Fantasy vs. Reality

[JennaDcd]

Another thread got me thinking ... a thought I've had many times over the years. I'm someone who enjoys crossdressing purely for the sexual thrill and pleasure it brings me. I've never been with a man or another gurl. Just women up to this point ... a few of which have let me be "Jenna" for some erotic "lesbian" encounters. Though I will admit I have fantasized many times about dressing up and being with another gurl.

Anyway, my point. I've read many times over the years in different forums that the fantasy is a lot of times better than the real thing when it comes to actually acting on those fantasies. For example, I get incredibly turned on when I'm home alone, get dressed up, and fantasize about being with another gurl. (And by "being with" I don't mean window shopping together or gossiping over coffee ... though who doesn't enjoy a good gossip session? Haha!) It's a thought/fantasy I think about A LOT .

But if I understand what SOME gurls say who have actually acted on such fantasies, it can be a "one and done" type experience for them. Meaning, they tried it once, didn't like it, and will never do it again. In other words, sex with a man or another gurl wasn't what their fantasty had them believing it would be.

So my question is, what was it about the experience that made you say "no more"? Was it too random/sudden (meaning, a chance encounter where you didn't have time to fully get ready ... as in, 'it's happening tonight and I have plenty of time to get in the right mindset and mood, make sure I look how I want to look, etc)? Was it with a stranger or someone you knew personally ... like a friend? Was it the awkwardness? Other?

I ask because, again, it's a fantasy of mine ... one I might like to act on someday. If you had the chance to do it all over again (those who say reality doesn't live up to the fantasy), what would you do differently?

And conversely, those who have acted on their fantasies and it WAS what you wanted and believed it would be, what advice would you give?

Jenna

[Teresa]

Jenna,
I've never eperienced any form of male to male relationships , all I can do is pass on a comment by a member of my group who did get into a relationship with another CDer , she said it was fine until the partner removed the wig and reverted to guy mode and then the whole thing fell apart !

On the whole the fantasy is as far as many go, reality is so different . Many of us go through thoughts along these lines over the years , I feel it's partly down to confusion over gender and sexuality , it's almost inevitable this does happen as there is so much going on inside our heads .

I'm sure many who have experienced these thoughts never regret they didn't act on them .

[JennaDcd]

Great points, Teresa. What you said about "it was fine until the partner removed the wig and reverted to guy mode" really resonates with me. I've never been sexually, physically or emotionally attracted to a guy as a guy. But take that same guy and doll him up from head to toe, and my thoughts and desires change. All sexual. So I can understand why the member of your group would say that.

[Beverley Sims]

I think because you are hetrosexual, a deep and meaningful relationship does not happen.

If you were homosexual and your partner was that would enable a meaningful relationship.

[deebra]

Answered this a long time ago. While getting a haircut the barber I had known for years hinted around about us getting together. I said O.K. and told him I would like to come over dressed, that was a turn on for me. He said no problem. As I left the shop I had butterflies in my stomach and excited what was about to take place that night. Continually thinking all day about what sexy clothing I could wear and whether I should go out and buy something new. That evening I showered, shaved all over, completely smooth and put on scented lotion for extra feminine smoothness. Laid out my clothes, black of course; hose, garter belt, lacy thong and bra, heels, skirt and lavender top and makeup. As I dressed in fem knowing where I was going and what would happen it was exactly like a woman meeting a man for a first date, exciting and risque. After dressing and walking around in my house I realllly could feel the clothes and how much like a woman I felt, getting in the car and driving over to his place added to the excitement of the evening. When he opened the door he was shocked to see me as a woman, pleasingly so I might add. After a glass of wine we went to his bedroom, I could feel his eyes all over me as I took each piece of clothing off and I felt the same satisfaction and sexual power a woman does when disrobing. Of course I did what a woman does and must say was quite good at it. I could tell it was an experience he would remember for a long, long time. Everything was great, getting dressed, driving over, our time together, redressing and driving home. As I sat on the couch with a glass of wine thinking about how everything had gone how did I feel???? Like A Woman, Great Evening. I might add as I was leaving his home and walking to the front door I sat down on his couch and asked him to come over and stand in front of me, fifteen minutes later he stepped back and I got up, we kissed at the door and I could feel the click of my heels and my dangling earrings as I walked to my car. No B.S., True Story.

[phili]

I have enjoyed sexual time with men and the reason I stopped was that I wanted to have a family,and overall I felt that was going to be more workable with a female partner. I am bi so it wasn't really a matter of hetero vs homo.

In terms of how it can be- it can be everything from nice to awful in exactly the ways you describe, and the way to make it nice is to do what I think we all already understand is needed- have a relationship that is clear and stop when things veer off track. I was desperate in the beginning just to have the experience, but it quickly became clear that the emotional content is more important than the physical, and a lot more complicated. People objectifying each other for a night of sex is very common, but it doesn't make a life.

I will admit that I sought to create a scene to remember, and I got that, and there were three ways- one where I was participating with someone else doing the same thing, and I really hated being the paperdoll-- and avoided that afterwards. One was where i just wanted the act and the other person's humanity kept showing- so I felt cheap and exploitative. The third way was right - we both were agreeing to be good to each other, and were attentive to each other as people with no pretense.

[JennaDcd]

Answered this a long time ago. While getting a haircut the barber I had known for years hinted around about us getting together. I said O.K. and told him I would like to come over dressed, that was a turn on for me. He said no problem. As I left the shop I had butterflies in my stomach and excited what was about to take place that night. Continually thinking all day about what sexy clothing I could wear and whether I should go out and buy something new. That evening I showered, shaved all over, completely smooth and put on scented lotion for extra feminine smoothness. Laid out my clothes, black of course; hose, garter belt, lacy thong and bra, heels, skirt and lavender top and makeup. As I dressed in fem knowing where I was going and what would happen it was exactly like a woman meeting a man for a first date, exciting and risque. After dressing and walking around in my house I realllly could feel the clothes and how much like a woman I felt, getting in the car and driving over to his place added to the excitement of the evening. When he opened the door he was shocked to see me as a woman, pleasingly so I might add. After a glass of wine we went to his bedroom, I could feel his eyes all over me as I took each piece of clothing off and I felt the same satisfaction and sexual power a woman does when disrobing. Of course I did what a woman does and must say was quite good at it. I could tell it was an experience he would remember for a long, long time. Everything was great, getting dressed, driving over, our time together, redressing and driving home. As I sat on the couch with a glass of wine thinking about how everything had gone how did I feel???? Like A Woman, Great Evening. I might add as I was leaving his home and walking to the front door I sat down on his couch and asked him to come over and stand in front of me, fifteen minutes later he stepped back and I got up, we kissed at the door and I could feel the click of my heels and my dangling earrings as I walked to my car. No B.S., True Story.

I think we can all relate to the buildup, anticipation and excitement of nights like this. I've experienced the feeling many times in "guy mode" getting ready for dates, knowing what was likely going to happen at the end of the night. As a gurl, if the opportunity ever presents itself, I could see myself almost not being able to contain myself having a few cocktails while getting myself dolled up. Be it vacations, dates, all the way to something as simple as a new movie release, I have always been a "getting there is half the fun" kind of person.

[Cheryl T]

On the "One and done" question.
It's the old Grass is greener on the other side issue.
A fantasy is exciting because it is a fantasy. It is not the normal reality, it may be something forbidden that excites the mind. When that fantasy becomes reality it's rarely as good as the vision was and the search is ended.

[Micki_Finn]

Not speaking from experience, but I have a theory. I believe that a lot of the fantasy comes from unrealistic expectations. I think there are a lot of people out there who SAY they’re interested, but what they really want is a “woman with a penis” not a “gurl” or cross dresser. I think a lot of guys arent really aware that under all the makeup and shape wear, we generally have very “guy” bodies and that’s very difficult to disguise when you’re doing the naked tango. This isn’t helped by the proliferation of trans porn and gorgeous, crazy fishy models who have been on hormones since before puberty.

[Keira Bea]

Yes, I had that same fantasy. I was confused for many years on whether I was straight or bi anyway. I did finally act on it just a few years back. The first guy was a crossdresser, well we didn’t do much and he wasn’t that much into me anyway so I went home. The next day though I met a guy on the tvchix site. He lived just around the corner to me. He was not a crossdresser though, just a regular guy.

I dressed up as a chick for him, and he came round. tbh I couldn’t wait for it to be over, he was pretty rough and quite selfish with expectations. After what felt like an eternity, I immediately ran a hot bath which I guess says it all. I felt unclean. The fantasy was a lot better than reality for sure.

But again, I am now getting that urge again. But this time I want to try it with another crossdresser, well preferably somebody very convincing, more with a pre-op TG girl with hopefully developed breasts. I am thinking it might be better this time, not so rough, more of a mutual thing. Again this is a fantasy, and whether the reality will match it is still up for question with me, although I do have some doubts now. I guess if I feel the same afterwards then I really am straight, who experimented. No regrets though as at least it would finally put my mind at rest. I am rather hoping I’d love it though.

[Sherri_Christopher]

I've had the fantasy as well, JennaDcd, but haven't fulfilled it. As Teresa and Cheryl T commented, reality often falls short of fantasy, although in deebra's case, hers was exceeded! I was married for over 34 years to a wonderful woman and I did not want to cheat on her and that's the biggest reason I've never fulfilled my fantasy of having sex with a guy or gurl when crossdressed. She died from cancer back in 2017, so now I'm single again and free to seek this sort of thing out. The thing is, I'm older now, in my early 60s and not nearly as pretty as I was when I was younger. :) I CD when I'm home and haven't ventured out in years as I'm not passable, so my fantasy will probably remain a fantasy.

[Krisi]

I think we all fantasize about being the woman in a sexual relationship from time to time but it remains a fantasy. Being a straight male, I have never looked at a guy and thought "I would like to have sex with him". So in my fantasies, there might be a penis but there's no body and no face attached to it.

You asked about a stranger or a friend. I can't imagine calling a friend of mine and asking if he would have sex with me if I dressed up as a woman. And I can't imagine facing him afterwards if it actually happened. It would have to be a stranger in another town. Someone I would never run into on the street.

If you're not married or in a relationship, it's your choice. Fantasy or reality. If you choose to do it, I suggest a total stranger.

[Eboni Robinson]

I'm in almost the same boat. Crossdressing is mostly just a pure sensual and sexual pleasure and outlet for me. I've always fantasized about with another gurl too. I've had a few opportunities, but they either didn't work out or I just couldn't go through with it. I was worried about the same thing. I am attracted to feminity and generally female features. I love curves! And I'm worried once the clothes comes off, that I'm just there with a "man", especially if the wig comes off. Most of the time, I'm comfortable dressing up by myself. I've always wanted to dress with someone else. There have been a lot of great answers in this thread already. I have natural breasts, thighs, and a big bottom. I guess I'm looking for someone who matches that look. That's just what I'm attracted to. Fantasy vs reality usually doesn't work out a lot of the times. Unrealistic expectations are the downfall for a lot of people, including crossdressers like us. I try to be objective as I can, but our feelings and lust don't always want to cooperate. I'm willing to wait until the situation is as close to right as it can be. I'm not really a casual encounter gurl, so that may limit future options also. Who knows, I may be able to bend that rule for the right dresser.

[docrobbysherry]

Jenna, I had those fantasies big time. I was sure I had turned gay!:eek:

But, in time I realized there was nothing about males that I find attractive. The same can be said said about other T's. I don't like their sex parts!:thumbsdn:

The fantasies vanished at that point.

[Alenko]

I've been waiting for someone on here to share something like this. Like, I'm straight but when I continued to crossdress I've been having some really serious fantasies about my friend who I used to live with. It didn't always start like that, but they persisted when he I found out his ex was basically a crossdresser which was kind of odd considering he's straight but whatever. I just find him super manly and I find the thought of us together really hot. BUT these thoughts only happen when I'm dressed like a girl not the other way around. I suppose the idea is inciting, but I keep reminding myself that it's JUST and idea and that's it, it should stay like that. Anyway, I suppose that sounded all really gay.

[Rochal Tukque]

Your fantasies will keep you a lot more healthy than the catching.

[Rachelakld]

Stick it on your bucket list and see how it plays out.
If you have a relationship/friendship with this person, sex can complicate it (make or break the friendship), or the friendship might naturally evolve into a sexual relationship.
On the other hand a random person can bring dangers that your friend wouldn't.

[Teresa]

Reading other replies I guess this friendship becomming sexual works in any situation . If you have a lovely female friend would you want risk losing that friendship by suggesting it becomes sexual . OK the person my be attarctive to you and the thought is exciting but do you really want to risk ruining a good friendship ?

[GretchenM]

I really hate throwing water on this interesting thread, but I think some realism is needed. If you don't know the person you don't know what they are carrying around in their bodies. I am talking about STD's. Safe sex techniques are quite effective, but they are not perfect. And some of the things that are circulating around are downright deadly and incurable. They may not even know they are carrying it. Also, Jeffrey Daumers are not very abundant in this world, thankfully, but I think it is extremely important that if you go down this road you do so with someone who you really know well. I see nothing wrong with taking that road, but doing so on the basis of fulfilling a fantasy not founded in the realities of the world we live in is downright reckless, in my opinion. For your own sake, please consider these aspects carefully.

[deebra]

Alenko, "and it should stay that way" not necessarily so. My thread showed how a fantasy can become a good reality. If your friend was with a CD perhaps you should tell him you find him attractive when you are dressed as a CD and see what he says. It's hard to believe any adult "doesn't know" but if you need some pointers on how a woman performs and what your roll would be if he accepts there are tranny videos you can learn from. As has been said before on this site if you don't try it you will have missed an opportunity and may regret it the rest of your life. If it turns out good it could lead to even greater pleasure when you CD. If you have never tried it you just might like it, maybe not the first time but by continuing on you will begin to enjoy it and do your best to get very good at it. Good Example, all women have to start out inexperienced the first time and after a few time like it, why not the same for you.

[docrobbysherry]

I hate to say this, but I think deebra is correct!:heehee:

U have only one life. Try not to do things you'll regret. But, also try things while and when u can! Otherwise, those may end up becoming your biggest regrets!:doh:

[deebra]

Alenko, if Doc agreed with me you know it's got to be right. It's now up to you now that we've given you some good advise. Just ask, all he can say is yes or no but first look at some videos so you'll be ready if he says yes. Let us know. And don't feel ashame by thinking this will make you gay or bi, it's just another way males and females show affection.

[Alenko]

Alenko, if Doc agreed with me you know it's got to be right. It's now up to you now that we've given you some good advise. Just ask, all he can say is yes or no but first look at some videos so you'll be ready if he says yes. Let us know. And don't feel ashame by thinking this will make you gay or bi, it's just another way males and females show affection.
Hey ya. Yeah I could try that but I'd get really effing nervous lol Videos??

[Jenny22]

Being a sexual woman for the right man or one of us is a fantasy. I'm definitely Bi curious at my age, and would attempt experimenting under the right circumstances.

[Kate Jennings]

I have acted on my fantasies of being with men when dressed and I have been with a few T girls.

Honestly, the reality was not as good as the fantasy. Rushed situations, little passion, they all turned out to be quickies and then done. But, that doesn't mean I won't try again or that I am disillusioned.

Oddly enough, I got more out of sex with my two girlfriends that knew I dressed, when i was dressd and that was never a big fantasy.

[Tracii G]

Never really had a fantasy about being with a MtF Cder but I did hook up with one and it was awesome.
She is a lovely person and quite beautiful in female presentation.
I have never seen her in boy mode and I really wish I had because I think we could have been great friends.
Just didn't work out.
I have dated guys too in boy mode and girl mode, being gay that does help.

[ShirleyN]

"I'm someone who enjoys crossdressing purely for the sexual thrill and pleasure it brings me. I will admit I have fantasized many times about dressing up and being with another gurl. I get incredibly turned on when I'm home alone, get dressed up, and fantasize about being with another gurl."

This has been (and still is) pretty much the same situation with me, Jenna. I agree that CDing is quite erotic and sexy and I too get very turned on when I dress. I've never had any particular fantasies about being with anyone else other that other women. Just to dress up, got out and have fun with another woman would be enough for me. I also would like to act out some fantasy roleplays such as "office secretary" "french maid" etc again with a woman. but as far as I'm concerned that would be as far as I would be looking.

[Laurie A]

Not speaking from experience, but I have a theory. I believe that a lot of the fantasy comes from unrealistic expectations. I think there are a lot of people out there who SAY they’re interested, but what they really want is a “woman with a penis” not a “gurl” or cross dresser. I think a lot of guys arent really aware that under all the makeup and shape wear, we generally have very “guy” bodies and that’s very difficult to disguise when you’re doing the naked tango. This isn’t helped by the proliferation of trans porn and gorgeous, crazy fishy models who have been on hormones since before puberty.

So true! Of course, the same goes with all media presentations be it porn or mainstream, gay or hetero. Being able to manage unrealistic expectations these days seems to be more and more of a challenge for a lot of folks.

[t-girlxsophie]

Largly due to my marriage ending and thinking i was never going to find someone else,due to my being a CD I Went through a period of hook ups with guys or CDs with mixed results,with the guys i always found reality wasn't anything like I imagined but my experiences by and large with Crossdressers were much better.Of course when I met my now wife,all that was left behind

Sophie

[MonicaPVD]

So I will speak from experience, having been a previously "heteroexclusive" guy who acted many many times on that kind of fantasy. What I have found, after several dozen encounters, is that I don't enjoy most encounters (with a few exceptions, of course). My true motivation, I now understand, has always been to find acceptance. To believe that a man can find me attractive and desirable as a woman. This is a very powerful thing. Most men who are interested in a CD only see us as a sex toy and will treat us with all the dignity and respect and care of a plastic penis. Sometimes, that can be fun and exciting. Most times it's rather degrading. Especially when they *** and either run out the door in shame or throw you out as if you were trespassing on their property.

[Lacy PJs]

While my response doesn't directly answer the OP's question, I've thought a lot about fantasy vs. reality so here goes...

Since a fantasy takes place only in YOUR mind, it can be just like you want it to be. You can gloss over the parts that aren't perfect or change them to suit your... well, fantasy. While I fantasize a lot while being dressed, it's not about being with another CDer or a guy but rather about me. In my fantasies, first off, everything is perfect. My clothing "just fits." Often, I'll be dreaming about something that I even don't own... a wedding dress or maybe a really cute skater's outfit. While I don't think much about my physical body, it's perfect too. I'm not way past 6' nor do I weigh nearly as much as I do in reality; my body just somehow matches what I want it to be. Of course, all of the lingerie matches, the shoes don't hurt my feet and whatever I want to happen, happens... just the way I want it to. And, whatever I do (or don't do) is perfectly OK with my spouse. In other words, fantasy is the perfect dream world.

Reality on the other hand is just that... it's real. Your body isn't perfect; neither is your make-up. Your wig may well fall off, your heels may hurt your feet and those darn garter stocking just aren't long enough for your long legs. "IF" you were with someone else, you would no doubt have some questions about your appearance to that person and perhaps the appropriateness of your best lady-like actions. Continuing the "IF," if you were to engage in some kind of intimate activities, you would probably have some concerns about your partner's appearance, his grooming habits, body odor, what he thinks of you as a CDer and you should have some doubts about the health risks you might be taking. So even if you are Cinderella just waiting for the charming & dashing prince to sweep you off your feet, things would no doubt not be as perfect as they are in your fantasy of a similar event.

As for me, I'm perfectly content to continue living the dreams that are in my head and it won't go any farther than that. So when I dress, things may not be perfect but they are in my head and I'm "perfectly" OK with that.

Lacy PJs

[Stephanie D]

Not speaking from experience, but I have a theory. I believe that a lot of the fantasy comes from unrealistic expectations. I think there are a lot of people out there who SAY they’re interested, but what they really want is a “woman with a penis” not a “gurl” or cross dresser. I think a lot of guys arent really aware that under all the makeup and shape wear, we generally have very “guy” bodies and that’s very difficult to disguise when you’re doing the naked tango. This isn’t helped by the proliferation of trans porn and gorgeous, crazy fishy models who have been on hormones since before puberty.

I would have to say that Micki is 100% SPOT on with this...speaking for myself of course. Trying to be very respectful and not blur the lines of acceptable and distasteful wording, but I fully agree that the unrealistic perception based in fantasy (based on the countless videos online of highly modified "professional" women with a penis or very sexy men with boobs) and that only perpetuates the vast distance of fantasy and reality. It really is unrealistic for most to ever look anywhere close to a beautiful GG, but with a penis. The difference between showgirl perfection and the everyday dresser is all revealed when stepping out of the shower with nothing to hide behind.... Maybe right then and there, the fantasy for some would end. Fantasy can be perfect, but reality is real.

[BostonBrenda]

Fantasies play a big role in how we see ourselves never be shy to yourself about what you desire

[Becky Blue]

I speak from no experience but want to firstly comment to respond to the posters who say most of "us' have had those fantasies at times. I do not believe that to be the case, it certainly has not been in my case and I would say many of the girls I know have also never had any fantasies of being with Guys or other CD/Tg's. My Sexuality does not change according to how I dress.

Perhaps the reality being not as good as the fantasy could actually apply to many people fantasising about doing it with another person no matter what gender or sexual orientation.

[DaisyLawrence]

I speak from no experience but want to firstly comment to respond to the posters who say most of "us' have had those fantasies at times. I do not believe that to be the case, it certainly has not been in my case and I would say many of the girls I know have also never had any fantasies of being with Guys or other CD/Tg's. My Sexuality does not change according to how I dress.

Perhaps the reality being not as good as the fantasy could actually apply to many people fantasising about doing it with another person no matter what gender or sexual orientation.

:yt:

Fantasy is a waste of life. Reality is life. Watch porn or have sex, it's your choice.

[Michellebej]

I had this really dear friend. A GG who was very supportive of me and in fact eventually only was friends with me rather than "him". She had a very complicated sexual make up and this was made worse by having a husband who was almost exactly the polar opposite of her sexually. Though it turned out was almost a perfect match for my desires. One day she asked me if I would have a threesome with her and her husband, and of course i said "yes". The day came and while she and I were waiting for him to come home I really wondered if I would do it, though I never told her that. She told me that she wanted me to start with him and she wanted to watch and then join in. Well, he got there and came over and sat down with me and when he leaned in for a kiss, I responded as though it were the most natural thing in the world, and that is how the rest of it went. Carole, my bff never joined in. She just sat and watched us for awhile and then kissed me goodnight and went to bed. At the end it felt like the most natural thing on Earth. For her part Carole's husband loved it and Carole asked me back the next night, and the next, ect. Until one day she asked me if I would mind "taking care of her husband". Which began a seven year relationship. Some might find it strange that neither he nor I consider it gay sex. For my part I believe in my heart and soul I am a woman. I never let him near the front of my panties and he never tries. I do know he regards me the same as he regarded Carole, as a GG. though he does know better. I really think it is a very individual thing. Very much depending on where you are on the rainbow.