Being a good neighbour !

[Teresa]

Some may recall my story from about a year ago about breaking the ice with my neighbours by telling them clearly I'm TG , I also now live fulltime but do have to accept certain occasions when I have to go and see my mother or my son and grandsons in drab .

The guy on the opposite side of the road has obviously seen me many times but on every occasion he usually disappears fairly quickly from his front garden . A couple of days ago I was just off to see my mother when I stopped to have a conversation about our gardens , I then touched on the subject of him apparently avoiding me when I'm out as Teresa . He admitted he's not comfortable with it but I do have a sneaking feeling his wife isn't comfortable and he's just complying . I then posed the question that if I had full transition would he never speak to me again ? He replied that we'd have to cross that bridge if and when it happened .

So I spent the journey thinking should I just be a good neighbour and not dress in my front garden but then I thought no he is the one with the problem , he's an adult he'll have to deal with the issues that bother him . Besides the lady on my righthand side is so lovely , she's even asked if her granddaughter could talk to my dog and I chatted to her and her daughter for several minutes . Her granddaughter calls me a lovely lady and her daughter always refers to me as the lady next door . I must admit my neighbours on my left hand side do now choose to ignore me but they keep themsleves to themselves anyway so I'm not missing very much . I did give all of them a Xmas card thanking them for being good neighbours and gave each of them a bunch of roses , only the nice lady gave me a houseplant with a card and the guy sent me a nice card in return .

The only question I keep asking myself is should I have appeared at all in male mode from the moment I moved in ? It is the one area where I'm having difficulties going from male to female , if they had nothing to compare me with would that problem ever of arisen ?

It's still the niggling question who is the good neighbour ?

[Macey]

You darn well should be able to go about your own house and your own property as you please. Dressed in however you are comfortable. Sure, having good neighbors is best, and you seem to be doing everything and above to be a good neighbor. Everything else is their problem.

There are a lot of reasons to approve or disapprove of a neighbor. My property is unkempt, and I'm sure that is stressful to them. My rooster takes to crowing at about 5:00am, but then again, certain folks in the neighborhood like fireworks on all occasions and sometimes late at night. One fellow has a motorcycle with no muffler. Meh, live and love if it is at all possible. Live and let live if love is not possible. You do you, Teresa. They're the ones who would be missing out on a good neighbor.

[BrendaPDX]

The fact that you are thinking about this means you are a considerate and caring person. I would continue as you are, it is your house, you are not forcing or pushing anything.

[Majella St Gerard]

Teresa. You made the first move in being a good neighbor the rest is on them. Dress as you want for what ever reason you want, let the people with "Issues" deal with it, you don't owe anyone anything.

[Tracy Irving]

should I just be a good neighbour and not dress in my front garden

So, the guy across from you doesn't like the clothing you choose to hide your nakedness. Is that his decision to make?

[Allisa]

Funny you should bring up neighbors, mine are just beginning to show signs of hope. Once again we(TG,NB,CD etc..)are asked to "hide" just for the sake of others. Mine have known me as a male for along time so I understand their "confusion", but they have to realize I'm not hiding anymore and I am open to have any talk about my "change" in appearance if they are truly curious. A good neighbor? I maintain my house and yard, there's no constant police presence, I pay my taxes on time and I clean the weeds from my curb in front of my house. I guess the big question is why should you do something that is now abhorrent to you just to appease others, so you can be a good neighbor? Just continue to be yourself and a fixture in the neighborhood, they will come around. Spring is here it's time to be outside and enjoy life.

[Beverley Sims]

You have done the right thing as a good neighbour, the only thing is that if you had moved in full time as a lady there would be no comparison for them to worry about. I had a comment once that if I appeared as a male in certain company everyone would be weirded out.

[Teresa]

Lisa,
My garden isn't totally weed free but I do pride myself on making a good colourful show and keep my lawns trimmed , so no one can complain about my standards as a neighbour .

Bev ,
I must admit I prefer not to appear in male mode at any of my social groups , if I wanted to drink with the lads I'd go to the local pub .

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=295443&stc=1&thumb=1&d=1536141887 https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=296104&stc=1&thumb=1&d=1537695080

As you can see from from these pictures , by the way the lady in the picture is my gardener ! Well she doesn't look too offensive to me .

[Asew]

You do you, especially since you are so out everywhere in your town, you should be most out in your own space and home. I have a set of neighbors who seem extra friendly since seeing me in a skirt and another set that are more distant and one set that seems the same. The neighbors have no influence on what I where in or around my home (that's what I have a wife for! :) ).

And I always love your garden, maybe when I have older kids I might devote more time to such outdoor beauty.

[Stephanie47]

Teresa raises an interesting point. Is she to be genuine and appear as a woman 100% of the time? Or appear as a male when a person feels uncomfortable with her 'female' side? The answer would seem to be obvious. On her property or going about her day it seems she is comfortable with her female side. Teresa's front yard is her front yard. A part of her life. She should be her true self.

Then the issues arises about accommodation elsewhere. Teresa obviously by her post still appears as a male when visiting her mother, son and grandsons. This is an accommodation which stifles her self expression. Were Teresa to be invited to a street/neighborhood event/BBQ should she accommodate those who are uncomfortable with her en femme and forego her self expression for the event? She does this for her close relatives.

[Fran-K]

Hi Teresa

It sounds to me like the guy across from you (or his wife - it doesn’t really matter) is in “live and let live” mode.
Sounds like he’s being a perfect neighbor given what are his apparent thoughts of us.
I mean, he could be rousing the countryside, preaching sermons, and demanding that Somethhing Be Done!

Great looking garden!

Fran

[JeanTG]

As my therapist said, if you're out and about as a woman (I can blend but not pass), and someone has an issue with that, it's their problem not yours, unless they elect to harass you about it. In which case you have the option to simply ignore them, or tell them their behaviour is inappropriate then walk away.

[Teresa]

Stephanie/Fran,
You raise a good point about the thoughts of others . I mentioned the three neighbours surrounding me but many more know about me around my estate , often while I'm working in my front garden someone passing with their dog will stop and chat or at least politely say hello . To repeat an amusing story , the couple who choose to ignore me were having a BBQ , some of the neighbours had been invited , I was in my rear garden in a short skirt and Tshirt tidying up and relaxing on my recliner . A few days later I was walking my dog and met an older guy , the subject did come up , all he said was, " Don't worry you've got good enough legs in that short skirt , or so my wife tells me !!" he admitted they had all seen me through the gaps in the fence .

Many thanks with kind comments about my garden I'll pass it on to my gardener .

[Robertacd]

I am all for being a good neighbor, but honestly hon, it's your house and your property. If you can't live your life the way you want to there, then where can you?

You should live your life the way want. If anyone doesn't like it, that's their problem.

Take the high road and continue to be a good neighbor, send them Xmas cards, and be yourself. Don't change anything just for the sake of your neighbors.

[Gillian Gigs]

If my memory serves me correctly, you have been up front and honest with your neighbours from the beginning about being TG. It is impossible to please everyone, so you just have to do your best to get along with people as far as possible. You win people over by acts of kindness, that has nothing to do with how you are dressed. Being a good neighbour is keeping your property neat, tidy and to a standard that is set within the area. All your pictures show that you are keeping a high standard. Would you get upset if your neighbour didn't like you because of the football team you cheered for, or whose team colours you would wear? Treat your clothing choices the same way, because you can't please everyone! If you didn't go to their BBQ, small loss for you, big loss for them. amor vin-cit om-nia, love conquerors all!

[Rachael Leigh]

Teresa, I so relate to this as I know most of the neighbors have seen me dressed in various looks, I’m very conservative in
what I wear but some days like today I needed to mow the yard so I put on my running skirt( no I’m not a runner) ok so walking skirt lol. I put on my ponytail extension for my hat a bit of makeup and off to the yard to mow.
I saw my Nextdoor neighbors come home and we talked for a few minutes and yes they know I’m TG now I was not fully
presenting but our conversation was quite normal.

I do think the fact your neighbors have seen both sides can effect their perception of you but as you say it’s their issue not
yours. As some have told me you just do you my friend

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Teresa,

Honestly, you are on your own property; you can do what ever you want. You were upfront with him and if he is the one feeling uncomfortable then it's his problem.

Not to make light of this in any way .... on the other hand maybe he is uncomfortable because he has a female side bottled up inside him and he is afraid to let her out. Seriously, when Robin lied dormant in me I would feel very uncomfortable around other CDs or TGs.

[docrobbysherry]

Teresa, u have issues I don't. As a closet CD, I'm not out to my neighbors and try to avoid them seeing me as I drive out to T events.:daydreaming:

However, if they look over the fence and see an odd looking, naked woman in my pool or in my yard? There's not much I can do about that!:devil:

[Crissy 107]

Teresa, You are a good neighbor, it’s their problem and as hard as you try you may never win them over. Your gardens are beautiful, you have a nice dog, Lucy, who appears to be a black Lab, you don’t get much nicer then that. You have a very good attitude and you try your absolute best and if it were me I would just continue to do the same.

[Teresa]

Robin,
I wish he had told me why he doesn't feel comfortable . He did put his foot in it with his wife not long after I met them . I needed someone to take care of my dog for the day and popped across in drab to ask if they could help me out but had forgotten about my nail polish , I saw him looking so I just passed it off by saying I often forget now , his wife sat next to him , so he turned to her and said I had better nails than her ! . She was about to make a coffee so I thought nothing more about it but she never came back , I feel that comment was the crux of the problem making a comparison went down like a lead balloon ! I feel now he's avoiding me because he made that one comparison so he doesn't want to see me in case he makes another comment . They both know I'm about the same age as his wife , I'm sure she doesn't want him making comparisons . I also feel this is the problem with the couple that choose to ignore me, again they are in the same age bracket and since catching sight of me in my garden and hearing the leg comment during the BBQ they are finding it easier to ignore me . As for the lovely lady on the other side she is separated so doesn't have the same problem, she loves chatting to me .

I'd never thought about the competitive situation before until I cooked the Xmas meal for my daughter and her family as Teresa, my wife was furious and one of her comments was to accuse me of taking her place , I told her straight that being TG has nothing to do with competeing with anyone .

It would be interesting what other people think of the problem of being compared , it's not something I'd expected to happen , that is assuming I'm correct .

[Micki_Finn]

I’d put it to you this way: if he had said “I just don’t feel comfortable” being around someone because they were a different ethnicity what would you say or do? Would you tell your friends and family of differing ethnicity to not come over for the sake of “being a good neighbor”?”

“I just don’t feel comfortable” usually means “I was raised prejudiced and I am unable to overcome that but I’m too emberrassed to admit I’m a bigot.”

[Teresa]

Micki,
There's always a possibility of both elements because of his age ( 71 ) . From his comments he does appear to be a little homophobic but then he had just had the labout party canvasser call and he sent him packing saying I'm not voting for that communist . I get on with fine with him but he does appear to have a few hangups !

[mykell]

hopefully your neighbor will see that either way you are an asset to the hood,

but i just have to compliment you on your garden and your house looks just lovely :)

[Teresa]

Mykell,
Thanks for that I do enjoy my garden , I do have some big plans for the interior of my bungalow but I do love it as a home , I just consider myself lucky to have come through my separation with a 50-50 split to give me a chance to choose a nice home , I appreciate some aren't so lucky .

[Sissy_in_pink]

If he is complying to his wife it sounds like she is scared that he will get ideas and start crossdressing himself or maybe he is and she knows it but won't let him do it and doesn't want him to have any influence from you.

[Lydianne]

Teresa, I admire your consistency that you ask the same questions of yourself that you have asked others to ask of themselves. I shall now demonstrate my consistency that, having defended others against you, my inclination is to defend you against him.

Having experienced people being 'uncomfortable' with me for a large proportion of my life, my sentiments regarding your neighbour are slightly more nuclear than what has been expressed here so far, but if he is capable of being reasoned with eventually, then I would support persistence with that approach. Your acceptance percentage in the neighbourhood is high enough anyway that I don't think you need him, but I understand your self-questioning and can imagine that him having been there first might make you evaluate towards his favour. However, the fact that your presentation has been consistent from day one adds in favour of you, I think... along with the aforementioned neighbourhood acceptance percentage.

All the best with however you choose to negotiate this conundrum!
- Lydianne.

[KimberlyJean]

I have a trans friend who I have only know as a woman and the way I think of her is easy to use female pronouns. A FTM person works for me and is transitioning, I knew him first as a female and even for me it is hard to use the correct pronoun. My wife and I were talking about him and I thought I should be better at using the proper pronouns. Maybe if you had started out female that is the way they would think of you.

[BTWimRobin]

Teresa,

OMG, your gardens are so beautiful.

That was such an inappropriate comment he made to his wife. I would never compare my wife to anyone and I certainly would not do it publicly.

You're a good neighbor. I would not loose any sleep over your neighbor.

[Fran-K]

Hi Teresa
It sounds like for the most part you've got nothing but good neighbors, and vice versa. That sounds to me like an unqualified success! There are just a couple of outliers and, heck, they just might not like you regardless of your gender/etc. I wouldn't be concerned; life is too short to worry about a neighbor or two.

Fran

[alice one day]

Hi Teresa,
I don't know what it's like in your part of the country but I moved to the West Country 15 years ago. I was an "incomer", presenting as a male and even today I have neighbours who will not speak even if I speak. One guy two doors down refused to speak to me as I spoke to my next door neighbour. So remember "there's none so queer as folk" you've successfully sorted out your life, obviously made friends with some neighbours so if you have a few sad **** who want to ignore you or talk about you it's not your problem. Get out there and enjoy your life!

[alwayshave]

Teresa, people who are going to be uncomfortable were going to be uncomfortable with you whether they have seen you in male mode or not, in my humble opinion. A good neighbor is a good neighbor regardless of how they present. You have a beautiful garden.

[Bobbi46]

teresa, this is your life, you went out of the way and beyond what most folks would do by making a point of from the get go to explain to all and sundry that you are TG to turn round and not dress just because of one bigot is denying you af your own true persona either side of you they ok its just the man opposite, maybe he is doing what he is told to do!! i,e semi ignoring you.
You should just be yourself, its your life, dress as you think fit but I certainly would not change just to suit an unbeliever over the road!

[Teresa]

I'd like to thank you all for taking time to read my thread . I've just replied to a PM where they thanked me for telling my stories , I hope others reading this may have some thoughts on their own situation with neighbours , as Alice says , " There's none so queer as folk !" OK it is a UK saying but I'm sure you all get the drift . We never really know what goes on behind our our neighbour's doors .

I hope I haven't given too much of a wrong impression about my neighbour , we do have a laugh and he's very useful to know as he's a professional plasterer , and he has done some work for me . There is just one final twist to this story , he's from a large family and one of his older brother's has just bought a bungalow two doors up . When he told me I said that's great having a family member so close , he replied that it wasn't as he doesn't speak to his brother , I just thanked him for putting me in the picture .

[Terrylynn]

Just because someone doesn't like you doesn't make them a bigot. Some people on this forum seem to think their is a bigot around every corner. Labelling someone a bigot implies that you can somehow read their mind. So, unless the person tells you they dispise TG people, labeling them a bigot seems awfully judgmental.