When I get to college, I'm going to have to make a decision...

[Lindsay blonde locks]

Start wearing women's jeans and hoodies right off the bat to make it easier for potential friends and girlfriends to know the real me and not get "blindsided" (eventually I might go for more blantantly feminine clothing, but the point here is to get the message out),
OR
hide it as much as I can, limiting me to underdressing, and use storage to keep my current stock of clothing outside of my dorm room, while testing the situation with dorm mate for signs of acceptance?

Could I even be so lucky as getting another CDer as a dorm mate? I'm just hoping for at the least LGBT or ally in that regard.
Thoughts?

[Crissy 107]

You can think about it and talk about it here but you really need to see how it actually is when you get to college. No problem dreaming about it though.

[Lisa516]

50 Best LGBTQ Schools for 2019

https://www.collegechoice.net/rankings/best-lgbt-friendly-colleges-and-universities/

[AllieSF]

Go for it. Colleges are the best place to be yourself away from home. Good luck.

[Macey]

You listen to me, young lady … there's a time and a place for everything!

It's called college. You just wear what you ,like and go be you! There are all sorts at college and I can't even imagine a modestly sized college without some sort of lgbtq+ organization.

[Tracii G]

Be yourself from the start and don't worry about it.
Your dorm mates will get used to you and like you for you and not what kind of clothes you wear.
Do it from the beginning and not hide it that saves all the problems you might have if you hide it.

[Eemz]

Go for it from day 1. Otherwise you'll end up with a bunch of people who know you one way and you'll have to manage changing their perceptions later as well. This is your chance to be yourself. I'm a lot older than you, but I came out at work over the past year and did it exactly like that... just started gradually showing my true colors so to speak and letting people figure it out for themselves. No big shock and awe "look at me" moment. I personally feel that just puts people on the back foot and they get defensive.

[Micki_Finn]

Colleges are as good a place as any to experiment. Where you’ll be going to school will make a difference as well.

[Tracii G]

College is a time of independence and freedom I can't think of a better place to experiment.
Use your head and don't fall into doing things just because your friends are doing it.
Such as campus protests for example stay away from those.They never solve whatever they are protesting against and it can get you in big trouble.
Trust me I have been there and done that and I really regretted it for 46 years.

[Lindsay blonde locks]

Thanks everyone <3

[Tracii G]

YW I wish you good luck in your college times.
Major in something that will actually prepare you for the job market.
Art and/or gender studies aren't going to get you any employment.
I majored in anthropology and found out it didn't pay squat LOL bad choice on my part.

[docrobbysherry]

Why don't u try what u like? Then, if it causes no problems, continue.:thumbsup:

If it's a hassle, stop doing it!:thumbsdn:

[sometimes_miss]

Just remember to be safe. Don't make yourself a target for any random nut job who just wants to prove that he's 'tougher than the sissy'. Win or lose, getting involved in fights often goes on your record in school, even if you somehow manage to not get involved with the local police.

Simply, if you're going to dress like a girl, you have to take the same precautions as a girl does.

[ellbee]

Could I even be so lucky as getting another CDer as a dorm mate? I'm just hoping for at the least LGBT or ally in that regard.

Have you considered reaching out to either "The Dorm Dept." ( :heehee: ) and/or the LGBT organization on campus?

(Actually, I believe that first one is usually called something like "Housing & Residential Life" or something to that effect.)


I say that, because you're probably not the first college student who will be living in a dorm, to have those kinds of "concerns."

When you contact them (phone or email? :strugglin ), don't even go into your whole life's CD'ing history. Just say something like you "fall somewhere in the transgender spectrum," and leave it at that, good enough for all involved.

And also, that you're wondering if it's at all possible to get matched up, based on that, with "a good fit" for a roommate. Given the sensitivity these days, I'm sure they'd try to bend over backwards to accommodate you, no joke, heh.


Honestly, if this is something that you want (and it sounds like it does), then it doesn't hurt to ask. Heck, maybe there's someone else exactly in your shoes, who may be inquiring about the same.


Also, the sooner you contact these offices, the better. Never too early. I believe they plan the dorm arrangements long before one thinks they would. And the later you wait to do this, the less likely they'll be able to work with you, ya know?

If they can't set anything in stone right now, see if they can at least put some sort of comment with your name, or something. That way, in case someone else comes forward in a few months, looking for the same, they might be able to match you appropriately.


Hope that all helps. Definitely go for it!

I say that, too, because dorm rooms aren't exactly known to be spacious & private. :heehee:

Wouldn't it be nice to not have to hide, to be able to be yourself when you want/need, and not have to worry? :)


Oh, and congrats on the whole college thing!

Definitely have fun -- but remember to take your studies seriously, too. ;)

[Lindsay blonde locks]

Thanks for the advice Elbee. Lots of great ideas that I couldn't get anywhere else but here!

[ellbee]

No problem. And I agree, this is a pretty cool place for all sorts of things. :thumbsup:


Anyway, I just wanted to add...

When contacting these offices, just be open & honest with them. Like I said, no need for every last detail. But do let them know a bit about yourself (in the general sense), as well as your concerns & preferences when it comes to all this.

I dunno, stuff like you just want to be able to genuinely express yourself through outward presentation when you feel you need to, how you want to be safe, not be harassed or ridiculed by your roommate(s), how you want to feel comfortable & welcomed in your new home, not have to hide your female wardrobe & what-not. That it would really mean a lot to you for whatever they can do to assist you in matching you up with a like-minded & compatible roommate. Blah blah blah. Things of that nature.


Since it might be pretty important to you, it's okay to lay it on a bit thicker than usual, heh. You know, to help ensure that they take you seriously, and be able to do whatever they can. But just be honest & truthful about it, and be sure that it's coming from the right place. ;)

I would be careful with how you word it, though. If you're not a TS or legally a female, then you probably don't want them thinking that you are... Which is why I mentioned the phrase "fall somewhere in the transgender spectrum." I would probably also add "biological male" to that, just so there's no misunderstanding. And if it were me, anyway, I'd probably try to avoid describing one's self with the word "crossdresser" in this situation... For the simple reason being, they might not take the situation as serious/important, unfortunately, and just blow you off.


I'm honestly not sure how much they can do for you, if anything, as I'm not all that familiar with campus life these days. It's been a while for me, you know. :o

But like I said, I can't imagine either the Residential Life office and/or the LGBT organization on campus not trying to be as accommodating as possible. I highly doubt you'd be the first student to bring this up, and I doubt you'll be the last, ya know? For all I know, they already have systems & procedures in place to help find good fits for those who need them.


Oh, and if you feel you're better at writing, then maybe try contacting them first that way (email). Or, if better at speaking, then phone them... But even then, I'd probably print out a bullet-point "cheat-sheet" ahead of time, that can assist you with keywords & phrases to make sure you get your point across & not forget anything.

Oh yeah, and maybe bookmark this thread? Never know what other helpful ideas may come your way. :)


Anyway, worst-case scenario? If things don't work out for you with this right away, keep in mind that it may only be for the first semester, or first year, at most. A lot of things can change for freshmen... Students dropping out for whatever reason (even flunking out), or moving back home/off-campus, or transferring to another school, or financial aid falls through, students may be able to switch dorm rooms/buildings for some reason or another, etc. IOW, there's usually a fair amount of moving about. And if you don't get what you want at first, keep trying & stay in contact with the offices.


Honestly, if I had to do college life all over again? I'd try to hang with a better crowd, LOL. But CD'ing wasn't as prevalent / important to me during that time... Other things took its place, heh. :devil:

But during my sophomore year I did get some exposure to the gay/trans community, through a friend of a friend. Not even sure they had an LGBT organization at that time? :strugglin

Actually, they probably did... But back then, they were called Theatre majors. And they met at the Fine Arts building every day. :heehee:


But seriously, once you start getting your feet wet there, you'll meet some like-minded people soon & sure enough -- and that's without even trying. And that can easily set you up for your choice of roommate(s) after a semester or two, if need be. :thumbsup:


Good luck with everything, and let us know how it all turns out! :wave:

[Fran-K]

Hi Lindsay

First, congratulations on going to college ... good luck, study hard, and so on.

You don't say what school you're going to ... there are some where being openly one of us might not be such a good idea (e.g., some of the religiously oriented schools in the US are very very socially conservative). I _presume_ you're not going to one of them but to a school that is more open minded in general.

Another thing to remember is that you can change things at school. Don't like your dorm roommate? Find someone you do like and room with them next year. Or get an off campus apartment (if that's available). Think the school is not as L* friendly as you'd like? Transfer. So do what you want to do, feel comfortable doing, but don't worry too much if it doesn't work out as well as you'd like ... it can be fixed. Alternatively, if you start slow, figure things out, and so on you can then "up your game". You have options.

And get a degree in something that will get you a good job ... dresses ain't cheap!

Good Luck

Fran

[Sarah Doepner]

Lots of good advise here and I agree with those saying start from day one! I thought about it after I'd already established myself as the guy and it became impossible to be anything else. Granted that was many years ago, but the fear of being outed only gained traction from there and became strongly ingrained in the rest of my life. Gaining flexibility now will give you options throughout your life.

The other thing to remember is you are there for the whole education not just a chance to establish your gender identity. School has become expensive and a key to opportunities later in life. Give study your best shot and put fashion and appearance on the back burner. There will be times during your education that challenge you. Difficult courses, unusual concepts that are hard to grasp, social upheaval, financial or health problems and all sorts of other things will be lurking in your world. Good grades during those first few semesters will give you a little bit of a cushion when the unexpected things happen. I wish you be best of luck.

[Tracii G]

If college doesn't work out for some reason or its just not for you don't worry there are other options like a trade school.
Trade schools are coming back and I am so glad to see it because they offer education that will actually make you money and make you an employee that an employer wants to keep because you have a skill.
I have so many friends that got a college degree and have worked for so many different companies only to get laid off when offices/companies start downsizing.
I ended up getting into the transportation field and made a profitable career out of it. Owned my own company for some years and did very well. I never planned on that career but I saw the chance to make money doing it.
Worked for one company for 25 years and retired with a decent pension.
Some of my old school friends with degrees didn't fair so well over the years and are still working.

[Beverley Sims]

Survey the situation and make a desicision on what others think.

The idea of wearing jeans straight off does have merit, hiding everything does not seem like a good decision.

[Sabrina133]

Go for it. College is all about discovering your self. Some schools have very active LGBTQ clubs/organizations and are generally protective of diversity.

[KimberlyJean]

Social media is a thing, I don't know if you have heard of it. I think you need to consider the rest of your life as well, with social media things you do now will be on permanent record. Just because you are not geographically close to your friends and family doesn't mean Facebook won't work. If you are not out at home or don't plan on being out after college then be very careful as to what you plan on doing and what gets put out there. I have been in remote parts of the world with people only a little older than you and everything they do still gets posted for all to see.

If you are planning to be out then have a blast and own it from day one!

[Swottie]

Jeans and hoodies are kinda unisex these days, you can even get mens skinny jeans now, so those two are a no brainer. I'd suggest go more girly right off the bat, it's the best and probably safest place for trying it.

[Genifer Teal]

On the surface it seems easy to consider which might be the better answer. You could say I'll go the Safe way. you could say I don't need to do this now. you could say I'll reveal it to people on my own time. I think the wisest answer is to make the choice which down the road won't leave you second-guessing your decision. Even if it turns out to be the wrong decision for right now making the choice you ultimately know you want inside will leave you with a clear conscience down the road. What do they say?
(don't ask who) better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all. People generally don't get something right the first time anyway but at least you won't be haunted by the wondering what if. That's how I'd make the decision. I'm much older and wiser now. I can't say Id have felt the same way at your age.

[suzanne]

Be yourself, whatever it means. Going off to college is an excellent break point for anybody wishing to express a different side of themselves. If you dress full time from day one at college, no one there knows you any other way, and those you left behind will never know and may never see you again. Sounds to me like a perfect situation.

[Jennifer2918]

First off, be yourself.

But, I would be drab for the first week or so until you get the full flavor of the campus. Then I would transition to my girl jeans when I was comfortable and more at ease. Remember, there will be lots of new surrounds and people and nerves will be going. Take your time and like I initially said, be yourself.

[Lindsay blonde locks]

I just read all the newest replies, and I appreciate and trust all of it! My school's RoomSync selection feature has not opened yet, but I know already there is a portion of it where you get to write about any "special requirements", with the intent of accommodating LGBT students, as well as people like me. So I'll be fine.

As to others' thoughts about safety and fellow students' reaction to this, I can say this: I am pretty thick-skinned and know how to verbally defend myself if made fun of/teased. But I really need to have friends there, because my social anxiety/awkwardness has prevented me from attaining all the typical high school social achievements. :(

So while I might seem unfazed by rejection from peers of my dressing to an onlooker, inside I will be deeply hurt if this prevents me from getting friends in the *next* four-year school tenure.

[susiej]

Most of us ladies who have lived a few decades more than you will tell you that there's not much chance that this girly thing is simply going to go away for you. Rather, you're going to "get to enjoy it" for the rest of your life (and may it be long, happy and rewarding!).

Start now being honest with your roommate and the others on campus, students, advisors, professors, vendors, dorm workers. You are building the foundation of your long-term future, and in this second decade of the 21st Century, there's no reason to hide your "gift". Wear what you like. Date whom you please. Go out and find people who see the world your way. Trust me, it's far easier that way.

Remember, you are there to get an education, both academic and social. They won't kick you out for wearing jeans that zip up the side to class.

That said, if you come across as gender-ambiguous, you do risk not making friends with the jocks down the hall. But really, darlin', do you care? Chances are the school has way more students than you can ever befriend in the four years you will be there. You don't need 'em all. There will be associations of gender-flexible folk on campus; go find them. Audition for the theater department -- they will likely be less judgmental than most.

You may currently be accustomed to being "strange" and "different" than your peers, but on campus you may find the opportunity to actually meet people who understand and share your experience. Imagine that! Imagine that...

I attended a big university in the midwest from 1968 to 1972, and (of course) stayed tightly and thoroughly in the closet. I've been in that same lonely, dark closet ever since. If I could do it all over again in the modern era -- OMG! I'd be out and myself from the very first day.

Best,
-- Susie