Acting "pervy" or not..

[Rogina B]

I don't often post here but I wish to remind some members that their interests and actions may appear "pervy" to the people closest to them. "getting caught" and so many things often mentioned here would not be such a big deal if it didn't appear "pervy"...as in a form of perverted...Think before you act and real discussion may open doors you thought never would. It takes risk for sure to discuss changes and make them. But, take "pervy" out of the equation and more things are possible.Only my opinion perhaps...

[Beverley Sims]

Because they are out of line of what is considered normal behaviour, our actions can appear perverted.

That is why most of us tread a fine line with our actions.

Even looking at a woman's extra ordinary breasts for too long can put us in that category.

It is difficult to avert your eyes sometimes.

Other actions such as discussing a woman's appearance, clothing or bearing put us in danger.

A comment such as "She should wear a different dress," can be fraught with danger.

[Tracii G]

Sometimes its best to keep your thoughts to yourself and keep your mouth shut.
What we do is sometimes appears pervy to some but when you toss in fetishes and wearing kinky clothes in public you aren't helping the cause.
You might be getting your jollys off but you are harming someone else that doesn't deserve it.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Even looking at a woman's extra ordinary breasts for too long can put us in that category.

It is difficult to avert your eyes sometimes.



It is only difficult because you choose to make it so. I mean, FFS, how hard is it to look someone in the eyes?
Would you stare, open mouthed at an amputee's stump?

[Beverley Sims]

Jodie, being a girl about town I would have thought you would be perving on scantily clad hulks....... :-)

To answer your question,

I would look at an amputees stump and wonder about it, I might even ask the amputee about the event if I was in conversation with them.

I would be interested.

It seems a natural interaction for a man to gravitate towards a womans breasts.

Have you as a woman ever looked at a young well built man and what did you look at first.

Ask younger women what they look at when they see a well built man in bathers for example. :-)

Other wommwn even find it hard to look at another woman who is showing a more than a normal amount of breast.

Now let's get back on track, enough sniping for now.

[JenniferMBlack]

What if it was a woman showing more then usual breasts and was an amputee? Would you look at her stump or her breasts?

[Teresa]

Rogina,
I feel the " pervy" aspect is the stumbling block for many of us . I will never forget the distainful look on my wife's face when the subject was touched on . OK the assumptions may be in their minds more than ours but it's still one heck of a job convincing them .

This is why when I came out to my wife I needed to have all the facts , I have to accept there was a sexual side but needed to be explained in context of the whole situation , what was the driving force ?

I had a mental block on using silicon forms , I felt it was a step too far , I don't have drawers overflowing with panties and bras . I guess my guiding thoughts were not so much my wife catching me but more if my children did , I feel the balloon would really have gone up .

OK so all that is now history , I'm out to everyone most people have seen me , the " pervy " element if there was one is totally laid to rest . I could not go out in the RW if I thought there was any suggestion of appearing "pervy " . In that situation I'm not sure if it's something MIADs may experience more in the RW .

[susan54]

I do not regard my crossdressing as a perversion or any sort of problem. If other people do that is their problem, not mine. There is one crossdresser I regard as both a problem and a pervert. This is a man who selects boutiques in Scotland with a single woman running it. He takes clothes into the changing room to try on, and does something else entirely, an activity that would be unacceptable if a woman did it and this man is doing immense damage to other crossdressers. I had been happily buying quite expensive clothes in one Edinburgh boutique after trying them on, but on a subsequent visit I heard that the poor woman had been so traumatised by what this man had done in her changing room that she would no longer allow any men to try things on. She had my sympathy. This guy should be on the sex offender's register. If we want to be treated with respect we have to treat others with respect - and treat the clothes we try on with respect. I think a sexual variation becomes a perversion when it has victims.

[GretchenM]

I think people should be able to dress and present as they like, but I agree with Tracii that if you want to avoid that immediate reaction dress normal woman. That is, dress to blend in. Some may still react the same way, no matter what you do, but fewer will react that way the more blended in you present.

[foxy bartender]

Dressing is different things for all of us. For many, it’s kinky, sexual fun, for themselves and their partners to enjoy. For others, it’s an expression of their femininity, because they are not fulfilled without having private time to become the embodiment of their female side. For others, like me, it’s completely necessary as a way to express my true gender, Since my birth gender doesn’t line up with my feelings. And I’m sure others, have other reasons.
My point is, that dressing itself, isn’t pervy itself.
Anything can be pervy, if you want it to be, and, there is nothing wrong with being a little pervy, if that’s what you want, when you’re alone of with your partner.
You know, that’s just like, my opinion, man

[NancySue]

As our society becomes more and more judgmental, when something is not understood, it’s becoming more and more common to view as a negative and feel the need to criticize whatever, when, in fact, they don’t have a clue what the xxx they’re talking about. How we are viewed doesn’t mean a tinkers xxxx to me. My logic, if I don’t understand it, how can the critics? So there ! Pfffft.

[Stephanie47]

What constitutes "pervy?" Or acting "pervy?" In a thread I posted concerning unsolicited intrusions by sellers (Herroom, Macys, JCPenny, ebay) you asked what would happen? What was the peril? So, what constitutes "pervy?" Tracii had the same sentiment. However, she also says here "sometimes it is best to keep your thoughts to yourself and keep your mouth shut." Why? Is there some peril?

[mykell]

I don't often post here but I wish to remind some members that their interests and actions may appear "pervy" to the people closest to them. "getting caught" and so many things often mentioned here would not be such a big deal if it didn't appear "pervy"...as in a form of perverted...Think before you act and real discussion may open doors you thought never would. It takes risk for sure to discuss changes and make them. But, take "pervy" out of the equation and more things are possible.Only my opinion perhaps...

so do as you say or be judged for not doing so, i dont always post here but when i do its to tell you your perverts.......let folks figure it out for themselves and in they're timeline and if they dont its not your problem....you did what works for you, they'll do what works for them, if it doesn't interest you dont read it. if its not against forum rules what harm is it doing you.

i dont want to "get caught" doing lots of things, speeding, cheating on my taxes, picking my nose, eating it....masturbating, cheap sin.....not on Sunday though.
have a good day peeps....:D

[Jean 103]

I try and avoid anything that would appear this way. Like changing rooms, I avoid using them when I’m by myself. That doesn’t happen much anymore, now if I shopping for clothes I’m most likely with one of my friends (GGs)

AS a good friend (GG) once told me, "if you are going to be a lady then act like one". It was back when I was first going out, finding my way.

My roommate’s boyfriend told me at first he didn’t like me. It was after he got to know me that he changed his mind.

Clothes are one thing but how you are, who you are, this is what makes the difference. You should have learned by now, how you treat others, is reflected back on you.

Lastly I’ve seen it described as selling it. This isn’t it, and yet it is. It is not just one thing, it’s everything. To me this is my life and this is what I project. It is not so much how I’m dressed but how I act. I have learned a few things but mostly it is just me being relaxed with who I am and projecting it.

[Majella St Gerard]

Pervy behavior is subjective.

[Tracii G]

What constitutes "pervy?" Or acting "pervy?" In a thread I posted concerning unsolicited intrusions by sellers (Herroom, Macys, JCPenny, ebay) you asked what would happen? What was the peril? So, what constitutes "pervy?" Tracii had the same sentiment. However, she also says here "sometimes it is best to keep your thoughts to yourself and keep your mouth shut." Why? Is there some peril?



Gee I just agreed with Ro and now get blasted for it?

[Jean 103]

What constitutes "pervy?" Or acting "pervy?" Why? Is there some peril?

The definition is likely different for everyone.

Someone sent pictures of me in a mini skirt to the owner of the company I work for. Is this peril?

I dress like this all the time, it’s normal for me.

I’m out and I grew up with these people, so for me it was a nonevent. What if it happened to you? Would you be required to explain?

[Meghan4now]

Rogina,

While there certainly are some post that are overly sexualized or highly fetishist, or maybe obsessive, I do not see the value of pointing it out in a stand alone post. Pervy, kinky, or creepy are very subjective judgement calls with very negatively loaded nuances. I see no positive reason to bring this up. Do you think the people posting this are not aware of this opinion? Is your post likely to help someone moderate their behavior? Or do you just feel like hitting the bees nest with a stick today?

[Tracii G]

Rogina was just making a statement or felt she needed to say something about what she sees on here.
We all have the right to post our feelings or opinions do we not?
Making snarky/ hateful comments just because you don't agree is not being productive at all.
Ro and I have been friends for years and do not agree on a lot of things politically or LGBT in nature but we are still friends and respectful of each others opinion.
She spoke her mind and if you disagree and demand her to agree with you then that creates a problem you started.
Nobody HAS to agree you if they choose not to.

PS I mentioned no member names so don't get all pissed at me and claim I am talking about you.
Getting butthurt is for high school kids not adults.

[Stephanie47]

The point I was making, and, have made numerous times is using a singular adjective or adverb to discuss a complicated subject. It comes down to a societal failure to discuss something in complete sentences and paragraphs. I suspect it will only get worse since too many people are limited to whatever the amount of characters one is permitted on Twitter. "Pervy, perverted, perversion" is akin to walking through a minefield. If the terms are going to be perceived differently by others I would suggest not using it at all.

[mykell]

OK like an adult one could make that same statement but without the insulting undertone to whatever percentage here who are afraid of "getting caught" without calling them out as "perverts". her title was a "hateful snarky comment", think we get enough of that crap in the real world without one of our own doing it..... really makes anyone on the edge of joining want to join up and be part of the insult of the month club. if you are a friend you must know her track record of poking the hive and stirring the pot to remind folks she has had it harder than the closeted folks, like its theyre fault. she made her choice and others made they'res.....as adults.

so some chose to share theyre opinions of her opinion that they did not appreciate someone rubbing peoples noses in theyre business because they had a different opinion to hers.

butthurt.....really

[Lexigurl]

The point I was making, and, have made numerous times is using a singular adjective or adverb to discuss a complicated subject. It comes down to a societal failure to discuss something in complete sentences and paragraphs. I suspect it will only get worse since too many people are limited to whatever the amount of characters one is permitted on Twitter. "Pervy, perverted, perversion" is akin to walking through a minefield. If the terms are going to be perceived differently by others I would suggest not using it at all.

Agreed - it would help this discussion if the word was defined, or examples were given. Tracii did that, so is that the actual topic, wearing kinky/fetish clothes in public? That makes sense but if so, which public? Doing so at 11pm in NYC of San Francisco is very different than 11 am in Birmingham, AL.

[Ressie]

I don't really understand the premise of the OP. Maybe Rogina could break down what she's saying.


I wish to remind some members that their interests and actions may appear "pervy" to the people closest to them.

What closest people? I'm guessing you're referring to wives that may see posts on this site?

It seems that Rogina is replying to certain posts in other threads which makes this confusing.

[Rogina B]

It seems that Rogina is replying to certain posts in other threads which makes this confusing.

I don't want to pick out specific posts but there are plenty. I mentioned the posts of "getting caught" at so many things and I wonder if that may be what they want as they have made no effort to "normalize" their wants with those that are closest to them. So "discovery "carries this fear...

[AllieSF]

Discovery, fear, economics, employments, embarrassment, and all the rest. Who are you preaching to? If you are not in their shoes and know their details why do you indirectly criticize their personal choices? You confuse me sometimes with your posts like this.

[Tracii G]

I tend to think they want to get caught so they don't have to make the first move in trying to explain or admit whats going on with them.

PS just my opinion from many years of reading those threads.
If you think I am talking about you I am not.

[lingerieLiz]

I do not regard my crossdressing as a perversion or any sort of problem. If other people do that is their problem, not mine. There is one crossdresser I regard as both a problem and a pervert. This is a man who selects boutiques in Scotland with a single woman running it. He takes clothes into the changing room to try on, and does something else entirely, an activity that would be unacceptable if a woman did it and this man is doing immense damage to other crossdressers. I had been happily buying quite expensive clothes in one Edinburgh boutique after trying them on, but on a subsequent visit I heard that the poor woman had been so traumatised by what this man had done in her changing room that she would no longer allow any men to try things on. She had my sympathy. This guy should be on the sex offender's register. If we want to be treated with respect we have to treat others with respect - and treat the clothes we try on with respect. I think a sexual variation becomes a perversion when it has victims.

My daughter had a friend at 16 that worked in store where clerks had dressing rooms for both sexes. Her friend was working one night when a man came in took two pairs of men's pants into the dressing room leaving just enough room for her to see and did the dirty deed. She was in shock. Called security, but he was gone before they could get there.

I was in an upscale dept store about 20 years ago in the lingerie department. I saw a guy grab an expensive bra and put it in his jacket. He realized that I had seen him do it and he indicated I could do it too. It was kind of crazy that they had no one in the department. He left as an attendant came in. I told her what happened and what he looked like, but he got away. I actually saw him in the mall but couldn't catch up with him.

- - - Updated - - -

I think that one reason I've had people accept me is that I'm the same person no matter how I'm dressed. I never wore outlandish clothes even when I went full fem in a dress back when I was young. I don't push or over act what I'm not. While I wear women's clothes and often women recognize my bra lines, or the clothes I'm wearing it is not in their face.

[Tracii G]

Saying something is "their" problem is being kind of douchey in a way because their response is a direct response to what you have done.
Essentially if you dress like a 2 dollar hooker its your fault for the responses you get.
Don't dress like a 2 dollar hooker and chances are others will have no problem with you at all.

PS I know that some here live in a bubble thinking the world should work the way THEY want it to but sadly thats not the case.
Reality is what people think of you is directly related to how you act and present.
I have people say to me all the time wow I didn't know you were gay, you don't act gay!
I find that rude as hell but it is what it is I don't have time to bitch about it.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Reminds me of a ex roommate of mine from college days who called me a pervert for eating a bown of "Fruit Loops" cereal . I'll admit I had a fondness for Tucan Sam :)

[kimdl93]

In summary, it’s most often better to think, ask and discuss before acting.

[Kas]

I tend to think they want to get caught so they don't have to make the first move in trying to explain or admit whats going on with them.

PS just my opinion from many years of reading those threads.
If you think I am talking about you I am not.

Lol can confirm this was actually me...

The only way IMO.

[Beverley Sims]

I always bite the head off chocolate frogs first.

Now that's perverted.

I have never turned them over to perve on their genitalia though.

[Rogina B]

Pervy in today's talk is often used as a description of "seemingly acting" perverted. The "almost got caught " threads and the confirming[supportive posts] give off the feeling that whatever the OP could have "gotten caught at" wasn't "so good" in the OP's mind....I hope some people now better understand..

[Asew]

I have seen threads where some one mentions getting caught by the mailman or a neighbor stopping by. Then you will see responses as to if they think the person liked it, or were even turned on by seeing them getting caught. This is the pervy I though the OP was talking about. Maybe because I don't want to read that kind of stuff and it bothers me a little.

But overall I feel like I have to behave a little better just to make sure I am not seen as some pervy crossdresser. But I even feel this in male mode to act a certain way to not be seen as pervy.

[Tracii G]

Thats the difference between a CDer a trans person and a perve.
Getting your jollies when people see you is pervy.
If you are trans people seeing you is not a turn on.
If you are a CD you may not want to be seen or "discovered" but you don't get a sexual thrill over it.
I think there in lies the difference.

[Rogina B]

Tracii,I agree..I just don't think that some have really given any effort toward "normalizing their desires"...How do they expect to win anyone over ?

[Judy-Somthing]

Some people think anything out of the so called norm is perverted.
I've been trying to get my wife to wear a dress for about 20 years now and she thinks I'm all messed up!
When I told her about my CDing two years ago she says "it all makes sense now about about me wanting her to wear a dress"
She says she'll never wear a dress for me!
I guess that's why I have 120 dresses!

[QueenJeanette]

Acting pervy?? A man that puts on women's clothing for no other reason but enjoy the thrill of looking like a women. That's pervy, in case you didn't know. The pot calling the kettle black. Seems rather pretentious in a back handed sort of way.

[docrobbysherry]

SEX WHILE DRESSED! That's going to be considered pervy by most folks! :Angry3:

U get turned on by your female image and/or the clothes themselves! And, have self sex. We have 100's of pantie fetishers here alone!

I had the hardest time getting over getting turned on by my dressing. Much more difficult than I did getting over the dressing part itself!:sad:

An old girlfriend broke up with me. At first she thot Sherry was cool. But, after awhile she got jealous of hearing about her and broke it off. And, she didn't even know about my being turned by it!:straightface:

Yes, many people think we r pervs. And, I admit in my case they r rite!:brolleyes:

[Rogina B]

The pot calling the kettle black. Seems rather pretentious in a back handed sort of way.

Not sure who you are referring to...I am an out and full time transwoman have have been for years. I was commenting that the behavior of some others could well be viewed as pervy or twisted by someone else close to you if you haven't made the effort to explain yourself.Such as "Why do you feel a need to wear a bra,you don't have any boobs like mine?" Said a matronly wife to her mid aged husband...Not twisted if it can be explained...perhaps that wife may see it differently. Or,discovering the husbands trunkload of panties...some of which are "soiled"...

[Teresa]

I still think we need to be careful here throwing these labels around especially after reading Tracii's reply .

It's a fine dividing line sometimes between the sexual buzz and making the next step to getting use to being seen dressed and finally feeling normal to step out the door .

You can't condemn people for taking these steps , most of us have been through the stages of underdressing , taking more daring steps , wondering if people noticed , OK getting turned on sometimes with the thought of those actions . Is it perverse or just evolving ? I wear a bra now because I need to wear one the thrill factor has gone , so much of these issues revolve round being out comfortably in the RW, the majority of us have to find a balance . A few may continue to practice perverse behaviour but hopefully not for long , it was a distubing story of the guy being caught mastubating in a changing cubicle with an unsettling outcome on the SA . I'm in and out changing areas often I hope I never loose that privelege through some thoughtless jerk .

I do find it unsettling sometimes with the suggestive nature of some threads , they appear to be worded to excite the reader into a sexual high , some members continually post threads of this nature , is it a naive question to ask why ? What do they get out of it , is it perverse behaviour ? I hope some of them have waterproof keyboards !!

[BostonBrenda]

I used to visit an office building in the evenings for an appointment. I was always in male mode, except for panties. The floor had a male and female bathroom. It was quiet at that hour so Id discretely use the womans bathroom. I wasnt trying to upset anyone, but the womans bathroom was the appropriate one for me psychologically. I never imagined that Id come to a point when going into a womans bathroom felt necessary and impossible to resist

[Ressie]

I can explain why I wear a bra. It's sexually stimulating to me. This is considered perverted by pretty much everyone isn't it? I just don't see this forum as a place to talk about my fetishes etc.

[BostonBrenda]

Sports bras are simple and discreet and yes sexually exciting too

[Tracii G]

Ressie I agree I would rather not hear about someone's fetishes.
Others love to share theirs and thats fine I don't have to read the thread.

[Lexigurl]

SEX WHILE DRESSED! That's going to be considered pervy by most folks! :Angry3:

I had the hardest time getting over getting turned on by my dressing. Much more difficult than I did getting over the dressing part itself!:sad:

Yes, many people think we r pervs. And, I admit in my case they r rite!:brolleyes:

Agreed. Though not true for all, there are many of us who have or had a sexual connection to dressing. Many of us have carried this additional sexual *baggage* with us our entire lives. For those that aren't carrying it, I can assure you that it is very heavy at times as it adds weight to the already heavy dressing/feminine baggage you know well.

I, too, had a more difficult time getting past the sexual turn-on part, than dressing itself. At times I still struggle with it because I feel as though it shouldn't be the true me, it's some other external me. I should say that at times I don't want it to be me, but know and accept that it is. And it is that way for many others as well.

There seems to be an underlying thread to this thread of, "Hey part-time pervy girls who get turned on by dressing, don't ruin it for the rest of us who don't, and are trying to make our way in the world as women. And also, because we don't feel this way, let's pretend that it's not prevalent."

Suggesting that those of us who are (sometimes or all-the-time) sexually aroused by dressing shouldn't conduct such activities (or talk about them) is the same as suggesting we shouldn't dress at all. Yes, it's fair to suggest being smart about it, if possible. But does anyone think that if a girl could stay out of her wife's panty drawer and having her way with multiple pairs, by choice, she wouldn't already be doing so?

I agree with not embarrassing oneself in public, committing indecent acts, crimes, or other such activities. That helps no one.

Those of us in the part-time or full-time *pervy* camp have great respect for the girls that have the courage to go out in public, or transition to live as transwomen. You do things every day that many of us dream about, but will never have the opportunity or the courage that you do. We're very happy for you.

But, that doesn't make *us* second-class girls, and that's what some of this commentary feels like. :sad: