Wife allows dressing, but only as her maid

[kaleyg]

Wanted to get everyone's thoughts on this situation. My wife recently decided to give in a little to my dressing, at my suggestion, and let me have a maid's outfit to do chores and things for her. We already share the cleaning, but neither of us are very diligent about it. This way more actually gets done, plus any services she wants for herself -- massage, pedicure, etc. Just one day a week right now when the kids are gone. (We both work from home some days.) I have a bit of a submissive streak in me, so I don't mind the arrangement at all.

There is a down side to this -- she's obviously still not accepting, and I think she's hoping this will help decrease my desire to dress. My inner trans-feminist thinks the whole thing is kind of demeaning, also, even if I enjoy it. I'm sure some will say that this is still wrong on her part and she should be more accepting.

But I hold out hope that it could lead to more. And I might get a chance to throw on a dress afterward sometimes. At least she's open to letting me try and look decent. We agreed to replace the wig that had the short bangs because it looked awful on me.

I imagine that if you are in a DADT, you'll think this is great. If you have an accepting spouse, you might think this is less than great. Feedback welcome. Also ideas for accessories or other clothes I could get to go with the maid situation. But forget the french maid -- she won't do that.

(See my post in the Picture section for photos.)

[Mary Morgan]

Kaley, I think I agree with this but it really comes down to attitude. If you are offended, let her know why. If she demeans you, tell her to stop it. Yes, you risk going backward but you keep your dignity. I'd give it a try and see how it goes. If I might suggest, while enfemme wait on your a bit be attentive, like another girl would be. She might just appreciate the attention and relax a bit. For now keep it girlfriends! I wish you the best. Love, Mary

[MsEva]

I tend to do a lot of the house chores while dressed. My SO leaves the laundry to me as she knows that I enjoy doing chores while en femme. I don't think she would go for the whole maid outfit though. Lucky girl. I have in the past touched up her roots while en femme.

[Cheryl T]

If it's something that works for you then by all means enjoy it.
My wife is fully accepting and I would love for her to get a maid's uniform for me. We've teased about it, but so far no results.

I won't buy it for myself. I really would prefer that she purchase it. I suppose that's the submissive aspect of my personality talking. I think it would be fun and it certainly would be exciting for me.

[quebec_blonde]

There is a down side to this -- she's obviously still not accepting, and I think she's hoping this will help decrease my desire to dress.

At least she's open to letting me try and look decent. We agreed to replace the wig that had the short bangs because it looked awful on me.

I imagine that if you are in a DADT, you'll think this is great.

To me she accepts it a bit, which is great, baby steps and open conversation hopefully.

Maybe she has a dominant side? You agreed to replace the wig because of looks, your input and hers or just hers? You give a lot of information but not enough to give us a clear picture.

Congratulations one getting some your way, good luck.

[Micki_Finn]

This arrangement sounds a lot like the fantasies some of the girls here have. Way too far into fetish territory for my taste.

[docrobbysherry]

Kaley, the "downside" to me in this deal is; if u don't enjoy cleaning all that much? Dressing only to clean may get old real quick!:sad:

I read posts here from girls who change their clothes and suddenly they want to clean house or be with a man! I don't get it? Like Micki, I think it sounds a bit fishy or fetishey!:heehee:

But, if it works for u? Go for it!:thumbsup:

[Nikkilovesdresses]

My inner trans-feminist thinks the whole thing is kind of demeaning, also, even if I enjoy it.

Your inner trans-feminist?

Are we talking about your notions of political correctness here, or your feelings?

If you feel demeaned on any level, that is not good.

[Majella St Gerard]

Maid roleplaying is great and fun but not as a lifestyle, it WILL get old fast. Unless you're a true "Sub"

[Crissy 107]

If you enjoy it then I say go for it.

[Michaelasfun]

Similar boat here. It helped “sell” the idea to do chores while dressed. Win-win, both benefit.

[Tracii G]

Trans feminist??
The feminists don't want trans people anywhere around them trust me on this.

[Sara Jessica]

I imagine that if you are in a DADT, you'll think this is great.

DADT, or for me more like Y,W (yea, whatever) and this actually sounds horrifying.

[Lexigurl]

My wife recently decided to give in a little to my dressing, at my suggestion,

she's obviously still not accepting, and I think she's hoping this will help decrease my desire to dress.



You asked for this, she approved. These are things you do anyway. It's difficult to connect that...to you potentially feeling demeaned or trans-feminism or?

As for her motivation for approval, you could ask her.

Whatever form this takes, if you enjoy it, and she does as well, then does it matter what others think, or may think?

[Aunt Kelly]

This arrangement sounds a lot like the fantasies some of the girls here have. Way too far into fetish territory for my taste.
Same here, but I am truly not judging. I recognized that there are probably dozens, if not hundreds of members and lurkers on this section of the forum who are nothing but envious of the OP's situation.
That said, Kaley, it sounds a bit like you'd prefer that your partner's permission to present en femme extend also to less "utilitarian" scenarios. Again, nothing wrong with the domination thing, but if one's needs transcend that, it's going to get old quickly. Time to have a talk, starting with recognition that you have have gained something already, eventually getting around to what you are feeling now.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I'm really confused on this post, It really sounds like the two of you are playing mind games with each other. Relationships bloom when both spouses pitch in around the house and are attentive to one another's needs without a gimmick. Be bold, and be diligent with the household chores and doing nice thing for your spouse without the gimmick. You will probably find that your relationship improves for both of you . People don't like to feel manipulated and it eventually leads to resentment. Keep the uniform LOL

[Stephanie47]

I had maid (pun intended) a comment at the picture. I am under the assumption from the narrative you and your wife are both at home when the maid outfit is worn. It may be a ploy to demean you and get you to stop cross dressing. I don't know if I would call this a guy's fantasy come to fruition. It may be better than nothing at all. It may lead to better things to come. Who knows?

May I make a suggestion. If you are adept at preparing and cooking a good dinner ask your wife if it is alright to change into a nice day dress, heels and hosiery and the wig. Maybe she would agree to the change. If not, then I'd think her motivation is to demean you. Personally, I'd rather my wife say no to any dressing in front of her than to have her demean me or make a mockery of my inner feelings. I hope your wife does not think this is nothing more than some kinky fetish. If so, I think she is the one who may benefit from counseling.

Hope it works out for you.

[Debs]

Push it a little further, let's see how serious she is

[kaleyg]

Wow! I really appreciate all the responses. A lot to think about. I think we all benefit from the insight and experience of the community here. I'm going to reflect on all this for a bit. Still welcome feedback.
That being said, I'm pretty sure she thinks of my crossdressing as a fetish. Sometimes it is, but I think there's something deeper. I'm still trying to understand it myself. But any concession is good in my book. And I like playing the maid.

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Trans feminist??
The feminists don't want trans people anywhere around them trust me on this.

I've learned that there are two groups of feminists: regular feminists, who accept transgender women, and radical feminists, who do not.

[Macey]

Just to echo the sentiments of Stephanie and Deb, let this roll 'as is' for a time, then after chores and 'service' is over, slip into some nice casual femme clothes for relax time. Not talking sexy lingerie or full on dress, or what have you … just some comfy leggings and a cute top or whatever and relax with some tv. Offer that you and she should watch a movie together with some popcorn or the like. That should test the waters to see where her head is at. Do it like it's a natural thing to do.

[Debs]

Well said Macey

[Jodie_Lynn]

Wanted to get everyone's thoughts on this situation. My wife recently decided to give in a little to my dressing, at my suggestion, and let me have a maid's outfit to do chores and things for her.

>>SNIP<<

I have a bit of a submissive streak in me, so I don't mind the arrangement at all.

>>SNIP<<

My inner trans-feminist thinks the whole thing is kind of demeaning, also, even if I enjoy it. I'm sure some will say that this is still wrong on her part and she should be more accepting.

>>SNIP<<


Your wife agreed to this, at your suggestion. It sounds like she is only agreeing to this in order to get housework done. Remember, YOU set this in motion.

And which is it:

You are ok with this arrangement, and it enjoy it?


Or do you find it demeaning?

You can't have it both ways.

I agree with Micki Finn, this sounds a bit fetish-y.

But, if it floats your boat, who am I to disagree. Enjoy, or not, as the case may be.

[tawney]

I enjoy dressing as a maid several times a year..My wife enjoys coming home to a clean house ..she just rolls her eyes when I wear my heels!

[quebec_blonde]

I'm pretty sure she thinks of my crossdressing as a fetish. Sometimes it is, but I think there's something deeper.

That is likely true. A lot more conversation will need to happen. But I wish you all the best.

[Ressie]

Something like this would be OK for sexual role play but I'm not for having a wife telling me what to do in the relationship. In other words, being dominated or even humiliated could be fulfilling if that's a fantasy you have. But if that crosses over into real life, no thanks.

[sometimes_miss]

While this certainly appears that your wife is taking advantage of the situation, basically it's a trade off; you're doing something that she doesn't like, but she tolerates it in return for your doing something that she likes.
While not ideal, it's certainly better than not being able to dress at all.
It was one option that I had offered my ex, which she declined to accept. She didn't want a crossdressing husband, no matter what other considerations were offered.

Consider yourself lucky. Most women don't want anything to do with a man who crossdresses. Oh, and the chances of you finding another woman who would even tolerate your crossdressing?

About zero.

don't forget that.

[Gillian Gigs]

I believe that marriage is all about compromise, you need to give a little to get a little. If both of you are happy doing the maid thing, then go for it. Just make sure that you both stay on the happy side of things. Making a marriage work can be interesting, even in the basics.

[Asew]

I did something similar when I first came out to my wife. My wife hates laundry so she was ok with the "maid" doing it for her. But really only wore her maid's outfit once, since then it has been a range of whatever outfit I feel like wearing. My wife will sometimes mention how she needs the "maid" to do something though.

I think part of it is good since it gives an SO a chance to see you dressed, but since it seems she seems intent on the maid outfit, perhaps you can add an apron to a dress. Or vary up the accessories and other things outside of the outfit. Over time it will be more normal to see you dressed and might be more comfortable with changes (or maybe not, who knows).

The whole maid thing is kind of sexist, but it is a roleplay between consenting adults, so it is what you both make of it.

[Beverley Sims]

Well at least it is a step forward.

I wish you well.

[Kiwi Primrose]

Ours is not a role play. I colour my wife's hair, trim her nails, look after her clothes and keep the house clean. In return we have had an active sex life and I am encouraged to dress as I wish with her active support.
Neither of us is dominant or dominated.
In other words I wouldn't change anything. I don't have a proper maid's outfit but my top and short skirts are acceptable substitutes.

[Rogina B]

Wanted to get everyone's thoughts on this situation. My wife recently decided to give in a little to my dressing, at my suggestion, and let me have a maid's outfit to do chores and things for her. We already share the cleaning, but neither of us are very diligent about it. This way more actually gets done, plus any services she wants for herself -- massage, pedicure, etc. Just one day a week right now when the kids are gone. (We both work from home some days.) I have a bit of a submissive streak in me, so I don't mind the arrangement at all.

There is a down side to this -- she's obviously still not accepting
Your wife wants to play the Dom role and she is within that to play it as she wants. You are ,and wish to be a "service sub" and will be treated as she wants,NOT as you want..Get over it and get cleaning...The last snowstorm[a couple of weeks ago] a "service sub" cleared the driveway of all the slushy snow. The dom suggesgted I tap on my bedroom window and point out to any spots he didn't do well enough ! LOL He did a good job FOR HER !

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Maid roleplaying is great and fun but not as a lifestyle, it WILL get old fast. Unless you're a true "Sub"

Read my post ! lol

[Jaylyn]

I won't do anything that s demeaning to me, with that said I help around the house as much as I can but also work at the farm. Many times we do this all the work together and I think that is very acceptable as it draws us closer to each other's needs, strengths and more in love. If you want to do all the work then go for it, but if she is trying to get you to quit dressing by demeaning you then I would rather be in a DADT situation. Just me but you gotta decide what you want in the relationship/ marriage.

[emma30]

I would be happy with this arrangment and i would wear the best stockings, panties and jewellery with my uniform. My hair and nails would be gorgeous and of coarse perfume to finish the experience.