Denied!!!

[Lana Mae]

When I was young, probably 6 or so, My female playmate threw her dress up over her head! I thought that was so neat and asked for a dress! I got the "Boys don't wear dresses!" answer! I do not remember my reaction to that! Move on to young teen! Mom buys a pants suit! When she first wore it, I got very angry and told her she was not my mother! My mother does not wear pants! She wears dresses! My counselor and I discussed this and we believe my reaction as a teen was a direct result of not getting a dress as a child! Any one have similar experiences? Please share! Thanks! Hugs Lana Mae

[phili]

I think you have put your finger on the main reason for crossdressing even existing: clothing is the thing our parents and authority figures point to as the thing that separates boys and girls- without any actual reason given- so as children everyone learns to conjoin three things: female=feminine= dresses, and the opposite for boys.

I was told I couldn't wear a dress because I was a boy, an when women started wearing pants I found it very strange. But only for about 3 seconds, then I was just more certain I should have been allowed to wear dresses!

In the 50s when the Beatles appeared the big stir was their long hair, which was at that time also joined to femaleness in the mix. Having long hair was taboo-like wearing a dress, until the Beatles and copycats swept the charts and it no longer was tied to being female.

One by one these differentiating symbols are dropping away, as females seek more well rounded lives and males seek to stay emotionally whole.

Last year a little boy at a museum took one look at me and said- "Mommy- men aren't supposed to wear dresses!" She hushed him, in a way that meant to me that she didn't really have an objection, but it was obvious how persistent dresses are as special property of females. It is going to take a long time for people to realize that women are what females are turned into, culturally and behaviorally, but a male can be a woman as well.And vice versa, of course.

[Rachelakld]

I was allowed to wear whatever I wanted (usually cowboy - and I'm still loving my cowboy hats), sometimes my sisters pyjamas, they tried to give me more of her "hand me downs" but I was quite selective. My mum once got me a very feminine top when I was about 14 - I hated it.

[Beverley Sims]

Rachael, the top your mother bought for you when you were 14......

How times have changed. :-)

[BostonBrenda]

When I was really young I wantes to wear my cousins bikini, I was about 6, I had no idea why it seemed like a good idea untill my mother politely took it away from me

[GretchenM]

I think many of us who grew up in the 40's and 50's and showed gender identity shifts got the "You're a boy, for crying out loud" treatment. It was about 1953 for me and I didn't ask for a dress; I denied I was a boy and told my mother I wanted to be a girl. And that was that. DENIED! Now parents with young boys who make such requests are told to allow it, definitely don't deny the request, but set up boundaries with dress up days or evenings. Let the boy explore his desire. Many who do will engage in that for a few years and then abandon it. Others continue. It differentiates the ones who actually have some trans behavior patterns and those who are just curious. But denial causes life long problems with shame, low self esteem, depression, and a pile of other psychological problems. When, at some point, they accept that they are really free to express that way, many of the problems just vanish.

I have to admit I was somewhat jealous and envious of my mother being such a beautiful woman and I was still running around in guy clothes and being viewed as a pretty masculine guy. But we all survived and now we are comparatively free to explore that aspect. Growing up does have some advantages. :daydreaming: And one of them is more freedom to be are least somewhat the person you wanted to be as a youngster. Maybe not perfect, but a whole lot better than 1953.

[Asew]

When I was little I always wanted to play with my sister and her toys just as much as I wanted to play with my brother and his boy toys. I wanted to play with her cabbage patch dolls and barbies, but I was told not to so we had to sneak playing with them together and I would also steal them so I could play with them in my room. They even got me my own male cabbage patch doll (with a Mets baseball jersey) saying I could play with just that one but it didn't work, I only wanted to play with the girl ones with pretty dresses.

[Teresa]

Lana,
I'm one of those who chose to keep their thoughts to themselves as a child and just waited till the house was empty . Even at that age we possibly did it for differnt reasons , did I want to be a girl , did I want to be pretty ? I can't truthfully answer , like I can't really answer what it was about seeing my sister in her dancing outfit with full petticoats , what is was that attraction ? I know it was mostly sexual looking back but at the time I had little idea , my feelings were I wanted to be with a girl but also wanted to be that girl ( dare I say an AGP trait ) . I have never lost that feeling but I feel I've mostly resolved it by going full time , I'm happy because I am now that girl but would still like to share how I feel with a female ..

[Stephanie47]

When I was in kindergarten I wore a cowboy shirt to school. Those were the years of a lot of westerns on television and in the movies. It had a double row of buttons down the front. My teacher commented on the shirt. However, she called it a blouse. I got angry and told her "it's a shirt" in no uncertain terms. I suppose I was five at the time. I would never have guessed I would swing the other way the next decade of life.

[Lana Mae]

Phili: I agree with you! Slowly dropping away! Praise be!
Rachel: No one ever gave me anything feminine! My mother bought me some very "loud" (read bright orange,green and yellow) shirts with matching socks! I wore them but OH!
I like most tried mom's things when the parents were away!
Beverly: Yes, the times have changed and for the better but it took so long!
Brenda: I never had anyone to "borrow" from!
Gretchen: Yes, with our kids we were to encourage them to play with both gendered toys as they wanted to play with them at the time! Way different than when I grew up!
Asew: I only had access to male toys!
Teresa: At the age I am speaking(about 6), I had no idea of anything but wanting a dress so I could throw it over my head like my playmate! The sexual thing came much later!
Stephanie: Of course at that age you would not know but many people called that type of shirt a blouse! Yes, no one knows what the future holds!
Thanks ladies for your replies!
Hugs Lana Mae