Dressing up with your SO

[karentvca]

We believe we have found full acceptance when we can dress up with our SO and have some fun. My wife and I have done this many times at home and even gone out a couple of times. But here's the problem, and it's MY problem:

I prefer to dress up alone or with other CDs and male or female supporters. Here's why: when I become Karen with my wife, I don't get that giddy, feminine feeling. I feel like a man in a dress. I feel like "her husband" in a dress and lose that free-from-masculinity feeling I always get when I dress up without my wife. What gives?

I believe it's because I can't really escape from the real me into the feminine me with the number one person from my manly life. I'm afraid she may be judging me (she doesn't). And I can't seem to leave the husband part of me behind.

Anyone else feel that way? Anyone ever overcome that feeling?

[Julie York]

You're just self conscious with your wife that's all. There a little bit of you that "feels silly" when someone who really knows your male self, is present. If you can work out why then you can relax. But I think what you experience is very understandable.

[Donna tv]

Karen , I often find that things I want to express in a post don't always come out the way I intended. But sister you could not have said it any better. I have the exact same feelings. I have found I am more at ease when I am alone . I have dressed up with my wife countless times, she has been very accepting and supportive but I don't think to the extent that I have read from many of the wonderful GG's here. It feels as though I am on a leash so to speak and if a mannerism or jesture is too Feminine or if I wonder to close to a window and someone may see me the leash is wound in . I think having an accepting wife is so awesome because I think there is a lot of baggage that comes with our desires. and I totally feel for the ones who cannot even come close to revealing who they are. But my hat is off to the GG's who I feel accept this UNCONDITIONALLY I don't think mine ever will.

[ashlee chiffon]

I haven't gone out alone or with anyone in many years, so it would be wonderful to have a SO that would dress up with me and go out. It would be a real treat and a real thrill Just to be able to share my needs with her and be in a public place at the same time...
I guess it would depend on the way She acted around me at those times that would determine if i felt comfortible or not, but i suppose the way i behaved would determine How she acted!

[Karen Edmonton]

It's so hard to be two people at once . You can't ignore that this person really knows you well and when you go into girl mode it's like you're lieing to that person . And it's apparent that you have a loving ,caring relationship with each other , so I think when you dress with your wife , you may feel like you're being dishonest with her. All I know is , that's how I'd feel !

[Janelle Young]

I don't have that problem as right now there is no SO. I do wish I had that problem though. I can see why you would feel that way though. If I had a SO I could dress up and go out with I think I would feel a lot silly, but I would like to try it to find out for sure.

The husband part is always going to be there, you are her husband in a dress with your wife in a dress. It does get confusing and yes it is hard to 'escape' all the way if your wife is around I would imagine. Still I would take the partial escape over the non supportive SO any day.

[Julie Avery]

Karen, I've felt *exactly* the same thing, and to my mind, Julie York's reply has been most helpful in making sense of the feeling.

[Dragster]

I'd give my right arm for my wife to accept me dressed in front of her, and to go out in public en femme with her. Sadly we are still a very long way apart on this. Karentvca, you don't know how lucky you are with what you've got.

I read today that making love after a bungee jump is an incredible experience with all that adrenaline running round your body. I can just imagine the adrenaline level that would result from going out in public en femme for the first few times. Has anyone made love just after such an experience, and was it any different to making love at other times?

Just curious,
Tony

[CharlaineCadence]

It is very hard I know when you are dressing witht he one you love. I dress alone and with my gf but she has never sseen me fully done up and will soon. I feel very uncomfertable at first do to the fact that well i'm a real girlly girl type and shes more of the looks hot in a berlap sack type so doesnt do much to get dressed up. me my fasted time was 90 min. So i feel like i'm under a microscope with her but then again she teached me many things also. and helps me in other areas.

[Joy Carter]

I agree that it's real hard to do this in front of you SO. I just would be happy to be accepted and let things fall where they may.

[Josi]

I have only allowed myself to be "me" in the last 3 years and I cant dress at home as 3 of my kids are still there and I wont "lay this on them" ... I dont want to make my needs into their problem ... so ...
I used to accept all invitation from GG friends to go "out" or have Girl's Nights in .. it was my only opportunity to dress and I have had great fun going to the theatre, cinema, restauraunts, clubs, pubs, shopping ..
I met my SO just over a year ago and we have been on a voyage of discovery since then.
I respect that she is not yet (if ever) comfortable going out as above ... except for a recent thrilling trip to Trans-mission in London.

It may have something to do with falling absolutely in love with her (for who she is, not what she does) ... but as much as I would like to do the shopping /clubs/pubs bits with my GG friends ... well ... there is no competition when it comes to choosing time with Annie or time with others ... I would rather be Annie's Man than my friends' girlfiend. ... and as I would dearly love to do the "girlfriend thing" .. that tells you how much I love her ....
I REALLY enjoy dressing with her ... having my nails done .. and especially like her to do my eyes (just in case she reads this .. so she knows whats on my wish list lol).
I have been given a gift in this relationship ... I have been allowed to be "me" . I am accepted ... all of me.

Anyway .. whoever I am with I am a "man in a dress" ... but if this "man in a dress" has to choose ... I choose my SO !

I have NEVER in my life felt so at peace as I do now.

Josi

[HaleyPink2000]

Well I'm of the idea that I have been being me as much as possible. Today I had to come home after a wake by myself. So I dressed and am on here.
Wife is at a meeting till around 10pm.

I'd love to have my Wife help more in my CDing. But like others have said , it's like She's watching me with a screwy look and I then feel lost, not pretty like I should feel. But lost, like a Man in a dress and silly. We did go to a triEss meeting 2 months ago and She did go with. While dressing I had to go into the bathroom and lock the door So I would not have these bad feelings. It was like She was there just to remind me that She does not approve.

So now next month She wants to go with again. She don't leave the Hotel room to go to the meeting. So why should She go. To torment me or what?
Maybe it's just me. But last night She said " be sure to take off that Damn lipstick before you go to work in the morning. See it's like that everyday mostly.

I'd love a Day that She just excepted me totaly.

[ashlee chiffon]

Have some compassion for your wife! She *from the little you've said*, is trying to ease herself into something very alien to her and trying to understand. She may NEVER understand or NEVER accept you, but at least, she's trying!!! Give her a chance.Look at this from her perspective and put yourself in her place...i'll bet YOU wouldn't be so understanding *gotta love those GG's!* and would probably freak over her dressing as a man, going to meetings with other Women, dressed as men...and going into the bathroom and locking herself in and acting wierd...
Its a hard thing for Most women to accept. But, don' LOSE her if she's willing to try. And don't prejudge her either, the screwy looks are normal if she's feeling confused!
Take it from one who has been in the same type of situation...
I wish i had a SO now that i could share with...YOU have someone!!!
*hugs* bobby

[Abbygale]

Helllo Karen:
You sure can come up with some interesting questions. Dressing in front of my SO is no problem with her but at times I feel awkward. We haven't gone out nor have had the enjoyment of having fun with others. Who knows maybe someday. Love your look
Abby

[Krystenw]

I dress with my wife quite often. Since I had surgery on my back, I have a little difficulty painting my toenails. So we do each others, I let her pick out the colors she wants to use and we paint each others at the same time.
She doesnt like me to go out in public in a skirt or a dress so she bought me several very nice ladies pantsuits. Several of which are loose enough around the bottom that I can wear pantyhose and sandles and no one has seemed to notice. I haven't figured out why, but I have both ears pearced twice and she will go out with me in a bright purple pantsuit with white sandles with 1 inch heels, but has a fit if I forget to take out my earrings. But after 30 + years of marriage I have found out "If Mom Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody happy. :cheeky:

[Barbara B]

I used to feel a little uneasy when I first started dressing around my wife, but I believe that since I've finally accepted myself for who I am things have become easier. The more relaxed I am, the more relaxed she is. For me the key was acceptance of my self all else then fell into place. Barb

[DonnaT]

Can't say as I ever had that problem Karen. Most likely because I've never felt like I wasn't her husband when dressed.

Now, my wife on the other hand, has problems dressing at the same time I do. She's ok seeing me enfemme, but shudders when watching the process.

[Jenny Beth]

I've been dressing for so long it's hard to remember the uneasiness I once had being enfemme in front of my wife. I suppose it's a combination of my self acceptance and her understanding and support that I am transgendered. Since I dress everyday it would be difficult to dress or undress without her presence at times and for us it's just a normal part of life. Just a guess here but I think those who are still uncomfortable dressing if front of their SO's will eventually be okay with it. Like everything else on this road time is what smooths out the bumps.

[kenn]

my wife and me get dressed togather all the time ,it,s great....me and my daughter wear the same size so she lets me use what i want...she,s 27 FYI
she helps with make up and all sorts of things

[Flo's wife GG]

As the SO of a TG I can say that we dress together often and our children are accepting of the change. She dresses as much as she feels comfortable and at times I wish that she would dress more as there is a total change in her from femme to drab.
Give your So the time that she may need to fully come to terms with your femme side.
It takes time and understanding on both sides.
As you become more at ease with yourself I think that you will see a difference in the way that you see her seeing you.

[Wendy me]

well just at like halloween i have been dressed infrought of my wife ... we are talking and hopefuly one day soon we can get to were i can dress with her home ... for now i am giveing her some space to get comfy with things and trying not to rush her or push her into something she is not ready for ....

[HaleyPink2000]

I'd love to do more with the wife as per dressing. She is just not into helping or anything. As She says it, " Your Going To Hell in A Basket". See She thinks it's a big Sin, and She is from an AG Church Background.

The most She has ever done is comb my wig last Halloween going to a TriEss party. Then There She wanted to leave right away, and so we did before it was over. I usually don't push anything, I just am a go along so to speak.

But wow what better impersination of a female could I do if She did help me. Wow and a Wooo Hooo. But Maybe someday.

[Crisack]

I have an ex-wife now, but when we were together she wasn't as accepting. Tolerating but not really accepting. After we split up she's alot more accepting of it. I found though, that when we were together I had that same feelings you did, have to be the "man" of the house and such. I never felt the "illusion" with her then. Now, she loves to go shopping with me. And no, it's not just because she gets new clothes when she does. Really, lol.

Seriously though, I don't feel like I'm filling the husband role now so when I've been dressed around her it feels more...natural?

[Elizabeth Anne]

I have dressed many times with my wife & went out but only with a group of other CDers, & other wives of CDers. When I want to go out any other time, she says go ahead & have fun.

[Diannna]

I have to say that I too have the same feeling as karentvca. I live part time with my g/f. She accepts me for what I am. She even likes me to dress up sometimes and we get into a little extra curricular activity, if you know what I mean. She lets me dress up alone, as she's not yet comfortable with the both of us dressing together. When I come out as Diana, I feel a bit embarrased. I just don't know how much she will let me go. I do the manerisms but feel a little uneasy. Then ofcourse I am more submissive when we go to bed together. I'm sure she enjoys it, at least I get the feeling she does, it's just that I'm the one that has to over come my shyness or uneasyness with her. So I know what your talking about karen. I'm sure or at least hope this all becomes easier as time goes on. I would really enjoy living some part of my life enfemme, and with her.

[Sally24]

My wife and I have gone out several times in the last year and she actually helps me feel like one of the girls! If I start slipping into drab mode she corrects me politely and we continue on our way. If I didn't have her I don't think I would feel half as comfortable in public as I do presently. She has been very supportive and it has helped her in some ways too. She has started wearing make-up, something she rarely did before. She has also started shopping for better outfits that compliment her figure instead of always hiding behind bulky clothes.

I think that you're trying to "forget" who you are to feel like a woman. What you have to try to do is realize that you have many parts that make up your whole personality. Don't try to forget the male part any more than you try to forget your female half. Let each part of you express itself in it's own time without having to eliminate the other. My wife has always been my best friend and we still are. We just relate to each other differently depending on how we are dressed. She even prefers Sally sometimes!