Am I In the Wrong Neighborhood?

[Dinatagail]

When I dress up, the feeling is more than just the softness of the material or the feeling of being feminine. It’s so tauntingly sexual. I want to be ravished by a man or a woman.

While some of you have the blessings of a SO, I prefer to hide my lustful desires to dress up and be someone else’s entertainment. A total stranger.

Bottom line, I feel alone. While many of you can dress up for the joy of doing so, I can’t help but feel that mine is only about fetish and lust. The rush that comes from being discovered on a back road, dressed, and then made to give up my innocence to a strong man... Does anyone else feel this way?

[CONSUELO]

What you are feeling is not at all unusual. Many, both male and female have similar fantasies, though few act on them. Don't worry too much about it. It might help to talk to a good counsellor about these feelings just to set your mind at rest and not feel so alone.

[Jaylyn]

I felt for so long that dressing was a turn on when I was in my early stages (teens mostly) now that I. Very much older I find it relaxing and it feels more like it just the natural thing to do. The softness of the fabrics the comfy clothes and the softer looks the makeup gives me is relaxing to me.
I've had many fantasies early in my dressing but now it's just more of what I enjoy because of the soft freeing feelings.
I think every one fits into different categories as to why we dress.

[Beverley Sims]

It is not unusual to feel like that in the early stages of dressing, all kinds of fantasies come to mind and most are harmless when you keep them to yourself.

As you progress these fantasies diminish and other forms of satisfaction come into play, mostly sexual.

When you meet up with others your outlook changes entirely.

Work on getting out and about.

[Robertacd]

We all have our own reasons for dressing. Just have fun, take care, and don't let your fantasy get you into a bad situation.

[Teresa]

Dina,
It's difficult to give a full answer as we don't know your age .

All I can add is I agree with other replies , it is a stage that often happens , more so at a younger age but these stages usually pass . I'm sure some have gone on the experience how they feel , that's fine as long as no one gets hurt . It's wise to take care because there are people who may appear to be willing participants but they may do you real harm and screw up your life .

Often these thoughts stem from unresolved conflicts , if they persist and start affecting your life in a damaging way then it maybe wise to seek counselling .

[Tracii G]

Its sexual for a lot of people when they first start out. For most that feeling will dissipate over time.
The is a very dangerous factor if you are going out in public feeling that way. What might happen could very well go bad for you.
Its just a fantasy at this point so its best to just leave it a fantasy and not act on it.
If it gets to a point where fantasy is over riding common sense the seek counselling

[docrobbysherry]

Tracii's rite. So many of us have had the fantasy of being the woman with a man! :o

When I began dressing in my 50's and suddenly had those thots I was sure I had turned gay!:eek:

But, nothing about men attracts me. It was only the idea of being a helpless woman dominated by a strong man that excited me! That was long ago. Now, my fantasies now r all about females! :battingeyelashes:

Have u considered actually being with a man to see if u like it, Dina?

[

[Tracii G]

I think some have that fantasy but when it comes down to actually having a man they would run for the hills.
For me there has to be a connection or attraction to a guy much the same as it is for straight guys attraction for women.
There is a big difference between fantasy and reality and when it gets blurred to the point you can't differentiate thats when it becomes a huge problem.
I'm attracted to some men but I am not going to have sex with them because I have a fantasy.
Being trans isn't a fantasy for me its reality.
Now if you are just a CDer I can see where you are coming from but its just a fantasy.

[Ressie]

It's sexual for a lot of CDs yet this website doesn't attract many. I dress for sexual pleasure but I can also hang out with other CDs as platonic friends.

[Alice B]

I will have to agree with what Ressie has said. I am not 76 and still get these fantasy's. But mine are primarly with woman. My wife accepts my dressing, but has never expressed any desitre or willingness to partake in such a fantasy. That is OK, because they are only fantasy's.

[Dinatagail]

I love you all so much for taking the time to respond. To answer a few, I’m in my 50’s, but I still feel like the 20-something I used to be. Hugs to you all.

[Eboni Robinson]

You are alone dear. I am 30, and I've had strong sexual feelings about dressing since I was in my teens. Maybe it will eventually change over time, but who knows. Crossdressing is a spectrum and everyone's duffi. I enjoy it for what is and always have fun when I dress head to toe.

[GretchenM]

No, you are in the correct neighborhood. But this neighborhood is incredibly diverse, far more so than most neighborhoods. As others have correctly said, that sexual aspect usually occurs in the younger years and later changes to a much milder form or disappears entirely. However, being in your 50's and thinking and behaving like you are in your 20's is not particularly unusual either.

I suspect, no matter what age we are, some of the sexual aspect creeps into the thinking behind and the response to taking on a different persona that is associated with the strength of our sexual behaviors. Most intelligent creatures including humans, apes, whales, and porpoise use sexual behavior as a foundation for play. But it is usually kept in the context of play. Sex isn't all just reproductive as it is in most animals. How we think of it can vary a great deal. But acting on those "playful" fantasies is a very different kettle of fish. Fantasies, unless they become addictive and start to negatively affect other aspects of your life, are normal and fine. Have fun but try not to lose your connection to reality in favor of the fantasy because it produces feel good reactions. A little sugar is fine, but a lot can do real harm.

[Krisi]

When I dress up, the feeling is more than just the softness of the material or the feeling of being feminine. It’s so tauntingly sexual. I want to be ravished by a man or a woman.

While some of you have the blessings of a SO, I prefer to hide my lustful desires to dress up and be someone else’s entertainment. A total stranger.

Bottom line, I feel alone. While many of you can dress up for the joy of doing so, I can’t help but feel that mine is only about fetish and lust. The rush that comes from being discovered on a back road, dressed, and then made to give up my innocence to a strong man... Does anyone else feel this way?

You have a fetish about being raped? That's pretty much what you posted. I suspect you would change your mind pretty soon after this started.

When I think of sex, it's a more gentle and loving situation. Maybe not love in the "getting married" sense, but at least a romantic "like". While I have had fantasies of being a woman and making love with a man, I know I am not a woman and don't have the correct "plumbing" for this. I have no desire to actually have sex with a man.

[Jenny22]

I'm in my 80s, and the fantasy of being the woman to the right, loving man still strongly exists in the female part of my (confused?) mind.

[melanie206]

The National Center for Transgender Equality conducted an extensive and authoritative study of trans people that included various non-binary types and crossdressers. http://www.transequality.org/sites/default/files/docs/usts/USTS%20Full%20Report%20-%20FINAL%201.6.17.pdf
If you go to page 59 you will see a chart that breaks down sexual preferences in the sample. Yes, you may be in the wrong neighborhood.

[Dinatagail]

The National Center for Transgender Equality conducted an extensive and authoritative study of trans people that included various non-binary types and crossdressers. http://www.transequality.org/sites/default/files/docs/usts/USTS%20Full%20Report%20-%20FINAL%201.6.17.pdf
If you go to page 59 you will see a chart that breaks down sexual preferences in the sample. Yes, you may be in the wrong neighborhood.

Then it’s time I return to my solitary life in a shell once again. Thank you all for your input.

[Ressie]

I'm surprised that only 41% of crossdressers said they are heterosexual and 29% said they're bisexual. The chart on page 59 confirms that sexual orientation among us is quite diverse.

Dinatagail, it's up to you if this is a neighborhood you want to hang out in or not. You're certainly welcome here.

Others here that share your fantasies just don't want to post them. Probably because this is a public forum, meaning that what you post could turn up in a google search.

[Eboni Robinson]

I completely agree with Ressie's statement! You are not alone here, but people are more than likely scared to admit that part of their CDing. I'm not, and you shouldn't be either.

[JennaDcd]

I dress for the sexual thrill and rush, though I've never fantasized about being ravished by a complete stranger or a man. And I've never actually been with another CD, TG, or man. Have dressed with my soon-to-be ex wife and enjoyed it (in addition to CDing, lesbian sex is a big turn on for me ... so dressing up with my wife allowed me to experience as close to lez sex as I'll probably ever get ... HAHA!), but that's the extent of it. In short, have enjoyed dressing in silk and satin panties and lingerie since childhood. Have always had a thing for lesbian sex. CDing is a way to somewhat connect my fantasies with both, kind of.

[melanie206]

Dinatagail, I was hoping by pointing out the numbers that you would feel less alone. People on here have the common desire to be fem and so do you. The reasons and how, when and who knows is all over the map. I would just accept your dressing and your sexual desires as a package deal and figure out how to safely realize them. Being TG/CD/NB can be terribly lonely and being sexually frustrated as well can lead to impulsive behavior. Socializing with others like us can be a satisfying buffer between loneliness and achieving desired ( and deserved ) sexual goals.

[Rochal Tukque]

To be open, at sixty plus I still enjoy the sexual and the feminine aspects of dressing. In my young years I participated in a bi swinging group with the ex wife and I dressed in lingerie a few times. I can say this like a dog chasing a car. The chasing is far more fun than the catching! Fortunately this was all pre AIDs days and won't revisit those times.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

Hi ... First answer, yes. I “came out” to myself and this site a while ago but at an older age. I feel how you do often, although you express it better than I can. Somebody on this thread recommended a good counselor and not being lead into a bad place. I second that.

I live in a small town but it has an enormous amount of cruise ship traffic. One day my curiosity took me to a “casual encounter” on a local site and sure enough, there was a convenient crossdresser ready for me to visit in a place where there is much rebuilding from a hurricane. I was going to meet this person a 1pm in this building complex. What a set up that could have been to do anything from kill me to, more likely, make a little movie, etc.

My “counselor” is an older gay man who was my sponsor in Narcotics Anonymous when I went to meetings. We had not communicated for a while when he moved away Thank god I had his phone number. He said the obvious and I got away from it. That could have ruined by life in so many ways....even if I enjoyed it.

Don’t feel bad about fantasies. Find people to talk to, even if you have to lie and say you are an alcoholic or addict. The term “addiction” is so loose and the concept of a one hour meeting with no crosstalk helps a lot. Live, laugh, love.

[LilSissyStevie]

When you look around the Internet, it is apparent that the vast majority of CDs, including myself, experience what you describe. The number of CDs that dress exclusively for identity, relaxation, or because they like the feel of "feminine" materials is, if you believe them, very small. There tends to be more of that type of CD here than in other CD "neighborhoods." The name for what you describe is autogynephilia (AGP.) AGP is a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female. It always confused me that I would have these intense fantasies of having sex with abstract men or dominant women (while I was dressed as a woman or a sissy) yet when I looked around for men that I found attractive, there wasn't any. It's possible that I was in denial about my androphilia but after 50 years I think I would know. So, I wasn't gay or bi but I had these "gay" fantasies. What gives? AGP theory made me see that what I was attracted to wasn't men but rather to the IDEA of myself as feminine. The men in the fantasies were just props on a stage where I was playing out scenarios of sexual emasculation. As fetishes go, this one is pretty harmless so there is nothing to do about it but enjoy it. Ultimately it doesn't even matter why this crap turns me on. I can indulge my fetish without having a bunch of anxiety about whether I'm "gay but in denial" or that I'm suppressing some hidden female identity. I'm just a pervert and loving it.

[Jean. Ann]

Sorry posted in wrong place

[Cela_Tracy]

Crossdressing is it's own sub-umbrella, under the umbrella of the Transgender spectrum. There are many different kinds of people and therefore crossdressers with different behaviors and acting out patterns. As for AGP's, of which I probably qualify myself, a lot what I read about it sounds like what can be found in a 12 step program, like SA or SAA. And if anyone wants to know more about those programs, you can PM me.

[Keira Bea]

I get it. But sometimes reality aren’t as good as the fantasies. Ummm that was how I discovered after many years of confusion that I am probably straight rather than bi. Still, I get those same fantasies, and I know for real it is likely an illusion for me. But I guess it was because it was with a normal guy, and who played it too rough. Perhaps it would be different with a gurl.

The one fantasy I know I would.enjoy for real though is to have a girlfriend who is accepting and encouraging of my crossdressing, makeup etc, and get turned on by it just as much, lol.

[melanie206]

The significance of autogynephilia in trans thinking and behavior is controversial. Some would say it's purely fetishistic behavior and doesn't indicate actual cross gender characteristics while others say it's common and exists in varying degrees for MTF people. In fact, one study intended to draw a line between autogynephilics and "true" trangender MTFs produced data that makes it very difficult that make that separation. Even GGs subjected to the same questions showed that half would be regarded as autogynephilic.