Do X-wives & X-girlfriends keep our Cross dressing a Secret

[Robbiegirl]

As far as you know have your Xs kept the fact that you liked to wear women's clothing a secret ?

I guess the only way you would know for sure is if someone told you or asked you if the rumor was true. Then what do you do, deny it and then who will they probably believe ?

The situation I am really most curious about is X-girlfriends. We are all in agreement that Honesty is the best policy, and have been encouraged by the Ladies on this Board to tell women very early in the relationship. I have heard many of you say you did this and it turned out Great . What I haven't really heard of is stories where the woman can't handle the crossdressing and breaks things off. What does she tell her friends when they ask what happened ?

Do you think a woman would tell her gal pals about a guy crossdressing ? I think women understand this is pretty embarrassing for guys ?

I am not trying to judge the women involved, just trying to find out what the likely scenario is when a relationship doesn't work out

Any experiences or thoughts would be appreciated

[GaleWarning]

I know that one ex-girlfriend of mine told a (former) work colleague of mine.
She was gobsmacked!
I'm half a world away right now and haven't seen either of them in years.

I should add that it was not done maliciously. More as a passing comment during the course of a conversation.
She did inform me and apologize.

[Beverley Sims]

My four X housemates have shared the adventures with a number of their friends, most have been eager to meet me, years later and swap mamories of some of the adventures we had back then.

Others have not been interested but there has never been a negative reaction

[docrobbysherry]

My ex hasn't. However, she's paranoid someone will "come after us" if folks know I dress!:eek:

And, I still live with our youngest daughter.

[Crissy 107]

I fortunately have no first hand experience with this but my thought is if the breakup is bad there may be no limits on who they tell. On the other hand if the split was not about CD’ing and you were still somewhat friends the damage may be much less or even possibly none.
Vindictive ex friends, put them in the no limits category.

[Jenny22]

Beverly, your "years later and swap mamories" made me wonder if they were foam or silicone. Sorry! I couldn't resist.

[Steph_CD_62]

I know my ex-wife moved away 1500 miles, but still managed to tell people.

I had a strange phone call from one of her friends out where she was now leaving asking me if I wore women's clothing, I told him yes I did.

Also the god-father of our daughter asked me point blank one time while we were at the bar, because he had heard it from someone we both knew. I neither denied or admitted to it.

So it is hard to tell how many people my ex-wife told, and how many people in the small town I live in knows about my crossdressing.

[Cheryl T]

Only 1 Ex girlfriend ever knew.
I'm 100% certain she never told anyone. We were almost married, but things interfered and yet we remained closer friends than I can say.
She carried my secret to her grave and I still carry her deepest secret in the same way.

[Robbiegirl]

I know my ex-wife moved away 1500 miles, but still managed to tell people.

I had a strange phone call from one of her friends out where she was now leaving asking me if I wore women's clothing, I told him yes I did.

Also the god-father of our daughter asked me point blank one time while we were at the bar, because he had heard it from someone we both knew. I neither denied or admitted to it.

So it is hard to tell how many people my ex-wife told, and how many people in the small town I live in knows about my crossdressing.

Do you happen to remember why you even replied to this strange guy and then what his response was ?

[beckypanties]

As far as I know, yes. However, knowing my first wife, I am sure she would have told her family and anyone else who would listen, including my family. Nobody ever said anything to me to indicate that they knew.

[LIKETODRESS2]

NOt that I know of I only had 4 gf that knew about my dressing and 3 I don't talk to and my current gf. I never had any one say anything to me about it so I think I am safe

[Joni T]

My ex told everybody about it before we were ex's. Some accepted it and the ones that didn't, well, life was better without them any way.
Jon

[Diane Taylor]

Both my ex wife and my current girlfriend have told others. I have no problem with it because the more that know the lesser the burden we carry around with us.

[susan54]

There is another rather sad aspect of this we do not consider. When my mither was living in my house I just told her so I could wear what I wanted and she was fine with it. Some years later she went to live with my brother and his wife and developed dementia. An ex who is much younger than me who knew developed pre-senile dementia and we have quite a few friends in common. When this happens people no longer have control over what they tell. But nothing has come of either so maybe discretion is maintained when this happens. Or maybe they are not believed. The problem here is theirs not ours and I feel so sorry this has happened to them.

[Marcia Blue]

My ex-wife told several people after our divorce, most just blew her off. Then 5 years later, she published pictures of me dressed, in the personals of the local paper.
I told people it was a Halloween costume.

[alwayshave]

Sadly, I always knew my ex-wife was manipulative, so never let he know about this aspect of me. I am so happy I did not, she would have used it against me for sure.

[Eemz]

> if the breakup is bad there may be no limits

If an ex really wants to hurt you and is angry enough, then nothing is off limits. People use their kids, they use money, sex, power & influence, you name it.

That said, your ex also knows that outing someone as a CD is a big thing to do, and hopefully you're not involved with someone who would do that lightly. I would also ask myself - is this the only thing in the world that your ex knows about you that you wouldn't want spread all over the neighborhood? Probably not. Relationships are always a risk in that sense, CD or not. So ya. I don't know where I'm going with this post, just thinking out loud really.

[Teresa]

Robbie,
I feel that is part of my wife's problem , even though we have separated she's choosing not to tell people and it's festering in her mind , what's making things worse is knowing my daughter no only knows but had been out with me . She will struggle to come to terms with me being TG until she openly tells people , in fact the best thing she can do now is se me possibly just the once .At the moment she is being unfair to my daughter by asking her what I look like , that's putting my daughter in a very awkward situation , what can she truly say ?

Obviously all your points relate to what we assume people will think . If my wife openly tells people I'm TG , they will stop trying to appease her and even lie to her , they tell her what she wants to hear but it's not always the truth .

There is a subtle difference in your wording as you talk about a crossdesser and I'm talking about being openly TG . So it's far more unlikely a woman will say anything if the CDer is firmly in the closet , in that case everyone is entitled to keep their privacy and secrets and maybe it would be unfair to expose him .

The one good point about my sitaution is she can't use it as a weapon against me , in fact it's the reverse I could use it as leverage against her but there's no point I'm not doing it to intentionally upset her .

[Robbiegirl]

My ex-wife told several people after our divorce, most just blew her off. Then 5 years later, she published pictures of me dressed, in the personals of the local paper.
I told people it was a Halloween costume.

OMG ! Maria, why would she do that to you ? After 5 Years ! I am in shock !

[Alice B]

Itold my first wife that I was a cross dresser many years later. I was not when we we were married. She was very supportative and even invited me to her house dressed as Alice. She loved it and even offered me a wig that she had. Not my style. We have remained friends

[nvlady]

I'm sure my ex-wife told as many of my friends as she could. None of my friends, being the friends they are, have ever said one word to me about it.

[Anna Stouf]

Robbie,
In your thread about nightgowns I mentioned that I have been married and divorced 4 times. All of my wives told other people about my crossdressing. Here's the breakdown:

Wifey #1: This was at the beginning of the 1970's. It was a different world then. Yeah, she told people about me but it didn't mean much. Everyone saw a cycadellic (don't know how to spell it) world then. Besides, I probably had more on her because she was Bi and I came home one time and caught her with her GF.

Wifey #2: This marriage lasted over 24 years. We were very close and she knew about my CDing. She was okay with it but not overly thrilled. The marriage ended for other reasons, not CDing. She told her sister and brother in order to save face and make it look like everything was my fault and not hers.

Wifey #3: This marriage lasted 7 years. When we broke up, she told everybody and tried to cause me as much trouble as she could. I was called a pervert, and other mean and nasty things, by several members of her family. Funny thing though, CDing means nothing in divorce court. They won't even consider it.

Wifey #4: This marriage was only 4 years. She was a wonderful person and I still miss her today. We broke up for other reasons but she still used the CDing to save face for herself. She told members of her family but they didn't try to cause any trouble. They are very high class people.

One of the things I have learned in my 75 years on this planet is that crossdressing is almost never the root cause of a divorce. However, it is often the trigger, or straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. And the wife will often try to use it as leverage, either to make herself look innocent or for some other kind of gain, such as alimony, or child visitation, etc, etc.

So there you have it. Today, at 75 yrs old, I live alone and have been for six years. It's a lonely life and I'm sad and depressed sometimes, but I'll be okay.

On the positive side, I have a whole closet full of women's cloths and nobody tells me what, or what not, to do.

[SaraLin]

I had an Ex tell everyone within shouting distance about me. Several people came and said something like "Your Ex is saying all kinds of bad things about you..." Or "she's telling everyone that you want to be a girl." I'd just shrug and "keep on keeping on", as the saying goes.

Interestingly enough, NOBODY asked me if the stories were true - and nobody acted differently towards me either.

I think most of the people who heard the rumors just ignored them, since they knew she'd been playing "bed-sheet bingo" behind my back for quite a while - and figured she was just trying to duck the blame.

She ended up leaving the state, and my life went on as usual - minus the pain/drama she caused.

[Jillian Faith]

My ex wife told several of her family members during our divorce. My current wife shared it in a counseling session with my permission.

[CarlaWestin]

The Parasite dressed me up and took pictures pretending to be OK with it all. Then used it all in her divorce.
Things haven't really gone well for her.

[Rhonda Jean]

From my experience, they do not keep it a secret. Quite the opposite.

[Bobbi46]

Hell hath no fury as the saying goes, both of my ex'es when wound up could really have a go, having said that when it comes to splitting up I dont think any secret would be kept, it all comes out in the end whether used malicously in a divorce or intended to damage friends whichever way it gets messy.

[Krisi]

It depends on the woman and the reason for the breakup, but you can never be sure she won't tell. You can deny it of course unless she has photos. In general, I would assume that an ex wife will tell.

[LauraJane]

My ex listed it in the divorce papers as a power move. She told some people, they discussed it in email. I know because I was a better IT person then her. Eleven years later, no one has ever said anything about it to me.

[Asew]

None of my exes know, But my wife's friends know, and seems like most of the women have told others and none of the men from what I could tell.

[Stephanie47]

I don't have any personal experience with ex-wives spreading knowledge of my cross dressing. Maybe, decades ago she may have confided in her cousin. If so, nothing has been said or her actions towards me changed. My wife around the time we had "The Talk" told me she would spread the information if we ever got divorced. For what it was worth she was using that information so we would not get divorced. She wasn't going to let her husband go off. Later, she said if we were to get divorced she would not tell anyone. So, in actuality she was using this personal information to keep her husband. She also said it would be "two faced" for her to dump me for cross dressing when I openly accepted her with a somewhat sordid past. She also said she wished she had not owned up to her past even though I did not ask her about her past. And, after almost fifty years of marriage have never asked her about it. If it did not mean anything back then, it certainly does not mean anything since.

She asked me once why I did not tell her about my interest in wearing women's clothing or past experiences which were minimal; kid messing around in his mother's lingerie. My interest was rekindled years later after we were married. I asked her if she remember the conversation she had with her cousin about the married couple who lived down the street. Nice couple. No kids yet. Had designs to build a dream home on a large lot in the immediate neighborhood. The wife worked with my wife's cousin. Well, turned out he liked to wear women's clothing. Dumped him. Obviously used that information against him. The conversation at the kitchen table made it sound as if any man who wore women's clothing was a pervert. I asked my wife why would you expect me to tell you after hearing the two of you talk. They were not filleting a fish. But, it was obvious a man wearing women's clothing was not normal. Years later when we had "The Talk" I asked my wife if she remembered her talk with her cousin. Nope! Did not even remember the married couple. I definitely remember.

I always considered it "The nuclear option" to be held over the guy's head.

[Glenda58]

My Ex told her new husband and try to black mail me for more money. Told her to go ahead and try and I'll have everything she owns in a law suit.

[Taylor186]

My ex-wife told several people after our divorce but even today, after 25+ years apart and living in the same small town, no one has said anything to me. If others know (and I'm sure some do) and/or care they have kept it to themselves. I will add we share almost no friends today. Not by design, it's just how different we were as a couple.

[Ressie]

DADT isn't just between you and your spouse. I'm sure a few of my friends (and possibly family members) have been told by one ex or another. They just haven't chosen to ask me about it and I have no reason to tell.

1. Women have a hard time keeping something like this a secret.
2. If they feel hurt or slighted about the relationship ending, they're very likely to make your dressing part of their rant. And who knows how many people they might share it with?

[RADER]

My first wife told about every one she could, I bet she would have put it in the News Paper if she could.
After a while, it all back-lashed on her. Nobody saw me dressed, so they did not believe her.
Rader

[rhonda]

I think the answer is definite yes

[Steph_CD_62]

Do you happen to remember why you even replied to this strange guy and then what his response was ?

For some reason my ex-wife gave this guy my phone number. I think I stunned him when I admitted to it

[Robertacd]

I only told one of my old girlfriends that was over 25 years ago and far as I know she took my secret to her much too young grave.

I don't plan on ever finding out if my wife tells anyone

[CarlaWestin]

My Ex told her new husband and try to black mail me for more money. Told her to go ahead and try and I'll have everything she owns in a law suit.

This is when narrow minded people learn how little anyone cares about crossdressing and their malicious slander is judged harshly.

[Bobbi Lynn]

One of the things I have learned in my 75 years on this planet is that crossdressing is almost never the root cause of a divorce.
In my case CDing was exactly the cause of my divorce. As I found out later on my first wife could not stand it but didn't really let me know that. As it turns out she really "messed me over" fill in your own words for that. And as it turns out now my present wife has had a change of heart and doesn't like the CDing now either. But...as I have been on this mud ball for the last 75 years too it looks like stuck here till the end.

[Lexigurl]

This is an interesting topic and depends on the SO.

My ex-wife knew about my dressing before we married and was intermittently supportive, mostly not. I was closeted and she knew that it was my deepest, darkest secret (then). Our marriage broke down for far worse irreconcilable differences. Once the attorneys got involved, it started to go a little south. Her attorney sprung it on me, threatened to put it out in open court, and put it in the newspaper (um, OK, I'm sure they'll print that as news). The open court part was real enough though. My attorney was appalled but not surprised and said she had defended many crossdressers. It was unexpected and shocking to me. My secret was now known by two people I had only met one other time, and one of them had it in for me. I was livid with my soon-to-be Ex for that.

The only thing I could think to do or felt like doing is to own being the one to tell others in my life so that it wouldn't consume me with anxiety about trying to keep a lid on it.

Within a few days, I told my immediate family, my very closest male friends, and a few close female friends at work. My girlfriend at the time already knew. Everyone was angry at my soon-to-be Ex, and was supportive of me. What I found was, no one cared. It wasn't the major issue I thought it would be and was hardly ever mentioned again.

Thankfully, we settled the case so the threat didn't go any farther. My Ex is a co-parent and we are cordial, but because of that, she will never be a trustworthy friend to me again.

[Billie Jean]

Not really sure if my ex told anyone or not but then I don't care. Billie Jean

[JenX]

I'm not sure if the ex g/f ever told anyone as we no longer communicate.

[TheHiddenMe]

I have three exes who knew I had an interest.

One I haven't talked to in over 25 years. I have no idea what she might have said.

A second lives locally and we went to a ball game together last year (we hadn't seen each other for at least 15 years but got connected via Facebook. She didn't ask me when we got together and I didn't volunteer.

A third is now a FB connection too. I accidentally sent a picture of me as a story, instead of Messenger, and she saw it. She immediately wanted to see pictures and so I have sent many to her since then (the last 6 months), including the pictures from my outing two days ago.

One of my GG friends (who I met as Dee) has shown her mom pictures of Dee, and another GG friend has shown pictures of me to her daughter's.

As time goes on, I worry less and less about people finding out.

[Lara A]

I am sure my ex told people over the years, but so be it. I cannot change that, so I have gotten over it! We still talk sometimes, and she already told most people when we were together anyway!

[sometimes_miss]

I really have no idea. Upon the divorce 20 years ago, I changed jobs, paid her blackmail, and moved out of the area. I can only hope that there is honor in living up to an agreement; after all, she took almost everything I had. Saw her once 17 years ago, conversation was limited to two sentences.

Years later, I met one of her close personal friends once at another job, we spoke for a while, she gave no impression that she knew.

I learned my lesson. Never again. The number of people it takes to keep a secret? ONE.

[Jill_cd]

My ex-wife wanted the divorce and found a new husband. Anyway, I went over to see my son and met her new mother-in-law. I was very polite, but she looked at me and said, "I've heard some very interesting stories about you." OK, whatever.

[Beverley Sims]

Beverly, your "years later and swap mamories" made me wonder if they were foam or silicone. Sorry! I couldn't resist.

Jenny,

N.A.S.A. had not invented silicone adhesive at the time, well actually they had but it was still a secret.

I did have a couple of pairs of foam forms with a fomed nipple on them and these caused a sensation as they were new even then.

I had them from a movie prop and they soon dereriorated, crumbled to dust.

They cost twenty dollars in 1970.

Cotton wool was all the go then and later fiber fill insulation was good as it did not compact like cotton wool.

If you copped a feel with cotton wool it would eventually compact down, so lots of fresh cotton wool was needed to combat the feeling and squeezy hands you had to endure.

Maybe that is why I always seem to have cotton wool in my mouth these days if I am caught out. :-)

[ReineD]

I think it depends on whether the breakup was friendly or not. When things get ugly, people behave in an ugly manner. But if the couple remain friends, I can see where an appeal for continued privacy would work.

[Jodi Yardley]

I just recently told a old girlfriend (hs times) about my dressing, we have stayed in touch over all the years. She says and seems she is supportive so I trust her to keep the "secret" I confided in her.

[daphne g]

Years ago my wife and I split up and after a while she went in to mental hospital ,so my son came to live with me.after she came out a couple of years later she wanted my son to go back to her to which I said no.a long and stressful legal battle started with social services involved for my boy.in the end my x came out with my secret but I owned it no problem
My lawyer and social services found no problem with it either and in court she started shouting about it and the judge told her to be quiet it had no relevance here.

[Nikki A.]

Wife one knew and I think she did tell some people, but that was a long time ago and it was people that I never really had any contact with afterwards. My second wife knew, but it stayed our secret until she passed away.

[Faith Noel]

NO! It actually back fired on her.

[Robbiegirl]

Faith can you say abit more about how it all worked out ?

Thanks

[Angie G]

The only woman that knows I dress is my wife so I'm safe there. :hugs:
Angie

[Sabrina133]

don't know about x-wife or x-girlfriend but i know my x-boyfriend didn't. And yes, ours was an ugly breakup. He sent pictures we had taken to my firm. Got fired over it.

[Marcia Blue]

OMG ! Maria, why would she do that to you ? After 5 Years ! I am in shock !

My ex-is very vindictive, she has never let anything go with anyone.
She even assaulted her second husband after they were divorced. He was seeing someone she knew.This made her angry. My ex was was convicted of attempted murder, after the assault of her second ex.

[Majella St Gerard]

I'm sure my ex wife told a bunch of people after I left town, don't care now, I'm O-U-T.

[Amber Love]

Mine sure didn’t. I was caught dressed by my mother in law and she told my wife. Simply stated 3 months later divorced and had to move as they told everyone. Oh well life goes on. Amber

[Crissy 107]

Marcia Blue, Your ex being very vindictive is certainly an understatement since she was convicted of attempted murder on another ex. Lucky for you she is an ex and you are ok.

[alice one day]

I had a GF just after my divorce who really opened my eyes to all sorts of sexual activities. She used to buy me hold ups and lingerie. When we broke up she trashed my house and ran up and down the street calling me a pervert. She then came back later that night and started hammering on the door, waking all the neighbours calling me a cross dressing pervert. She left after I called the police. I moved shortly afterwards!

[CallmeAlice]

I had one ex that knew, we didn't really have a bad break up or anything and we remained friends for awhile but as far as I know she hasn't told anyone. But if she did it wouldn't really bother or effect me as she moved far away.

[Robbiegirl]

Mine sure didn’t. I was caught dressed by my mother in law and she told my wife. Simply stated 3 months later divorced and had to move as they told everyone. Oh well life goes on. Amber

So sorry that sounds awful !

Wow Your Mother in law ! Now that would be awkward ! How did that discussion go ???

[Mykaa]

my ex didnt, she also told our oldest, spent several years with much unpleasantness. However I survived all the worst, my ex and I are getting along now and our 2 kids are living with me at the moment. Im still amazed how quickly life changes.

[Kate Jennings]

I have no specific proof my ex-girlfriend told anyone about my dressing, but, I did have a friend of her's run into me and out of the blue he started talking about his interest in men and CDs...He and I barely knew each other before...I'm wondering if one day, we will come to know each other better?!

[StevieTV]

I used to have a best female friend. She asked me when she asked me to be a bridesmaid for her. I said yes. She then started to tell everyone...her new husband, friends we both knew and her family. It seemed I was the juicy gossip of the century. I became depressed that she would do that and the last we spoke she said "you told me you were ok with it". Well I was, with telling her not her immediate circle. We had a different disagreement later on and are no longer speaking to each other. It's been almost 20 years. I no longer care and I'm out to anyone that asks, but at that time she really disappointed me.

[HollyGreene]

I'm pretty sure that one ex girlfriend told her subsequent partner. I met him once, and he couldn't stop grinning, which I thought was a strange reaction to meeting his partner's ex, so I suspect he knew.
We had no other common friends, and we live in different cities, so I don't think it would have spread any further.