5 is a real big step for me. Maybe one day.:daydreaming:
Step 6 simply ain't gonna happen, ever! That chasm is simply too wide to bridge....:sigh:

[Beverley Sims]

Cynthia,
Something for a lot of us to aspire to.
Some more..
6. Window Shopping in a mall during the day. Easier than at night by the way.
7. Checking out the lingerie section.
8. Being fitted for a bra. Check the layout first and speak to an SA is a good move here.
9. Getting your hair permed.
10. Swimming at the beach.
11. Playing a sport, such as Tennis, Hockey, Netball etc.

I am somewhere past No. 11 having achieved all those, but I thought I would let others have a go, this could get a high count.

12. Flying pretty, when I get my passport changed.
13. Getting my ears pierced....Well, one day.
14. Being out to my relatives, Like Krea, it 'ain't gonn'a happen.

[Teresa]

Cynthia,
When I separated and moved to my new home town , I decided it was now my chance to be Teresa , nothing was going to be off limits . Setting up a new home meant so many jobs for me sort out . My first time out I had , estate agents to see , supermarket shopping , DIY projects , car spares to buy and registering at my new GPs' surgery . It's almost I year now and it's proving far easier than I thought , I'm still crossing off items and outings, the highlight so far has going to see a pantomime with my daughter and granddaughter , that was sheer pleasure to see her enjoy the show and at the end jump on my knee and give me a big hug , that was in broad daylight with a very mixed audience and age group .

Still on my bucket list is take my dog on a holiday to the coast , that will be the first time I've been away as Teresa , I also need to get my art group up and running .


To answer other replies , " Never say Never !! " many of the obstacles are in our minds , just keep believeing in yourself and taking the next step , when you look back you won't believe how far you've come !

[docrobbysherry]

Your steps make sense, Cynthia. However, I consider 2 and 3 like underdressing!:heehee:

And, I guess I have different objectives/experiences? My list includes:

Walking thru a vanilla casino and shopping areas dressed to the 9's or in skimpy outfits.

Dressing fem in foreign countries.

Dressed with vanillas 1/3rd my age at masked, costume events!:D
Really getting into that last one now!:D

[JeanTG]

Well on the initial list, a 5. On the extended list, I have: shopped en femme including trying on clothes, been fitted for a bra, came out to my two best friends, used the ladie's, multi-user, with women present...

I'd love to go out today as I am dressed, but it's just too damned cold and I don't have warm boots.

[Aunt Kelly]

Nope. I go where I need/want to go. Period.

[Cheryl T]

My levels were simply
1. Going out of the house.
2. Going in public in daylight.
3. Using the Ladies room. My wife asked why and I said, because I have to go AND look at me! I would rather incur the wrath of an offended female than the ire of a testosterone fueled homophobic. I won't have to run in my heels when dealing with a woman.

[JenniferMBlack]

I have 2 levels of going out now there use to be more but have since narrowed it down.

1. Did I get everything done.
2. Dang I need more time.
This works no matter how I dress.

[Jackiefl]

I'm like aunt Kelly go wherever I want and need period.

[Sallee]

I have done 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and also been to the movies, restaurants and vanilla bars. The bars were a bit scary but no problem and I did get asked to dance by what I assume was a straight guy who didn't know my true gender. I declined. I would like a bra fitting. and a makeover at a department store.
It is all fun and generally there is no problem and people don't care.
Just out having fun

[Julie MA]

1. Driving dressed
2. Stopping for gas or at a convenience store
3. Walking around town
4. Sitting in a bar
5. Singing Karaoke

[Seana Summer]

I have not used a ladies room when out. so #5.... not me, probably wont go there any time soon. I look like a man even in full makeup, wig and all the rest and I really don't want to make others uncomfortable.

I don't really have a benchmark list or goals for going out. I go out when it makes sense to me and I want to. I do however have a list of things I still want to buy and things I want to do. But its not really a benchmark thing. Its the hunt. Right now its the hunt for the perfect wig.

[Beth785]

From the original list, all the way through to number 5. From some of the things others have added, I have gotten my ears pierced as Beth. Unfortunately, they have grown closed and I’d like to do them again soon. I’ve been to the movies. I’ve also gone to auto parts stores/home improvement stores and done auto repair and home repair dressed. Considering getting a tattoo and would like to do that dressed as well. Just have to decide on the design and location to place it.

[Angie G]

I 've got 1 and 2 covered. This time of year taking my wife to the store and Dr. appointments under dressed with breast forms. I have no need to go beyond that :hugs:
Angie

[Jane G]

Oh the list. Got to love a list. :heehee:

In my teens lots of people knew I dressed. I turned up to family gatherings dressed. However after I joined the navy left home, got married and had kids, I chose to respect my wife's feelings and stopped going out in public. I do still walk the moors dressed every once in a while. But you would hardly know as male and female attire for such an activity is pretty interchangeable.

[Nikki A.]

Other than being out to family, I've done just about everything that's been mentioned, including Karaoke and a bra fitting. Nothing is really off limits at this point as long as it is a safe situation.

[Kas]

I think you need to add family somewhere in that list. You can do all 5 of those things you listed, but if your SO doesn’t know does any of that even matter?

[Sometimes Steffi]

I skipped the preliminaries and jumped to number 4 and 5.

I'm now at number 8, and I don't expect to make it any higher.

However, I have been out and about, alone and with other girls, including many times in a cocktail dress or ball gown.

[Vikky]

Only Level 1 so far. Hope for more.
Vikky

[Helen_Highwater]

Cynthia,

Your list pretty much encapsulates the journey I and many others have been on.

When I do get the opportunity to get out and about I, like a few others who've responded, go more or less where I please. My problem has been in recent times to find things to experience that I haven't previously.

Shopping including using the ladies changing rooms, tick. Ladies toilets, tick. Restaurants, cinema, trains, buses, taxis, tick. Meet up with other CD'ers, tick. My last push at the boundaries was buying a wig in person, something I can recommend to the forum as well as getting a foundation match/makeover in store.

Things such as tats and piercings aren't for me.

One thing I did do last time out. While killing time waiting for a train I went for a swift drink in a "straight" pub. Something like that does have the potential to go tits up as we say but it looked a decent sort of place, wasn't too busy and in the end all was well. Even had a packet of peanuts! I know how to show a gurl a good time.

[Teresa]

Helen,
Now you've revealed your weakness ! What some people will do for a bag of peanuts !

I agree there are pubs and there are pubs !! I must admit pubs don't bother me but I did hesitate over the builder's merchant , yes I did get chatted up and that cost them some heavy discounting and we're not talking peanuts here !!!

[TheHiddenMe]

I had been out for the drive around, and went for a walk when no one was around, and stepped up to a makeover and day out in San Francisco, but my wish list was to go out locally and:

1. Get my nails done;
2. Get a makeover;
3. Go shopping; and
4. Buy a wig while dressed.

I wrote about this on the pictures forum, but what shocked me was the acceptance I found, starting with the nail tech, then the MUA at Sephora, the sales angels at Nordstrom, and the woman at the wig store.

Since then, I've been out at least 75 times since I did the above in October 2016, so I went from 0 to 60 pretty quickly.

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Cynthia,

Based on your original list I'm a 5B.

Elizabeth

[Leslie Mary S]

When I first started going out en femme (some time ago now) I developed 5 levels of being out to gauge my progress. At first it was "Have I done this ever" but then after having been out many times it turned into "Where have I been out, and at what level." The levels are as follows. It's understood that these things are all done fully en femme: dress or skirt, breast forms, wig, and full makeup.

1. Going for a drive, but not getting out of the car.
2. Getting out of the car without being seen by anyone.
3. Going through a drive-up fast-food place.
4. Getting out of the car and talking with other people.
5. Four plus using the ladies room.

I like to break 5 into three sub-levels, a-single use facility, b-multi-user facility but nobody else there, c-multi-use facility with other women present.

I've been level 5 in at least 10 different states and many different cities. About 75% 5c.

Do any of you have such a list? And if so, what's your progress?

No I don't have a list. Can I use yours as a seed for developing mine. I have done every one except #4. well maybe I did do #4 once when I went shopping at Staples after a mini Selfie Photo shoot.

[Ressie]

I haven't been out dressed an awful lot. I don't have a list but I'm aware of my going out achievements. Here's my progress over the last 5 years or so.

Going out solo to Walmart and another store one night would be the top achievement for me. It was a Sunday night so not many people at either store. I talked a little with two women at the check out line.

1. going for a drive dressed was my first experience, as I drove dressed to another town and went into a gay bar by myself. That event covers most of your list. Since then I've driven en femme many times.

2, 3. I've pumped gas en femme 3 or 4 times, and hit the drive thru at taco bell once.

5. Using the ladies room at a gay bar isn't that big of a deal and I've done that many times. I can only think if one occasion where I used the ladies at a regular restaurant.

Other than dressing in front of family and friends, going out en femme in vanilla land alone is the highest level IMO. I know it's old hat for many CDs but it's still scary to me! And going out in your home town takes more bravery than going out in another town IMHO.

[Krisi]

It bothers me a bit when crossdressers list using the ladies restroom as a goal or accomplishment. Some have even posted "selfies" of themselves in the ladies restroom. How do you think your wife or daughter would feel about that?

If you're out dressed as a woman and need to use the restroom and can't find a unisex or family restroom, the ladies restroom is your only choice but it shouldn't be viewed as an accomplishment or goal.

[Helen_Highwater]

Krisi,

To some degree I agree with what you're saying. It shouldn't be viewed akin to some male going into the ladies for a dare. I'd suggest that were it differs for us is that it's more about self confidence, feeling secure enough in not only your own presentation but more importantly the person you present as. When I wrote "Used the ladies, tick" it was a reference to just where I'd reached in my journey. A measure of my growing self confidence being out in the wider world.

I do agree that we need to show sensitivity and be aware of those with whom we share that space.

[Teresa]

Helen,
I agree with your comments , it is a milestone but not one I boast about it still is a sensitive subject with some people .

[CynthiaD]

Thanks to all who replied. I dressed fully in front of family and friends a long time before I got up the courage to go out the front door, so I really didn’t think about that. There are several levels to dressing at home too, but that’s another story, and I went through them a long time ago.

[t-girlxsophie]

Like Teresa and Helen,i have went to straight pub's too,basically the big chains eg Wetherspoons,but of course there's those I would think twice about frequenting even as a male.

As I've posted before I often leave from home dressed,with my wife's approval,having to go down 10 floors and past concierge on duty is becoming easier,but there's a couple of them that give me evils the day after so I work around them,just last wee hurdle to get over

Sophie

[Asew]

I think everyone has different lists, based on their needs and how they feel comfortable with it.

My first outing was going out running trails alone. After a few times, I decided to do one of my group trail runs in my skirt. Then my next level of outing was going to work in a skirt and heels (though I don't know anyone there I passed people in the hallways saying hi and such). Then next I went to the thrift shops dressed, then the mall. Then to my distance work with people I actually worked with. And then a group outing with other CDers.

And I am out to many friends and relatives but I feel like that is a different set of levels being out versus strangers in public.

Looking at Bev's list, it reminds me how I kind of wish to perm my hair but it is too short still.

[Patience]

Your list seems to revolve around your automobile, Cynthia.

I don't have a list so to speak, but I do crave territory en femme. That is to say, I like to go to new places I hadn't been to before. So far, I've eaten in a restaurant, visited a museum, went to a bunch of pubs, done bingo and trivia events and gone to art shops. My ambition is to do more of the same.

I dunno about considering the ability to use the female pissoir as some kind of achievement.

[Glenda58]

Level 5 plus. I've have driven from Tenn. to Mich. Stopped for gas use the ladies room went shopping and stopped and had dinner in a restaurant then gas again.

[AllieSF]

I would like to answer your title question in another way. However, first as most have answered it's original meaning I think, how physically out are you in the real world?, I have done all those and many more strolling along the path to where I am today. Another way of look at being out is how out are you to the world who only know you in cis-male or cis-female mode and didn't know anything before. That list to me includes some of these:

1 - Out to total strangers (easiest one to me)
2 - Verbally out to:
* Immediate Family
* SO
* Children
* Siblings
* Close Friends
* Neighbors
* Other friends and acquaintances (hardest for me to my daily morning coffee friends at Starbucks)
3 - Visually out to the list above

Feel free to add you own.