So my S.O. wants to talk about secrets

[Michelle I]

I don't know where to start, my wife is very aware of my crossdressing. She has bought some items for me, has folded some of my femme underware during wash day. She has seen the Lane Bryant bill, my makeup and my closet. She will not talk about it or does not want to see Melissa.

But last night as she was going to bed and I was on the computer (actually looking at new cars), she stopped and want to know what I was looking at. I told I was researching cars for our son. She then said "what else were you looking at?", I said just things- I had not been to this wonderful site yet. She again wanted to know what I was looking at before she came in, again I said nothing really. With that she kissed me goodnight and went to bed, muttering loud enough that I could hear- "secrets, always secrets".

I have been confused in the past with her and my dressing. I really want to be more open but I can not read her moods and what she is looking for. So my question is- should I tell her what I am looking at. I have been thinking about this and have almost given her the address to this site. I dont know if she would use it or not, but I really would like her to see the wonderful people on here and maybe be able to talk to a GG or two.
Any ideas??

[Deborah]

Well if you never clean out your cookies and history folder 99.9% chance she already knows about this place and was wondering if you were going to tell her.
Then again...maybe not. :)

[Sophia Rearen]

I'll tell you my "secrets". How do I tell you so you don't become upset?

[Julie York]

You've been rumbled. She knows about the crossdressing anyway so you say. What she hasn't said is she knows something else, history file on the computer etc etc etc.

She's been through something, pockets, bills, computer, and is waiting for you to confess now she has given you the clue that she knows something.



Yeehaaa for singles.:thumbsup:

[Sophia Rearen]

Yeehaaa for singles.:thumbsup:


LOL!

[Deborah]

You've been rumbled.

She's been through something, pockets, bills, computer, and is waiting for you to confess now she has given you the clue that she knows something.

Yeehaaa for singles.:thumbsup:

:werd:

[Donna tv]

The same thing here Melissa. My wife has no problem with Donna we have had many play times together. I know she knows that I have shopped on line for clothes but has never really asked me anything about what I may be looking at on line. I too would love for her to be a member here and be able to be more open about things but even after all these many years together I still get a little embarressed about dressing in front of her. I think she feels like I keep many secrets from her as well . Honestly me being a member here and exploring many of the cd'ing sites are the only secrets I have.

[trannie T]

By all means show her this site. Probably her imagination has her thinking you're on something really bizarre. There is hardly anything on here you wouldn't want to share with her. It may help your relationship.

[Janelle Young]

Hi Melissa

My gut feeling is that she knows or suspects something. I think she thinks you are hiding something from her. That may or not be the case but reality does not matter. Her perception of reality is what matters. If she thinks you are hiding something from her that will be a problem from her point of view. As she already knows about your dressing, what can be gained by not being honest. The 'just things' comment that may have got her thinking... just what is he looking at? I say tell her.

[CharlaineCadence]

You need to communicate with her. just be open with her show her the site express your fears. open up to her and be honest. she most likely knows and want you to tell her and not keep things from her. If you share this and other sites you visit it will improve your relationship because she will see your sincearness. Remeber she loves you but is scared to. this life style breeds rummers and fears. Settle them eary not later.
Char

[Charlene Marie]

Take it from someone who has been there. If you love her, tell her all about it. tell her when the two of you are alone and will be for a few hours. No matter what happens, you owe this to her, and you might be surprised at how she will react. She knows something isnt quite right anyway, and she might be thinking something worse than the reality of you being a crossdresser. I told my wife 24 years ago, and we are still happily married going on 26 years. We have all been where you are and overwelmingly we agree, honesty is the best for both of you. Good Luck and thankyou for being so straightforward and honest.

Sincerely,

Charlene Marie

[carol ann]

I would at least ask her what she mean't when she muttered 'secrets' . if she wants to bring it inot the open , surely that can only be a good thing.

My wife found my things and asked me about them - I told her -she gave my clothes back to me and has never mentioned it since - it is quite obvious that she doesn't want dressing to be part of our life together - I accept that but at least it isn't a guilty secret between us.

[Julie Avery]

I think that one thing that ruins first marriages is becoming too comfy with each other and losing that "edge" that comes from remaining vulnerable to each other.

[Colleen]

my wife asked what I look at and I tell her the truth my classic car forum ,Elise Suttons ,s The Crossdressers Forum and if I want to Porn.Ive been married to long to not be honest with her and myself most of all.She can also Google anything she wants too .

[Rikkicn]

Thee have been lots of storied in the press that men look at porn and keep it a secret. Perhaps this is where she's going with this.
Rikki

[SherriePall]

Melissa -- I'm in pretty much the same boat as you. She has tried to catch me on the computer because she hears me typing away. Don't know if she thinks it's a porn chatroom or what. I hesitate telling her because then she'll want to see and then she'll want to know which one is me and then I'll be in trouble for what I've written.

[Aloha_Dana]

Melissa, You are hiding something, and something very important. You said so yourself (referencing this site). I am in your boat at this time as well - we have a similar situation going on w/the wife who doesn't want to participate. But it sounds like she is getting a little insecure. Probably justifyable (sp?).

If you are in my boat, I hit other sites too, looking for friends, affirmation, just someone to relate to. Point being more than this site - she sees all kinds of Internet sites and possibly is questioning your motives. What are they? You need to ask yourself that hard question. Girl, I'm trying here to convince myself to follow my own preaching here, so please forgive my harsh words.

You gotto talk to her. It is OK for you to seek out friends and to chat and to look for assurances. It would be OK for her to come to this site, if she wants to. But you have to offer it to her. Fess up. If she doesn't want to participate, then that is her decision, but at least you are honest. You have to be. You have to be honest and to allow the dialog to be open for the time when/if she wants to talk.

Best of luck,
Dana

P.s. a note about myself, I cover my tracks about which sites I've been to. This in itself is an indicator that I've been somewhere where that I feel she is not comfortable with. Am I hiding something, yes. Am I protecting her because she doesn't want to participate, yes. Death Trap. But I'm trying...

[Barb Valentine]

Can't talk now have to clean out my cookies
( sorry I'm just being silly ) :D

[Lilith Moon]

Melissa -- I'm in pretty much the same boat as you. She has tried to catch me on the computer because she hears me typing away. Don't know if she thinks it's a porn chatroom or what. I hesitate telling her because then she'll want to see and then she'll want to know which one is me and then I'll be in trouble for what I've written.
Yes, I have that hurdle to jump if I can ever persuade my wife to come here. I haven't written anything that is so dreadful, just stuff I would rather tell her myself. I think a change of avatar and maybe rejoin with a different sig would be enough. After all, most messages get buried very quickly with the amount of traffic on this site. Of course, it is possible to list and delete our own messages, but there are still the quotes in other people’s messages to consider.

[Kimberley]

Melissa -- I'm in pretty much the same boat as you. She has tried to catch me on the computer because she hears me typing away. Don't know if she thinks it's a porn chatroom or what. I hesitate telling her because then she'll want to see and then she'll want to know which one is me and then I'll be in trouble for what I've written.
***********
Sherrie, I agree. Some of us (myself included) have written things that our wives choose not to know about. For them to come here would be devastating to them.

Okay before I jumped by a GG here, remember that it is their choice to not want to know, not ours. For that we do need an outlet and this is a good place.

Kimberley

[Lisa Baby]

I recently wrote the following t a new friend whom I have already told about my dressing. You may want to consider giving your wife something simular.

"If you would like to know more about my "feminine" side, you might check out the web site, CrossDressers.com. My user name there is also JLB1955. You may enter as a "guest" and browse the site at your leisure. You can also search the site for all of the threads, (1), and posts, (100+) that I have left there. Most of them are rather inconsequential and unimportant. But there are a few peeks at the inner me hidden among the other stuff."

She would then have the choice of looking or not.

Lisa

[nikisbest]

If she knows about the dressing, what is the problem with her
knowing what sites you go too. My computer is in my master bedroom, so
she sees every site I go too. As far as the cookies and temporary internet
files, my wife and I are both computer nuts, so wouldnt even attempt to hide anything. I will always say honesty is the best policy. Why even start to lie or keep secrets, one leads to another. So just be honest and take your lumps.
0.02Niki

[bobbipoet]

it is scary to open up completely to someone, but my guess is that, since she asked, you should go ahead and do it.

She will - probably - so appreciate the fact that you have opened up to her that she will really appreciate it, although perhaps not at first. I would recommend that you not react very strongly to any initial "shock" or surprise that she might have at first - an emotional reaction is both likely and healthy, so allow her to have whatever initial reaction she has - she will probably need a little time to process whatever you tell her.

Of course, ha ha, I have no idea what additional "secrets" you might have, but if its all about crossdressing and exploring websites for info and understanding,I think you'll be okay. An internet porn addiction might be another story.

[Sarah Rabbit]

Melissa -- I'm in pretty much the same boat as you. She has tried to catch me on the computer because she hears me typing away. Don't know if she thinks it's a porn chatroom or what. I hesitate telling her because then she'll want to see and then she'll want to know which one is me and then I'll be in trouble for what I've written.

My wife knows about this site she knows my user name. To my knowledge she has not been here. But I do worry about some of the things I have written and wonder what she would make of the comments. However, I feel to hide the site and my username would have been a mistake as it would have shown a lack of trust.Perhaps the fact I told her gives her no reason to go looking

Hugs, Sarah R. :bunny:

[Ashley in Virginia]

Why not sit her down with you and look at it together. Better to show her and allow her to ask and make comments, than to have her finding it on her own and flipping out because she doesnt understand.

[Michelle I]

Thanks to all for the advise, I do not have a problem with her seeing what I am looking at> I do not go to porn site or have those secret accounts that cost money.

We talked a little last night, she really did not seem interested in what I had to say. I will keep trying to get her with me at her side to this site just to let her see how great everyone here is.

Melissa

[Julie Avery]

As a female character on the hilarious BBC comedy "'Allo 'Allo" said, "Listen very carefully, I will say this only once."

If crossdressing is something you need to do from the core of your being. If your children are grown. If you've made every effort to be honest with your partner. If you've self-consciously avoided falling into the "I need you to have a relationship with me which is all about what I want" trap that can happen to CD's. If your partner has a good source of income and hasn't spent the years keeping your house and raising your children while sacrificing getting ahead in the world of work. If your partner is just cold to something that's essential to honest intimacy on your part.

If you can answer yes to all the above, I recommend getting out of the relationship.

[Deborah]

As a female character on the hilarious BBC comedy "'Allo 'Allo" said, "Listen very carefully, I will say this only once."


Loved Michelle lol. Great show. Since i live in the states now i haven't heard or seen anything on it in years :(.

[Julie Avery]

Loved Michelle lol. Great show. Since i live in the states now i haven't heard or seen anything on it in years :(.

It's available on DVD, at least the first few years, and I'm a delighted owner ;)

I *thought* it was Michelle who said that but wasn't gonna type it, 'cause Gordon Kaye (who is gay and out about it in real life) had so many women fawning over him in that show. LOL!

[size7satin]

That old saying CATCH 22

Most SO's don't want to learn or be a part of what we are and tell you to keep it away from them.......

Then when you do as they ask then you are hiding a secret......

U2 said it best ............"They ask me to reveal The very thoughts they would conceal"...........


I'm so glad I dont have that in my life anymore.

Best of luck