Keira Bea
02-12-2019, 09:25 PM
Well my sister and neice has known for a few weeks now. They are very accepting. My sister lives ten seconds from me now, so thought it is better to now be open than get caught. My SO knows too. But she lives abroad, we recently split up due to other reasons but remain best friends. She is tolerating enough to be accepting. She is still planning to visit me later in the year (friends with benefits). I am just so tired of hiding and purging.
But I finally told my mum today.
She didn’t take it quite so well, although she didn’t disown me. Not quite THAT bad.
Well, doorbell rang. I answered the door in my femme clothes knowing it was her as arranged last night. I made sure I wore casuals, no dress, and a lair of leggings, not a skirt. But her face still literally drained of blood when she saw me.
I was then given the third degree interrogation over everything. Everytime she saw something new, such as my jumper dress. My long cardie, and especially my black nail varnish she would go “Oh my GOD!” each time, like I was some beast from hell. She also said which sounded like disgusted contempt “Next you’ll be telling me you wear a bra”. Well, I didn’t really know what to say when she put it like that. It took me back to all the male shaming bullying I endured from my own brother years back. I really did feel like I was disgusting, and that angered me :sad:
But this time, I know it was just down to initial shock with my mum. She knew I wore makeup for a couple of months anyway. She even helped me choose in the store, although I told her it was to hide a facial scar, and just to improve my appearance which is partly true. After all actors and tv personalities wear makeup too.
Well, it took a while to explain why I do this. I have given her time to process it all in. She now understands better. I endured much abuse for most of my life in one form or another, and this is the result. She largely blames my brother for the bullying, and my dad for being so useless. But it’s plenty of other things too.
She is beginning to come around, and understands that it has already improved my health considerably. I have largely quit drinking alcohol at home. I became borderline alcoholic for many years. I am looking after my personal hygiene better too. I tend to take better care of myself, and am more relaxed as Keira. I should have been born a girl. Pretty certain now that my life would have been a lot happier. Too much toxic-masculinity my whole life has dramatically emasculated me.
So, now I don’t need to hide my clothes in a holdall anymore. I also don’t have to make a mad dash to change when the doorbell rings. It is such a relief.
My niece also invited me round to her flat as she had a bag full of makeup to give me. I guess it was her way of telling me she and her bf accepts me which was very sweet of her. It is a bus ride away. I decided that since I braved the coming out to my mum, I may as well keep the momentum going. I went to visit my niece as Keira Bea during broad daylight and when all the kids and teens were coming home from school, which I didn’t plan on. I was a bit nervous at first expecting young hecklers. But nobody even gave me a second glance all the way there and back. I showed my niece some of my photos. She reckoned I looked lovely in one of them, very last one though, well I did warn her that it might be a bit too much, as it was me in my leopard skin skirt, top and fishnets, bit ****ty lol. Well she still wanted to see, and admitted that I did warn her, lol. She asked me whether I wanted to be known as Keira. Well, I will let her decide. She can call me Bea if she prefers, as that sounds more close to my male name, a nice compromise.
Well, when my brother and dad finally finds out, oh boy. Hell, they always harshly judge me regardless anyway so I may as well throw some caution to the wind, and just be me now.
This has been a very significant day.
But I finally told my mum today.
She didn’t take it quite so well, although she didn’t disown me. Not quite THAT bad.
Well, doorbell rang. I answered the door in my femme clothes knowing it was her as arranged last night. I made sure I wore casuals, no dress, and a lair of leggings, not a skirt. But her face still literally drained of blood when she saw me.
I was then given the third degree interrogation over everything. Everytime she saw something new, such as my jumper dress. My long cardie, and especially my black nail varnish she would go “Oh my GOD!” each time, like I was some beast from hell. She also said which sounded like disgusted contempt “Next you’ll be telling me you wear a bra”. Well, I didn’t really know what to say when she put it like that. It took me back to all the male shaming bullying I endured from my own brother years back. I really did feel like I was disgusting, and that angered me :sad:
But this time, I know it was just down to initial shock with my mum. She knew I wore makeup for a couple of months anyway. She even helped me choose in the store, although I told her it was to hide a facial scar, and just to improve my appearance which is partly true. After all actors and tv personalities wear makeup too.
Well, it took a while to explain why I do this. I have given her time to process it all in. She now understands better. I endured much abuse for most of my life in one form or another, and this is the result. She largely blames my brother for the bullying, and my dad for being so useless. But it’s plenty of other things too.
She is beginning to come around, and understands that it has already improved my health considerably. I have largely quit drinking alcohol at home. I became borderline alcoholic for many years. I am looking after my personal hygiene better too. I tend to take better care of myself, and am more relaxed as Keira. I should have been born a girl. Pretty certain now that my life would have been a lot happier. Too much toxic-masculinity my whole life has dramatically emasculated me.
So, now I don’t need to hide my clothes in a holdall anymore. I also don’t have to make a mad dash to change when the doorbell rings. It is such a relief.
My niece also invited me round to her flat as she had a bag full of makeup to give me. I guess it was her way of telling me she and her bf accepts me which was very sweet of her. It is a bus ride away. I decided that since I braved the coming out to my mum, I may as well keep the momentum going. I went to visit my niece as Keira Bea during broad daylight and when all the kids and teens were coming home from school, which I didn’t plan on. I was a bit nervous at first expecting young hecklers. But nobody even gave me a second glance all the way there and back. I showed my niece some of my photos. She reckoned I looked lovely in one of them, very last one though, well I did warn her that it might be a bit too much, as it was me in my leopard skin skirt, top and fishnets, bit ****ty lol. Well she still wanted to see, and admitted that I did warn her, lol. She asked me whether I wanted to be known as Keira. Well, I will let her decide. She can call me Bea if she prefers, as that sounds more close to my male name, a nice compromise.
Well, when my brother and dad finally finds out, oh boy. Hell, they always harshly judge me regardless anyway so I may as well throw some caution to the wind, and just be me now.
This has been a very significant day.