to be or not be a cd

[closets]

if you could re-live your life with everything being the same but with ONLY 1 change - to be or not be a cd, how would you choose?

I've always been a cd, and I know the thrill, excitement and comfort. But, I think life would be better if I wasn't a cd.

Shame + guilt = lower self esteem, and not feeling normal have all contributed to my shyness. I know I've missed out on life.

If there was a pill to stop being this way, I'd try it.

[Rachelakld]

I'm fine, had a fun life and just want it to continue (white water rafting next week, seen some black water I wouldn't mind trying and there's a really cool parachute jump now available a few hours drive away).

[Beverley Sims]

I probably would not change, although I wonder sometimes what it would have been like not leading a dual life.

To Rachael black water rafting is good, see all the glow worms in the caves, with absolutely no light at all.


Good fun really, just get used to claustrophobia.

[Teresa]

Closets,
To be truthful I don't really know another life other than a CDing one , back to the same old question , " What is normal ?" I don't feel I've missed out on life perhaps it might have been a different one but in what way ?

My wife and I agree CDing has kept me faithful to her she knows fine I would have had affairs , so my marriage may have been over anyway . No regrets about having kids and now grandchildren . No matter what we feel inside life is what we make it , as long as we can find ways to enjoy it to the full does it really matter what clothes we choose to wear ?

[Patricia_Campi]

Since I can´t dress when I want and never have made a full transformation because of my wife, I believe it would be better if I wasn´t a CD. :(

Kisses

[Helen_Highwater]

Closets,

No on refection I'd still CD. I've had many wonderful experiences, yes there have been moments of trepidation, heart in mouth experiences as I progressed along my journey but all in all I'd stay as I am.

I've never hated myself for beening what I am. Pondered the whys but never let not knowing overwhelm me. Perhaps it's because I've always had a little streak of rebellion in me that's made me my own person.

With that wonderful thing hindsight, one thing I'd do differently is come out to my SO in the very early days while we were both much younger. That I feel would have eased the path tremendously. Oh and if I could please have the internet and this site again from the very start, well icing on the cake springs to mind.

[susan54]

I occasionally ask myself this question. I spend a LOT of money on my lovely clothes and there is no doubt that I would be very much better off if I was not CD. Against that is the pleasure I get from wearing these clothes - it is excellent fun so no, I would not take the pill.

[alwayshave]

I would have never dated my ex-wife, is there a pill for that. Crossdressing is nowhere on my list of regrets.

[Crissy 107]

This is a really tough question for me, I love my feminine side and how it makes me feel but since my own situation has gone downhill with my wife I would have to at least consider it. Like Helen said I too would come out much earlier but of course back then there was no group like this to get support and insight into things. I really do not know the answer, it would take much more pondering.

[Eemz]

A gay friend of mine in his late 40s told me that he would gladly have taken any magic "gay antidote" pill in there was one, many times when he was growing up. But now he's glad there wasn't because "if I had, then I wouldn't be me any more". That's sort of how I feel about this. My life might have been easier, but I wouldn't be me any more. This is part of who I am, and I like this person.

[sara66]

If I could go back and not be a CD, I probably would. However the butterfly effect would still change every aspect of your life. Just think about all the time and money we have spent. I still spend about 20% of my time thinking about CDing or shopping. You could not change one thing.
I have never felt guilt or shame about dressing. It has just been part of my. I do feel that CDing had impacted my ability to date. I never wanted a woman to have to deal with it.

Sara :2c:

[Ressie]

It's a good question but there's no way to truly answer it. Also, there's no way to re-live one's life so... What would take the place of CDing? Would it be something more positive or something negative?

Crossdressing is surely less harmful than than many other vices. Maybe a pill to stop feeling shame and guilt (regarding CDing) would be better.

[Connie D50]

"Shame + guilt = lower self esteem, and not feeling normal"
I have had a great life, the above comment is the hardest for me. You think you get over it then it comes back hard.
I would add a question how much would your life choices would chance if you didn't have CD in your DNA??

[Cheryl T]

That is a very difficult choice.
On the one hand it would have made my early life so much easier to not CD. No shame, guilt, fear, hiding and questioning my sanity.
On the other it means that had things progressed the same way I would never have married my loving wife. We would never have had all these decades together. We would not have the family we do. We would not be living this wonderful life together.

So, I'd have to say NO. I would not want to go back and change. I'm happy with all I have and with who I am.

[BrendaPDX]

I honestly don't know, I do think it would have been an easier path.
When we pull on the treads of our life the tapestry unravels in unexpected ways. I know corny, it is a line from Star Trek

[JeanTG]

It's made my life way too complicated, I would have preferred to be without this.

[Alice Torn]

I wish i had not had this thing. I have been tortured emotionally and socially all my life, and a loner, who wanted to marry, but never had any chance. CDing has added to the isolation, shame and guilt, and loneliness, feeling so very different than other men, and more sensitive even, than women. I do hope for a next life and world, where most will be able to live life again, without all the evils and crazy makers of this cruel world.

[marlacd]

No. Only because something might have replaced it, that would be more detrimental to my life.

I never looked at the money aspect of it. If I had, then I might not have married. I wasted a ton more because of that. Money can be earned, but it's just a tool for buying the fun things in life. If I buy it, then I'll have fun with it.

[April Rose]

Whenever this question arises I am reminded of the Butterfly effect, and the law of unintended consequences. The world being what it is, there is no guarantee I would have been happier if I had not been a cross dresser. As much as I admire women, and wish to develop the feminine aspects of my personality in ways that mirror them in an honorable way, there is no way to really predict whether I would have been happier as a real woman, or a cisgendered male.

There is always going to be something to regret in life, I would rather go forward the best I can with what I've got.

[Tracii G]

What a depressing thread.

[Jane G]

What a daft question. I would choose to be a CD of course. How boring life would be without such guity pleasures. Simples.:heehee:

[Micki_Finn]

Is there a pill to do it more and start earlier? I’ll take that one.

[Julie Martin]

"Shame + guilt = lower self esteem, and not feeling normal" "You think you get over it then it comes back hard. " "It's made my life way too complicated, I would have preferred to be without this." "I wish i had not had this thing."

I share all of the above with the posters (see my post from last week about being discovered). If there was an antidode, I'd take it in a heartbeat. But that's just me, I know many would not. But I will not judge anyone either way for how they feel, or chastise them for raising the question....

[GracieRose]

What a rabbit hole to go down.

Easy answer is "yes, of course". Then life would have been so much simpler. But I would be a different person since I would have experienced life differently, and our personalities are shaped by our experiences. (ahh, the butterfly effect; one change influences many, many other changes.) I really don't know if I would be happier with (or as) the person that I would have come to be.

This reminds me of the many times in my life that I would wish that I had been born as a GG. ONLY 1 change, trade that pesky Y-chromosome for an X-chromosome at birth. I'd be the same person, except that I'd be a woman! But it doesn't work like that. That one change would have changes so many more things. The schools that I went to, my acquaintances, who I married, children, grandchildren. Things deviate quickly and significantly. Who knows if the overall package would have been better or not.

I guess I'm better off looking at the glass as half full rather than half empty. (And recent research indicates that this outlook is healthier anyway). I'd better appreciate the good things that I have, not dwell on the things that I would like to have, and do what I can to satisfy my unfulfilled desires without seriously jeopardizing the good things that I already have.

(This rabbit hole just got too deep). :daydreaming:

[Sallee]

good question I really don't know. Some times I feel sorry for people who are not CD's They are missing a bunch of cheap thrills and fun. Well, maybe not so cheap

[Meghan4now]

No.

If I were wishing on a star, then I would rather the universe revolve about me, and everyone else in the word embrace my crossdressing.

So there! ;)

Oh and I hope Micki is opening a dispensary! Much earlier!

[GracieRose]

If I were wishing on a star, then I would rather the universe revolve about me, and everyone else in the word embrace my crossdressing.

Meghan, I like your alternative wish.

[Charleene]

new kid in town:)

Interesting thread as I am new to all of this, just wrote my intro today. I am at a crossroads with this very idea. Should I dress or not. Will it satisfy me or bring me problems? I hope more people reply.
thanks

[Taylor Dame]

While it was somewhat stressful in my younger years, I would miss this side of my personality. It's impossible for me to say how my life would have turned out without it being a part of me. I believe it has improved my sensitivity and creativity.

[Lacy99]

I would change how i looked at it and how i treated it. I would keep it but i would have shared it with my Wife a lot sooner, like before we got married. I would have embraced it more instead of hiding it and being ashamed of it. I would most likely still stay in my house cuz as my old man has said, "i have ugly on both sides of my family" =)

[Elizabeth G]

If I could change any one thing about myself it would be my aggressive driving habits. I'm at a good place with my crossdressing and trans nature other than not getting enough opportunities to fully dress. Dressing makes me happy and my wife and I are working things out in a way that seems to be working for both of us.

[Confucius]

If I was never, ever, a CDer then I would prefer to remain that way. I wouldn't know what I was missing and my life would simpler. I would think that I would not have had a low self-esteem during my adolescence. I would have been more confident about forming romantic relationships, etc.

If I was a CDer and there was a pill to permanently cure me, then I believe that my wife would strongly encourage me to take the pill. Crossdressing really hasn't ruined my life, but it made it more complicated. I remained in the closet to have the respect of my family. I feared the disapproval of my parents. I remained in the closet to protect my children. Also crossdressing has been expensive.

However, my favorite option is always to remain a crossdresser in a world where there is nothing to fear. I wish I could openly crossdress without fear. I wish my loved ones would not only approve of my crossdressing but encourage it.

[Tracii G]

new kid in town:)

Interesting thread as I am new to all of this, just wrote my intro today. I am at a crossroads with this very idea. Should I dress or not. Will it satisfy me or bring me problems? I hope more people reply.
thanks

Thats entirely up to you and only you.
Might as well give it a try have fun and experience life.
To not try will always leave you doubting yourself.
If you are the type that never sets goals and always under achieves you will never know.

[Maria_mtf]

Yes I would, but if that pill exists then surely we also have the transform into a women pill for a day, I will use that a few times first. But then would the first pill remove the memories from the second pill making it pointless. Maybe instead slip my wife the "I want my husband to crossdress pill"

Shortly followed by win the lottery pill :-)

Sorry this just got silly now, where is the delete post pill............

[Mermaiden]

To follow up in Helen’s excellent idea of having started earlier, I wish I had known this about myself earlier, like maybe the first day of college would have been a good time to start, instead of after I was married, had 3 kids and an established career.
On the plus side of becoming a closet CD’r, I’ve learned to appreciate much more about the diversity of sexuality and to drop judgments.

[KimberlyJean]

If I have to choose as a male I would choose not to be this way. If I had a choice I would choose to have the body that matched my soul.

[Crissy 107]

Maybe instead slip my wife the "I want my husband to crossdress pill"

This works for me, makes everything else a moot point.

[Angie G]

To be CD for me. My life is great.:hugs:
Angie

[deebra]

Of course be a CD. Why let just women enjoy all those wonderful female clothes.

[Rochal Tukque]

I can truly say that being born without that inclination may seem inviting. But then I probably wouldn't have shed the people in life that were mentality destructive to me for more reasons than just being a CD! In the end being with a person that is supportive. So I'll pass on that pill. Now if got one for a passable body let me know. LOL

[Cheshire girl]

Life would be simpler and I would have saved a lot of time and money. However you are what you are. Self acceptance is so important and it’s better for me to enjoy the good side. I can’t imagine not having my collection of clothes and other female things. Not going out on a lovely day in a carefully chosen outfit. Best just to be yourself and enjoy it if your circumstances allow.

[Lacey New]

I think I’d take the pill.......but from time to time, I’d want to take the antidote and just get dressed up.

[JaclynL61]

Like everything, CD'ing comes with its pros and cons. There are a lot of the downsides the others have mentioned. But I feel it has also brought some good things in how I view and treat others. It is part of what makes me who I am.

If there was one part of my life that I could magically change, CD'ing wouldn't be it.

Jaclyn

[Charleene]

Thats entirely up to you and only you.
Might as well give it a try have fun and experience life.
To not try will always leave you doubting yourself.
If you are the type that never sets goals and always under achieves you will never know.

I do try to experience all I can. Keeps me going all day, which I like. My biggest concern is how my actions will affect others close to me, should I reveal or be discovered. I do not live my life cautiously when my actions only affect me but tread lightly when my action affect people close to me. I think this may affect others. I shall continue to investigate my feelings for this new endeavor.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

Shame + guilt = lower self esteem, and not feeling normal have all contributed to my shyness. I know I've missed out on life.” Okay, that’s you. Then, I ask myself:

1. Do I have Shame + guilt = lower self esteem? ANS: I sort of thrive on shame. And I like my low self esteem. I think my whole family did. Especially my father. I love being around people who feel they are low on life’s totem pole. The older I get, the more I like it. My family did not blend in with our neighborhood and we never wanted to be ... bus driver normal. Sorry if someone is a bus driver but if anyone in my family drove a bus for a living, it would be wrecked in a week.

2. Has not feeling normal ... contributed to my shyness? ANS: For me, breaking my front tooth ice skating and having a dentist make me wear a silver front tooth from 7 to age 16 made me shy. My normal should have been with men, not women. I’d would have been happier but I’d also be dead by now. I did not need more normal and sought not to be.

3. Did I miss out on life? ANS: I live in the Caribbean and don”t have to work. If that is not a great ending for a guy from a midwest city, I do not know what is. My greatest pleasure is the thought of having a perfectly disgusting 5 hours with 5 perfectly disgusting CDs in a perfectly delectable island motel. What could I have done to make it better? Be normal? That just does not compute ... for me.

Take a holiday. Don’t be normal. Time’s a wastin’.
My best, YLBR ... Your Little Robbin the Bobbin ... like a sewing machine.

“Come on up and see me sometime”. Mae West.

[Robin777]

I would not change anything. I like my life the way it is.

[Dana3]

Hindsight being 20/20? I would have recognized, accepted and embraced my femininity at a much younger age and lived my life accordingly rather than to the dictates and expectations of society. I certainly would have not have gotten married and had children until I was much older, settled and having obtained a measure of financial security and stability.

A child of the Sixties, there simply wasn't any visible and reliable source of information.

I actually believed that I was the only male in all of the world that had a desire to experience and express feminity.

Give it up,? No, I would have accepted it and embraced it, rather than attempting to live what our society and culture dictates as bring "Normal"

[sometimes_miss]

Life is tough enough; why add more problems? It's hard enough to find a mate. Why make it more difficult? Unless you're insane, of course, I cannot imagine anyone choosing this life. There are a lot of contributing factors to what made me a crossdresser, along with all the transgender confusion that came along with it. So I would certainly have been a happier person had I not had to deal with any of it. No one benefits from being molested. No one benefits from having one manipulative, lying parent, and the other absent most of the time to escape dealing with her; no one benefits from having a perpetually angry older sibling who wishes you never existed, who beats and torments you as a routine. No one benefits from having a facial deformity. No kid benefits from having few or no other children to play with when growing up. No one benefits from being bullied throughout their school years. No, I'm pretty sure I could have had a much better life without all of that.

[Patience]

To be or not to be. That is the question.

Dunno. The only thing about dressing I don’t care for is the strain on the wallet...