Looking For New Ideas

[BTWimRobin]

Hello All,

My female persona is that little voice inside my head who has been driving me crazy the over the last few years. She lied dormant for nearly thirty years and around the time I hit 50 she started to wake up. She wasn’t so bad at first but she gradually picked up the pace and she is now in the forefront of my mind. It doesn’t take much to set her off … the staccato click of high heels, the sight of a nicely dressed woman, etc …. Really gets her going and makes me think “I bet that outfit would look good on me.” or “gawd I really need get my nails done just like hers.” or “I bet those earrings would feel nice dangling (if I only had pierced ears).” I realized that I have been observing women from the point of wanting to be them so much that I know exactly why women love shoes so much (scary).

So a few days ago I finally joined this group so that I can try to get to know and understand that woman inside me. She has always been a part of me and it’s time I got to know Robin. Once I joined, I realized that this was the best thing I could have done. You all have been so welcoming, supportive and understanding. As I have been replying to threads and in writing this post, Robin is beginning to come to life. She has a voice and I’m a much happier girl.

I am searching for ideas on subtle ways that would help me feel more feminine. So any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you all so much,

Robin

[Micki_Finn]

This is a really tough thing because it’s different for everyone. For me, nails, lashes are what really change my mindset.

There’s also the question of do you want to FEEL more feminine or BE more feminine? Feeling is all internal and takes some soul searching and inreospection. BEing more feminine is all about presentation, and the only way to achieve that is learn learn learn, and practice practice practice. Without being familiar with your presentation, I couldn’t really give you anything more specific. Do you have any specific questions or areas you need help?

[Majella St Gerard]

Feeling more feminine? Your on own, now suggestions for Looking more feminine, you're in the right place.

[Micki_Finn]

Alright Robin, I read your intro post. You say you are basically starting from scratch. No problem. The first thing we need to know is your situation. Married, single, or dating? Does your SO know about your desire to dress? Any kids at home or any other reasons you need to be “discreet” at home?

What is your goal? Do you just want to dress up at home? Do you want to be able to go out and do mundane things while dressed? Go to the club and have eyes on you? Be the next drag superstar?

If you’re starting from scratch, have you ever worn women’s clothing at all?

FEEDBACK WOMAN!!! I’ve got time to spare and advice to give!

[Meghan4now]

Robin,

Welcome to the forum. As Micki and Magella point out, feeling feminine, what ever that means, is going to be a result of your most private reaction to the things you do and experiences you have. I would say that over time, you will grow as a person, and learn to live with the results of your choices, good and bad. While fashion tips and techniques abound here, the best value you can get is to see how people have learned to live with themselves and their loved ones. Sometimes there are huge successes, other times crushing heart breaks. I've seen many here mature from their deep pink fog days to solid lives. I've also seen a lot of folly.

Totally get that 50 marker. It's the midlife crisis. You feel like your running short on time, and it's now or never. That can be both freeing and reckless even at the same time.

Good luck, and BTW 50 is not that bad.

[BTWimRobin]

Thank you ladies so much for offering your help. Let start off by saying that I am married to a wonderful woman who I have not come out to, yet. Before I say anything about this to her I want to be in the right headspace. We do not have any children, unless you count the fury ones. Wifey, besides being beautiful, is a rational thinker and very analytical . She has often told me that I make a better woman than her since I am the emotional one in our relationship and I am the one she comes to for fashion advice (I can't understand why). She is also the most important person in my life and I don't want to lose her over this. Only with her full acceptance dressing around the house would not be a problem. Anything less than that Robin stays in my head. Yes, did read the tips for telling your spouse.

Feeling vs. Being – I don't think you can have one without the other. I can feel already feel her

You are correct, I am starting from scratch. I just stare at my closet and say I have nothing to wear. I do not have any makeup skills.

In addition to playing dress up as a kid and experimenting with mom’s lingerie and makeup as a tween, I have worn women’s clothes and makeup before and it was totally intoxicating. At that time I had a GF who liked to dress me up. Several years later the PF set in and I bought a mascara and was outed by a different GF. I thought I got it all off … guess I didn't. There were a couple of more occasions of dressing but nothing more than a bra here and there. Robin eventually went to sleep and I moved on.

I want to start slowly … Be a little more feminine around the house. I currently don't have any desire to go out in public. The experimenting can be fun. I don't want it to spiral out of control.
Robin

[Macey]

Don't 'borrow' her clothes or make up until after you've spoken to her AND if she offers!

Mean while, sounds like you have a loving, supportive mate. Exploring your feminine side can be addicting, so I'd suggest picking your moment and talking about your feelings with her.

[BTWimRobin]

I have no intentions of borrowing her clothes. They are hers.

[Micki_Finn]

Alright! This I can work with.

First of all, you have already made the decision to basically cede control to your wife. This is a good start. You’ve got your priorities straight. That being said, the advice I give will of course be contingent on your wife being ok with everything.

WARNING: THIS S—T GETS EXPENSIVE

I’m gonna try to keep you on a budget as best I can.

Let’s start with foundations: you’re going to need yourself a bra and a good pair of “tucking panties”. You don’t have to go out and get anything specialized for CDers or anything. Any panties with a nice wide gusset will work, preferably a nylon/spandex blend. I know, thongs are sexy but they don’t keep squat in place. Boy shorts are my personal preference. As for boobs, get a bra that’s padded. You can get “push-up pads” at Target. Not as good as forms but cheaper and will give you some shape upstairs. Also hip pads! You can actually get some cheap hip pads on amazon. If you’re very brave and/or creative, you can cut your own out of foam.

Moving on to outerwear: Start thinking about what you might like your first outing to be. It’s a long way off so don’t panic! Just have a general idea of what you’d like to do. Once you know what you might like to do, go out and find yourself a nice dress that you could wear to such an occasion. It doesn’t have to be super expensive or anything. Just good enough quality to last more than a couple wears. AVOID: plunging necklines, deep slits, exposed back. Yes they’re sexy on women but padding isn’t nearly as cute as cleavage. This is going to be your aspirational dress. You get to spend however long you like completing this outfit. You’ll need shoes and hose and jewelry and a handbag and maybe a wrap, etc. etc. But if this outfit is a long term project you can snipe deals as they present themselves.

Ok, you’ve started your going out outfit, but you’re not ready to go out. You need something for home. This is purely for your pleasure. If you want to buy clothes that you can eventually go out in, go for it, but be warned: your sense of style and your skill at dressing is going to change and evolve, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself not wearing your early purchases down the road, so it’s best to bargain shop. Somegirls here haunt the thrift stores. Personally I prefer to just hit the mall and shop the clearance racks, but (humblebrag warning) I’m a size 2-6 depending on brand etc so I can just buy off the rack most places. Just get what you will feel good lounging around in. Lingerie is tempting but actually quite unforgiving on our male bodies. I personally like gypsy skirts and maxi dresses, but again whatever feels good.


What’s next? SHOES! Get yourself a nice basic black pump. Best is about a 3” heel. If you’re tall and you plan on keeping your heels low, kitten heels are fine but you’ll be using these things to learn walking, so best to stick with what you’ll mostly be wearing. Put those puppies on and walk till you bleed! If you can, walk around the yard or some other open space (on concrete, not grass). Walking around on the street is a whole different monster than walking around your house. Remember you’re essentially walking on tiptoe the entire time you’re in heels. Your heel should never be bearing your weight. Getting the posture right helps too.

Speaking of posture I see lots of girls struggle with this and I do too sometimes. Stand up straight, push your chest/boobs out, roll your shoulders back, and tuck your elbows in. If it feels silly and exaggerated, you’re doing it right. ;) And please remember, for God’s sake, when sitting, keep your knees and ankles together.

Next you’re going to need a wig. For your first, or even first few, I recommend you stick with Shake and go. Lace fronts are for intermediate to advanced wearers. Don’t go too cheap. You’ll see $10-$15 wigs on amazon. You might as well be using the plastic grass from an Easter basket. Your sweet spot for wigs is in the $40-70 range. You don’t need human hair. Learn to take care of her. I recommend you go to a shop and get fitted.

Finally makeup. This is going to hurt you in the pocketbook. There’s no way around this. You CAN go with drugstore makeup, but as a friend of mine likes to say, “Covergirl doesn’t cover boy”. Go to a place like Ulta or Sephora. Any brand that has its own section good, but even their economy stuff is decent. Don’t forget the tools either. Your wife may be willing to share some of her things with you, but please do NOT share any products used on or near the eyes. You can spread nasty infections that way. Even though your wife is likely safe, this is just good practice.
Here is my recommended list of fundamentals you’ll need: eyebrow pencil, eyeshadow (preferably a palette with 3 or 4 colors to it, though you can get by with 2.) eyeshadow brush (palette might include one), eyeliner, eyelash curler, mascara, orange color corrector, foundation (and setting powder if it’s a liquid), beauty blender type sponge applicator, powder brush, blush, lip liner, lipstick, and setting spray. That’s roughly the order you’ll use them if that helps any.

WHEW... that was a lot and that’s really just scratching the surface. The rest you’ll find in other threads, and if you have any specific questions feel free to drop me a direct line.

[Angie G]

hi Robin welcome hun. I know you will get alone good here and get loads of help fore your journey. :hugs:
Angie

[Daniella12]

Wow thanks micki I know it was aimed more at the op but the makeup break down is a huge help as I'm looking at learning how to do my makeup and it's kinda daunting when looking at all the products

[BTWimRobin]

Wow!!! Thank you so so much Micki.
Hugs!
Robin

[Beverley Sims]

Now you have the ideas get stuck into those charity shops without any fear and you will eventually acquire a great wardrobe.

[Leigh_n_il]

Robin,

Welcome to the group. As a member who was a late bloomer as well, I can say that things at our age can progress rapidly before we realize what is going on as you try to find your inner girl. Leigh started to blossom when I was 49. She came out with a vengeance and before I knew it I had amassed a collection of shoes, bras, panties, dresses, wigs, make-up etc.

MIne was the typical story of DADT, so Leigh was very closeted with no where to allow herself to be out with no one else knowing except for when I traveling. Since then she has gone very deep into the closet again.... teenage son and all that related stuff has put Leigh back in the closet, but that is my own internal issue I need to deal with. If your SO is supportive of the inner you, you are far ahead of many of us here.

You are the only one who can know how you feel and how far you want to go to discovering the woman inside you wanting to get out.

We all wish you luck and know any of us are here for you to talk to your feelings and concerns... what ever they may be.

Leigh.

[Meghan4now]

Micki, Cede control??? Meh, still be a partner. Be respectful and all, but still be your own person.

:dom: Whip her into shape! Hahaha. Actually not too bad of a tutorial. Good luck, and with time, you should learn to create clevage and get to wear some nicer tops and dresses!

[docrobbysherry]

I was confused by the heading of your OP after reading your post, Robin. Sounds like u have plenty of dressing ideas and get more all the time! So, why not let Robin try everything?:battingeyelashes:

Then, I read your next post, explaining WHY u don't! I strongly suggest u don't sneak around your wife! It sounds like she holds the key to Robin's prison. If u need her permission, then your first step is to explain how much u want this and GET IT! Then, let Robin out to find herself!:heehee:

[BTWimRobin]

Doc Sherry, Oh, if it were only that easy. I do agree about not sneaking around. That's just not fair to either of us. I need to come out to her soon. It's getting difficult to sleep at night.

[ReneeTD]

The CDing urge hit me at a point in my life when there were a number of pressures, loss of a close friend, birth of a son, etc. I started seeing a therapist, came out to my wife, etc. all about the summer of '03. It was in my head almost constantly and I was wondering if it would ever go away. It toned down eventually as I came to integrate it where I was comfortable and self accepting.

Over the long run, coming out to my wife chilled the intimate relationship, not saying that will necessarily happen in every case, but there are no guarantees. Folks will say that communication is the key, but that doesn't mean that the outcome will be the desired one. I never advocate "coming out" in every case. Sometimes you shouldn't do things, such as, handing a loaded revolver to a toddler. You have to judge for yourself if the advantages outweigh the risks.

I likened it (my urge to crossdress) at the time to "feeding the bear". Feed the bear too much and it gets stronger, starve it and it gets vicious. For my part, I made certain adjustments. I grew my hair out, use a variety of feminine products, shave body hair seasonally and underdress almost constantly. On the other hand I kept the whiskers for the same purpose that a ship has an anchor or a balloon has sandbags.

The cool thing about life, you can tailor it in a variety of ways to suit your needs.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Robin :hugs:, Welcome to our forum, When you ae here you are Home.

Whatever questions that you have there is a 99.875% chance one or more of us will have a answer for you.

There are so man triggers that affects crossdressing.>>>>Orchid ...:daydreaming:+..

[BTWimRobin]

I have to admit Renee, being active on this forum has certainly helped. I am very comfortable here just being myself. Sometimes I go back and re-read some of my posts and I wonder who's that.

As I said in my earlier posts, I have had the desire to dress since childhood. I didn’t have the desire to dress for the longest time and really forgot about it. Around the time I turned 50 things started to change. The desire started to come back and it has gotten progressively worse :wall: I imagine it was brought on by stress or medication side effects or both. So now at 56, I want/need to do something about this. I want to be absolutely certain of what I want before I come out to my wife because once the Jeanie is out of the bottle:stirthepot: … I have thought about seeking professional help but I want to do it with my wife’s acceptance and support. I have a feeling a professional is going to tell me to experiment. What I don’t want is to be in some sort of a DADT situation or have to sneak around behind her back. That would be too unhealthy for me.

TTYL
Robin

[Asew]

For you, it sounds like you want to talk with her before really giving it a go. So during such a talk, offer if she wants to help you shop (like the fashion advice she got from you before) or if she prefers you do it alone (or worst case not at all). Figure out your dress size, I suggest thrift stores since cheap and tons of variety to figure out what you like and don't like. But it really sound like you are at a stand still until you talk to her since you don't want to be sneaky about it.

[Judy-Somthing]

I know how you feel, I love to dress and I spend way to much time thinking about how to look more fem!
I'm in the closet and always on the edge of getting caught!

[ClosetED]

so many stores have self-checkout. Pick up 1 item at a time if you want them quickly. To keep budget under control, AliExpress is cheapest way. Amazon has plenty of choices as well. For earrings, I can show you the adapters I got off Amazon for either post and hook type of earrings. Changing your facial look with wig and makeup is the real kicker to feeling Robin has come alive.
Hugs, Ellen

[Maid_Marion]

Uh, maybe I missed it but the place to start off is with ground rules between you and your wife.

Can you dress outside the house? When she is present or not? Sleeping in women's clothes? underdressing or wearing bras and panties under men's clothes. There are all sorts of arrangements, some that work well, some not so well.
Most here find it helps a lot if you go slow and don't forget you are in a relationship. Getting lost in a "pink fog" is like driving without being able to see where you are going. A recipe for disaster.