So... my hair

[Aunt Kelly]

I've always been less than happy with wigs. More than anything else, they have felt like a costume whenever I'm out. So without much thought about what I'd to about it, I started letting my hair grow, from what my barber would call "a businessman's cut", to rather shaggy mess in three months. And yesterday I made an appointment with a wonderful stylist who specializes in serving a "folically challenged" clientele, those suffering from hair loss from things like chemotherapy, alopecia, and transgender ladies who've had too many birthdays. She's been a friend of the community for many years, so I knew I would be in good hands.

Today, when I sat down in her chair, I was not expecting miracles , and told her so. My hair is definitely thinning in front, and as I said, only three months longer than usual. I added that all options were on the table, save for coloring. Long story short, I got a style that was unmistakably feminine. I wish I could explain what a difference it made. It's not really confidence that it engendered, but more like comfort. I don't mean physical comfort, though that was huge improvement. I mean in how much easier it felt to be out and interacting with people. It seemed like the looks were more understanding, more direct, more genuine, all because I'd removed that part of the "costume". Again, I am at a loss for words that adequately describe it, but it was definitely a new, and very positive feeling.

[Nadine Spirit]

Good for you! I'm jealous. I've resigned myself to the wig lifestyle and am trying to embrace it. My own hair is way too thin on top, and too far back to do anything with. Most likely it is too far gone even for surgical help. Ah well! Thus the embrace part of wigs. I have many. Some short, some long. I will also use spray in color that my students love. Most people are a bit confused at first and ask if I get extensions or something as they are confused how my hair can change so often, so apparently my wigs looks pretty darn good! I'm fortunate to have something that can work well for me. But I'm still sad about the state of my own hair, and thus, yes, I'm jealous!

[Teresa]

Kelly,
I have to admit I'm in Nadine's situation . It would be a total misconception if I thought my own hair could look remotely feminine . I just don't have the budget for hair implants as there is too large an area to cover .

I look at it slightly differently , not so much as a costume piece but in the same situation as GGs suffering hair loss during and after cancer treatment , many need to get their femininity back to boost their confidence to face the World . The answer for us if we have little choice is to find a good outlet and choose carefully . I honestly never thought I could live with a wig on a daily basis, thankfully the high end wigs are so light and breathable I hardly notice . The added bonus for me now is it covers my hearing aids , OK that's vanity for you . It does make me smile to think what would we hang all these aids off ( glasses , hearing aids ) if we didn't have noses and ears .

The debate about real hair versus a wig is an interesting one . Real hair is obviously more authentic but I know several who can't dress full time and it poses tricky problems at times . I know I can pop my wig off at night and carefully wash it , leave it overnight and brush it through in the morning and I'm good to go , if I choose to I can go out with a totally different style and colour , although I have been advised against that . The point being once you go full time you have to build up your identity so the regular people you meet feel comfortable epecially in a work environment .

I would love to have my own wonderful crowning glory lets not make any mistakes about that.

[Dorit]

I will offer my experience as a full time transexusal that has always has to wear a wig. While I would prefer my own hair, wearing a wig does not make me less a woman. 99% of the wigs sold are to GGs! There are millions of women out there with wigs for whatever reasons and we just can't see it. The quality wigs I wear are practically indistinguishable from real hair, even close up. I get loads of compliments on my hair!:)

[Selene EV]

After a lifetime of dressing I finally bought my first wig last November. I put it on once and just like you it felt like a costume. I just didn't feel comfortable at all. So I had my last regular guy haircut in November. I still have most ot my hair so I just let it grow for 3 months. I found really nice trans girl hairdresser not to far away and got cleaned up last month. I'm not sure how long I'm gonna let it get but it feels great having longer hair.

[pamela7]

I found the same, Kelly, when i started to grow mine and had the first cut - I literally floated back up the high street!!!

[JeanTG]

I am folically challenged as well and beyond the point where transplants, etc., could work. So it's wigs. And I have to admit the few times I considered transition, I was put of mostly for this reason. It's not that a wig makes me feel any less feminine; I had an aunt who had to wear a wig all her life because of alopecia. It's that wigs are so darned *uncomfortable* especially in summer. How do you gals live with that? I itch, I overheat, I sweat and I just become miserable. Last time it happened, last summer, I gave up dressing for 6 months out of frustration. So I've resigned myself to part-time femininity, i.e. dressing when the weather is cool enough for a wig. Suggestions short of a beanie with a propeller on top???

I'm pretty certain by now that I won't fully transition, but the ability to comfortably dress even in hot weather would be most welcome, dressing on a fairly regular basis is how I cope with my dysphoria.

[Melanie Moxon]

I know what you mean, it would have been easy for me to transition a year ago if I wanted to wear a wig every day - I didn't want to do that, as you say it feels a bit like a costume.

I started growing it out in december 2017 and so far it looks a bit Doc Brown (albeit without that much of a receding hairline and its not totally white - yet) and I am booked in for extensions to be fitted in April when my social transition starts.

[kimdl93]

I still have quite a bit of hair, but it's kinda sliver white. I've grown it out and styled it, but I still gravitate back to my wig.

[Lana Mae]

Must wear wigs, baldness setting in! It unfortunately runs in the family! Dad was bald in his 20's! I don't mind! I look at it as a cap or hat to finish my look! LOL Looking to buy one more some where between the two I have as far as length goes! Hugs Lana Mae

[Aunt Kelly]

Almost all silver here and my vanity is nowhere near deep enough to consider coloring. Maybe someday, if I am bored enough. 😉
To Dorit, Theresa and anyone else who may have felt that my thoughts were about anyone else... perish the thought. I am blessed to have just enough of my own hair to pull this off. I merely sought to share how this change has affected me.

[Teresa]

Jean,
I mustn't sidetrack this too much but does your wig have a lace or monofilament cap ? I wore mine all last summer without discomfort . Personally I wouldn't let a wig stand in my way if I wished to go further , I'm sure I'm like many here in having more pressing obstacles to overcome .

Kelly,
Sorry maybe a slight over reaction, I have several Emails and text messages along the lines of " playing at it "even now I'm separated from my wife .

[Dorit]

I am folically challenged as well and beyond the point where transplants, etc., could work. So it's wigs. And I have to admit the few times I considered transition, I was put of mostly for this reason. It's not that a wig makes me feel any less feminine; I had an aunt who had to wear a wig all her life because of alopecia. It's that wigs are so darned *uncomfortable* especially in summer. How do you gals live with that? I itch, I overheat, I sweat and I just become miserable. Last time it happened, last summer, I gave up dressing for 6 months out of frustration. So I've resigned myself to part-time femininity, i.e. dressing when the weather is cool enough for a wig. Suggestions short of a beanie with a propeller on top???

I'm pretty certain by now that I won't fully transition, but the ability to comfortably dress even in hot weather would be most welcome, dressing on a fairly regular basis is how I cope with my dysphoria.

I live in a very hot and long summer climate. I wear quality wigs that are well ventilated, plus in the summer I use an extra strength antiperspirant on my scalp.

I had to transition, I would never have let the discomfort of a wig stop me. If this stops you, I would question your need to transition. Maybe part-time does meet your need?

[grace7777]

Like others have said, I was not going to be stopped from transitioning because wearing a wig can be uncomfortable at times. In Phoenix during the summer it can get up to 110 degrees, but yet I still wore a wig. For me, not transitioning would be a lot worse than wearing a wig.

[Dorit]

To Dorit, Theresa and anyone else who may have felt that my thoughts were about anyone else... perish the thought. I am blessed to have just enough of my own hair to pull this off. I merely sought to share how this change has affected me.

Dear, I understand you completely. You have to forgive me for my hypersensitivity! It come with the territory and just pops up inappropriately at times.:heehee:

[Shannon michelle]

Well you more than pull it off. I think it looks great and you owned it last night. I know how you feel as I told you I bought a wig for the first time out with you a year ago and only wore it that one time. I have not cut my hair for 6 months and am headed to get it trimmed today. I hope I can still pull off a femme look after I cut it. My choice would be to keep growing it but I have reached a point where it is out of place if I have to go to the office or meet a customer.

Hugs
SM

[Sarah Doepner]

I thought I was going to be wearing full wigs for the rest of my life. But with the help of the pros at my favorite wig shop I recently found a topper wig that clips in over the male pattern sunburn area of my scalp. In cold to cool weather I'll still wear a full wig, but I'm looking forward to being able to wear my own hair with the topper when it gets hot. I'm wearing the topper (2"x5" mesh base) along with my own hair in my current avatar.

[Devi SM]

I know and understand that some of us don't ha e more option than a wig but your own long hair is amazing.
I keep straight most of the time because that's its natural but sometimes I do some curls and that differentiates me of a man with long hair.
Congrats on it and take care of it. I weekly use coconut oil, a daily avocado based oil to give more bright and keep it untangled.
Another thing is to learn possible accidents.

[Eemz]

That’s really great Kelly congratulations it sounds like you’re really over the moon. Maybe it’s because I’m in the Bruce Willis hair club but to offer a different perspective, getting my first proper wig last year was literally life changing for me. The ones I had before that, I felt like a cartoon character and I rarely wore them even in the house. I had a moment kind of similar to yours when I tried on a proper one for the first time and saw myself looking more like my mental picture then I ever thought was possible. The real thing I’m sure will be so much better :)

[Sandy Clifton]

I'll offer a second first-hand testimonial that
your natural hair (and Shannon Michelle's)
looks great; I felt a little sheepish last night
with my outlier coif, looking like Hair Bear.

Here's me and my actual hair in 2011
(back when I had enough to work with).
This is from Halloween, when I showed up
at work en femme.

302099

[Aunt Kelly]

Thanks, Eemz. It wasn't so much over-the-moon euphoria as it was just feeling "more right". I know, I know... What's the difference between the wig and breast forms and padding? From a global perspective, not a lot, but they provide something that I don't yet have, at all. Hair I have, and while it's not the feminine ideal (whatever that is), it is mine and that's enough. I recall Pat saying something similar about breasts - as soon as she had anything that was unmistakably feminine, the forms were no longer necessary. Maybe it's like that.

Shannon and Sandy, thank you for the compliments. You both lie so sweetly. LOL.
And Sandy? You were a knockout with that big hair.

[Katya@]

Aunt Kelly,
Next thing try wax your eyebrows in the hair salon. For me it was the next big frontier on my face after growing hair and removing the facial hair (still WIP) . Another one that your won't want to go back after you try.

[Kas]

There are GGs with short hair too don’t forget...

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If this stops you, I would question your need to transition.

Really? Because somebody doesn’t want to wear a wig they should reconsider transitioning? Lolololol...

[Eemz]

but they provide something that I don't yet have, at all. Hair I have, and while it's not the feminine ideal (whatever that is), it is mine and that's enough. I recall Pat saying something similar about breasts - as soon as she had anything that was unmistakably feminine, the forms were no longer necessary. Maybe it's like that.


Yes I think that makes sense. It wouldn't take a lot to get me to drop the forms; I have a certain amount going on up there anyway. But the wig is giving me something that I just don't have otherwise. And yes there are bald GGs and men with boobs, who are totally fine with how they look and own it, and I admire them for that. But on me, combined with everything else, that would give a confusing message that is not what I'm trying to do.

Katya - eyebrows are on my list for sure... haven't quite got there yet.

[Dorit]

There are GGs with short hair too don’t forget...

- - - Updated - - -



Really? Because somebody doesn’t want to wear a wig they should reconsider transitioning? Lolololol...

Hi Kas! I think you misunderstood the post, that is not what is at all being said.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Kelly I think you are spot on and it makes alot of sense to have that feeling... Maybe its a "right" connection to your body..
Lots of women can have short hair, and be very masculine about it... lots of women are not feminine at all.. but that's completely irrelevant to us
its still their hair, their body, their sense of self .. rejecting social gender cues is not changing gender roles..

I think its fair to say wigs can be a rough go.

Anyone considering transition should take that into account.
They are uncomfortable and its a sad fact that many of them dont look so great, and its hard to make them look the same every day so that it really feels like your own hair... its pretty expensive to get good wigs..

One other thing is that taking it off isn't alot of fun when its meaningful to your gender identity. Like a daily reminder. sometimes taking the wig off made me cry.

in the end, you gotta do what you gotta do and make the best of it. If you need wigs, I think its well worth it to save up and get the best wig possible

to that end, I recommend avoiding human hair. the best synthetics are way more durable, easier to style, easier to clean and easier to make comfortable..
if you are on the east coast, I'd plug el dorado hair replacement center near Baltimore. they are fantastic and super supportive.

[Teresa]

Eemz,
Very much my thoughts , I feel totally comfortable with my appearance because I don't give a confusing message , I still say it's why I don't have a problem .

As for eyebrows they do need constant attention but I'm getting there , as for losing the forms well I only use enough to supplement what I have which is about 50-50 , I admit I would miss them now , wearing them everyday just feels right . I do have a small confession , I'm so use to them that I was about to step out the door and realised something wasn't quite right when the strap on my shoulder bag didn't catch on them .

Kaitlyn,
Taking off my wig is the last job before bed , after that I try not to look in the mirror . My problem is I hate my ears , if I had any surgery the first would be to improve my ears , so short hair is a NO-NO for me .

I have no problems at all maintaining my wig , good quality ones virtually style themselves , even when I get caught in a strong wind I know I can just push it back into place with a few flicks of my fingers .

[Aunt Kelly]

Aunt Kelly,
Next thing try wax your eyebrows in the hair salon. For me it was the next big frontier on my face after growing hair and removing the facial hair (still WIP) . Another one that your won't want to go back after you try.
I've had my eyebrows waxed and shaped for over two years. You're right. It's an important part of the look.

[Anne K]

I love the term “folically challenged”! That’s me. I have a wonderful, natural looking wig, but in S Florida it’s hot. I looked into Hair Club. Aside from being expensive, does anyone here have experience with them?

[JeanTG]

Jean,
I mustn't sidetrack this too much but does your wig have a lace or monofilament cap ?

Monofilament.


I live in a very hot and long summer climate.

While our summers are shorter than yours, they also are hot (and very humid). In winter, we see -30C fairly frequently, with sometimes several days in a row below -20C (this winter has been especially challenging). In summer, +35C is not unheard of, I think the record for where I live is +37C, and long bouts in the low-to-mid 30s is common in July and August. I find as I age, I handle temperature extremes less well (I'm in my 60s). At least for cold, the wigs help, but in summer heat, it can get pretty miserable even with a fairly well aerated cap. I might experiment with light scarves this summer. What little hair I have, I shave off every 2 weeks.

Believe me I realize that my "need" for transition is not constant. I've figured that one out a while ago. There are other factors of course, but wearing a wig in summer certainly is one of them. Yes, part-time is ultimately the solution I have embraced. I would love it to be most of the time but the family (DADT) reality is that it is the other way around. Still, I'm in a livable balance, and relatively at peace with my situation. The farthest I may go down this road is HRT. That looks quite possible at the moment. But as my therapist says, never say never. Things may progress beyond that, or they may not. I just take it one day at a time.

[BostonBrenda]

My hair is nearly gone so wigs offer me variety, daily changes, which makes me happy

[Charla]

Dear Aunt Kelly,
Would you mind terribly letting me know by a personal message who your hairstylist is? I am also in Houston and have been looking for somebody who can do for me what they did for you.